It is a great privilege for me to
be here with you, a tremendous privilege, tremendous
privilege.
Before we get started, let me say this,
some background.
We have gone through several decades, maybe a
century in the evangelical church in America of
being buffeted by liberalism.
What I mean by that is a form
of Christianity that may accept some of the
truths of Scripture, but for the most part
denies the greater part of Scripture and puts
in its place an ungodly pagan culture.
I would consider myself a person who is
still coming out of paganism, of ungodliness, not
a person who has arrived, but a person
who is learning.
Many of the truths that I am going
to teach today have not been taught for
over a hundred years.
But just recently, in the last decade, there
has been a reformation, and it is God's
doing.
It is a reformation of returning to Scripture.
And although many people in the United States
consider themselves evangelical, consider themselves Christian, consider
themselves born again, this reformation that is going
on in our country is going to be
the very thing that defines who really is
a disciple of Jesus Christ and who is
just playing with a watered down cultural Christianity
that holds the form of godliness, but denies
the power thereof.
Now, I am going to say something, and
I want you to understand that I am
saying it because it is true.
Many of the things I am going to
teach today I did not practice in my
own relationship with my wife before we were
married, even though by God's grace we remain
pure.
Because even 15 years ago, these things were
unknown to the greater part of the Christian
community in America.
And it is not because we have discovered
something brand new now that no one has
ever taught before.
No, it is because the old ways have
been lost, and put in their place has
been our culture, and that is the reason
for all the malady, all the pain, all
the suffering, and all the sin, even in
the community of genuine believers.
I beg you to listen to me as
though you were my children.
And I beg you to not walk down
the same path that I myself have walked
down.
If you knew the scars, you would run
from the way that most are on as
though some fierce beast were after you.
Now let me say this before we even
start.
And I am saying it out of a
heart of love.
There is a real sense that you are
a fool.
Let's just get it out in the open.
I have to say the same thing about
myself.
No, this is not a get together where
we are going to talk about how okay
I am and how okay you are.
There is a real sense in that for
the major part, we are biblical fools.
In that there is so much that the
Scripture teaches about every aspect of our daily
life that we are not only ignorant of,
but walking in complete contradiction to it.
Do you see that?
Now that is not something to be sad
about.
You can rebel against it in pride.
But the fact of the matter is, we
are a people that has lived for years
and years and years doing things that seem
right in our own eyes.
And not following the precedent of Scripture.
We have adopted so many things that are
from our godless culture that we no longer
see the dividing line between where the Bible
starts and culture ends.
There is a passage in the Bible and
it says this in Proverbs 12, 15 The
way of a fool is right in his
own eyes.
He who listens to counsel.
Will you be a wise man?
Will you be a wise woman?
A wise young person today?
Will you acknowledge that if I put a
list of things in the daily life of
most individuals would you acknowledge that you would
not be able to go to Scripture and
define how those daily activities should be carried
out?
Will you acknowledge that there is so much
we do and we don't even know if
there is a biblical precedent for it or
not?
If you are willing to acknowledge that, you
are in a safe place.
God can really work with you.
But if you just set yourself against it,
there is no hope.
The way of a fool always leads to
destruction.
Now, we are talking about biblical courtship.
What is that?
Courtship is simply the biblical alternative to one
of the most destructive practices in western culture.
Recreational dating.
Where two people, usually quite young, decide to
date for no purpose, no divine or eternal
purpose whatsoever.
And it has brought about more destruction in
our culture, in our society because society, for
the most part, is based upon sound marriages
and sound families.
And because we begin totally wrong, we usually
end up wrong.
The amazing thing here is that if someone
would choose to disagree with what I've said,
you have nothing as proof.
Because the culture that dating has produced, we
all recognize, is miserable and destructive and painful.
And so we are going to look at
biblical courtship.
Now, before we do that, we have to
realize something.
There has to be the plowing of fertile
ground in order to receive this teaching.
And what do I mean?
Parents, it all begins with you.
It all begins with you.
And not with just tweaking a few things,
and not with some program or process or
working through a workbook dealing with courtship.
No, it all begins with being willing to
radically change your lifestyle everywhere your lifestyle contradicts
Scripture.
Now, you would think among a community of
believers that would not be a big issue,
but you would be amazed.
I hear people, because I've lived so many
years in third world countries, they'll say, Boy,
you know, we don't even know what it's
like.
It's so easy to live as a Christian
in the United States of America.
That is one of the largest lies that
exists.
It is so much easier to live for
Jesus Christ in the jungles of Peru than
it is in Muscle Shoals that you can't
even compare the two things.
I knew two Russians who, when they were
young men in church, saw the KGB come
in, slam their pastor against a wall, pull
out his tongue and cut it off.
And yet those two young Russians told me
it's much more difficult to live for Jesus
Christ in America than in Russia.
It's easy to live as a unconverted church
member.
It's easy to live like most people who
call themselves Christians, but to be a biblical
disciple of Jesus Christ, this place, the Bible
Belt, is the most difficult place to do
it on the face of the earth.
The question is, are you going to follow
Jesus?
Or are you going to have a form
of godliness that denies the power thereof?
I mean, after all, you would think that
God dying on a tree and rising again
from the dead would be something that would
radically transform every aspect of your life, and
not just Sunday morning.
And so it begins, not with the children,
it begins with the parents.
First of all, we must be aware of
our present reality as a people.
That's where we must start.
And I want to read something.
It says in Judges, and I have all
these verses laid out for you, so don't
worry about writing all this down.
In Judges 17.6 it says, In those
days there was no king in Israel.
Every man did what was right in his
own eyes.
The issue here is not that there wasn't
a king.
The issue is that there was no authority.
There was no biblical authority, and therefore everyone
did what was simply right in their own
eyes.
And you have got to be convinced that
your eyes, your heart, your mind, without the
saturation of Scripture, is a danger.
You've got to believe that.
You've got to realize you can trust in
nothing but God's Word.
It also says in Hosea 4.6, My
people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge.
You can not divorce the mind from the
Christian life.
You can not do it.
But that mind must be a mind renewed
in the Word of God, submitted to the
Word of God.
Everything, the question is in every aspect of
our life, what has God said?
