1
00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:03,300
Well, for those who don't know, who aren't

2
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:08,620
on the church email, we've had two deaths

3
00:00:08,620 --> 00:00:11,060
in the last few days.

4
00:00:11,140 --> 00:00:12,760
We've got a mother with us this morning

5
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,320
who's grieving the loss of her son.

6
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,780
And then we have the Moraleses, if you

7
00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:20,780
did not see.

8
00:00:21,340 --> 00:00:22,800
They're a family who was a part of

9
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,180
our church for over a decade.

10
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:28,380
And their daughter, Nicole, shortly after a week

11
00:00:28,380 --> 00:00:30,460
or so after giving birth to her own

12
00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:33,440
daughter, died at 23 years of age.

13
00:00:33,540 --> 00:00:35,060
And so we definitely want to remember those

14
00:00:35,060 --> 00:00:39,760
families this morning grieving through loss.

15
00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:43,700
And it's a reminder of Psalm 90.12.

16
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:46,740
Teach us to number our days.

17
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,400
And then he gives a clear purpose why

18
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,040
we should number our days.

19
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:52,180
And what is that purpose?

20
00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:54,540
It's that we would have a heart of

21
00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:54,920
wisdom.

22
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:56,680
A heart of wisdom.

23
00:00:57,420 --> 00:00:59,860
And I was already planning this morning to

24
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:03,080
speak to you on Ephesians 6.4 so

25
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:04,340
you can turn to Ephesians.

26
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,940
And one of the main areas we specifically

27
00:01:07,940 --> 00:01:10,940
need wisdom is in regards to our parenting

28
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,060
and our children.

29
00:01:14,180 --> 00:01:16,680
Our children who we are so easily reminded

30
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:18,680
of in these last days are with us

31
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,920
for a time that is unbeknownst to us.

32
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:22,400
Right?

33
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,780
Jeff and Cheryl did not know their son

34
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:26,140
would die at 19.

35
00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:28,280
Our sister did not know her son Hector

36
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:29,880
would die in his 40s.

37
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,600
And the Moraleses did not know Nicole would

38
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:33,520
die at 23.

39
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:37,100
It should definitely remind us of our need

40
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,860
to love our children and invest time in

41
00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:41,540
them while we have them with us, even

42
00:01:41,540 --> 00:01:43,580
specifically while we have them with us in

43
00:01:43,580 --> 00:01:44,040
the home.

44
00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:48,100
But Ephesians 6, I specifically want to think

45
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:51,500
about in verse 4 this command that Paul

46
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:52,840
gives to the fathers.

47
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:57,300
He says, Fathers, do not provoke your children

48
00:01:57,300 --> 00:01:58,140
to anger.

49
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,100
And then he makes a contrasting statement.

50
00:02:01,980 --> 00:02:04,060
It's not just not to provoke them to

51
00:02:04,060 --> 00:02:06,020
anger, but he gives us what to do.

52
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,759
But bring them up in the discipline and

53
00:02:09,759 --> 00:02:11,880
instruction of the Lord.

54
00:02:13,020 --> 00:02:15,300
And so God help us this morning.

55
00:02:15,380 --> 00:02:15,880
Let me pray.

56
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:23,870
Father, Lord, I pray that You, the God

57
00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:29,070
of all comfort, Lord, would indeed abundantly, Lord,

58
00:02:29,170 --> 00:02:32,330
comfort the Nava family and the Morales family

59
00:02:32,330 --> 00:02:35,170
in the midst of the suffering that they

60
00:02:35,170 --> 00:02:35,850
are facing.

61
00:02:37,350 --> 00:02:39,410
Lord, in the midst of this, we in

62
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:42,190
no way want to forget Your sovereign control

63
00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:43,710
and power.

64
00:02:44,810 --> 00:02:48,750
And Lord, remembering even that power and control

65
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:51,470
and Your awareness of our trials, Lord, that

66
00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:52,210
gives us hope.

67
00:02:52,210 --> 00:02:53,170
We can trust You.

68
00:02:54,410 --> 00:02:58,290
Lord, I pray You would specifically help in

69
00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:01,270
regards to Nicole's husband, Lord, who is now

70
00:03:01,270 --> 00:03:04,730
left with this baby daughter Christina and no

71
00:03:04,730 --> 00:03:05,150
wife.

72
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,970
Lord, would You use all of this in

73
00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:09,210
some way even to draw him to Yourself?

74
00:03:10,170 --> 00:03:13,750
Father, we don't know how to understand all

75
00:03:13,750 --> 00:03:15,770
of these things, Lord, but we do know,

76
00:03:15,970 --> 00:03:17,970
Lord, even as Bobby spoke on the funeral

77
00:03:17,970 --> 00:03:20,310
the other day, on Ecclesiastes, Lord, it is

78
00:03:20,310 --> 00:03:23,290
better to go into a house of mourning

79
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,750
than thanksgiving, for this is the end of

80
00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:27,810
all mankind and the living take it to

81
00:03:27,810 --> 00:03:28,090
heart.

82
00:03:28,650 --> 00:03:30,330
Lord, one thing I'm wanting to take to

83
00:03:30,330 --> 00:03:33,350
heart this morning is, Lord, us as parents,

84
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:36,490
Lord, being faithful to these precious, never dying,

85
00:03:36,690 --> 00:03:39,010
eternal souls that You have graciously given us

86
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,010
for a short window and period of time

87
00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:41,630
in history.

88
00:03:42,610 --> 00:03:43,690
And Lord, we are insufficient.

89
00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:45,690
Lord, we have blind spots.

90
00:03:46,130 --> 00:03:47,370
But You're greater than that.

91
00:03:47,670 --> 00:03:48,390
Lord, here we are.

92
00:03:48,450 --> 00:03:49,110
We want to grow.

93
00:03:49,110 --> 00:03:51,190
Father, I want to grow with the five

94
00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:52,290
children You've given me.

95
00:03:52,550 --> 00:03:53,950
I want to be a better parent.

96
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:55,910
And so, Lord, I ask for Your grace

97
00:03:55,910 --> 00:03:58,750
right now in delivering this sermon.

98
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,510
In Jesus' name, Amen.

99
00:04:03,530 --> 00:04:08,130
Now, the Old Testament is filled with God

100
00:04:08,130 --> 00:04:12,750
being provoked to righteous anger because of Israel's

101
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:14,490
sinful conduct.

102
00:04:15,070 --> 00:04:17,290
You can find 30 examples.

103
00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:19,250
If you look at the same Greek word

104
00:04:19,370 --> 00:04:21,850
in the Greek Septuagint, you find the Old

105
00:04:21,850 --> 00:04:24,610
Testament is littered with these situations.

106
00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:29,770
Even Psalm 78, they provoked Him to anger

107
00:04:30,510 --> 00:04:32,990
with their high places.

108
00:04:33,230 --> 00:04:37,770
We provoke our children to anger with something

109
00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:41,850
just as Israel provoked God with their high

110
00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:42,870
places.

111
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:47,890
The provoking happens after sinful conduct takes place.

112
00:04:47,890 --> 00:04:51,990
Now, with God, every single response of God's

113
00:04:51,990 --> 00:04:54,870
being provoked to anger, what type of anger

114
00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:56,110
did God have?

115
00:04:56,850 --> 00:05:00,850
Was there righteous, just, a holy anger without

116
00:05:00,850 --> 00:05:01,450
sin?

117
00:05:01,730 --> 00:05:03,490
There was never a blemish.

118
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:07,050
Even in the righteous judgments that Israel executed

119
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:10,410
upon wicked nations, you dare not approach that

120
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:13,150
and think there was any wrong, unjust manifestation

121
00:05:13,570 --> 00:05:14,930
of the anger of God.

122
00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:17,130
It's a holy response.

123
00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:20,790
But in Ephesians 6, verse 4, we find

124
00:05:20,790 --> 00:05:24,270
one of the few commands directed at fathers.

125
00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:28,350
One of the few commands directed at fathers,

126
00:05:28,530 --> 00:05:31,510
just after Paul has directly addressed children.

127
00:05:31,670 --> 00:05:34,550
Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for

128
00:05:34,550 --> 00:05:35,190
this is right.

129
00:05:35,310 --> 00:05:36,510
Honor your father and mother.

130
00:05:36,890 --> 00:05:38,890
This is the first commandment with a promise.

131
00:05:39,110 --> 00:05:40,710
That it may go well with you and

132
00:05:40,710 --> 00:05:42,090
that you may live long in the land.

133
00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:43,190
And then he says fathers.

134
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,930
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.

135
00:05:47,410 --> 00:05:50,490
But in contrast, bring them up in the

136
00:05:50,490 --> 00:05:55,330
discipline and the instruction of the Lord.

137
00:05:55,370 --> 00:05:56,790
We find a parallel verse.

138
00:05:56,870 --> 00:05:58,410
Craig dealt with this in 2018.

139
00:05:59,790 --> 00:06:02,450
In Colossians, it says fathers in Colossians 3

140
00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:04,410
.21. Fathers, do not provoke.

141
00:06:04,790 --> 00:06:06,390
It's a different word in the Greek.

142
00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:09,350
Maybe it could better be rendered exasperate.

143
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:13,870
Fathers, do not exasperate your children lest they

144
00:06:13,870 --> 00:06:15,330
become discouraged.

145
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:20,050
So we are commanded to not speak or

146
00:06:20,050 --> 00:06:21,730
treat our children in a way that stirs

147
00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:22,750
up anger in their hearts.

148
00:06:25,140 --> 00:06:27,380
Whether it's us pushing a saved child to

149
00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:30,560
have righteous anger against our hypocrisy, because that

150
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,640
could be an application here as children having

151
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,000
righteous anger, not just sinful anger.

152
00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:38,240
Or we have a child that has sinful

153
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,600
anger and irritation because of our words and

154
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,800
our conduct.

155
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,580
This is what we're being called to do.

156
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:44,400
And I'm going to look at a lot

157
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,140
of practical examples at some point.

158
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,800
But why is this so serious?

159
00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:50,000
Why is this so serious?

160
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,520
Because we can drive them away from trusting

161
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:56,620
and respecting us and push them ultimately away

162
00:06:56,620 --> 00:07:01,060
from trusting and revering God whom we say

163
00:07:01,060 --> 00:07:02,540
we serve.

164
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,440
Why would they trust the integrity of the

165
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,900
living God who we say we represent if

166
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:11,760
we ourselves do not manifest integrity and humility

167
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:12,940
in our own lives?

168
00:07:13,940 --> 00:07:16,020
In Colossians, the reason Paul gives to not

169
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:19,220
exasperate your children is they will become discouraged.

170
00:07:20,180 --> 00:07:21,760
We don't like discouragement, right?

171
00:07:22,450 --> 00:07:24,440
I hate when I'm discouraged.

172
00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:27,580
Yet, there are times I've caused my children

173
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:31,180
to become discouraged or to lose heart.

174
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:36,040
The perfectionist parent very apt to make their

175
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:36,980
child lose heart.

176
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,720
They can never do anything well enough.

177
00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:42,880
Now, we've got a bunch of non-married

178
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,280
people here in other places.

179
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:46,180
I guess you could leave right now, right?

180
00:07:46,220 --> 00:07:47,220
This doesn't apply to you?

181
00:07:48,340 --> 00:07:50,140
Before any person who's not a parent thinks

182
00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:53,180
this is not applicable to you, remember Galatians

183
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:53,960
5.

184
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,860
26, Paul says, let us, that means everyone,

185
00:07:58,540 --> 00:08:02,680
not become conceited, provoking one another.

186
00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:04,780
Envying one another.

187
00:08:04,780 --> 00:08:07,200
So here Paul is saying do not strongly

188
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,800
challenge one another to provoke or irritate them.

189
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,620
So all believers are commanded to not provoke

190
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:13,240
one another.

191
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,320
And fathers are not just not to provoke

192
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,000
their children.

193
00:08:17,740 --> 00:08:19,960
There's another similar verse right before Colossians 3

194
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,300
.20, Colossians 3.19. He says to love

195
00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:27,080
your wives and not be harsh with them.

196
00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:30,120
Harshness towards the wife is a very quick

197
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,320
way to stir her up where something's not

198
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,960
right in her own heart or to stir

199
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:39,020
her up, just actual righteous indignation because of

200
00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:40,520
your lack of love as a husband.

201
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,660
So the husband's harshness in his actions and

202
00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:46,900
words can stir up both the wife and

203
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:48,400
the children to anger.

204
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,420
Husbands, we've got to look at ourselves this

205
00:08:52,420 --> 00:08:52,740
morning.

206
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,260
I'm not talking about the other person who

207
00:08:56,260 --> 00:08:57,580
you've seen their blind spots.

208
00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,240
I'm speaking to you.

209
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,220
I'm speaking to me.

210
00:09:01,420 --> 00:09:03,740
And even non-parents.

211
00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:06,820
How are you provoking people in the church

212
00:09:06,820 --> 00:09:07,780
through your conduct?

213
00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:12,340
It all can overflow in broader applications.

214
00:09:13,460 --> 00:09:19,720
And it's interesting, the anger, if righteous, Paul

215
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,520
says in Ephesians 4, he says right here,

216
00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:23,880
be angry and do not sin.

217
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:25,940
And then he says don't let the sun

218
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:26,880
go down on your anger.

219
00:09:26,940 --> 00:09:28,680
In context there, he just spoke about what

220
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:29,520
type of anger?

221
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:31,520
Righteous indignation.

222
00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:33,760
And he's saying don't let the sun go

223
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,080
down with that still brewing.

224
00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:39,520
Because if righteous indignation is long-lasted and

225
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,460
not short-lived, it has the ability to

226
00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:42,780
form into sinful anger.

227
00:09:45,470 --> 00:09:47,470
The next day, it gives even an opportunity

228
00:09:47,470 --> 00:09:49,350
to the devil, Paul says.

