...disturbed, unsettled, and full of discontentment.
No matter what they have, who they have,
what their position, what their prominence, what their
status is in life, they're still discontent.
Now, a lot of people are able to
cover that up rather well, and so they
move along in life and smile on the
outside, but deep down inside, they're still full
of discontent.
On the other hand, there are those people
who don't even try to cover it up
anymore.
They just act out, live out.
It shows on their countenance they're very discontent
in life.
What is it?
Even though they have been saved by the
grace of God, they're still discontent.
Somehow, deep down inside, something seems to bind
them.
Something seems to have a hold on them
that seems to dictate their actions and their
attitudes.
It's not what they like.
It's not what they want.
It's not what they ask for.
They just can't seem to identify what is
it on the inside of them that drives
them, that seemingly at times forces them to
act in a way they don't want to
act.
They find themselves responding and turning around and
looking and asking themselves the question, Why do
I act this way?
Why do I respond the way I respond?
Well, that's what I want to talk about
in this message entitled, The Behavior That Binds
Us in Our Life.
Those behaviors that bind us in our life.
Those actions and attitudes that you and I
can't understand.
Somewhere along the way, we have to trace
them back to some cause and some particular
source.
We're talking about behavior patterns that bind us
in our life and keep us, what?
Discontent, unsettled, oftentimes anxious, and for the most
part, very unhappy.
So I want you to turn, if you
will, to the first Corinthians 13th chapter, this
first epistle to Corinthians.
And you know this is the chapter in
all the scripture about love.
The chapter, the supreme chapter about love.
And Paul has been describing what love is
all about.
And then he comes down to this latter
part and he says, beginning in verse 11,
he says, When I was a child, I
used to speak as a child, think as
a child, reason as a child.
When I became a man, I did away
or put away childish things.
Now in that single verse, Paul helps us
to understand, oftentimes, what is the deep abiding
discontent that comes into our life.
Now, let's think about it for a moment.
Here's what's happening.
The Corinthians have gotten out of balance in
their understanding of spiritual gifts.
And so at this point, they have come
to the place that they think in a
very childish fashion.
They're being spiritually immature and emotionally immature.
And if you go back to 1 Corinthians
chapter 3 for a moment, and you notice
in this third chapter, when he begins this
epistle, he gets to the third chapter and
he begins to chastise them for the same
thing.
He says in chapter 3, verse 1, And
I, brethren, could not speak to you as
to spiritual men or spiritual men and women,
but as to men and women of the
flesh, as to babes in Christ.
He says, I gave you milk to drink,
not solid food, for you were not even
yet able to receive it.
Indeed, even now you're not able to receive
those things that should be a part of
your life, but because of your spiritual immaturity
or emotional immaturity, you can't accept it.
He says, For you're still fleshly, for since
there is jealousy and strife among you, are
you not fleshly and are you not walking
like mere men?
And so what is he saying?
He says, Spiritual, you're not mature.
So over in this 13th chapter, what is
he saying to them?
He says, Now, when I was a child,
I acted like a child.
I spoke like a child.
You could tell I was a child.
He said, When I grew up, when I
became a man, I put away childish things.
Now, all of us, probably at some time
in our life, have or act childish.
And so what does that have to do
with those things that bind us?
And that's what I'm going to talk about,
because what I'd like to do is to
identify in a few moments what those things
are.
And I want you to think about it
for just a moment, because let's trace all
of this back.
When you and I were born, God gave
us, of course, a mind, a brain, heart,
spirit, and all the rest.
When you and I came into this world,
we began to be programmed.
Some people might say that you and I
began to be programmed even before we were
born.
But let's say that at birth you and
I began to be programmed.
That is, our mind was programmed.
What was it programmed with?
It was programmed with either the affection or
lack of affection from our parents.
That is, in this grid system of ours,
it's like the strong impressions that came from
our parents and those who were around us.
And as we grew up, those teachers, for
example, that taught us, and people who were
our relationships and so forth, all of them
began to place into our little minds ideas,
thoughts.
They became a part of our feelings and
became a part of our personality.
So that all of us were programmed, pre
-programmed, listen, not necessarily against our will, but
involuntarily.
Therefore, the apostle Paul said, putting away childish
things.
He was primarily speaking of spiritual things, but
also of emotional things.
And I think there are many people who
are Christians who really love God, who really
want to be what God wants them to
be.
And yet they have those things that go
on in their life they can't identify.
They don't even understand why they act the
way they act.
How many of us have said, God, I
don't know why I said what I said.
I don't know why I acted in that
fashion.
God, I don't know why I act that
way or respond that way.
I don't know why this goes on in
my life.
Well, it's one thing for something to happen,
but if something goes on and on and
on and on, we should take at least
a moment to stop and ask ourselves the
question, Lord, am I being controlled by something
that I'm not aware of?
Is there an emotion, a feeling?
Is there something that happened back yonder in
my life somewhere that I am responding to
that in this present situation?
And so all of us who've grown up
to be men, all of you who've grown
up to be women, the little girl is
still there, the little boy is still there.
And if you and I want to be
whole persons, we have to learn to identify
those childish things in our life and learn
how to deal with them.