That's the only question.
That's it.
What has God said?
It also says, My people are destroyed for
a lack of knowledge.
Because you have rejected knowledge, I also will
reject you from being My priests.
Since you have forgotten the law of your
God, I also will forget your children.
Parents, do you understand what this is saying?
If you do, then know the fear of
the Lord.
Because you have rejected My law, I will
reject your children.
And for the most part, a parent who
has rejected God's law, can only produce lawless
children.
You see, it is the Bible.
It is the Word of God.
It's so simple, but it always comes down
to this same thing.
What has God really said?
Now, you must be convinced of this.
I want to read out one other passage,
Isaiah 1, 4-6.
A last sinful nation.
People weighed down with iniquity.
Sin is very, very heavy.
Offspring of evildoers.
Sons who act corruptly.
They have abandoned the Lord.
They have despised the Holy One of Israel.
They have turned away from Him.
Now, what does this mean?
To turn away from Him?
There is no debate about Jesus as Savior,
Jesus as Lord in the Bible.
Jesus is Savior and Lord.
To take Him as Savior and not Lord
is to not take Him at all, but
it is to despise Him.
The Greek actually calls Him a tyrant.
Did you know that?
He is called a tyrant in the New
Testament.
The absolute Lordship of Jesus Christ.
But here's the thing, that absolute Lordship of
Jesus Christ to a true Christian is not
heavy, it's not burdensome, it is like your
feet on air.
It is a wonder and a power, like
being carried on eagles' wings.
But it is sin that is heavy and
sin that destroys.
Now, look at what this says.
And if this does not describe the typical
family in America, nothing does.
Where will you be stricken again as you
continue in your rebellion?
The whole head is sick and the whole
heart is faint from the sole of the
foot even to the head.
There is nothing sound in it, only bruises,
welts, and raw wounds.
Not pressed out or bandaged nor softened with
oil.
I look at so many families and this
is just the case.
Conflict and fighting and turmoil and sin upon
sin upon sin.
These are things that we have to recognize.
Now, we must be aware of our present
reality.
Another thing, we must be convinced.
We must be convinced that the entirety of
our lives must abound to the glory of
God and be submitted to God's revealed will.
Now, I say the word revealed will because
there are so many people submitting to things
today supposedly in the name of God, but
it has nothing to do with a correct
interpretation of Scripture.
You must become convinced.
And I hope that the bruises on your
body, the sores in your family, the things
that will not heal will be used of
God to convince you that there is only
one way out and that is to entirely
submit yourself to Scripture.
The worst thing you can do is go
halfway.
God will not bless halfway obedience any more
than no obedience whatsoever.
Now, 1 Corinthians 10.31, whether then you
eat or drink or whatever you do, do
all for the glory of God.
If the most menial task of eating and
drinking are supposed to abound to the glory
of God, how much marriage and family?
It is not that men arrive or they
reach a plateau and they've arrived at these
things.
The struggle of the true man, the struggle
of the real man, is constantly striving to
bring everything in subjection to the glory of
God.
That is the true man.
That's his constant battle.
He's not constantly battling to give his children
things he never had because God never commanded
him to give his children things he never
had.
As a matter of fact, it's the things
a man never has that builds the character
in him in the first place.
The godly man is constantly striving in his
own life to submit himself to the glory
of God, to bring his wife into that,
not by coercion, legalism, or manipulation, but by
example and power, and to bring his children
into that.
As for me and my house, we will
serve the Lord.
But unless you define biblically what it means
to serve the Lord, you're no better than
the pagan.
Now, Psalms 29.9. This is a verse
that's a favorite of mine.
It says this, The voice of the Lord
makes the deer to calve and strips the
forest bare, and in His temple, everything says
glory.
I am the temple.
Collectively, the church here at Muscle Shoals, whatever
church you're a part, collectively, we are the
temple.
Absolutely everything in our individual lives and everything
in our local body ought to scream out
glory to God!
Especially your relationships.
Because if you read the Sermon on the
Mount correctly, you find out in the Christian
life everything is relational.
To the glory of God.
Now, 2 Corinthians 10.5. He says, We
are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised
up against the knowledge of God, and we
are taking every thought captive to the obedience
of Christ.
This is the man's battle.
This is the woman of God's battle.
So many people, complacency will kill you, thinking
you've arrived.
And you can only think you have arrived
in the Christian life.
Because if you are in Scripture every day,
the one thing you will realize is I
have fallen so short.
And you will constantly, it will motivate you
to strive, to strive to bring every thought
captive.
To make it obedient to the law, the
will of Jesus Christ.
Now, and of course, 2 Timothy 3.16
-17.
All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable
for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training
in righteousness, so that the man of God
may be adequate, equipped for every good work.
Folks, I have got so sick of hearing
people talk about how inerrant and infallible this
thing is.
That has never been the question.
The question is, those of us who believe
it to be inerrant and infallible, are we
going to take the next step, which is
the step that will vindicate us and prove
that our belief in this thing is true?
Are we going to obey it?
And I don't want to pretend that all
this is in my heart and in my
head and in my life.
It's not what I'm talking about.
I'm not talking about perfection.
I'm talking about striving for everything here to
be in here and for everything here to
be submitted to this.
It's our only hope.
It is our only hope.
We do not live in a culture anymore
that's friendly to Christianity.
We do not live in a culture that
is basically going to respect anything that we
are.
We live in a culture that is demonic,
earthly, sensual, and wants to rip to shreds
everything that has to do with the bride
of Jesus Christ.
And if we do not cling to this
Bible, we're gone.
We're gone.
Now, the context for teaching on courtship is
very important.
You know, people who almost never read the
Bible, but they come to a crisis in
their life where they need to discern the
will of God.
And so they go to the Bible and
they try to find it.
And they almost never do.
I mean, they end up throwing the Bible
in the air and hoping it will open
to a certain passage.
Because the Bible is not a magical book.
It doesn't work that way.
The Bible teaches us in Romans 12, 2,
we renew our mind in the Word of
God.
And then God begins to reveal His will
to us almost not even knowing it, we're
walking in His will and we're thinking His
thoughts, you see.
Alright, it's the same way with courtship.