229
00:09:50,570 --> 00:09:52,370
So in other words, me pushing someone to

230
00:09:52,370 --> 00:09:54,190
a point of anger can actually be pushing

231
00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:57,130
them towards an opportunity for the devil to

232
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,910
deceive them with some lie against God in

233
00:09:59,910 --> 00:10:00,930
the midst of their anger.

234
00:10:01,590 --> 00:10:02,170
You see?

235
00:10:02,270 --> 00:10:03,970
And the same thing with our child.

236
00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:06,490
Where are we actually pushing them?

237
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:07,610
It's not just to anger.

238
00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:09,550
It's to anger to carry over in the

239
00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:11,030
next day, and then the next day there's

240
00:10:11,030 --> 00:10:12,990
an opportunity to be deceived by the evil

241
00:10:12,990 --> 00:10:13,230
one.

242
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:19,680
Now, in contrast to don't provoke one another,

243
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,220
don't provoke our children to anger or be

244
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:23,880
harsh with one another, we should do what?

245
00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:24,760
We should be loving.

246
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,420
Isn't that what Paul says to the Galatians?

247
00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:30,400
That through love, we should serve one another.

248
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:35,360
Now, Galatians 5.26, you don't need to

249
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,400
turn there, but what did he say comes

250
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,320
prior to them provoking one another?

251
00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:43,080
Become conceited.

252
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:44,540
Isn't it interesting?

253
00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:51,360
Pride, not humility, is what leads to provoking

254
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,080
one another.

255
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,860
Our pride leads us to speak and treat

256
00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:57,720
others in a way that stirs them up

257
00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,720
to anger because in our pride, we believe

258
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,660
we have the absolute right to treat them

259
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:02,700
the way we are right now.

260
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,480
We believe we are justified in our treatment.

261
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:06,720
So same thing, what's at the root of

262
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:07,960
fathers provoking their children?

263
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:08,640
Pride.

264
00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:10,160
That is often the thing.

265
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,800
The leader in the family in his pride

266
00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:16,760
believes he is justified in his treatment, and

267
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,660
no one is there ultimately to stand and

268
00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:19,360
correct him.

269
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,180
And I myself am not in the home

270
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,600
witnessing that, and I have minimal witness of

271
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,900
that treatment in a Sunday gathering or even

272
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:28,820
in a visit to the family.

273
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,200
Now, what does pride also do?

274
00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:36,480
Pride doesn't just lead you to be conceited

275
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:37,780
and provoke one another.

276
00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:39,640
Pride will lead you to do what in

277
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:40,800
regards to your own faults?

278
00:11:42,140 --> 00:11:43,040
What does it do?

279
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,080
You don't see them.

280
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:50,020
There is a possibility that I'm currently provoking

281
00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:52,880
my children to anger and I don't even

282
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,200
recognize it because the same pride that leads

283
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,660
me to provoke them is the same pride

284
00:11:57,660 --> 00:11:59,760
that keeps me from seeing how blind I

285
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:00,060
am.

286
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,660
Especially my children who are least likely to

287
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:08,000
be able to express and articulate to me

288
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,320
how my conduct is hurtful.

289
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,820
So in 1871, this is a long time

290
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,860
ago, Alexander Mitchell wrote a letter to parents

291
00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:19,400
in the Presbyterian churches on their blind spots

292
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,060
in parenting.

293
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,060
He stated that he found that when correcting

294
00:12:23,060 --> 00:12:27,360
believers, correcting them specifically on the topic of

295
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:31,060
their parenting was the least received reproof.

296
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:33,620
He said that in 1871.

297
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,140
I've heard people say that in 2021.

298
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:40,160
He said this, it has been met, this

299
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,840
correction, with an indignant denial of the alleged

300
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:45,860
facts and an expression of perfect obedience in

301
00:12:45,860 --> 00:12:48,300
the good intentions and exemplary conduct of the

302
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,240
accused or suspected children.

303
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:54,160
I've often marbled to observe the blinding power

304
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,600
of parental affection of some parents whose judgment

305
00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,020
on almost any other subject I would agree

306
00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:01,760
on without a moment's hesitation.

307
00:13:02,460 --> 00:13:03,800
But when it comes to their judgment on

308
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:06,980
their children, too much partiality.

309
00:13:07,740 --> 00:13:09,660
On one occasion, he went to a Christian

310
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:12,960
father over a situation that was absolutely obvious.

311
00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:14,440
And I don't have the details of what

312
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:15,780
that was, but he's saying it was obvious.

313
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:18,680
And the father responded by saying, I've never

314
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,860
known my son to be guilty of any

315
00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:21,640
such conduct.

316
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:23,760
You must be misinformed.

317
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,800
So just as this father did not see

318
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,960
his blindness towards the conduct of his child,

319
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,680
so is he not seeing his own neglect

320
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,760
of discipline that was actually leading to his

321
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:37,580
child's conduct.

322
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,160
So how will he then correct the child's

323
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,060
conduct if he doesn't even agree that the

324
00:13:42,060 --> 00:13:43,920
child has such a conduct?

325
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:45,900
And then he won't connect the dot to

326
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:47,820
see part of that is most likely his

327
00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:50,220
own fault in a parenting failure.

328
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,300
You see, you end up not getting any

329
00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:54,700
cure because you don't have a proper diagnosis.

330
00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:57,180
So my point is we can be blind

331
00:13:57,180 --> 00:13:59,300
in parenting such as blind to the ways

332
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:01,520
we irritate and provoke our children to anger.

333
00:14:01,780 --> 00:14:04,240
I'm saying all of that to expose you

334
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,020
to the weakness that you and I have

335
00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:08,020
to hopefully make your ears and mine, even

336
00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:10,580
as I preach this, more attentive to ask

337
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:12,440
and search my own heart to make sure

338
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,860
I'm not with a log in my eye

339
00:14:14,860 --> 00:14:17,260
and unable and unwilling to recognize that.

340
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,000
Now, is this a major deal for us

341
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,140
to resolve such blind spots?

342
00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:24,700
How high on your parenting priority list should

343
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:25,120
this be?

344
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,920
It doesn't really matter.

345
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,080
There's a lot of other things that are

346
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:30,640
more important.

347
00:14:32,180 --> 00:14:33,420
It's a major deal.

348
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,060
Especially in view of the short period of

349
00:14:37,060 --> 00:14:39,740
time we have to impact and influence our

350
00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:40,120
children.

351
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,180
And our lives are going to either affirm

352
00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:45,460
or deny the message that we preach to

353
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:45,780
them.

354
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,440
So it's a major deal.

355
00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:50,360
Mitchell went on to say this.

356
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,660
It is through you that your children have

357
00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:55,200
been launched on the ocean of a boundless

358
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:55,900
existence.

359
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,520
And is it a manner of no concern

360
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,880
to you whether they are to inherit immortality

361
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,680
of glory or an immortality of woe?

362
00:15:04,260 --> 00:15:05,880
Can you look upon them as they are

363
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,420
contracting habits in which lurk the seeds of

364
00:15:08,420 --> 00:15:11,000
endless misery and reflect that they are bone

365
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,200
of your bone and flesh of your flesh,

366
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:17,800
and yet leave them depressed, onward, unrestrained, and

367
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,220
unworn into the downward row?

368
00:15:21,740 --> 00:15:24,620
So, we've seen four things so far I'm

369
00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:25,620
trying to get you to think about.

370
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,040
Number one, this matter of not provoking one

371
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:29,960
another is applicable for all of us.

372
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,480
Two, our pride can lead us to provoke

373
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:34,920
our children and others.

374
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,160
Pride is a root here.

375
00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:40,060
And ultimately what's rooted in pride is unbelief

376
00:15:40,060 --> 00:15:42,260
and wrongly perceiving reality in yourself.

377
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,900
Three, our pride can also lead us to

378
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:46,780
refuse to acknowledge our faults.

379
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,140
And therefore we stay in our faults because

380
00:15:50,140 --> 00:15:51,120
our heels are dug in.

381
00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:53,720
And fourthly, I want you to see that

382
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,940
the overarching conduct we need is love in

383
00:15:55,940 --> 00:15:56,920
our speech and life.

384
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,440
This is ultimately about not stirring our children

385
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,300
up to anger, but doing as Hebrews 10

386
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,780
says, stirring them up and stirring one another

387
00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:04,820
up to what?

388
00:16:05,260 --> 00:16:06,640
Love and good works.

389
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:08,680
We should be provoking one another.

390
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,260
Not to sin, not to even righteous anger

391
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:14,480
and putting someone in that situation where there

392
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,060
might even be an opportunity the next day

393
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:19,620
for the devil, but to stir them up

394
00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:20,400
to love and good works.

395
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,360
So, when was the last time you stirred

396
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,880
someone up to anger with your impatience and

397
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,260
your harsh conduct?

398
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,720
Do you know of anyone angry at you

399
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:30,240
right now?

400
00:16:31,780 --> 00:16:35,360
Though their anger is sinful anger, it's their

401
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:38,140
own sin, Paul makes it clear we're responsible

402
00:16:38,140 --> 00:16:40,680
to not do something that leads them to

403
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:41,020
it.

404
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:42,000
Right?

405
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:45,780
This is a very biblical principle emphasized in

406
00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:46,680
multiple places.

407
00:16:47,260 --> 00:16:50,020
Jesus says in Matthew 18, 7, woe to

408
00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:51,760
the one by whom what?

409
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:54,820
Temptation comes.

410
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,260
Just stirring them up in our conduct, in

411
00:16:58,260 --> 00:17:01,640
our words, that might lead to sinful anger,

412
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:04,440
that's not an insignificant thing.

413
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,800
And Jesus says, woe.

414
00:17:06,380 --> 00:17:10,240
Not w-o-w, w-o-e.

415
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:11,859
Right?

416
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,220
A serious type of curse.

417
00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:16,660
So we should recognize this.

418
00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:18,460
So let's think for a moment about anger.

419
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:19,720
About anger.

420
00:17:24,069 --> 00:17:27,010
Which the word provoke in the Greek in

421
00:17:27,010 --> 00:17:32,790
Ephesians 6, 4 carries this meaning of leading

422
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,090
them to wrath.

423
00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:35,690
Even if you look at the literal, I

424
00:17:35,690 --> 00:17:37,290
don't believe it even has the word anger

425
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,690
in it, but the translators put it there

426
00:17:39,690 --> 00:17:41,950
because of the word provoke.

427
00:17:42,870 --> 00:17:45,990
Now, what is the difference in a brief

428
00:17:45,990 --> 00:17:48,530
statement, not a whole sermon, between sinful anger

429
00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:49,290
and righteous anger?

430
00:17:49,670 --> 00:17:51,530
How would you make that distinction?

431
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:52,910
The most common way and I think the

432
00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:56,830
right way to make the distinction is one's

433
00:17:56,830 --> 00:18:00,450
anger, when it is righteous, they are concerned

434
00:18:00,450 --> 00:18:03,350
about the offense primarily being against who?

435
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:04,610
God.

436
00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:06,050
Right?

437
00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:08,710
When one is primarily concerned about how the

438
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:13,410
offense affected oneself, this is often full of

439
00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:17,950
sinful anger and it's so personal what has

440
00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:18,390
happened.

441
00:18:19,370 --> 00:18:21,430
Now, you and I's anger and impatience can

442
00:18:21,430 --> 00:18:24,150
be a massive cause of our children's anger,

443
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:24,510
right?

444
00:18:24,830 --> 00:18:27,810
Our actions, attitude, speech can make the child

445
00:18:27,810 --> 00:18:28,710
sinfully angry.

446
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:32,010
They can be annoyed, irritated, inflamed.

447
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:34,010
And Paul's saying we are not to conduct

448
00:18:34,010 --> 00:18:37,570
ourselves in a way that nurtures evil in

449
00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:38,510
the heart of our children.

450
00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:41,770
We are not to do things that push

451
00:18:41,770 --> 00:18:44,290
them to a point of anger.

452
00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:46,310
And again, you guys and anyone in the

453
00:18:46,310 --> 00:18:48,910
church without children, same thing to you with

454
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,190
the brethren in the church in the life

455
00:18:51,190 --> 00:18:51,890
of a Christian.

456
00:18:54,380 --> 00:18:58,420
Now, this is a very interesting point.

457
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:00,700
There's supposed to be an ouch point that

458
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:01,420
this guy mentioned.

459
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,200
Proverbs 22.24 Listen to this verse.

460
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,780
Make no friendship with a man given to

461
00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:10,240
anger, nor go with a wrathful man lest

462
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,020
you learn his ways and entangle yourself in

463
00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:13,440
a snare.

464
00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:15,540
Let me read that first part again.

465
00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:17,540
Make no friendship with a man given to

466
00:19:17,540 --> 00:19:17,840
anger.

467
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,720
What application could you draw if the father

468
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,360
is constantly given to anger?

469
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,460
How would that apply to the child?

470
00:19:29,390 --> 00:19:30,510
What would you say to the child?

471
00:19:31,890 --> 00:19:34,870
Should you even be friends with your father?

472
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:39,790
Should your child even be hanging around you

473
00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:41,410
according to this proverb?

474
00:19:41,650 --> 00:19:42,410
You know what it says?

475
00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:45,210
If I command my kid, make no friendship

476
00:19:45,210 --> 00:19:46,530
with a man given to anger, but I'm

477
00:19:46,530 --> 00:19:49,530
that man, lest you learn his ways so

478
00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:51,930
my child is learning my ways, am I

479
00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:54,450
in any way by my conduct entangling my

480
00:19:54,450 --> 00:19:55,990
children in a snare?

481
00:19:57,170 --> 00:19:59,850
I want my children to be around me

482
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:02,030
and learning from me and imitating that which

483
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:02,490
is good.

484
00:20:02,790 --> 00:20:05,810
And yes, imitating the humility of acknowledging whatever

485
00:20:05,810 --> 00:20:07,490
fault that I have when I've had it

486
00:20:07,490 --> 00:20:09,890
and going to them and clearing my conscience.