So what I'd like to do is to
identify some of these, certainly not all of
them, but to identify some of them, talk
about them just for a moment, and then
let's talk about how to deal with them,
because I can tell you that you can
deal with them.
God can set you free, and I'm grateful
to God.
I can tell you, I'm certainly sure in
my own heart that I'm not free of
all of mine, but I'm grateful to God
as I look back over the years and
see how He has identified issues in my
life that I've had to deal with and
realize where it came from.
Listen, once you trace it to its source,
listen, you're on the way to being delivered
from those emotions that bind us, behavioral patterns
that cause us all kinds of discontent.
Because, you see, if you're continually responding to
present-day situations out of your past childhood,
then you're going to cause all kind of
hurt and discontent to yourself and those around
you.
You're going to cause hard feelings.
You're going to cause misunderstandings.
And you're going to be discontent and unhappy
with yourself.
Why?
Because you don't want to act that way,
and you would say, I don't know why
I do.
I want to show you why you do.
So let's talk about what some of these
things might be.
Well, there are lots and lots and lots
of them.
And so let's just begin with this.
One of those ideas that gets impressed upon
our grid system very early in life is
measure up.
Measure up.
And so what happens?
Child comes along, and no matter what he
or she does, they can't quite measure up
to the father's expectation or the mother's expectation
or both.
And so what happens?
A little girl grows up thinking, no matter
what I do, no matter how hard I
try, I can't ever please my mother.
And how often have I heard this from
men and women alike?
I grew up in a situation, no matter
what I did, I couldn't please them.
When a kid tries his best, and he
doesn't measure up, here's the effect.
In that grid system, as a result of
that kind of instruction and teaching, that child
goes through life.
No matter what I do, it'll never be
enough.
And you can absolutely destroy a child's initiative.
When they grew up in that kind of
a situation, no matter what I do, it's
not going to work.
It's not going to ever be enough.
They berate themselves.
They feel very, very guilty.
They feel inadequate in life.
And oftentimes feel extremely rejected.
Why?
Because, you know, if you can't blame your,
if you can't, if you can't, if you
can't believe in, and you can't really and
truly please your parents, I mean, of all
the people in the world, I believe a
kid wants to please his father or his
mother or both.
Certainly both.
If you want to destroy anybody's initiative, you
just keep telling them, measure up, measure up,
measure up.
And the thing that makes it so painful
is, especially when the measuring rod or the
measuring tape is so absolutely, listen, when it's
so foggy and unclear, and you ask them
to measure up, and you know what?
They never know when and if and how
they could ever measure up.
In their grid system, that child, when they
become adults, it affects their life and their
relationships.
And what happens is it creates anger, it
creates resentment, it creates hostility.
People either want to give up, and oftentimes
things that they do, that become very vengeful,
is because they feel they'll never measure up
no matter what.
So what do you do?
You give them a challenge, you give them
a job, and they turn it down.
Why?
Because they think, I'll never measure up.
Second thing I want you to notice, and
that is a desire to have our needs
met immediately.
Well, what happens to a little child when
a little baby is born?
If that baby is wet, what do they
do?
They cry.
They get hungry, they cry, they yell, they
scream, and they carry on until what?
Until you give them something to eat.
And so that's a natural, normal way, I
suppose, that they get our attention.
But what happens?
Now, there's nothing wrong with a child crying
when they're hungry, or when they're wet and
messed up their diaper, and so they don't
like that.
So they cry, they get attention.
You know what happens?
People grow up, and unless that child learns
early in life, you can't have everything you
want when you want it.
There's nothing wrong with cleaning up the child.
I'm not talking about that.
But when that child grows out of that
babyhood, and when they don't get what they
want, they scream and yell and holler until
the parents give it to them.
The tragedy is when a parent, when a
mother or a father yields to the screaming
and the hollering because they want it now,
when they've passed babyhood, here's what happens.
They grow up.
And that little child within them, when they
want something, they want it now.
And so what happens?
Children grow up, teenagers, they want it now.
They want a car now.
They want fine clothes now.
They want their father or mother's credit card
now.
They want freedom now.
They want liberty now.
They want sex now.
They want alcohol.
They want everything else now.
They've got to have it now.
If a parent does not discipline that child
early in life to teach them this truth,
you can't have everything when you want it.
There is a correct time and a wise
time for everything that God provides for us.
You know what happens?
They grow up.
And because they can't have what they want,
then they lie about it.
Then they steal.
And all kinds of things develops in a
person's life when they grow up with a
childish attitude, if I want it now, I
want it now, and I'm going to have
it now.
And I grew up when I cried and
yelled and screamed, and through enough bits, my
parents gave me what I wanted, so therefore,
I'm going to keep on howling and screaming
when I'm an adult.
Now, they don't holler and scream the same
way they did as a child, but my
friend, the truth is, their actions are the
same.
If I can't have it now, I'm unhappy.
I leave.
I walk away.
A third attitude, childish attitude, is temper tantrums.
Now, you think, well, we get over that
in our adulthood.
Not necessarily.
People still throw fits.