You can't just say, okay, I need to
fix this one aspect of my life or
one aspect of my children's life, so we're
going to practice courtship.
Knowing the will of God springs forth from
a lifestyle of renewing your mind in the
will of God.
Courtship springs forth from a lifestyle of seeking
to submit your marriage and your family to
God's Word.
Gentlemen, the worst thing you could do today,
men, is to go home, call your family
to the table and slam your fists down
and say, I'm going to make sure we
start doing things right around here.
Because you're just not going to be able
to turn over a leaf that quick.
And what you're going to do is you're
going to be like a Pharisee pressing things
upon your own family that you yourself cannot
lift.
It should be an attitude of not, I'm
going to fix this family.
I'm going to fix me.
I need help.
Well, I want to tell you something.
If you need help, then come join my
club.
I need help.
We all need help.
Some of these truths are new to me.
The question is not, can you make it
on your own?
The question is, are you broken before God
and His Word?
Are you trembling?
Do you have a contrite heart?
Do you fear the Lord?
Do you fear what will happen to your
children?
Are you willing to even make a covenant
with other men?
To join or find a church where they're
serious.
Not that they've arrived, but they don't really
know exactly what's right, but they sure know
what's wrong and they don't want to be
a part of it anymore.
And so the context is, first of all,
parents must strive to know the Scriptures.
I'm sorry, there's no way around this.
You can't keep doing everything as you see
fit in your own eyes.
Proverbs 29.18 says, where there is no
vision, the people are unrestrained, but happy is
he who keeps the law.
I hear so many men use this, you
know, where there is no vision, the people
perish.
We need a vision.
We need to have a building program.
We need to do all this stuff.
That's not what this teaches.
Where there is no revelation or teaching of
God's law, the people run unrestrained.
That's what it means.
The Word of God is essential.
The Word of God as you study it
yourself.
The Word of God in small groups and
interacting with other Christians.
And the Word of God from the pulpit.
Exposition of the Word of God from the
pulpit.
All these things come together.
And this is what is necessary, parent.
You must strive to know God's Word.
You know, there were times when I would
go down the Amazon or the Maranon, and
without a map, blind at night, wild, no
spotlights, nothing, just racing wild down through there.
I didn't care much.
You're young, you're free.
You put my wife and my two boys
in the back of that boat.
And watch how careful I'm going to make
my way down that river.
If you're married, sir, this is not about
just saving you.
This is about saving your wife.
This is about saving your children.
And this is about assuming the responsibility for
their possible destruction.
That's frightening.
Hosea 4.6, my people are destroyed for
a lack of knowledge.
I mean, I think I could spend my
entire life preaching that passage.
I know that passage has spent a great
deal of time preaching to me.
My people are destroyed.
You know, every aspect of our life, the
Word of God speaks.
And if it's not specific and direct, there
are enough governing principles surrounding that to let
us know what God's will is.
And yet, we do so much stuff not
being guided by the Word of God.
Now, parents must strive to know the Scriptures.
Parents must strive to live as biblical examples.
You see, this is very, very important.
I want my boy to wake up at
2 in the morning sometime wanting a glass
of water and walk by my study and
see a dim light on and see his
dad down on his knees weeping with joy
about Jesus Christ.
That will do more than a thousand sermons.
Daddy, why are you crying?
Daddy, why are you so happy?
Why are you singing, Daddy?
I sing because I'm happy, son.
I sing because I'm free.
Example.
1 Corinthians 4.15-17.
Listen to this.
For if you have countless tutors in Christ,
yet you would not have many fathers...
Let me put that in modern day vernacular
for church life.
Though you have many Sunday school teachers, you've
only got one dad.
Though you have many youth directors, you only
have one dad.
It is not the responsibility of the Sunday
school teacher or the youth director to teach
your child.
For in Christ Jesus, I became your father
through the Gospel.
Listen to me.
Sir, it is true that your son and
your daughter could be under a man more
biblical than you and more godly than you.
That's true.
I can say the same thing about myself.
My two boys could be under...
a man in this world more godly than
I am, more knowledgeable of Scripture than I
am, but the fact of the matter is
in God's providence, those boys are mine.
And I'm the one called up in spite
of all my problems, in spite of all
my failures, all my weaknesses.
They are mine.
They are my responsibility.
And I need to arise to the occasion.
And although I am not competent in myself,
God is competent and has promised His Spirit,
has promised His help.
Therefore, I exhort you, be imitators of me.
We ought to be able, we should say
to our children, imitate me.
And I've got news for you, they're going
to.
When was the last time you looked at
your child and said, imitate me in these
things concerning God, concerning virtue.
Imitate me.
Don't think that Paul had the right to
do this just because he was an apostle.
He had the right to do this because
he was a Christian elder statesman.
He was a man.
He was a man who had grown in
the Lord.
When I walk through these hallways, I've got
to realize something.
There are young men looking at me.
No matter where I go, they're looking at
me.
They'll be influenced because I remember looking at
men when I was their age and being
influenced by them.
So we ought to live circumspectly knowing that
people are imitating us and some of the
most important people in our lives are imitating
us.
And whether we want to be followed or
not, we will be.
He goes on and he says, speaking to
Timothy, he says, for this reason I have
sent to you Timothy, who is my beloved
and faithful child in the Lord.
Timothy had become an extension of Paul.
Paul had poured his life into Timothy.
Paul didn't have to go there.
He had Tim, his precious Tim.
And Tim was imitating Paul.
Paul was pouring his life into Tim.
And he says, look, this is the amazing
statement.
Can you imagine a pastor writing another church
and saying to them, listen, I'm sending one
of my disciples to you and he will
remind you of my ways.
You know that church would write back and
say, well, what about the way of Christ,
hotshot?
What do you mean remind us of your
way?
Paul's way was so identified with the way
of Christ, he could honestly say that.
We would call that proud today.
But it's not.
Look what he says.
He will remind you of my ways which
are in Christ.
Gentlemen, we have this idea of it's okay
to be an absolute failure.
It's actually something humble about it.
But we're not supposed to be failures.
We are supposed to be...
You know, I hear people say, well, you
know, I'm just...
Don't follow me.
I mean, I'm just...