487
00:20:11,450 --> 00:20:13,890
Sam Crabtree in his book Parenting with Love

488
00:20:13,890 --> 00:20:16,670
and Correction, I think he's quoting someone else,

489
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:18,510
he said this, some people do not realize

490
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:21,090
they have anger issues until they are parents.

491
00:20:21,650 --> 00:20:23,150
And then all of a sudden, buttons are

492
00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:24,550
pushed and tempers flare.

493
00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:26,810
Some moms and dads think they need to

494
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:29,070
be firm to get their point across, but

495
00:20:29,070 --> 00:20:31,790
their version of firm is really an expression

496
00:20:31,790 --> 00:20:32,510
of anger.

497
00:20:33,490 --> 00:20:35,890
Therefore, parents should earnestly pray that our meek

498
00:20:35,890 --> 00:20:39,230
Lord Jesus would root out unholy, underlying, and

499
00:20:39,230 --> 00:20:42,350
overtly angry expressions with their children in discipline

500
00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:43,570
and daily interactions.

501
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,970
Our anger provokes anger in our children.

502
00:20:46,490 --> 00:20:47,670
And we do not want that.

503
00:20:48,230 --> 00:20:49,390
But you catch his point?

504
00:20:50,010 --> 00:20:53,590
What if my definition of firm that I've

505
00:20:53,590 --> 00:20:55,970
now created as a standard in my household

506
00:20:55,970 --> 00:20:57,950
is actually a manifestation of anger?

507
00:20:59,310 --> 00:21:01,890
But everyone around me agrees, oh, daddy's just

508
00:21:01,890 --> 00:21:02,510
being firm.

509
00:21:03,230 --> 00:21:05,030
I mean, it's a holy firmness.

510
00:21:05,150 --> 00:21:07,750
It's a right, strong response as the leader

511
00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:08,390
of the home.

512
00:21:08,750 --> 00:21:12,050
Crabtree is saying you could so delude what

513
00:21:12,050 --> 00:21:14,250
anger is and isn't in the household where

514
00:21:14,250 --> 00:21:16,490
the father is actually, his firmness is anger,

515
00:21:16,630 --> 00:21:18,290
but he's calling it something it's not.

516
00:21:18,650 --> 00:21:20,910
Kind of like the false prophets calling, saying

517
00:21:20,910 --> 00:21:22,330
peace, peace, when there is no peace.

518
00:21:23,810 --> 00:21:25,210
And if you say, well, there's no way

519
00:21:25,210 --> 00:21:26,290
that could apply to me.

520
00:21:26,390 --> 00:21:26,690
No, no.

521
00:21:26,770 --> 00:21:29,050
We need the humility to recognize the same

522
00:21:29,050 --> 00:21:30,670
pride that leads us to provoke our children

523
00:21:30,670 --> 00:21:32,850
to wrath could be the same pride keeping

524
00:21:32,850 --> 00:21:34,470
us from recognizing a blind spot.

525
00:21:35,490 --> 00:21:37,430
And the truth is we all have blind

526
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,350
spots at certain points, and whenever we think

527
00:21:39,350 --> 00:21:41,430
we're consistent, we always have the ability to

528
00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:43,010
go back into another blind spot.

529
00:21:44,270 --> 00:21:46,330
Now, I don't have time in one sermon

530
00:21:46,330 --> 00:21:48,110
to deal with everything contained in these verses.

531
00:21:48,610 --> 00:21:51,830
I'm not going to dice up verse 1,

532
00:21:51,930 --> 00:21:52,690
2, 3.

533
00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:54,010
I don't have time for that.

534
00:21:54,550 --> 00:21:57,350
But why does he directly address fathers and

535
00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:58,170
not both parents?

536
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,410
I've heard some, they right away make the

537
00:22:01,410 --> 00:22:03,810
statement, well, it's because the dads are the

538
00:22:03,810 --> 00:22:04,810
ones who get angry more.

539
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:07,590
I don't see that there.

540
00:22:08,050 --> 00:22:09,290
That's not what's happening.

541
00:22:09,850 --> 00:22:12,550
Where is that saying that the man is

542
00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:13,870
the one who always gets angry?

543
00:22:14,150 --> 00:22:16,990
What did Paul just establish in Ephesians 5?

544
00:22:17,130 --> 00:22:17,970
What about the man?

545
00:22:19,030 --> 00:22:20,430
The man is the head.

546
00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:22,130
He is to lead.

547
00:22:22,790 --> 00:22:25,150
So Paul is addressing the leader, knowing if

548
00:22:25,150 --> 00:22:27,750
you address the main person, say, in the

549
00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:29,630
government, what will that do?

550
00:22:29,710 --> 00:22:31,430
It will go down through the chain of

551
00:22:31,430 --> 00:22:34,130
command and affect the conduct of all.

552
00:22:35,610 --> 00:22:37,170
The leader is responsible.

553
00:22:37,430 --> 00:22:38,470
You hear that, husband?

554
00:22:38,730 --> 00:22:39,950
You and I, we're responsible.

555
00:22:40,870 --> 00:22:42,590
We can't neglect this.

556
00:22:43,330 --> 00:22:45,370
We need to be alert.

557
00:22:46,590 --> 00:22:49,110
Husbands can affect change in the whole structure

558
00:22:49,110 --> 00:22:50,370
of how our families operate.

559
00:22:51,570 --> 00:22:53,530
A lot can happen in one week.

560
00:22:53,890 --> 00:22:55,170
If you're really determined.

561
00:22:56,450 --> 00:22:58,170
Our wives are called to submit to us.

562
00:22:58,250 --> 00:22:59,330
Paul's established that.

563
00:22:59,410 --> 00:23:00,990
And then a stronger word is even used

564
00:23:00,990 --> 00:23:01,530
for children.

565
00:23:01,690 --> 00:23:02,890
They are called to obey.

566
00:23:03,110 --> 00:23:05,630
That's a stronger word than the word to

567
00:23:05,630 --> 00:23:07,070
the wife to submit to the husband.

568
00:23:07,570 --> 00:23:10,070
As Colossians 3.20 says, obey your parents

569
00:23:10,070 --> 00:23:12,650
in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

570
00:23:12,850 --> 00:23:16,290
I mean, this is an incredible privilege that

571
00:23:16,290 --> 00:23:18,770
by our harshness and impatience, we can crush

572
00:23:18,770 --> 00:23:20,310
those who are following our leadership.

573
00:23:21,270 --> 00:23:22,910
I'm commanded to not be harsh with my

574
00:23:22,910 --> 00:23:23,330
wife.

575
00:23:23,830 --> 00:23:25,790
And I'm commanded to not provoke my children

576
00:23:25,790 --> 00:23:26,330
to anger.

577
00:23:26,630 --> 00:23:28,390
To not exasperate my children.

578
00:23:28,770 --> 00:23:30,850
Here I am trying to lead this family

579
00:23:30,850 --> 00:23:31,490
unit.

580
00:23:32,850 --> 00:23:34,090
There's a lot of pressure.

581
00:23:35,170 --> 00:23:36,810
As some of you have rightly said, you

582
00:23:36,810 --> 00:23:39,970
would rather be on the submitting role of

583
00:23:39,970 --> 00:23:41,770
the marriage than on the leading role of

584
00:23:41,770 --> 00:23:42,310
the marriage.

585
00:23:42,950 --> 00:23:44,790
Because you've been in leadership long enough, you

586
00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:46,450
want to get a demotion and you want

587
00:23:46,450 --> 00:23:49,150
to go back down because of the pressure.

588
00:23:51,010 --> 00:23:51,870
But you know what?

589
00:23:51,890 --> 00:23:52,750
We don't have that option.

590
00:23:52,810 --> 00:23:54,110
We're not going to change roles and we're

591
00:23:54,110 --> 00:23:55,410
not going to ignore the Word of God.

592
00:23:55,530 --> 00:23:56,610
And if God has put you in that

593
00:23:56,610 --> 00:23:58,090
place and He's made you a man, guess

594
00:23:58,090 --> 00:23:58,370
what?

595
00:23:58,510 --> 00:23:59,850
You'll be able to do this enabled by

596
00:23:59,850 --> 00:24:00,830
the power of His grace.

597
00:24:03,910 --> 00:24:05,650
So, I want to give a list of

598
00:24:05,650 --> 00:24:08,350
how we provoke our children to anger.

599
00:24:08,710 --> 00:24:10,710
And a lot of these I got from

600
00:24:10,710 --> 00:24:14,370
The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo.

601
00:24:14,970 --> 00:24:16,070
So a lot of these I took.

602
00:24:16,070 --> 00:24:17,350
I kind of modified some.

603
00:24:18,130 --> 00:24:20,330
And I found a series of his on

604
00:24:20,330 --> 00:24:22,630
YouTube where he deals with how to provoke

605
00:24:22,630 --> 00:24:24,330
your children to anger part one, part two,

606
00:24:24,430 --> 00:24:26,250
and how your children disrespect you.

607
00:24:26,850 --> 00:24:28,370
It's forwarded by John MacArthur.

608
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:30,290
I haven't read the whole book, but overall,

609
00:24:30,370 --> 00:24:31,370
it's been a very good book.

610
00:24:31,490 --> 00:24:32,330
Food for the thought.

611
00:24:33,670 --> 00:24:37,790
Now, with that said, what should the first

612
00:24:37,790 --> 00:24:40,650
example be from the text itself?

613
00:24:41,590 --> 00:24:44,410
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.

614
00:24:44,410 --> 00:24:47,470
What is the first way that you can

615
00:24:47,470 --> 00:24:49,750
pull out about how fathers provoke their children

616
00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:50,210
to anger?

617
00:24:52,220 --> 00:24:55,920
By not listening to that word B-U

618
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:56,600
-T.

619
00:24:57,700 --> 00:24:59,400
That contrasting statement.

620
00:25:00,340 --> 00:25:02,540
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.

621
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,100
Oh, okay, I won't do that.

622
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:05,600
No, no, He doesn't stop there.

623
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,180
He commands you to do something.

624
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,400
If you don't do the very command He's

625
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,100
given, you ignore the positive aspect of the

626
00:25:14,100 --> 00:25:14,360
command.

627
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:16,420
That's the first way you and I will

628
00:25:16,420 --> 00:25:18,660
provoke our children to wrath.

629
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:20,040
To anger.

630
00:25:21,340 --> 00:25:21,600
Right?

631
00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:23,300
By not doing the positive.

632
00:25:23,420 --> 00:25:25,120
By not training them, you will do the

633
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:26,380
opposite and provoke them.

634
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,080
If I don't invest the time and the

635
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,420
energy to nourish, instruct, admonish, and discipline them,

636
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,120
right there you're going to provoke them to

637
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:33,360
anger.

638
00:25:33,820 --> 00:25:35,440
I mean, that's step number one.

639
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,220
If you want to make your child angry,

640
00:25:37,580 --> 00:25:38,760
don't do your role.

641
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,940
Don't invest the time and the energy into

642
00:25:40,940 --> 00:25:41,480
your children.

643
00:25:42,820 --> 00:25:45,220
Now, when I say, when Paul says bring

644
00:25:45,220 --> 00:25:48,000
them up, what are we talking about here?

645
00:25:48,020 --> 00:25:49,940
We are talking about thousands of hours of

646
00:25:49,940 --> 00:25:50,560
your life.

647
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,560
Alright, a child is no pet cat.

648
00:25:53,980 --> 00:25:55,320
But you get the cat and it just

649
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,800
kind of does its thing on its own

650
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,920
and it cleans itself and it just goes

651
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:00,320
around and you kind of give it food

652
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:01,540
every once in a while and you check

653
00:26:01,540 --> 00:26:02,560
on it every once in a while.

654
00:26:02,620 --> 00:26:03,800
A lot of people are treating their kids

655
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:04,280
like that.

656
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:05,380
Right?

657
00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:07,660
Just set them in front of technology and

658
00:26:07,660 --> 00:26:10,100
let technology babysit them all day long.

659
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,420
I'm not saying there's not a place for

660
00:26:12,420 --> 00:26:15,360
technology to help babysit your child, but this

661
00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:16,880
is a time investment.

662
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:19,240
Right?

663
00:26:19,540 --> 00:26:21,120
You don't just get out there and interact

664
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:21,480
a little.

665
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,280
We're living our lives together and we have

666
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:23,920
a brief window.

667
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:24,820
Right?

668
00:26:24,900 --> 00:26:26,620
Did our brother and sister know that their

669
00:26:26,620 --> 00:26:29,380
daughter, five years after being 18, would now

670
00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:30,400
be gone?

671
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:31,200
They didn't know that.

672
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:32,400
Right?

673
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:32,980
And we don't know.

674
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,020
Jeff didn't know, and Cheryl, that their son

675
00:26:35,020 --> 00:26:35,760
would die at 19.

676
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,040
We don't know these things.

677
00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:38,740
It should give us a heart of wisdom

678
00:26:38,740 --> 00:26:40,980
and a desire to not be negligent.

679
00:26:43,100 --> 00:26:46,180
Now, he's still speaking to fathers here when

680
00:26:46,180 --> 00:26:47,960
he says, but bring them up.

681
00:26:47,980 --> 00:26:49,460
He's not talking to the mothers.

682
00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:51,440
Not that mothers are not involved, but again,

683
00:26:51,540 --> 00:26:54,060
it's all in this structure that Paul has

684
00:26:54,060 --> 00:26:55,980
already established.

685
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,020
If a saved father is in the picture,

686
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,440
which I realize some sisters do not have

687
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,100
that, and this falls on you, it's their

688
00:27:05,100 --> 00:27:08,200
responsibility to make sure this instruction and teaching

689
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:09,040
is happening.

690
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:10,780
That it is happening.

691
00:27:11,340 --> 00:27:15,360
Now, briefly, Phil's thinking about how you provoke.

692
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,520
If how you provoke is by not doing

693
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,700
what the text says, let's think here about

694
00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:21,200
what some of these terms mean.