They still do the same thing.
Listen, if I don't get what I want,
what happens?
Here are kids playing together, and you've got
this ball, and I've got this bat, and
whatever it might be, and, oh, we're not
going to play my way?
Give me my ball.
I'm going home.
Or little girls playing dolls, and somebody doesn't
like what the other one's doing, they just
take this, and they go home.
So what happens?
You grow up with that.
If I can't have my way, I throw
a fit.
You know what?
There are a lot of people, they don't
get their way, they throw fits.
Now, sometimes those fits are very quiet.
Sometimes people walk out of their marriage, can't
have their way, can't have my way, I'm
leaving.
And you know what?
All that is is spiritual, childish immaturity.
Throwing temper tantrums, got to have it now,
or if you don't play it my way,
I leave.
And this is probably one of the basic
problems with people oftentimes, oftentimes walk away from
their job.
And every once in a while somebody says,
I just walked away.
Why'd you walk away?
Well, they did thus and so and thus
and so.
Well, has it ever occurred to you that
God may have been trying to say something?
Well, you know, I just couldn't stay in,
I couldn't hang in there for that.
Well, you see, it's very unwise to respond
to the present situation, circumstance out of my
childishness.
Because that's the way I used to respond
as a child, does not make it legitimate
for me to respond today to this present
situation when oftentimes, listen, you and I can
be the objects of other people's anger and
bitterness and resentment and hostility when they're really
doing it to someone else.
Listen, we're all products of our environment.
That's why it's so very important that you
and I create the environment in our family
with these children so that they respond, listen,
they grow up with a sense of affirmation
and a sense of self-esteem and a
sense of self-worth because when they get
older, they're going to act out.
We all are going to act out in,
listen, there will be something that triggers, something
back there in the past that caused this
pain.
Once something, listen, even similar, it'll trigger that.
And what are we going to do?
The little boy is going to come out,
the little girl is going to come out
and they're going to respond and they're going
to think, forgive me, I don't understand why
in the world I responded the way I
did.
That is the reason for it because of
those kind of attitudes.
Well, what about, for example, people who grow
up in an atmosphere of fear?
Well, the parents say, you know what?
I just don't think we're going to have
enough.
Probably not going to be able to pay
the bills this month.
They cut the lights off.
We can't go anywhere, can't have bacon.
In other words, a child grows up, fear,
fear, fear of not having enough.
A man said to me some time ago,
he said, I grew up in a family
and my mother said to me, the poor
house is always around the corner.
You know what happens?
When a child grows up, fearing not having
enough, they will naturally, normally be very materialistic
because the parents have put in their grid
system, you've got to have enough, you've got
to work hard, you've got to save, you've
got to make money because, listen, the poor
house is right around the corner.
It is a terrible way.
Well, everybody doesn't put it in those terms,
but this whole idea of materialism, this is
where your security lies, this is where your
emphasis is.
And so what happens?
Wealth takes the place of God.
And yet, you know, the Bible says it's
like a bird.
You know, here today, gone tomorrow, it comes
quick and you can lose it quickly.
And so what happens?
They lose a few times and despair and
remorse begins to set in.
You see, we must teach our children that
our sense of security is not in things,
but it's in a relationship.
You see, it's not so much what you
do, it's what you implant within that child's
mind and heart.
They're going to grow up and they're going
to keep on acting out those feelings.
What about a distorted view of God, for
example?
Well, how does a child get a distorted
view of God?
Is it because the parent says, God's ugly,
God's mean, God's bad?
No, here's what happens.
Child grows up and relates to his or
her father.
The major person in their life is dad.
Don't like my dad.
And how many times have I heard this?
My dad never hugged me.
Dad never told me I did a good
job.
Dad never put his arms around me.
And sometimes a girl would say, my dad
never told me he loved me, never told
me I was pretty, never seemed to care,
never hugged me, never remembered my birthday.
So what happens?
They grow up.
What kind of impression has been built into
this grid?
I'm not important.
The most important person in my life, not
important.
So they grow up and we say, God's
a good God.
But you see the little child who gets
their impression about God from their father, you
tell them that God is good.
Listen, I've talked to enough people and I've
talked to enough people to know that most
people do not think in terms of God
being a good, loving, gentle, kind God.
They see Him as a taskmaster.
They see Him as a God of justice.
They see Him as...
...can dig up enough junk.
In our past, it's like a bowl of
poison soup.
Who wants to look at all that?
Now, if you're looking back to see what
the source was, and then you deal with
it, that's one thing.
But just going to some council and they
disturb, well, back yonder your parents, and back
yonder this, and back yonder that.
Well, you know, back yonder, nothing.
I mean, after all, listen, we're living in
the present.
We assume responsibility for the past.
We forgive ourselves, we forgive the person, and
then what happens?
We say, God, I want you to make
me a whole person.
I want to be an adult believer.
I want to be an emotional adult.
I don't want the childish things binding me
and enslaving me any longer.
And I'm claiming by faith your release and
your liberty and your freedom.
And then, listen, you aggressively go after those
things from the crop up in your life,
and God will free you up.
Dr. Stanley identified several potentially...