And I just want to look at them
and say, well, then what's your problem?
Yes, we all have our weaknesses.
Yes, we all have our flaws and the
holes in our armor.
But there ought to be some victory in
the Christian life.
This is a supernatural thing that's happened to
us.
We do have a new heart.
We have been recreated.
There ought to be a real sense in
which we can say, follow me in this.
And especially to our children.
And he says, he will remind you of
my ways which are in Christ Jesus just
as I teach everywhere in every church.
Now look at this.
His teaching and his way, they were the
same thing.
He didn't say one thing and do another.
They were the same thing.
Now, I want us to go, he says,
in 1 Corinthians 11, 1, be imitators of
me just as I also am of Christ.
Here he's acknowledging something, that he isn't the
source of his own character or his own
godliness, but that he was seeking, following, and
drawing from Christ.
The task, sir, that you have been given
is so immense that you cannot do it
in your own power.
You must constantly be following Jesus Christ, your
eyes upon Him, and drawing from His strength.
He is the vine.
You are the branch.
Without Him, you can do nothing.
1 Thessalonians 2.14 For you, brethren, became
imitators of the churches of God and Christ
Jesus that are in Judea.
Now, I want to say this for a
very, very important reason.
I want you to look at this.
He's not only telling people to imitate Paul
or to imitate Christ, imitate the churches.
As a church, we're made up of individuals.
Other Christians outside of our local body ought
to look at us and imitate us.
We ought to be aware of that.
You ought to be aware of its goals
to grow in Christ and His will so
that other churches can look at you and
imitate you, and there's nothing proud about that.
We should be worthy of imitation.
But a church is only worthy of imitation
as each of its members are seeking to
imitate Christ.
And if you are not seeking to imitate
Christ, I can assure you that the enemy
out there is going to point out the
one sheep astray and ignore the 99 that
are walking with Christ.
We've got to take seriously this idea of
being as individuals people who ought to be
imitated, and as a body, a group of
people who ought to be imitated.
We ought to take that ministry very seriously.
Now, I want to give a negative example.
The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves,
Jesus said, in the chair of Moses.
Therefore, all that they tell you, do and
observe.
But do not according to their deeds, for
they say things and do not do them.
And parents, that's one of the deadliest things
that can happen to you in your relationship
with your child, is to tell them to
do things you yourself do not do.
But now I want to say something to
the children.
Now listen to this.
This is a warning.
First of all, to the parent.
This is a warning to parents to practice
what they preach.
But it's a warning to children not to
use their parents' disobedience as an excuse for
their own.
Jesus won't allow it.
He said, look, those Pharisees, they're telling you
to do stuff they're not doing.
But you better do it anyways, whether they
do it or not.
You see, children, you cannot use your parents'
flaws and your parents' disobedience or even your
parents' out-and-out rebellion as an excuse
for you rebelling the same way.
It will not wash on the day of
judgment.
You see, the question is always the same.
What has God commanded?
It doesn't matter if the one preaching it
to me is a demon out of the
pit of hell.
If God has commanded it, I need to
do it.
Now, parents must strive to love, teach, and
govern biblically.
Genesis 18-19, He says this, For I
have chosen Him, God is speaking, that He
may command His children.
Now, the word there in Hebrew is command.
If it had been something else, they'd have
translated something else.
Command.
That is so foreign to American culture that
it almost makes bristles stand up on the
back of people.
Command His children.
Not suggest, not plead.
Command.
When parents are seeing their children in disobedience,
and then just hope that somehow God's going
to work it out without the parent making
a stand, that's very dangerous.
You are dropping your responsibility.
God has ordained many things, but He's also
ordained the means through which those many things
are to be done.
Maybe God plans on stopping your children from
destroying their lives by commanding you to command
them.
But again, you just can't walk into a
child's life that you've really had no part
in, except that you provide for them things
that you never had, and you've never taught
them, you've never discipled them, you've never prayed
over them, you've never blessed them, you've never
been their friend, you've never done anything.
And then walk in and start commanding them,
it doesn't work that way.
This is a lifestyle.
Everything has to go together.
But make no mistake, you are called, gentlemen,
to govern your families.
You are God's authority in your family, and
you must assume that role.
Not delegate it to your wife.
Genesis 18-19, I've chosen Him that He
may command His children and His household after
Him to keep the way of the Lord
by doing righteousness and justice.
Do you realize that most moral training in
most homes never occur, and the only time
morality or anything is talked about is after
the child has already done something horrendous?
But the Bible says that my responsibility as
a man is to literally give my life
to my children, to pour myself into them,
to teach them.
Deuteronomy 6, 5-9, You shall love the
Lord God with all your heart and with
all your soul and with all your might.
These words which I am commanding you today
shall be on your heart.
You shall teach them diligently.
Look at that.
You shall teach them diligently to your sons
and shall talk of them when you sit
in your house and when you walk by
the way and when you lie down and
when you rise up.
Do you see what's going on here?
Every aspect of that household is to be
about communicating the Word of God to children.
That's what the whole household...
You know, so many people are worried about
how they're going to decorate their home.
What kind of carpet?
What kind of this?
What kind of that?
You should be worried about where you're going
to put Scripture.
The entire household is to be built around
communicating Scripture, communicating Scripture.
The lifestyle of the father going in and
out, communicating Scripture.
And here's something you need to understand.
I know a lot of men who have
raised some very, very godly children and yet
almost never had a quiet time with their
children.
And the reason why is because their entire
life was Scripture.
I mean, every time they did something with
their child, everything, whether it was the sun
coming up or shooting a turkey, they somehow
used it to communicate Scripture.
Everything.
It was just constantly talking.
You see, one of the things that we
do in America that is so bad is
we departmentalize everything.
You know, here's your quiet time.
Okay, we got that over.
Now let's live.
When the thing about it is is sometimes
my son and I will go out walking
in the woods and there'll be snow on
the ground.
I say, who made the snow?
God made the snow.
And why did He make it?
Well, I don't know.
He made it for His glory.
And He made it so you could slide
on it because He loves you.
Everything.
It is a lifestyle.
One of the things I appreciate about Brother
Knoblet that I've heard since I've been here
this week is constantly, look, you can't put
this in a program and make it happen.