695
00:27:21,460 --> 00:27:23,280
So the first thing he says here is,

696
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:24,780
bring them up.

697
00:27:25,180 --> 00:27:26,820
Bring them up.

698
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:28,360
What word is bring them up?

699
00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:29,680
Has anyone studied this before?

700
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:30,740
Do you know what word that is?

701
00:27:31,780 --> 00:27:33,460
It was just used in v.

702
00:27:33,700 --> 00:27:35,200
29 of chapter 5.

703
00:27:36,700 --> 00:27:38,740
For no one ever hated his own flesh,

704
00:27:38,940 --> 00:27:39,780
but nourishes.

705
00:27:39,780 --> 00:27:41,160
It's the only other place.

706
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:42,360
It's in the entire New Testament.

707
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,220
It's the word nourish.

708
00:27:44,820 --> 00:27:45,860
Paul just used that.

709
00:27:46,420 --> 00:27:49,120
So husbands, I've got to nourish my wife.

710
00:27:49,380 --> 00:27:50,920
I've got to nourish my children.

711
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,580
I've got to bring them up.

712
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:55,780
Nourishing them.

713
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,420
There's this nurturing care to raise them to

714
00:27:58,420 --> 00:28:00,460
a full maturity, to a point of stability,

715
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:01,740
to a point of independence.

716
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,660
You even find that same word in the

717
00:28:04,660 --> 00:28:07,300
Greek Old Testament in Psalm 23.

718
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,200
He makes me lie down in green pastures.

719
00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:13,240
He leads me beside still water.

720
00:28:13,260 --> 00:28:13,780
That's the word.

721
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:14,300
Lead.

722
00:28:14,940 --> 00:28:15,300
Right?

723
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,140
The Lord is doing this to us.

724
00:28:17,300 --> 00:28:19,620
David is saying the Lord was nourishing me.

725
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,160
We too are to do that.

726
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,780
We're called to provide physical, spiritual nutrition to

727
00:28:24,780 --> 00:28:27,740
nourish and to not hate our own flesh

728
00:28:27,740 --> 00:28:30,840
through a lack of provision for it.

729
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:32,720
And then you've got the word discipline.

730
00:28:33,220 --> 00:28:34,360
I know a lot more could be said

731
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:35,660
on a lot of these terms, but I

732
00:28:35,660 --> 00:28:36,660
have limited time.

733
00:28:37,260 --> 00:28:37,780
Discipline.

734
00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:39,820
You find this same Greek word in another

735
00:28:39,820 --> 00:28:41,420
place in the New Testament and it kind

736
00:28:41,420 --> 00:28:42,740
of sheds more light.

737
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,720
But Hebrews 12, speaking about God fathers us,

738
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:47,500
right?

739
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:50,220
And obviously, God's wanting us to father after

740
00:28:50,220 --> 00:28:51,180
Him.

741
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,080
And it says there, for the moment, all

742
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,460
discipline seems painful.

743
00:28:57,020 --> 00:28:59,920
There's a pain involved in discipline rather than

744
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:00,420
pleasant.

745
00:29:00,580 --> 00:29:03,960
But later, discipline yields the peaceful fruit of

746
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,240
righteousness to those who have been what?

747
00:29:07,060 --> 00:29:07,580
Trained.

748
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:08,660
Right?

749
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:09,900
So there is training.

750
00:29:10,620 --> 00:29:12,400
Why do they write a book called Training

751
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:13,140
Up a Child?

752
00:29:13,260 --> 00:29:13,880
Or that word?

753
00:29:14,020 --> 00:29:16,180
That's what's involved in discipline.

754
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:17,260
It's training.

755
00:29:17,340 --> 00:29:19,620
You've got pain and training going hand in

756
00:29:19,620 --> 00:29:19,960
hand.

757
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:21,580
And you're headed somewhere.

758
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:24,560
Where did the writer of Hebrews say you're

759
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:25,020
headed?

760
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:26,340
It later yields what?

761
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:28,380
Peaceful fruit.

762
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:30,260
Peaceful fruit.

763
00:29:30,660 --> 00:29:32,220
Wait, you mean I should really expect as

764
00:29:32,220 --> 00:29:35,260
a parent that my children should be providing

765
00:29:35,260 --> 00:29:36,080
joy?

766
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:37,640
Yeah.

767
00:29:38,540 --> 00:29:39,920
Even if they're lost.

768
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:41,920
There should be some sense that they're a

769
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,780
joy and not a rot to my bones.

770
00:29:44,860 --> 00:29:46,440
But the Proverbs say a child left to

771
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:50,560
himself does bring rot to his mother's bones.

772
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:58,280
Obviously, if you don't know it, discipline is

773
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,440
so much more than just spanking.

774
00:30:01,220 --> 00:30:04,880
Proverbs 29 says, the rod and reproof.

775
00:30:05,300 --> 00:30:07,340
That is, you're bringing the heir to light.

776
00:30:07,500 --> 00:30:08,660
It gives wisdom.

777
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,440
But a child left to himself brings shame

778
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:13,880
to his mother.

779
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:15,640
Often, all you have is a parent who's

780
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,700
reproving and they're exposing the heir.

781
00:30:18,140 --> 00:30:19,300
And then you've got a parent over here

782
00:30:19,300 --> 00:30:21,140
they don't really instruct and reprove, they're just

783
00:30:21,140 --> 00:30:22,000
spanking the child.

784
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,600
You don't need one without the other.

785
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,220
You need both together.

786
00:30:28,490 --> 00:30:30,570
If you don't do that, it will provoke

787
00:30:30,570 --> 00:30:31,210
your child.

788
00:30:32,230 --> 00:30:34,470
So, in Hebrews, what does it talk about?

789
00:30:35,230 --> 00:30:36,650
God's care towards us.

790
00:30:36,730 --> 00:30:37,990
It's motivated out of love.

791
00:30:38,070 --> 00:30:39,550
Does love motivate your discipline?

792
00:30:39,910 --> 00:30:41,990
Does love motivate your training up of your

793
00:30:41,990 --> 00:30:42,330
children?

794
00:30:42,790 --> 00:30:45,550
Proverbs 13, 24, whoever spares the rod hates

795
00:30:45,550 --> 00:30:46,050
his son.

796
00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:50,810
But he who loves him is diligent to

797
00:30:50,810 --> 00:30:51,790
discipline him.

798
00:30:53,950 --> 00:30:54,890
What does Paul say?

799
00:30:54,990 --> 00:30:56,330
He says if you don't get disciplined by

800
00:30:56,330 --> 00:30:57,290
the Lord, not Paul.

801
00:30:57,430 --> 00:30:58,950
Sorry, the writer of Hebrews, whoever he was,

802
00:30:58,990 --> 00:30:59,670
if it was Luke, Paul.

803
00:30:59,670 --> 00:31:00,690
What does he say?

804
00:31:00,750 --> 00:31:02,170
If you don't get disciplined by God the

805
00:31:02,170 --> 00:31:03,270
Father, what does that make you?

806
00:31:04,390 --> 00:31:05,630
An illegitimate child.

807
00:31:06,610 --> 00:31:07,010
Right?

808
00:31:07,090 --> 00:31:08,590
It's as if you're not his child.

809
00:31:08,690 --> 00:31:10,410
In the same way, if my neglect of

810
00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:12,810
my kids is such that I neglect them,

811
00:31:12,890 --> 00:31:14,550
someone could say, is that even your child?

812
00:31:15,090 --> 00:31:16,470
And I say, yes, it is my child.

813
00:31:16,550 --> 00:31:17,910
And their response should be, then why aren't

814
00:31:17,910 --> 00:31:19,250
you investing in them?

815
00:31:20,190 --> 00:31:21,110
And obeying what?

816
00:31:21,350 --> 00:31:22,750
Scriptures teach.

817
00:31:24,290 --> 00:31:26,190
A fast way to provoke your child is

818
00:31:26,190 --> 00:31:28,010
to not discipline them in love and to

819
00:31:28,010 --> 00:31:29,770
fail to take the time and energy to

820
00:31:29,770 --> 00:31:32,310
instruct and reproof them with gracious words and

821
00:31:32,310 --> 00:31:34,150
bring them up to this point of maturity.

822
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:37,760
I mean, you think about this.

823
00:31:37,780 --> 00:31:39,400
How frustrating is it to get hired at

824
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,780
a job and then the manager kind of

825
00:31:41,780 --> 00:31:43,580
invites you in, gives you your name tag,

826
00:31:43,700 --> 00:31:45,460
gives you one instruction and just leaves you

827
00:31:45,460 --> 00:31:46,420
to figure out what to do?

828
00:31:47,300 --> 00:31:48,620
Would you be happy to be working?

829
00:31:48,780 --> 00:31:50,520
It irritates you.

830
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:51,580
Right?

831
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:52,960
Many parents, it's the same thing.

832
00:31:53,060 --> 00:31:55,060
Oh, little guy did some wrong, bam, bam,

833
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,580
bam, and then, you know, I've got to

834
00:31:57,580 --> 00:31:58,380
get back to the highlights.

835
00:31:58,380 --> 00:31:59,580
I've got to get back to the job.

836
00:31:59,660 --> 00:32:00,520
I've got to get back to this.

837
00:32:00,580 --> 00:32:01,240
No instruction.

838
00:32:01,380 --> 00:32:02,080
No communicating.

839
00:32:02,220 --> 00:32:02,960
No raising up.

840
00:32:03,020 --> 00:32:05,000
No nourishing is happening.

841
00:32:07,930 --> 00:32:09,070
I don't have time.

842
00:32:10,410 --> 00:32:12,610
What's more important than this, parents?

843
00:32:13,810 --> 00:32:15,210
What's more important than this?

844
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:18,220
I mean, seriously.

845
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,840
It's not a minor thing that many men

846
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:25,400
will make an idol out of the ministry

847
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:26,840
at the neglect of their family.

848
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:28,820
And I would say there are women who

849
00:32:28,820 --> 00:32:29,740
do the same thing.

850
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:30,680
Right?

851
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,800
You can make your work like Martha in

852
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,600
Luke 10 such a priority of serving where

853
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:36,880
you're neglecting what is necessary.

854
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,480
For her, it wasn't her kids that was

855
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:39,940
sitting at the feet of Christ.

856
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:40,980
Right?

857
00:32:41,020 --> 00:32:42,260
When it's all been said and done, when

858
00:32:42,260 --> 00:32:44,940
my kids are gone, or even maybe when

859
00:32:44,940 --> 00:32:47,260
my kids might actually die before I do,

860
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:48,960
I will look back and I will reflect

861
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,240
on how I did as a parent.

862
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:53,200
Not in a self-condemning way because we

863
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:54,320
all have different faults.

864
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:57,380
But I don't want to have regret that

865
00:32:57,380 --> 00:33:00,980
I was negligent and didn't give it my

866
00:33:00,980 --> 00:33:01,320
all.

867
00:33:02,220 --> 00:33:05,040
John MacArthur, he says, discipline is training by

868
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,520
rules and regulations enforced by rewards and punishment.

869
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:14,120
Proverbs 13.24, it's said to diligently discipline

870
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:14,320
them.

871
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:15,280
Many miss that word.

872
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,360
I discipline my kids, they say.

873
00:33:18,860 --> 00:33:19,840
What's the text say?

874
00:33:20,460 --> 00:33:21,060
Diligent.

875
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:22,180
Diligent.

876
00:33:22,300 --> 00:33:24,560
Just as much as wrong discipline provokes a

877
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:29,220
child, so does discipline that is inconsistently given

878
00:33:29,220 --> 00:33:29,580
forth.

879
00:33:30,060 --> 00:33:31,980
Inconsistency is one of the greatest failures of

880
00:33:31,980 --> 00:33:32,380
parents.

881
00:33:32,700 --> 00:33:34,100
When I look at my own failures as

882
00:33:34,100 --> 00:33:36,940
a parent, it always comes back to inconsistency

883
00:33:36,940 --> 00:33:40,640
because of my laziness at certain points.

884
00:33:40,940 --> 00:33:42,440
You know, one day the child is punished

885
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:43,080
for this.

886
00:33:43,260 --> 00:33:45,000
The other day you don't care.

887
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,540
You're basically creating in your child all manner

888
00:33:47,540 --> 00:33:48,280
of confusion.

889
00:33:48,420 --> 00:33:49,840
As Tim Conway said, it's better to have

890
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:53,300
five rules you uphold than 150 rules that

891
00:33:53,300 --> 00:33:54,300
you don't uphold.

892
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,540
As one brother said, most parents are afraid

893
00:33:57,540 --> 00:34:00,220
of exasperating their children by being too firm.

894
00:34:00,500 --> 00:34:04,340
But most parents exasperate their children by not

895
00:34:04,340 --> 00:34:06,340
being firm consistently.

896
00:34:07,340 --> 00:34:07,900
Consistently.

897
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,420
I will never forget a family.

898
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,300
You all do not know them.

899
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:15,960
They're not among us.

900
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:17,400
But this family, I'll never forget.

901
00:34:17,540 --> 00:34:20,659
The father would consistently discipline the child, train

902
00:34:20,659 --> 00:34:22,239
the child, love the child.

903
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,199
The mother just gave the child her own

904
00:34:25,199 --> 00:34:25,600
way.

905
00:34:25,820 --> 00:34:27,880
Could do whatever she wanted, all the freedom

906
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:28,520
she wanted.

907
00:34:29,139 --> 00:34:30,300
Wouldn't discipline them.

908
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:31,960
And you know what I found out the

909
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:33,179
daughter said to someone?

910
00:34:33,340 --> 00:34:36,179
She said, I hate one of my parents

911
00:34:36,179 --> 00:34:37,500
and I love the other.

912
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:39,780
Which parent do you think she hated?

913
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:41,179
Her mother.

914
00:34:41,900 --> 00:34:43,420
The world says, no, that's wrong.

915
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,480
The parent who gives the most freedom to

916
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,300
the child should be the parent that the

917
00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:49,219
child loves the most.

918
00:34:49,260 --> 00:34:49,940
No, that's incorrect.

919
00:34:51,260 --> 00:34:53,520
That's so disrespectful that you're just going to

920
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,240
give them all manner of freedom and you're

921
00:34:56,240 --> 00:34:57,640
telling them, you don't matter to me.

922
00:34:57,700 --> 00:34:58,580
I'm not going to invest.

923
00:34:58,820 --> 00:35:00,240
I'm not going to do what's hard.

924
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,680
I'm not going to confront you when I

925
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:02,540
could confront you.

926
00:35:03,900 --> 00:35:06,180
Lou Priolo says, if boundaries are unclear, then

927
00:35:06,180 --> 00:35:08,120
you provoke them by tempting them to violate

928
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,380
because you don't always deal with it.

929
00:35:10,660 --> 00:35:11,500
It's just unclear.

930
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:14,660
Make and enforce rules or else provoke the

931
00:35:14,660 --> 00:35:17,280
child to be angry at your inconsistent, flippant

932
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,680
leadership where they just don't know what's good

933
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:20,380
and what's not.

934
00:35:24,150 --> 00:35:26,630
Still thinking about Ephesians 5.

935
00:35:27,390 --> 00:35:29,070
Wives are to submit to the husbands and

936
00:35:29,070 --> 00:35:30,070
the husband is to lead.

937
00:35:30,510 --> 00:35:32,910
You could provoke your children by the parents

938
00:35:32,910 --> 00:35:34,750
not being on the same page.

939
00:35:36,230 --> 00:35:38,470
I mean, you think about the frustration some

940
00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:40,430
of us have with the government's lack of

941
00:35:40,430 --> 00:35:41,410
being on the same page.

942
00:35:42,490 --> 00:35:42,590
Right?

943
00:35:42,630 --> 00:35:44,090
It's like one branch says, you just go

944
00:35:44,090 --> 00:35:45,270
try to do your taxes and you've got

945
00:35:45,270 --> 00:35:46,670
all these different people saying all these different

946
00:35:46,670 --> 00:35:46,910
things.

947
00:35:46,970 --> 00:35:47,670
It's just confusing.

948
00:35:48,230 --> 00:35:50,710
Some children, that's what it feels like.

949
00:35:51,310 --> 00:35:53,290
It feels like going to the IRS and

950
00:35:53,290 --> 00:35:54,850
the kid can't get a clear answer from

951
00:35:54,850 --> 00:35:56,430
dad or mom and it's just confusing.

952
00:35:58,410 --> 00:36:00,530
Kids shouldn't be doing their taxes at six

953
00:36:00,530 --> 00:36:06,210
years old or feeling the stress that one

954
00:36:06,210 --> 00:36:07,890
feels when they do do their taxes in

955
00:36:07,890 --> 00:36:08,810
a business tax form.

956
00:36:12,310 --> 00:36:15,050
Look, our culture, I mean, we're all aware

957
00:36:15,530 --> 00:36:19,050
there are many angry parents who their version

958
00:36:19,050 --> 00:36:21,430
of spanking is just flat out physical abuse.

959
00:36:22,430 --> 00:36:24,230
There's all sorts of parents who their quick

960
00:36:24,230 --> 00:36:25,550
way to get their kid to be quiet

961
00:36:25,550 --> 00:36:26,890
is to be angry at them and to

962
00:36:26,890 --> 00:36:27,990
slap them on the face.

963
00:36:29,210 --> 00:36:31,210
Paul and the Bible is not dealing with

964
00:36:31,210 --> 00:36:32,790
physical abuse.

965
00:36:33,990 --> 00:36:36,310
The whole topic in many ways has become

966
00:36:36,310 --> 00:36:38,150
taboo because of these things.

967
00:36:38,830 --> 00:36:41,750
In some countries, spanking is even banned.

968
00:36:41,850 --> 00:36:43,250
You think of our brethren in Switzerland.

969
00:36:43,530 --> 00:36:45,210
They don't even allow it legally in that

970
00:36:45,210 --> 00:36:45,590
country.

971
00:36:46,150 --> 00:36:47,610
I mean, America's going to be headed towards

972
00:36:47,610 --> 00:36:50,630
that one day at some point.

973
00:36:51,530 --> 00:36:53,990
But Paul, you know what's incredible?

974
00:36:54,570 --> 00:36:56,510
Paul's telling parents to not provoke their children

975
00:36:56,510 --> 00:36:57,590
in what type of era?

976
00:36:58,970 --> 00:37:00,150
In a Roman era?

977
00:37:00,910 --> 00:37:03,830
Where a Roman father had absolute power over

978
00:37:03,830 --> 00:37:06,570
his household and if the children angered him,

979
00:37:07,050 --> 00:37:08,850
the father had the legal right to disown

980
00:37:08,850 --> 00:37:11,150
the child and sell them into slavery or

981
00:37:11,150 --> 00:37:11,570
kill them.

982
00:37:12,670 --> 00:37:14,170
And Paul comes along and says fathers, don't

983
00:37:14,170 --> 00:37:14,870
provoke your children.

984
00:37:16,410 --> 00:37:17,790
I mean, Paul's not coming along and saying

985
00:37:17,790 --> 00:37:20,850
fathers, stop selling your kids into slavery that

986
00:37:20,850 --> 00:37:22,290
one kid who had a fit, you killed

987
00:37:22,290 --> 00:37:22,390
him.

988
00:37:22,470 --> 00:37:23,250
Stop doing this.

989
00:37:23,310 --> 00:37:24,070
Paul's not saying that.

990
00:37:24,190 --> 00:37:25,610
Paul is giving a standard.

991
00:37:25,750 --> 00:37:26,870
And you don't find do not provoke your

992
00:37:26,870 --> 00:37:28,130
children to wrath in the Old Testament.

993
00:37:29,070 --> 00:37:31,050
Paul is giving the standard of love to

994
00:37:31,050 --> 00:37:33,910
the Christian that carries over towards my wife.

995
00:37:34,330 --> 00:37:35,810
You don't find love your wife as Christ

996
00:37:35,810 --> 00:37:37,090
loved the church and the Old Covenant.

997
00:37:37,670 --> 00:37:39,210
I mean, he's upping the standard because we've

998
00:37:39,210 --> 00:37:41,090
got the Spirit, therefore we've got the power

999
00:37:41,090 --> 00:37:45,390
as a corporate nation of circumcised, of the

1000
00:37:45,390 --> 00:37:46,010
heart, Jews.

1001
00:37:51,380 --> 00:37:53,600
Is my overall discipline aimed at helping change

1002
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:55,620
my child and form them?

1003
00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:57,560
I mean, is that what is even behind

1004
00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:57,780
it?

1005
00:37:58,020 --> 00:37:59,900
Can I say I'm doing it for their

1006
00:37:59,900 --> 00:38:00,240
good?

1007
00:38:00,980 --> 00:38:03,660
Can every opportunity that I'm involved in training

1008
00:38:03,660 --> 00:38:05,600
them, am I sitting there with a heart

1009
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,000
that this is for their good?

1010
00:38:07,420 --> 00:38:08,880
I mean, is that what's motivating it?

1011
00:38:12,740 --> 00:38:16,780
Clearly, we provoke our children to wrath if

1012
00:38:16,780 --> 00:38:19,180
we physically abuse them.

1013
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,360
And one example of that Luke Priolo gave

1014
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:23,940
is in Luke 22 with Balaam.

1015
00:38:24,420 --> 00:38:25,420
It's not even a child.

1016
00:38:25,420 --> 00:38:27,880
But just seeing the man's treatment of the

1017
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:31,100
donkey is a stark reminder of how some

1018
00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:32,640
parents treat their children.

1019
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:37,100
The donkey bucked off his owner for what

1020
00:38:37,100 --> 00:38:37,600
purpose?

1021
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,480
To save his life because an angel was

1022
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:40,900
in the way.

1023
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:42,300
What did he say to the donkey?

1024
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:43,640
If I had a sword, I would what?

1025
00:38:44,260 --> 00:38:44,920
Kill you.

1026
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:46,480
They're idle threats, right?

1027
00:38:46,700 --> 00:38:47,500
Threats of killing.

1028
00:38:48,500 --> 00:38:50,240
There are parents who make those comments towards

1029
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:50,800
their children.

1030
00:38:51,220 --> 00:38:52,300
Then what did he do to the donkey

1031
00:38:52,300 --> 00:38:52,760
next?

1032
00:38:53,420 --> 00:38:56,000
He struck him in haste.

1033
00:38:56,540 --> 00:38:58,660
And what was behind a lot of this?

1034
00:38:58,900 --> 00:39:01,140
He got embarrassed because he fell off his

1035
00:39:01,140 --> 00:39:01,500
horse.

1036
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:03,260
He got embarrassed.

1037
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:05,440
Balaam was out of control.

1038
00:39:05,940 --> 00:39:07,380
The donkey was trying to help.

1039
00:39:08,500 --> 00:39:09,960
I know this is not some kid's movie.

1040
00:39:10,060 --> 00:39:11,460
That actually happened in the Bible.

1041
00:39:13,730 --> 00:39:14,570
Incredible, right?

1042
00:39:14,970 --> 00:39:17,610
You face this situation and that's the response.

1043
00:39:17,910 --> 00:39:19,230
God forbid that be among us.

1044
00:39:19,310 --> 00:39:20,990
I mean, I didn't think of this verse

1045
00:39:20,990 --> 00:39:22,750
until right now, but Galatians 5.

1046
00:39:23,490 --> 00:39:24,330
I think it's 24.

1047
00:39:24,510 --> 00:39:25,910
It's always been a sobering verse.

1048
00:39:26,390 --> 00:39:27,830
In the list of those who will not

1049
00:39:27,830 --> 00:39:29,530
inherit the kingdom, he says those who have

1050
00:39:29,530 --> 00:39:32,490
fits of anger will have no inheritance in

1051
00:39:32,490 --> 00:39:33,730
the kingdom of Christ and God.

1052
00:39:34,430 --> 00:39:37,050
He doesn't say those who are slavishly...

1053
00:39:37,050 --> 00:39:38,170
I mean, I haven't looked up the word

1054
00:39:38,170 --> 00:39:39,150
fit, but there's this idea.

1055
00:39:39,250 --> 00:39:42,070
This constant fits of anger manifest an unregenerate

1056
00:39:42,070 --> 00:39:42,350
heart.

1057
00:39:47,250 --> 00:39:48,990
So, another thing here.

1058
00:39:51,530 --> 00:39:55,010
You obviously provoke them while habitually disciplining them

1059
00:39:55,010 --> 00:39:55,610
while angry.

1060
00:39:57,090 --> 00:39:59,430
Are you disciplining them because they're sinning against

1061
00:39:59,430 --> 00:39:59,790
God?

1062
00:40:00,410 --> 00:40:02,510
Or because they embarrassed you and caused you

1063
00:40:02,510 --> 00:40:03,490
personal discomfort?

1064
00:40:04,590 --> 00:40:05,650
What's going on there?

1065
00:40:05,810 --> 00:40:07,930
Parents provoke their children by making the child's

1066
00:40:07,930 --> 00:40:12,370
obedience primarily about obeying them and not God.

1067
00:40:12,690 --> 00:40:14,830
Ephesians 6, verse 4 says, Obey your parents

1068
00:40:14,830 --> 00:40:15,490
in the Lord.

1069
00:40:15,870 --> 00:40:17,910
In the Lord does not modify parents.

1070
00:40:18,730 --> 00:40:21,090
It is not saying if your parents are

1071
00:40:21,090 --> 00:40:22,690
Christians and in the Lord you are to

1072
00:40:22,690 --> 00:40:23,310
obey them.

1073
00:40:23,310 --> 00:40:25,210
But in the Lord modifies obey.

1074
00:40:25,690 --> 00:40:28,190
He is saying children obey not just because

1075
00:40:28,190 --> 00:40:30,510
your parents said so, but obey the Lord.

1076
00:40:30,850 --> 00:40:33,330
Our primary goal in our children's obedience is

1077
00:40:33,330 --> 00:40:34,410
about obeying God.

1078
00:40:34,690 --> 00:40:37,310
And if they disobey, their offense is primarily

1079
00:40:37,310 --> 00:40:38,530
against God.

1080
00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:40,510
It is not all about us.

1081
00:40:41,210 --> 00:40:43,890
Ephesians 5, verse 21 says, The obedience is

1082
00:40:43,890 --> 00:40:45,370
out of reverence for Christ.

1083
00:40:46,290 --> 00:40:47,490
For those submitting.

1084
00:40:47,610 --> 00:40:49,810
Do your children primarily obey you because they

1085
00:40:49,810 --> 00:40:51,470
fear you or because they fear the living

1086
00:40:51,470 --> 00:40:51,830
God?

1087
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:54,730
And His authority over you and His commands

1088
00:40:54,730 --> 00:40:56,650
for them to honor and obey you.

1089
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:00,840
This is a way many parents, I think,

1090
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:01,620
provoke their children.

1091
00:41:01,740 --> 00:41:02,400
It's all personal.

1092
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:03,740
It's all about them.

1093
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:05,620
God's not even in the picture.

1094
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:06,980
How could you do this, son?

1095
00:41:07,100 --> 00:41:08,340
You hurt your mother so much.

1096
00:41:08,580 --> 00:41:10,000
I'm not saying the hurt to the mother

1097
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:10,560
is irrelevant.

1098
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:12,320
But that's not the big picture here.

1099
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:13,900
It's the mom's personal hurt.

1100
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:15,700
The big picture here is the sin against

1101
00:41:15,700 --> 00:41:16,680
the holy God.

1102
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,780
And that's a prime opportunity to point that

1103
00:41:19,780 --> 00:41:21,760
child to Christ and His shed blood.

1104
00:41:24,190 --> 00:41:26,070
So, are we doing this positive command?