It's a work of the Holy Spirit.
It's a life.
And that's hard.
You can become a Pharisee in about five
minutes.
Just get the right books and fill them
all out.
But the life.
In that church, I want to tell you
something.
You're not going to make it on your
own.
You're only going to make it to the
degree that you come be a part of
a church anywhere.
I don't care where it is.
Not the church of your choice, but a
church that is serious about walking this path
because you're not going to make it on
your own.
I'm not going to make it on my
own.
Every time I turn a corner, a brother's
got to be sharing this stuff with me.
Every time I walk in the house of
God, I need to be nailed with expository
preaching.
That's the way you make it.
Now, he says, Joshua 4, 5, and 7.
I love this passage.
And Joshua said to them, Cross again to
the ark of the Lord your God into
the middle of the Jordan.
Each of you take up a stone on
his shoulder according to the number of the
tribes of the sons of Israel.
Let this be a sign among you so
that when your children ask later, saying, What
do these stones mean?
No, it's not what he says.
He says this, What do these stones mean
to you?
There's a big difference.
Then you shall say to them, Because the
waters of the Jordan were cut off before
the ark of the covenant of the Lord
when it crossed the Jordan.
Now look, here's the thing, Father.
You're saying, Hold on, I thought this was
about courtship.
It has to be about you, Dad, before
it can do anything else.
We're talking about lifestyle.
What do these stones mean to you, Dad?
Dad, what does that cross mean?
The devil could answer your child better than
you could.
He knows exactly what that cross means.
He knows about everything that you could know
about what that cross means.
But that's not the question.
That's not the question here in Joshua.
What does that cross mean to you, Dad?
Dad, what does it mean to you?
Because see, the reason we're here, folks, is
not to be more moral than everybody else.
It's not just because we want to clean
up our lives and avoid problems.
Because I can assure you, you're going to
have just as many problems following the godly
way as any other way.
It's what does that cross mean to us?
What does it mean to us?
Son, the greatest joy in my life that
will ever happen to me is to know
that your heart is totally devoted to the
One who shed His blood on that tree.
That's what it means to me.
And he goes on in Ephesians 6, Fathers,
do not provoke your children to anger, but
bring them up in the discipline and instruction
of the Lord.
You know, I want you to look at
something.
Just as Southern Baptists...
Now some of you who aren't Southern Baptists
can gloat, but you're probably not any better
off than we are.
Just listen to this.
If I were to take how much money
the Southern Baptists spend on Sunday school material,
and how much the Southern Baptists spend on
promoting Sunday school, and how much the Southern
Baptists spend on teaching people to be Sunday
school teachers, and then I put on the
other side how much money the Southern Baptists
spend teaching fathers to obey this command, I
would like to see the difference.
And yet the Bible, even though you can
have a Sunday school of sorts, it'd have
to be very different from what most churches
have, but what you've got to understand is
the Bible never commands you to turn your
child over to someone else so that they
might learn about God.
Never once.
But all over, I mean almost every chapter
in the book of Proverbs, what is it
about?
Teach your children.
Sons, listen to me.
I hear so many people say, you know,
I'm just not in church because I feel
like God's failed me.
Well, how has God failed you?
Well, it says train up a child in
the way that he should go, and when
he's old, he'll not depart from it.
Well, I took my child to Sunday school,
and I took my child to youth group,
and he's just a hellion.
And I said, do you honestly think you
fulfilled that passage by dropping your child off
on a curb?
Is that really what you think it means?
It means you pour your life...
You know, I'm just going to say it.
I'm a hillbilly.
A lot of people just ought to be
neutered.
I honestly don't know why they have children.
I honestly don't know why some people have
children, because they don't do anything with them.
I mean, what?
They're just an inconvenience.
I mean, what on earth's going on here?
What is the purpose?
You have children to the glory of God,
and you pour your life into them.
And I want to tell you something.
Be very, very careful about this.
John MacArthur's very good on this.
I really appreciate what he says.
There are parents today that have children serving
as missionaries in Indonesia, and they think they
were successful Christian parents when in fact they
were failures.
But by the grace of God, He saved
their children.
And there are other parents who've poured their
lives into being biblical parents, and their children
have turned out to be hellions, and people
judge them, and yet they were in fact
the ones who were biblical parents.
Because I want you to know, biblical parenting
comes down to obeying God's commands with your
children.
It does not come down to results.
If you look in the book of Hebrews
chapter 11, some of the men who exercised
the most faith died because of it.
And we're not saved on this earth anyways.
And so what we're talking about here is
seriously taking the Scriptures and saying, okay, the
Bible tells the dad.
It doesn't say parents, even though mothers have
a very important role.
It says dads.
Dads.
Bring them up in the discipline and instruction
of the Lord.
And of course, yes, there will be times
of discipline.
There will be times of specific instruction, maybe
sitting down at a table and things like
that.
But that's just a tiny part of this.
This is talking about the lifestyle of the
father, the attitude of the father, the things
that come out of the father's mouth almost
constantly.
And when that child is looking at dad
on the telephone and looking at dad in
a conversation and everywhere else, and dad is
just all about God and His will.
Now, I want to take a deeper look
for a moment, a deeper look at Ephesians,
just for a moment, the passage in chapter
6.
And I want us to listen to this.
Well, before I do that, let me go
a little bit further.
I'm going to go ahead.
I'm kind of worried about time, but I'm
going to keep going.
In 1 Timothy 3-4, now listen to
this, Father.
Speaking about an elder, okay?
But don't think that...
They apply to every godly man.
The only thing it's saying is an elder
ought to be a godly man.
It's not saying that an elder ought to
have qualifications no one else has.
It says he must be one who manages
his own household well.
Now, the word manage here means to superintend,
preside over, be the protector and guardian.
Spiritual watchdog.
Physical watchdog.
Guardian, protector, governor, superintendent.
I mean, there's a real, real declaration of
authority here.
You know, many times you have to deal
with women who refuse to show any respect
or submission, biblical submission, to their husbands.
And I so often hear people say, you
know, they've stepped outside of God's authority.
They've moved into another realm.