1105
00:41:26,310 --> 00:41:28,290
Do we give our kids instruction in the

1106
00:41:28,290 --> 00:41:28,530
Lord?

1107
00:41:29,630 --> 00:41:31,530
Lou Priolo said, When I give them commands,

1108
00:41:31,690 --> 00:41:34,050
am I making a clear enough distinction between

1109
00:41:34,050 --> 00:41:36,750
man-made temporary rules that I determine are

1110
00:41:36,750 --> 00:41:39,210
right as a person in comparison to God's

1111
00:41:39,210 --> 00:41:41,090
eternal ones that are clearly spoken?

1112
00:41:41,950 --> 00:41:44,050
Do you realize that if my child is

1113
00:41:44,050 --> 00:41:45,910
saved, as they grow, they need to come

1114
00:41:45,910 --> 00:41:48,270
to their own conscious conviction on certain gray

1115
00:41:48,270 --> 00:41:51,110
areas in the Scriptures and it's far better

1116
00:41:51,110 --> 00:41:52,830
for them to come to that conclusion as

1117
00:41:52,830 --> 00:41:55,330
a believer and have their own conscience informed

1118
00:41:55,330 --> 00:41:57,050
from the Word of God than for me

1119
00:41:57,050 --> 00:41:59,330
to take my conscience, transplant it, and stick

1120
00:41:59,330 --> 00:42:00,030
it into them?

1121
00:42:01,330 --> 00:42:03,950
That's not helping them become an independent believer

1122
00:42:03,950 --> 00:42:05,850
in the Lord Jesus Christ as they're getting

1123
00:42:05,850 --> 00:42:06,230
older.

1124
00:42:07,430 --> 00:42:09,790
It goes without saying, if child training with

1125
00:42:09,790 --> 00:42:12,450
worldly methods that are inconsistent with God's words

1126
00:42:12,450 --> 00:42:14,250
will provoke your children to wrath, right?

1127
00:42:14,330 --> 00:42:16,390
I mean, that's an obvious one.

1128
00:42:16,530 --> 00:42:16,730
Rep.

1129
00:42:16,770 --> 00:42:19,090
Bradley says, If you cease a time of

1130
00:42:19,090 --> 00:42:22,570
chastisement before it's produced humility, this is probably

1131
00:42:22,570 --> 00:42:25,070
the greatest cause of exasperated children.

1132
00:42:25,970 --> 00:42:28,630
Parents attempt to subdue the will through biblical

1133
00:42:28,630 --> 00:42:33,110
chastisement, but each attempt they end before the

1134
00:42:33,110 --> 00:42:36,190
child has humbled himself and accepted responsibility for

1135
00:42:36,190 --> 00:42:36,790
his actions.

1136
00:42:37,250 --> 00:42:40,810
Many parents fight strong-willed, angry adolescents because

1137
00:42:40,810 --> 00:42:44,510
they consistently fail to bring humility through their

1138
00:42:44,510 --> 00:42:44,990
discipline.

1139
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,120
Proverbs talks about that, right?

1140
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:51,200
Is the Bible my standard?

1141
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,120
Do I really believe that this is the

1142
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:55,880
inerrant and fallible Word of God that rightly,

1143
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:58,140
balancedly, correctly interpreted and applied?

1144
00:42:58,600 --> 00:42:59,840
God will honor that.

1145
00:43:01,100 --> 00:43:03,100
We can provoke them with verbal abuse.

1146
00:43:03,620 --> 00:43:05,800
Lecturing them too loudly for long periods of

1147
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:06,160
time.

1148
00:43:06,620 --> 00:43:07,620
Being harsh and mean.

1149
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:09,840
You can provoke them when you correct them

1150
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:12,020
for conduct that you yourself do, yet you

1151
00:43:12,020 --> 00:43:13,000
do not even acknowledge.

1152
00:43:13,900 --> 00:43:16,620
As someone said, consider the degree to which

1153
00:43:16,620 --> 00:43:17,680
you are self-disciplined.

1154
00:43:17,940 --> 00:43:19,520
It is only to that degree that you

1155
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:22,200
can expect to succeed in disciplining your children

1156
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,720
to correct his anger problem.

1157
00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:26,480
If I'm trying to correct my little guy's

1158
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,420
anger problem and I don't correct the anger

1159
00:43:28,420 --> 00:43:30,320
problem in my own life, it's just a

1160
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:31,600
foolish endeavor.

1161
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:34,440
A failure to live out your God-given

1162
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:37,280
roles in marriage will provoke your children to

1163
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:37,660
wrath.

1164
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:40,740
If the husband doesn't lead, it creates insecurity

1165
00:43:40,740 --> 00:43:41,380
in the child.

1166
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:43,180
If the wife does not love the husband

1167
00:43:43,180 --> 00:43:45,180
and children as Titus 2 says, it creates

1168
00:43:45,180 --> 00:43:46,360
insecurity in the child.

1169
00:43:46,740 --> 00:43:49,320
Neglecting or reversing roles creates uncertainty in the

1170
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:49,660
child.

1171
00:43:49,660 --> 00:43:51,820
If the wife goes against the husband's authority,

1172
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:53,380
the child can then resent the mother.

1173
00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:56,240
Or if the father doesn't lead, the child

1174
00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:58,020
then starts to resent the dad for not

1175
00:43:58,020 --> 00:43:58,340
leading.

1176
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:00,280
And then on top of that, we're confusing

1177
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:02,500
our kids with what are biblical gender roles.

1178
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:04,840
We need to have marital harmony.

1179
00:44:05,380 --> 00:44:08,000
Children long to see a father love his

1180
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:08,320
mom.

1181
00:44:09,620 --> 00:44:11,960
A wife who gets emotionally attached to someone

1182
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:14,640
other than her spouse will stir up anger

1183
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:15,920
in the child and insecurity.

1184
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:18,780
Children need their parents to lead and not

1185
00:44:18,780 --> 00:44:19,440
follow them.

1186
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,000
That's a big way we can provoke them

1187
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:22,380
to anger.

1188
00:44:22,460 --> 00:44:23,980
We just don't do what Paul talks about

1189
00:44:23,980 --> 00:44:24,840
in Ephesians 5.

1190
00:44:25,820 --> 00:44:27,620
And all that's rooted in love, right?

1191
00:44:28,460 --> 00:44:34,540
So, another thing under just the reality if

1192
00:44:34,540 --> 00:44:36,500
you can provoke your child to anger by

1193
00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:39,000
your hypocrisy, that they're easily able to smell

1194
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:39,260
out.

1195
00:44:39,780 --> 00:44:42,960
If you do this enough, what will happen

1196
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:45,960
is they will start to conceal their anger

1197
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:47,860
and you will think they are okay.

1198
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:50,880
When in reality, you're actually creating a new

1199
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:51,220
normal.

1200
00:44:52,460 --> 00:44:54,300
You have a new normal in your household

1201
00:44:54,300 --> 00:44:55,880
that none of us know about because so

1202
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:57,580
much of our lives in the household no

1203
00:44:57,580 --> 00:44:58,720
one is there as a fly on the

1204
00:44:58,720 --> 00:44:59,000
wall.

1205
00:45:00,140 --> 00:45:02,580
And some don't communicate everything that happens or

1206
00:45:02,580 --> 00:45:03,840
they don't know how to communicate it.

1207
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:05,820
Therefore, when they get counsel, they're communicating it.

1208
00:45:06,060 --> 00:45:07,300
And I hear it as one thing, but

1209
00:45:07,300 --> 00:45:09,860
I'm not correctly understanding the situation because they're

1210
00:45:09,860 --> 00:45:11,760
lacking the words by which to articulate what's

1211
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:12,660
actually happening there.

1212
00:45:12,740 --> 00:45:14,160
And therefore, my counsel is not applicable.

1213
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:17,860
And I'm running out of time.

1214
00:45:17,860 --> 00:45:18,780
I've got 15 minutes.

1215
00:45:27,290 --> 00:45:27,710
Okay.

1216
00:45:29,350 --> 00:45:31,270
So here are some more that I believe

1217
00:45:31,270 --> 00:45:32,290
are scriptural principles.

1218
00:45:32,670 --> 00:45:34,870
The scriptural principles, you could back these up.

1219
00:45:35,550 --> 00:45:38,010
In me being 35, my oldest child being

1220
00:45:38,010 --> 00:45:40,550
8, many of these obviously came from Lou

1221
00:45:40,550 --> 00:45:42,230
Priolo's book The Heart of Anger, as I

1222
00:45:42,230 --> 00:45:42,570
mentioned.

1223
00:45:43,550 --> 00:45:45,910
I have not completely been there, done that,

1224
00:45:45,990 --> 00:45:46,650
got the t-shirt.

1225
00:45:46,750 --> 00:45:48,190
But so much of this matters to me

1226
00:45:48,190 --> 00:45:49,530
because I'm in the midst of parenting.

1227
00:45:49,650 --> 00:45:50,910
These are not things I want to think

1228
00:45:50,910 --> 00:45:52,870
back when I'm 60 and say I wish

1229
00:45:52,870 --> 00:45:54,190
I would have done this, this, or that.

1230
00:45:54,290 --> 00:45:56,870
Because there's no longer that opportunity unless I

1231
00:45:56,870 --> 00:45:59,010
adopt many children to that point or something

1232
00:45:59,010 --> 00:45:59,710
of that nature.

1233
00:46:00,730 --> 00:46:04,690
Parents can make their child angry by subjecting

1234
00:46:04,690 --> 00:46:06,910
them to humiliation and embarrassing them.

1235
00:46:07,610 --> 00:46:10,990
You just relay something humiliating about them publicly

1236
00:46:10,990 --> 00:46:13,050
or you speak critically about them to someone

1237
00:46:13,050 --> 00:46:14,530
or you mock your child or you make

1238
00:46:14,530 --> 00:46:16,050
fun of your child or you demean their

1239
00:46:16,050 --> 00:46:18,830
intelligence or God forbid you make a negative

1240
00:46:18,830 --> 00:46:20,310
comment about their looks.

1241
00:46:20,790 --> 00:46:21,970
I mean, look, there's a difference if the

1242
00:46:21,970 --> 00:46:23,350
boy doesn't comb his hair and his hair

1243
00:46:23,350 --> 00:46:23,950
looks crazy.

1244
00:46:24,230 --> 00:46:24,830
Say something.

1245
00:46:24,910 --> 00:46:25,130
Sure.

1246
00:46:25,830 --> 00:46:26,790
I get the comb, son.

1247
00:46:27,530 --> 00:46:28,970
The hair is a different animal.

1248
00:46:29,070 --> 00:46:30,510
We could talk about the hair all day

1249
00:46:30,510 --> 00:46:31,170
on our children.

1250
00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:36,660
But you talk about weight, athletic abilities?

1251
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:39,140
You want to make your child bitter, resentful,

1252
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:40,380
angry towards you?

1253
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:43,520
Should we give biblical names for sin when

1254
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:44,320
addressing our child?

1255
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:46,440
Yes, I do not shy away from telling

1256
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:48,640
my children about their utter wickedness before a

1257
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,840
holy God and the glorious grace of Christ.

1258
00:46:52,420 --> 00:46:54,920
Parents provoke their children to anger by scolding

1259
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:55,180
them.

1260
00:46:55,980 --> 00:46:57,580
Oh, I mean, the harsh tone.

1261
00:46:58,900 --> 00:47:00,600
Not careful with your words.

1262
00:47:01,240 --> 00:47:03,400
Just in pride, you lash out because your

1263
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:05,320
child did not treat you correctly at that

1264
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:07,400
moment because they should treat you perfectly because

1265
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:08,420
you're just so special.

1266
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:11,240
That's one of the worst things.

1267
00:47:11,300 --> 00:47:12,120
The harsh tone.

1268
00:47:12,260 --> 00:47:14,380
The impatience in the heart.

1269
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:15,860
And you know, we see it in others.

1270
00:47:15,940 --> 00:47:17,160
When we're out in the store, you see

1271
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,180
a parent just scolding their child and you

1272
00:47:19,180 --> 00:47:20,460
see a parent telling their kid, no, you

1273
00:47:20,460 --> 00:47:22,060
can't have this and the kid doesn't respect

1274
00:47:22,060 --> 00:47:22,700
the parent.

1275
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:24,100
The kid just starts yelling.

1276
00:47:25,780 --> 00:47:26,660
It's humbling.

1277
00:47:26,820 --> 00:47:27,380
It's sad.

1278
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:28,540
There's no joy there.

1279
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:32,700
You provoke your children by not keeping your

1280
00:47:32,700 --> 00:47:33,080
word.

1281
00:47:33,540 --> 00:47:34,740
Failing to keep your promises.

1282
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:37,980
This could be minor like you tell them

1283
00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:39,520
it's time to leave and then you start

1284
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:41,520
talking for several more minutes.

1285
00:47:41,580 --> 00:47:42,780
That might provoke them to wrath.

1286
00:47:43,060 --> 00:47:45,520
If there's really a need to stay, have

1287
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:48,340
you in some way maybe tried to express

1288
00:47:48,340 --> 00:47:50,400
that to them about plans have changed?

1289
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:51,840
And then you get them to the point

1290
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:53,680
where they know these things are going to

1291
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:54,100
happen.

1292
00:47:54,540 --> 00:47:56,540
And they don't need you to communicate it

1293
00:47:56,540 --> 00:47:57,120
to them.

1294
00:47:57,480 --> 00:47:59,140
But if we need to break a contract

1295
00:47:59,140 --> 00:48:01,100
we've made, we need to do that clearly

1296
00:48:01,100 --> 00:48:02,160
enough as we can.

1297
00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:04,640
Because Paul said in Colossians 3, do not

1298
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:04,960
lie.

1299
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:06,960
The last people we want to lie to

1300
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,200
are the little people in our house.

1301
00:48:09,240 --> 00:48:11,340
We can provoke them to anger by being

1302
00:48:11,340 --> 00:48:12,180
a perfectionist.

1303
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,020
By demanding too much of them.

1304
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:15,620
Critiquing every failure of theirs.

1305
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:17,700
Why not rather show them mercy?

1306
00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:20,980
Instead, some mention all the faults, all the

1307
00:48:20,980 --> 00:48:21,440
time.

1308
00:48:21,740 --> 00:48:24,060
The child comes away believing their parents are

1309
00:48:24,060 --> 00:48:26,240
never or rarely ever pleased with them.

1310
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:28,320
Are we giving praise to our children and

1311
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:30,420
acknowledging areas they achieve in something?

1312
00:48:30,660 --> 00:48:33,160
Or are we primarily nitpicky and always correcting

1313
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:34,780
their work or criticizing them?

1314
00:48:35,580 --> 00:48:36,760
And my mother-in-law, I asked her

1315
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:38,640
for example, she mentioned even just a few

1316
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:42,040
years ago, now her adult daughter Evangeline and

1317
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:43,660
they were washing the dishes and she said,

1318
00:48:44,140 --> 00:48:45,900
as we were filling the dishwasher, I was

1319
00:48:45,900 --> 00:48:47,420
too picky with the arrangement.

1320
00:48:47,420 --> 00:48:49,500
When it came, it didn't really matter.

1321
00:48:49,780 --> 00:48:52,020
I exasperated her with that and I had

1322
00:48:52,020 --> 00:48:52,620
to apologize.

1323
00:48:55,970 --> 00:48:58,190
If you never communicate approval, you're forcing them

1324
00:48:58,190 --> 00:49:00,170
to hunt for it outside from friends.

1325
00:49:00,830 --> 00:49:02,110
They're not going to get it from you

1326
00:49:02,110 --> 00:49:03,550
and therefore they're not going to be transparent

1327
00:49:03,550 --> 00:49:05,370
with you when something in their life happens

1328
00:49:05,370 --> 00:49:06,910
because you don't have that trust.

1329
00:49:07,570 --> 00:49:09,990
As the book says, shepherding a child's heart.

1330
00:49:10,370 --> 00:49:11,750
We're wanting to win their heart.

1331
00:49:13,310 --> 00:49:15,550
Parents provoke their children by not admitting they're

1332
00:49:15,550 --> 00:49:16,970
wrong and asking for forgiveness.

1333
00:49:18,230 --> 00:49:20,350
I mean, are you teaching your child to

1334
00:49:20,350 --> 00:49:21,690
not acknowledge their sin?

1335
00:49:22,070 --> 00:49:23,810
If you don't acknowledge your sin before your

1336
00:49:23,810 --> 00:49:25,270
kid, you're saying to your kid, you don't

1337
00:49:25,270 --> 00:49:26,810
need to acknowledge your sin before me, and

1338
00:49:26,810 --> 00:49:28,150
then that implies you don't need to acknowledge

1339
00:49:28,150 --> 00:49:29,230
your sin before a holy God.

1340
00:49:29,970 --> 00:49:31,290
And if they don't acknowledge their sin before

1341
00:49:31,290 --> 00:49:32,530
a holy God, they're never going to come

1342
00:49:32,530 --> 00:49:33,070
to Christ.

1343
00:49:33,530 --> 00:49:34,550
If they don't get in the light and

1344
00:49:34,550 --> 00:49:35,850
then refuse to come to the light, lest

1345
00:49:35,850 --> 00:49:36,750
their deeds be exposed.

1346
00:49:37,090 --> 00:49:38,910
If we're children of light, our children should

1347
00:49:38,910 --> 00:49:40,090
look at us and say, my dad is

1348
00:49:40,090 --> 00:49:40,830
a children of light.

1349
00:49:40,950 --> 00:49:41,890
He walks in the light.

1350
00:49:41,970 --> 00:49:43,270
He always takes pains to have a clear

1351
00:49:43,270 --> 00:49:44,290
conscience before God.

1352
00:49:44,450 --> 00:49:46,510
He doesn't rationalize every single error that he

1353
00:49:46,510 --> 00:49:47,910
makes and try to put the best spin

1354
00:49:47,910 --> 00:49:49,190
on it to make him look the best.

1355
00:49:50,730 --> 00:49:52,370
And again, this applies to all of our

1356
00:49:52,370 --> 00:49:52,850
relationships.

1357
00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:53,790
This isn't just parents.

1358
00:49:53,870 --> 00:49:56,510
Put this in your brother-brother relationship or

1359
00:49:56,510 --> 00:49:58,090
another sister to another sister in the church.

1360
00:49:58,150 --> 00:50:00,450
We provoke them by never taking their side

1361
00:50:00,450 --> 00:50:01,910
of the story on certain matters.

1362
00:50:02,670 --> 00:50:04,850
You just consistently believe evil of them.

1363
00:50:05,270 --> 00:50:07,250
You just let them see your suspicious look

1364
00:50:07,250 --> 00:50:08,510
all of the time when they come in

1365
00:50:08,510 --> 00:50:08,970
your presence.

1366
00:50:09,390 --> 00:50:10,810
You never give them a chance for a

1367
00:50:10,810 --> 00:50:11,490
fresh start.

1368
00:50:11,910 --> 00:50:14,090
And this often happens with a strong-willed

1369
00:50:14,090 --> 00:50:14,670
child.

1370
00:50:14,670 --> 00:50:17,650
When they're at fault, you just start to

1371
00:50:17,650 --> 00:50:19,430
lose total trust in them and you never

1372
00:50:19,430 --> 00:50:21,150
really give them an opportunity to gain that

1373
00:50:21,150 --> 00:50:21,830
trust again.

1374
00:50:21,990 --> 00:50:23,130
And then before you know it, they're 18

1375
00:50:23,130 --> 00:50:23,830
and they're gone.

1376
00:50:24,450 --> 00:50:26,950
We provoke our children by not giving time

1377
00:50:26,950 --> 00:50:29,010
to talk and build a relationship with them.

1378
00:50:29,790 --> 00:50:30,630
They're going to go to others.

1379
00:50:31,230 --> 00:50:33,730
We provoke our children by wrongly comparing them

1380
00:50:33,730 --> 00:50:34,230
to others.

1381
00:50:34,750 --> 00:50:36,750
Should we compare their behavior to how it

1382
00:50:36,750 --> 00:50:38,070
was more positive in the past?

1383
00:50:38,170 --> 00:50:38,410
Sure.

1384
00:50:38,850 --> 00:50:40,270
Should we call them to imitate people?

1385
00:50:40,370 --> 00:50:40,670
Sure.

1386
00:50:41,030 --> 00:50:43,050
We should encourage them forward, but there's a

1387
00:50:43,050 --> 00:50:46,130
big difference between that and really demeaning and

1388
00:50:46,130 --> 00:50:49,210
hurting them with comments about them.

1389
00:50:50,850 --> 00:50:53,030
The worldly idea is the father who's more

1390
00:50:53,030 --> 00:50:54,410
into the sports than the kid, right?

1391
00:50:54,430 --> 00:50:55,170
And he's in the stands.

1392
00:50:55,310 --> 00:50:56,990
The kid's playing with less aggression than the

1393
00:50:56,990 --> 00:50:57,750
dad in the stands.

1394
00:50:58,570 --> 00:51:00,030
And I was a basketball referee.

1395
00:51:00,510 --> 00:51:01,210
There was a game.

1396
00:51:01,270 --> 00:51:02,230
My dad was reffing.

1397
00:51:02,330 --> 00:51:04,850
A parent pointed a laser pointer at the

1398
00:51:04,850 --> 00:51:06,370
kid's eyes shooting the free throw in a

1399
00:51:06,370 --> 00:51:07,110
middle school game.

1400
00:51:07,370 --> 00:51:08,850
Why on earth would a parent do that?

1401
00:51:09,110 --> 00:51:10,370
Parents are so consumed.

1402
00:51:10,550 --> 00:51:12,050
The kid's not even wanting to do the

1403
00:51:12,050 --> 00:51:13,370
sport as much as the dad is.

1404
00:51:13,430 --> 00:51:14,790
That clearly is provoking them.

1405
00:51:16,470 --> 00:51:18,170
If our kids want to do things that

1406
00:51:18,170 --> 00:51:19,210
we like, then that's great.

1407
00:51:19,270 --> 00:51:22,270
If they want to do other things, there

1408
00:51:22,270 --> 00:51:23,690
are certain ways to encourage that.

1409
00:51:23,730 --> 00:51:25,770
We provoke them by neglecting them.

1410
00:51:25,950 --> 00:51:26,570
Too busy.

1411
00:51:26,810 --> 00:51:28,250
Not enough positive time.

1412
00:51:29,050 --> 00:51:31,110
You're only giving your attention to all these

1413
00:51:31,110 --> 00:51:31,670
other things.

1414
00:51:31,750 --> 00:51:32,890
You're neglecting your child.

1415
00:51:33,450 --> 00:51:34,710
That's very, very sinful.

1416
00:51:34,790 --> 00:51:36,970
We make our children angry by trying to

1417
00:51:36,970 --> 00:51:38,550
manipulate them to gain control.

1418
00:51:40,370 --> 00:51:41,390
You know, you act in a way to

1419
00:51:41,390 --> 00:51:43,650
get them to obey because of an emotional

1420
00:51:43,650 --> 00:51:44,250
reaction.

1421
00:51:45,510 --> 00:51:48,330
Have you ever heard a mother make a

1422
00:51:48,330 --> 00:51:50,530
comment something like, if you love mommy, you'll

1423
00:51:50,530 --> 00:51:51,190
do this.

1424
00:51:52,050 --> 00:51:52,470
Right?

1425
00:51:56,190 --> 00:51:57,030
That's sad.

1426
00:51:57,630 --> 00:51:59,890
If our kids disrespect us so much that

1427
00:51:59,890 --> 00:52:01,710
they would not obey us unless we pull

1428
00:52:01,710 --> 00:52:02,970
out such a card like that.

1429
00:52:04,270 --> 00:52:05,090
And you know what?

1430
00:52:05,130 --> 00:52:06,430
I don't know if that's anyone here, but

1431
00:52:06,430 --> 00:52:08,210
if someone here is thinking that applies to

1432
00:52:08,210 --> 00:52:10,990
them, don't be discouraged and you lose heart

1433
00:52:10,990 --> 00:52:11,690
in your parenting.

1434
00:52:13,030 --> 00:52:14,470
I'm not trying to make you lose heart.

1435
00:52:14,510 --> 00:52:16,030
I'm trying to give you some ammunition to

1436
00:52:16,030 --> 00:52:18,190
think, to apply, and to consistently live out

1437
00:52:18,190 --> 00:52:18,790
in your life.

1438
00:52:20,090 --> 00:52:22,410
We provoke our children by not making sacrifices

1439
00:52:22,410 --> 00:52:23,010
for them.

1440
00:52:23,110 --> 00:52:24,850
They conclude they're a burden in our lives.

1441
00:52:25,010 --> 00:52:26,570
We don't take them places they want to

1442
00:52:26,570 --> 00:52:26,810
go.

1443
00:52:27,170 --> 00:52:28,670
They just end up resenting us.

1444
00:52:31,380 --> 00:52:31,980
And you know what?

1445
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:34,200
Some might say, well, some people idolize their

1446
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:35,780
kids and they make their kids the priority

1447
00:52:35,780 --> 00:52:36,920
and their kids lead everything.

1448
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:38,180
That's not what I'm saying.

1449
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:39,800
That's not what Scripture calls us to do.

1450
00:52:39,860 --> 00:52:40,760
There's a right balance.

1451
00:52:41,720 --> 00:52:43,620
We provoke our children by not allowing them

1452
00:52:43,620 --> 00:52:44,220
enough freedom.

1453
00:52:44,980 --> 00:52:45,260
Right?

1454
00:52:45,260 --> 00:52:47,780
The child shows they can be trusted, but

1455
00:52:47,780 --> 00:52:48,680
you overprotect.

1456
00:52:48,780 --> 00:52:49,380
You're insecure.

1457
00:52:49,620 --> 00:52:50,180
You're fearful.

1458
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,040
You want to have perfect children.

1459
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:54,260
And therefore, all that concern leads you to

1460
00:52:54,260 --> 00:52:55,220
overprotect them.

1461
00:52:55,340 --> 00:52:56,300
And you say, well, they're young.

1462
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:57,600
It's good to do right now.

1463
00:52:57,660 --> 00:52:58,860
And before you know it, they're not young

1464
00:52:58,860 --> 00:53:00,340
anymore and you're still doing that.

1465
00:53:01,980 --> 00:53:03,760
We should want our kids to have a

1466
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:05,900
sense that they can have increased freedom and

1467
00:53:05,900 --> 00:53:08,420
responsibilities, right?

1468
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:10,740
This all leading up to their first job.

1469
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:13,520
I praise God.

1470
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:15,320
My father-in-law and mother-in-law,

1471
00:53:15,420 --> 00:53:17,440
they trained my wife to the point where

1472
00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:19,980
at 16, she worked at a job as

1473
00:53:19,980 --> 00:53:21,680
a shift manager at Taco Bell, was going

1474
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:23,540
to college at the same time, and she

1475
00:53:23,540 --> 00:53:24,720
had the maturity to be able to do

1476
00:53:24,720 --> 00:53:26,620
that and have that freedom because of all

1477
00:53:26,620 --> 00:53:28,140
the training leading up to that point.

1478
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:32,000
And there's lessons she then learned in that

1479
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,920
environment and she's able to go home while

1480
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:35,420
still at home with her parents and talk

1481
00:53:35,420 --> 00:53:38,020
through those issues and get help from them

1482
00:53:38,020 --> 00:53:40,220
while it's fresh and she's not removed from

1483
00:53:40,220 --> 00:53:40,840
the household.

1484
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:44,620
One goal of parenting is to teach your

1485
00:53:44,620 --> 00:53:45,720
children to be independent.

1486
00:53:46,340 --> 00:53:48,040
You can't overly protect them from all that

1487
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:49,140
is out there for their growth.