They haven't kept their domain, even as the
angels in Jude did not keep their domain.
And they'll be under the judgment of God.
God gave them a specific place of authority.
They stepped out of it.
And this woman, she doesn't want to submit
to her husband.
She doesn't want to practice biblical submission.
She's done the same thing.
She's in danger of judgment.
But how many fathers and husbands have done
the same thing merely by dropping the ball?
By not exercising their authority.
By not assuming the responsibility as protector, guardian,
superintendent, governor.
It is a God-ordained responsibility.
You can't say, I don't want the job.
If you don't want the job, don't get
married.
Don't have children.
But if you get married, God has ordained
this responsibility for you and you will be
held accountable on the day of judgment for
this very thing.
Possibly above everything else in your life, including
ministry.
Now, I want to talk for a moment
about how parents must be convinced.
Children must be convinced.
Young people, you must be convinced.
And for the most part, you're probably not.
If you're young, I mean, we can relate.
I'm young too.
If you're young, there is without a doubt
foolishness bound up in your heart.
There is.
There's foolishness bound up in your heart.
You're not as wise as you think you
are.
I used to have a principal in high
school that used to say, when you think
you know all the answers, don't be surprised
if someone changes all the questions.
Not only do you not know all the
answers, you don't even know what the questions
are yet.
And I'm not saying that to be smart
-alecky, and I'm not saying that because I
did not pass through the same step.
The thing is, that's what Scripture teaches.
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of
a child.
And the way you are saved from foolishness,
because foolishness in the Bible is not just
acting silly, a harmless, comical thing.
Foolishness brings death.
As much as immorality or anything else, foolishness
results in destruction.
There is foolishness in your heart.
You ought to be afraid of it.
And the only thing God has ordained basically
to save you from that foolishness is the
authority of your parents and the authority of
the elders and godly men and women.
You cannot save yourself from foolishness any more
than a man can pull himself up by
his bootstraps.
Someone has to save you from the foolishness
that's in your heart, and that's why God
has created the family.
Fathers and mothers.
Because God realizes something that people just don't
seem to realize anymore.
This whole system of authority and everything that's
in this world, it's the result of the
fall.
It's necessary.
It is a work of God's common grace
to restrain the foolishness or the evil that's
in the heart of men.
In the same way that a child...
Listen to me.
No one ever had to teach you to
lie.
They have to teach you to tell the
truth.
No one ever had to teach you to
make a fool out of yourself.
You just do that naturally.
They have to show you, no, you don't
act this way in public.
You see, you need supervision.
And the sooner you recognize that, the better
it will be for you.
The marvelous thing is that you have supervision
of people who love you.
All things being normal.
Now, listen to me young person.
The parent's role in your life, your parent's
role in your life is ordained by God.
Okay?
This is God's doing.
And it is the first law governing man's
relationship to Him.
Do you realize that?
You come to the Ten Commandments.
Those first several commands are all about God.
When He starts dealing with men to men,
the first thing there is family.
Parents.
Honor your father and your mother.
Honor them.
And what I want you to see is
this.
Since God has ordained it, your rebellion against
your mother, your rebellion against your father is
a direct rebellion against God.
Now, young people always ask me, well, what
if my dad asked me to build a
nuclear bomb or something?
And I always ask him, well, when was
the last time he did that?
Because that's not really the problem, is it?
It's about whether or not you should wear
that certain type of clothing or whether or
not you're going to take the trash out
before you go to school.
But realize this.
Mark it down.
If you don't learn any other thing, it
is this.
Realize this.
To disobey, to disobey a clear and
common and biblical command of a parent is
to rebel against the very throne of God.
As though you were to crash in to
the throne room of God to seek to
knock Him from the throne and slaughter Him.
It is a vile thing to step outside
of authority.
Now, some of you automatically are thinking, well,
what about when that authority isn't right?
What about when that authority...
Isn't it amazing your mind always works that
way?
Now, there are senses in which authority goes
bad and that's God's built-in other safeguards
if you're in a biblical church where they
shepherd you and they get involved in the
lives of their people.
But isn't it amazing that whenever you're told
to submit to authority, the first thing that
pops up in your mind, well, what if
they tell me to do something that's not
right?
Look how your mind's working.
Always to get out.
Always to get away.
Now, children, in Ephesians 6, 1-3, children,
obey your parents.
Now, I want you to listen to this,
children.
The word obey means to listen to.
Okay?
To hearken to.
And there's a wonderful way in which this
word is used sometimes.
It speaks of one who, on hearing a
knock at the door, comes to listen very
quickly to discover who it is.
It's also a word used to describe the
work of a door porter, a doorman, who
the moment he hears someone knock at the
door, he jumps out of his seat, he
runs to the door, opens it up and
says, yes, how may I help you?
That's the idea there.
It's not just the idea of obedience, but
of a quick response.
A quick response of hearing, of listening.
Now, parents, this is an important thing because
they are commanded to listen.
And parent, whatever comes out of your mouth,
you will be judged for on the day
of judgment.
It better be biblical.
Folks, do you not realize that there is
coming a day when each of us will
stand before the judgment throne of Jesus Christ?
Does that do anything to you?
And that He said for every idle word
that comes out of our mouth, every word
that in some way deviates from the pure,
unadulterated, revealed will of God, every word will
be held accountable for.
They are written in His book.
And if you expect that child to listen...
You know, parent, one of the judgments of
God, disciplines of God against you that your
child doesn't listen to you may be because
when you speak, Scripture never comes out.
This is serious.
You see, I could just keep going and
going and have us all on the floor,
and that's maybe where we belong.
You know, one of the hardest things to
convince a people, and we need the Spirit
of God to do this, is that this
is not a baby's game.
This is not just some little religious add
-on thing.
Moses said, these are not vain words.
It ought to be frightening.
The most frightening thing you could ever do
is sit under a biblical preacher.
That's terrifying.
I always tell people before I preach, here's
the way it is.
This is dangerous for both of us.
If I preach to you something that is
not according to God's Word, I will undergo
greater condemnation as a teacher.
But be happy, if I am a false
prophet, you have nothing to worry about on
the day of judgment.
But if I stand before you and teach
the will of God to you as it's
revealed in Scripture, then the danger is yours.