1488
00:53:49,240 --> 00:53:50,760
They're going to have different failures and learning

1489
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:51,380
experiences.

1490
00:53:51,500 --> 00:53:52,760
We want to walk by them in the

1491
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:53,360
midst of this.

1492
00:53:53,720 --> 00:53:55,340
So you can provoke them by not allowing

1493
00:53:55,340 --> 00:53:56,780
enough freedom and you can provoke them by

1494
00:53:56,780 --> 00:53:59,580
allowing too much freedom as I already illustrated

1495
00:53:59,580 --> 00:54:03,600
earlier from the one family where the daughter

1496
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:05,120
said she hated the mother who gave her

1497
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:05,680
all the freedom.

1498
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:08,340
Another thing, we provoke our children by not

1499
00:54:08,340 --> 00:54:10,460
being patient enough when they don't understand.

1500
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:16,200
I think my biggest failure as a parent

1501
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,780
is this.

1502
00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:21,500
If I'm blind, maybe there's something else I

1503
00:54:21,500 --> 00:54:22,280
do not see it.

1504
00:54:24,980 --> 00:54:27,400
We provoke our children by not being patient.

1505
00:54:28,380 --> 00:54:30,360
You say something and you say it perfectly.

1506
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:32,800
Brother, everyone in the world should understand what

1507
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:33,140
you said.

1508
00:54:33,180 --> 00:54:34,000
It was so articulate.

1509
00:54:34,180 --> 00:54:34,900
It was so clear.

1510
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:36,160
It was said with the perfect tone and

1511
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:37,460
then your kid says I don't get it.

1512
00:54:39,020 --> 00:54:40,360
What do you mean you don't get it?

1513
00:54:41,420 --> 00:54:43,560
Even if you don't say a word, impatience

1514
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:44,740
is internal in the heart.

1515
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:46,540
It doesn't always manifest itself.

1516
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:50,120
My mother-in-law said there were tears

1517
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:52,840
over algebra lessons because Bob was not patient

1518
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:54,540
enough when the kids didn't understand.

1519
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:56,980
And people might say, oh, yeah, it's funny.

1520
00:54:57,060 --> 00:54:57,460
It's school.

1521
00:54:58,000 --> 00:54:58,920
No, it's sin.

1522
00:55:00,240 --> 00:55:02,660
You being sinful to your children in school,

1523
00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:05,740
that's not a respectable sin that oh, that's

1524
00:55:05,740 --> 00:55:06,360
just going to happen.

1525
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:07,820
It's just going to be normal in GCC

1526
00:55:07,820 --> 00:55:09,280
that all the parents get impatient with their

1527
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:10,420
kids because they don't learn at home.

1528
00:55:11,100 --> 00:55:11,500
No.

1529
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,960
I know we can all relate to it.

1530
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:18,100
That's even a wrong statement.

1531
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:19,420
Doesn't that comfort you?

1532
00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:20,420
We can all relate to it.

1533
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:21,080
I hope not.

1534
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:23,680
Hasn't one of us found the grace of

1535
00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:25,780
God and the Spirit of God at such

1536
00:55:25,780 --> 00:55:27,500
where you find victory?

1537
00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:28,740
Right?

1538
00:55:29,380 --> 00:55:30,400
People make a little comment.

1539
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:31,140
Oh, we all do that.

1540
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:31,900
We all do that.

1541
00:55:34,020 --> 00:55:35,340
God help us to believe.

1542
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:37,380
That can go right against faith.

1543
00:55:37,580 --> 00:55:40,220
We provoke them to wrath by pushing achievement

1544
00:55:40,220 --> 00:55:41,120
to an extreme.

1545
00:55:41,660 --> 00:55:44,020
We provoke them by unrealistic expectations.

1546
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:46,440
We provoke our children by always waiting until

1547
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:47,580
the last minute.

1548
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:49,720
You're in the middle of an activity and

1549
00:55:49,720 --> 00:55:51,520
you never give advance warning that it's time

1550
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:51,880
to end.

1551
00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:53,180
It's always at the last moment.

1552
00:55:53,460 --> 00:55:54,540
And are there times you've got to be

1553
00:55:54,540 --> 00:55:55,180
at the last moment?

1554
00:55:55,220 --> 00:55:55,660
It is.

1555
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:57,240
But there's a time to have the courtesy

1556
00:55:57,240 --> 00:55:58,580
to let them know a certain amount of

1557
00:55:58,580 --> 00:56:00,320
time until we go, so you're not always

1558
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:01,460
just pulling them right away.

1559
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:03,640
We provoke them by showing favoritism.

1560
00:56:05,020 --> 00:56:06,900
Children are going to be different than one

1561
00:56:06,900 --> 00:56:07,360
than another.

1562
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:09,340
We need to love them without partiality.

1563
00:56:10,300 --> 00:56:12,820
God has adopted us, His children, and made

1564
00:56:12,820 --> 00:56:13,940
us coheirs with Christ.

1565
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:16,460
We provoke them by denying them time with

1566
00:56:16,460 --> 00:56:18,020
their friends when we do not have a

1567
00:56:18,020 --> 00:56:18,680
valid reason.

1568
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:21,380
Terry told me after working hard on the

1569
00:56:21,380 --> 00:56:23,960
farm, one of the children thought Bob did

1570
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:26,100
not give them enough time with their friends.

1571
00:56:27,980 --> 00:56:29,800
And she said maybe that's not the case

1572
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:31,180
when kids live in the city, but when

1573
00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:32,740
you're on a farm, she probably had a

1574
00:56:32,740 --> 00:56:33,540
valid complaint.

1575
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:35,280
She rarely had time with her friends.

1576
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:39,050
So here, in closing, children.

1577
00:56:39,450 --> 00:56:40,770
And a lot of the children are back

1578
00:56:40,770 --> 00:56:41,370
there right now.

1579
00:56:41,450 --> 00:56:42,190
Maybe that's a good thing.

1580
00:56:42,230 --> 00:56:42,570
I don't know.

1581
00:56:43,270 --> 00:56:44,650
But if you're a child here and you're

1582
00:56:44,650 --> 00:56:46,710
listening to this, I want you to know

1583
00:56:46,710 --> 00:56:48,310
that the point of this message is not

1584
00:56:48,310 --> 00:56:50,090
to give you ammunition towards your parents.

1585
00:56:50,670 --> 00:56:52,710
If in anything you think you've received some

1586
00:56:52,710 --> 00:56:54,590
ammunition by which to be critical of your

1587
00:56:54,590 --> 00:56:56,050
parents, you are self-righteous.

1588
00:56:56,290 --> 00:56:57,790
And you need to repent of that.

1589
00:56:58,370 --> 00:56:59,670
You need to see your own sin.

1590
00:56:59,750 --> 00:57:01,330
Do you want your parents to fail so

1591
00:57:01,330 --> 00:57:02,170
you can feel good?

1592
00:57:02,630 --> 00:57:03,530
I hope not.

1593
00:57:04,250 --> 00:57:07,990
Children, don't wrongly judge your parents' motives that

1594
00:57:07,990 --> 00:57:09,590
they don't want you to have fun.

1595
00:57:10,270 --> 00:57:12,050
Don't tell them it's not fair.

1596
00:57:12,210 --> 00:57:13,570
You're not getting your way.

1597
00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:14,990
Blah, blah, blah.

1598
00:57:15,130 --> 00:57:17,250
You need to believe your parents, they absolutely

1599
00:57:17,250 --> 00:57:18,350
care about you.

1600
00:57:18,950 --> 00:57:23,330
To parents, a fundamental way to not stir

1601
00:57:23,330 --> 00:57:24,910
your children up to wrath is in Proverbs

1602
00:57:24,910 --> 00:57:25,350
15.

1603
00:57:26,150 --> 00:57:29,990
A soft answer turns away wrath.

1604
00:57:32,750 --> 00:57:34,720
But a harsh word stirs up anger.

1605
00:57:35,780 --> 00:57:36,340
Isn't that incredible?

1606
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:37,300
That's what he's talking about.

1607
00:57:38,180 --> 00:57:40,300
And he directly deals with what?

1608
00:57:40,700 --> 00:57:42,940
Speech more than conduct here.

1609
00:57:44,380 --> 00:57:46,400
So, so much of all this comes down

1610
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:47,260
to communication.

1611
00:57:47,780 --> 00:57:51,000
How do you communicate to your children?

1612
00:57:51,460 --> 00:57:53,680
And how you communicate comes down to how

1613
00:57:53,680 --> 00:57:55,680
you're walking by faith, putting on the new

1614
00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:57,500
man and believing the promises of the Lord.

1615
00:57:57,820 --> 00:57:59,540
How do you communicate non-verbally?

1616
00:57:59,540 --> 00:58:01,080
You know, the phone, you put the emoji.

1617
00:58:01,260 --> 00:58:02,520
Will you have an emoji in real life

1618
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:03,440
when you're in a conversation?

1619
00:58:05,710 --> 00:58:07,330
You're making some sort of expression.

1620
00:58:07,750 --> 00:58:09,230
You might be saying the right words to

1621
00:58:09,230 --> 00:58:10,750
your kids, but you've got the wrong emoji

1622
00:58:10,750 --> 00:58:11,490
on the face.

1623
00:58:12,870 --> 00:58:15,370
Or you might have the right emoji, and

1624
00:58:15,370 --> 00:58:16,990
you might have the right words, but you

1625
00:58:16,990 --> 00:58:19,530
might have the completely wrong tone.

1626
00:58:20,230 --> 00:58:22,530
Proverbs 16.21, the wise of heart is

1627
00:58:22,530 --> 00:58:23,310
called discerning.

1628
00:58:23,690 --> 00:58:26,850
The sweetness of speech increases your ability to

1629
00:58:26,850 --> 00:58:27,330
persuade.

1630
00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:32,640
If you've identified any way, you provoke your

1631
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:34,640
children, I admonish you, do something about it.

1632
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:35,160
What do you do?

1633
00:58:35,240 --> 00:58:36,120
Confess it to God.

1634
00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:37,240
Confess it to your child.

1635
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:38,220
Acknowledge it.

1636
00:58:38,340 --> 00:58:39,140
Get it in the light.

1637
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:40,020
Expose it.

1638
00:58:40,340 --> 00:58:41,340
Call it what it is.

1639
00:58:42,060 --> 00:58:45,580
A child indeed will learn from what they

1640
00:58:45,580 --> 00:58:46,720
experience in life.

1641
00:58:47,300 --> 00:58:49,860
And what they experience in my house is

1642
00:58:49,860 --> 00:58:52,980
going to dramatically form my children.

1643
00:58:53,540 --> 00:58:54,580
It really is.

1644
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:59,220
So lastly, as I mentioned, we should provoke

1645
00:58:59,220 --> 00:58:59,760
one another.

1646
00:59:00,720 --> 00:59:01,680
Not to anger.

1647
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:04,760
The same Greek word for exasperate in Colossians

1648
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:06,620
is found in 2 Corinthians 9.

1649
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:09,480
And your zeal has stirred up most of

1650
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:09,720
them.

1651
00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:12,740
The zeal stirred them up to what?

1652
00:59:13,300 --> 00:59:13,900
To good.

1653
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:14,920
To good works.

1654
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:16,280
Right?

1655
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:18,020
We should be provoking one another to good

1656
00:59:18,020 --> 00:59:20,980
works as Hebrews 10.24-25 talks about.

1657
00:59:21,020 --> 00:59:22,420
We should be stirring one another up.

1658
00:59:22,580 --> 00:59:24,280
We should be stirring our children up.

1659
00:59:24,780 --> 00:59:27,280
What positive acts can you do right now

1660
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:28,940
to stir your children up?

1661
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:32,620
Well, may God help us.

1662
00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:33,220
Let's pray.

1663
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:39,860
Father, Lord, this whole topic is in many

1664
00:59:39,860 --> 00:59:41,380
ways absolutely overwhelming.

1665
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:43,380
Lord, we have so many insufficiencies.

1666
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:45,480
And I pray, Father, if there are some

1667
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:48,120
blindnesses, blind spots in my life or my

1668
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:50,120
brothers' and sisters' lives, Lord, would You reveal

1669
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:50,800
that to us?

1670
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:52,760
Lord, we want it to be seen now.

1671
00:59:53,460 --> 00:59:54,480
Not in 20 years.

1672
00:59:55,020 --> 00:59:56,500
And so, Lord, we pray for the sake

1673
00:59:56,500 --> 00:59:58,900
of our precious little children that You'd do

1674
00:59:58,900 --> 00:59:59,600
that very thing.

1675
00:59:59,740 --> 01:00:01,280
And Lord, I think about all the Morales

1676
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:03,120
children who are yet living.

1677
01:00:03,260 --> 01:00:04,940
Lord, I pray that You'd use even the

1678
01:00:04,940 --> 01:00:07,860
death of their own sister this morning in

1679
01:00:07,860 --> 01:00:09,940
their own lives to affect them to call

1680
01:00:09,940 --> 01:00:12,160
out to You while they have life and

1681
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:12,380
breath.

1682
01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:14,360
Lord, I think specifically about Mary Omi.

1683
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:16,440
I just pray You'd be merciful to her.

1684
01:00:17,060 --> 01:00:17,920
So Lord, here we are.

1685
01:00:18,020 --> 01:00:19,660
We commit ourselves, our kids to You.

1686
01:00:19,720 --> 01:00:21,020
We're cast on the grace of God.

1687
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:22,920
Lord, no matter how we think we do

1688
01:00:22,920 --> 01:00:24,120
as a parent, Lord, at the end of

1689
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:25,660
the day, we need You to come down

1690
01:00:25,660 --> 01:00:26,660
and save our children.

1691
01:00:27,100 --> 01:00:29,700
Lord, despite all of our failures and inconsistencies,

1692
01:00:29,840 --> 01:00:31,340
Lord, would You be merciful to them?

1693
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:33,460
In Jesus' name, Amen.