You see.
Now, he says, so obey your parents, which
means to listen, to hearken to, in the
Lord.
Obey them in the Lord.
I want you to know something.
There should be a real sense in which
you love, revere, and honor your parents.
But what you've got to see is the
bigger picture.
This is not about your relationship with your
parents as much as it is your relationship
with God.
It's to obey your parents in the Lord,
because He has established them as your authority.
Again, so many people ask me, well, what
happens when my parents are not doing right?
Well, let me tell you something.
That is where you still honor them and
you give place to the vengeance of God.
I want to tell you something, young person.
If you get serious about submitting to and
honoring your parents, God will deal with them.
I always tell people this illustration.
You go to Europe and the castles are
beautiful.
I just love castles.
Any time I get a chance to see
a castle, I go see a castle.
And the first floor, the door on the
first floor of the castle is absolutely huge.
But you go to the second floor to
get up to the second floor, often times
the stairwell is about this wide.
And at the top, there's only a door
about this big.
And I asked somebody one time, I said,
you know, here you've got this beautiful castle,
huge door on the first floor.
The second floor, to get up to it,
you've just got to walk single file and
you go through a little cubby hole.
And the man said, well, there's a reason
for it.
When the castle is stormed and all the
people run to the second floor, one man
with a long lance could hold off an
entire army because those soldiers are only going
to get up single file.
And it's like, young person, let's say that
your parent is disobedient, your parent is not
giving wise counsel, but you honor God by
honoring your parent, then what's going to happen?
Well, let's look at what's not going to
happen if you don't do that.
If you fight against your parent, and then
as a Christian youth, you're going, God, why
don't you help me?
Why don't you help me?
And God's going, get out of the way.
Give place to the vengeance of God.
Give place to my working.
Give place to my wrath.
Give place to my discipline.
But as long as you're standing there fighting
when I told you not to, I am
not going to jump over you and fight.
You stand back and give place to me
and I'll deal with the authority that's over
you because they happen to be under me.
Now, he goes on, children, in the Lord,
for this is right.
Literally, this is righteous.
And what is righteousness?
It is conformity to God's law.
Again, obeying parents is not necessarily or finally
or ultimately something between you and your parent,
but something between you and God.
You do it because it's righteous.
It is conformed to divine law.
And then it says, honor your father and
mother.
That means to esteem them as valuable.
Do your parents, do they look in your
eyes and see that you esteem them as
valuable?
Young people, I'm talking to you now.
Would your parents say that my child esteems
me as valuable?
Now, let's just play the devil's advocate on
that for a moment.
And you say, well, my parents don't act
very valuable.
You know, I'm commanded to love my enemies.
We would suppose that if I'm commanded to
love the very person who is burning me
at the stake and to bless those who
curse me and pray for those who persecute
me, that it would not be unreasonable in
light of all those other commands to think
that I ought to honor my father and
mother even if they don't act honorable.
Regardless of what...
I saw this the other day and it
was a total disgrace.
Disgrace for a Democrat or whatever, but it
was a total disgrace the way I saw
some people on a platform treat the President
while he was on the same platform.
And it has little to do with George
Bush.
It has little to do with his politics.
They did not honor his place.
He is President.
And I can say the same thing about
conservatives on Bill Clinton.
There is a real sense that regardless of
the man, God has established authority just like
King David, before he was king, honored Saul.
We know nothing about authority today.
Why?
Because in the 60's, everybody wore t-shirts
that said what?
Question authority.
If it's authority, it's wrong.
The Bible says, honor authority and God will
deal with the authority.
Now, honor your father and mother which is
the first commandment with a promise so that
it may be well with you and that
you may live long on the earth.
This is a reference to a blessed life
without fear of divine judgment.
You want to know what that means?
Very simply, it's just referring to a life
lived out in God's favor without the fear
of divine judgment.
I used to work with street people years
ago, lived with street people for a while,
and one time we just got thinking, how
did all these street people become street people?
I mean, they didn't start off that way.
You know, we did kind of an unofficial
kind of questionnaire and we really put some
time in thinking, but you know what we
discovered?
Every one of them, their life turned for
the worst as they began to disrespect and
dishonor their parents.
It all began with rebellion in the home.
Young person, let me ask you something.
I mean, do you really believe in the
God of the Bible?
I know that sounds like a strange question,
but everyone believes in God, but He looks
more like kind of Santa Claus or an
old grandfather that's kind of not too up
on things that you can so easily deceive.
Do you actually believe in the God of
the Bible who actually tells you that if
you honor the authority He's placed over you,
He will grant you a life without divine
fear, without having to fear judgment?
And that if you live a life of
rebellion against your parents, at this moment, in
this young age of yours, these few years
that you're with your parents and you rebel
against them, that that right there could bring
about the certainty of divine judgment for the
rest of your entire life and on into
eternity?
Do you think that things in this world
just happen?
I think one day, God is going to
pull back the veil on history.
And it is going to be amazing how
much of everything is based on just one
concept of sowing and reaping.
You will reap what you sow.
Your sin will find you out.
There is a payday someday.
I believe that because it's what the Bible
teaches.
God hates rebellion because all rebellion is ultimately
rebellion against His throne.
I want to, just for a second, tonight,
we're going to move into courtship.
And I want to finish this part before
we do.
I have to lay a foundation before we
can get into courtship.
But I want us to look at something.
First of all, young person, listen to me.
It is moving beyond obedience also.
Moving beyond obedience to honor.
In 1 Timothy 3-4, there's a command
to the elders, or requirement of being an
elder.
And it says, He must be one who
manages his own household well, keeping his children
under control.
Well, you know, I don't control my children.
Well, you're supposed to.
Not manipulating, not using worldly, fleshly means, but
sir, you're to govern your home.
Keep your children under control with all dignity.
The child demonstrates reverence, honor, and respect, or
treats the father with dignity.
You see, we talk.
Young people, do not come up and call
me Paul, because I love you too much
to let you get away with it.
I am your elder.
Not only am I an elder, but I
am a man given to preaching.
You don't call me Paul.
Don't walk up to Pastor Noblitt and go,
Jeff.
But at the same time, don't walk up
to your mom and dad and just go,
Mom!
Dad!
You see, we do these things all the
time without any awareness of what's really going
on.
To treat the authority that God has established
in a lackadaisical way is to treat God's
authority in a lackadaisical way.
There should be a sense.
Of course, with our children, we ought to
have a wonderful time of play and everything,
but there ought to be in the back
of that a sense of respect.
This is my dad.
This is my mother.
This is the pastor.
These are the elders.
These are the deacons.
And you say, well, what if they don't?
I don't care if they don't.
God has established it.
Honor God by honoring what He has ordained.
Now, it says that the child is to
demonstrate reverence.
A child is to demonstrate honor and respect.
And listen, fathers, when you listen to this,
you shouldn't be sitting there going, that's right,
but you should be sitting there saying, You
see, you will invest your life learning every
sort of thing, trying to master every sort
of hobby, trying to catch fish, kill deer,
do absolutely everything, make money, build houses, get
new cars, when you should be seeking only
one thing, to be a worthy and honorable
servant of the Most High God.
And that your sons and your daughters might
be able to look at you without remorse
and honor you.
Now, it says this.
I love this.
Leviticus 19.32 You shall rise up before
the gray-headed and honor the aged, and
you shall revere your God.
I believe it was Susanna Wesley who, in
order to train her two boys, she put
them in a room and gave them some
things to play with.
And then during the course of the day,
she walked in and out of that room
150 times to teach them that every time
an adult walks in that room, they stop
talking to one another, stand up, and turn
towards that adult and wait to be spoken
to.
You know, when I was a little boy,
like about 150 years ago, I can remember
my dad, who was an unbeliever, teaching me
that.
None of those things exist anymore.
You say, well, you can carry that too
far.
There you go again, trying to find a
way out of things.
Yes, you can carry things too far, and
you can carry them to the absurd, and
you can carry them to the dangerous, and
you can make things horrid.
I'm not talking about stealing joy from the
face of the earth.
I'm talking about simply, have we lost all
sense of honor?
It's my father.
It's my mother.
You see.
And you shall rise up before the gray
-headed.
Honor.
I'll never forget this young man.
I was sitting in a pew.
And he walked by.
He was like a college student.
He walked by and grabbed me by the
earlobe.
And I couldn't believe it.
I was sitting there in church getting ready.
And I just prayed.
I said, Lord...
And a friend of mine, Darren Rotman, saw
him.
It's the closest I've ever seen Darren to
literally taking someone out and whipping them out
in the church parking lot.
And I'm glad because it protected me from
having to do it.
But Darren...
And this kid, he loved the Lord.
It's just no sense anymore.
There's no sense of respect.
There's no sense of dignity.
There's no sense of honor.
And it's such a beautiful thing to have.
Like I said, and like Scripture says, it's
not a burdensome thing.
It's not a heavy thing.
It's the iniquity that's heavy.
We are to be...
We are not to be an extravagant people.
But we are to be an elegant people.
We're to be a beautiful people.
We're to be a noble people.
We're to be like Christ.
You see, one of your great problems is
that most of your views about Jesus Christ
is based upon 15th century Catholic art that
was painted by homosexuals.
Jesus was something.
And there's a real sense in which we,
even though we recognize our brokenness and our
fallenness, we're to strive, to seek to be.
All that we can be for His glory.
Now I just want to end by looking
at a few divine penalties.
In Jude 1.6 it says, the angels
who did not keep their own domain, and
some translate this to mean keep or stay
within their own position of authority, but abandoned
their proper abode, He is kept in eternal
bonds until darkness for the judgment of the
great day.
They were designated.
Whatever this passage says, one thing it does
say is they had a God-ordained designation,
a place of authority in creation.
They had a place.
God ordained it.
They had a domain, an authority.
God ordained it.
They violated that, and until this day they
have been kept in bonds, waiting the day
of judgment.
Now, young person, you have been given a
place.
One day you will assume a place of
authority when you leave your father and your
mother and go out and join yourself as
a young man to a young woman, then
you will have a place of authority.
Right now you don't have a place of
authority.
Do you understand that?
You have no authority.
No authority has been given unto you.
Do you understand that?
And the reason why no authority has been
given unto you is because God is protecting
you.
You can't do man things until you're a
man.
We're going to talk about that today, a
lot tonight, a lot.
You have not been given authority.
It is given unto you to learn.
It is given unto you to follow.
It is given unto you to grow.
It is not given unto you to lead.
It is not even given unto you to
decide for yourself.
Now, take it.
There are parents who can take that and
twist it into something just perverted, that the
child has no will anymore, the child has
no desires it can express and things like
that.
That's not what the Bible is teaching about.
But what the Bible is teaching is that
there is a reason why authority has been
placed over you and you have been given
none.
Because there is still foolishness bound up in
your heart and there is much to learn.
And if authority were given to you, it
would be like placing a loaded pistol in
the hands of my four-year-old.
And that is why young people are destroying
themselves today.
Because they are being given authority by their
parents that they have not grown to be
able to use.
You see, God does have a way.
And it totally contradicts our culture.
And it totally contradicts most church life.
Now, you want to talk about real discipleship?
Because young person, radically following Jesus Christ means
more than a cross around your neck and
a Christian t-shirt on and contemporary Christian
music in your iPod.
True Christianity is submission to God's Word.
It's submission to God's Word.
Now, I know we haven't hardly got in
on courtship, but here's the thing.
How can we unless these things are laid
down?
Are laid down.
And then today we'll talk about courtship, or
this evening, and what we're going to talk
about is we're going to talk about what
it is.
We're going to talk about the time when
it can begin.
And if you will grasp what I'm going
to teach you tonight about when courtship can
begin, it will change your life.
I promise you that.
Please come back.
And yes, I have hit you hard, and
I intended to.
In the same way a doctor who loves
his patient doesn't fool around with cancer that
kills.
Hits it with everything he's got in his
hand.
This is the Word.
And I would recommend that you would get
the things that Pastor Noblitt has taught.
You would get all the outlines you can.
And just because of the Scriptures I've given
you today, if you will just go over
them and over them and over them, and
allow God to begin forming these things in
your life.
Let's pray.