Well, again, it's a tremendous privilege for me
to be here.
And I have a great burden on my
heart, and that I so want the truth
that I'm going to be sharing.
Sometimes I just want to grab people, and
I just want to tell them, do you
think I'm doing this for a living?
Do you think I'm reciting poetry?
Do you think these are just good things
to hear?
And they're not.
It's a matter of life and death.
A matter of life, a matter of death.
These are not vain things, Moses told the
people.
This is your life.
Man does not live by bread alone, but
by every word that proceedeth forth out of
the mouth of God.
Also, I want to make it clear to
you that I speak to you as a
man who is learning, and not as a
man who has arrived.
I have a four-year-old, and I
have a two-year-old.
My heart is in this, because I know
that I have just a few short years
with these boys.
I also know how far I am from
the mark.
I also know how much I need the
scriptures.
I study the scriptures, it's what I do,
it's my job.
And yet every day I'm increasingly more aware,
with regard to family, how little I know,
how pagan I am, how truly different.
I feel as though God is calling me
on a journey.
And I feel that he's calling many of
us on a journey to leave behind the
city of destruction, and to go forth following
him to greater things.
Things that the mind at this moment can't
even comprehend, and the eye has not seen,
the ear has not heard.
Things of the way family ought to be,
the way marriage ought to be, the way
children ought to be raised.
And so I'm not someone who's been there,
done that, and got the t-shirt.
I'm someone that's headed, hopefully, in the right
direction.
Someone asked me one time, well, how can
you teach on children, having not raised children
to adulthood?
And I said, well, I've never been crucified
either, and I teach on the cross.
For so many years, our denomination and our
lives have been run by people's experiences.
Well, it's not people's experiences, it's thus saith
the word of God.
Paul the Apostle, who wrote many of these
things, never had children.
It comes from the spirit of God, and
the word of God, and grappling with what
God has said, and applying it in a
balanced, biblical way in our lives.
But it is serious, it is a serious
matter.
Do you realize that there are people here
that within 25 years will be in hell?
And there are people here that within 25
years will be in glory, looking at the
face of God.
I can't think of anything more important than
the truth.
An old preacher told me one time, he
said, you can walk a thousand miles that
way, and a thousand miles that way, and
be in falsehood.
But to walk in the truth is to
walk on the edge of a razor blade,
and it is hard work.
It's a very narrow path.
Now, I spoke primarily today about the responsibility
of parents, and the responsibility of children to
hearken, to obey, to submit, to honor their
parents, and how that is a divine ordination.
It is something that God has done, and
God has commanded.
To obey your parents is to obey God.
Not to obey your parents is to rebel
against the throne of God.
That there is authority that he has placed,
and we are to obey that authority.
Tonight I want to talk primarily about the
difference between recreational dating, which most of us
have done, and the biblical alternative, which is
courtship.
Let me just read something I have written
here.
The practice of recreational dating.
Now, what do I mean by that?
That's when young people go out with someone
for fun.
They have no intention whatsoever of marriage.
As a matter of fact, if you were
to walk up to them and say, well,
I see that both of you are out
on a date.
They would laugh.
I mean, they would think it was a
joke.
We have no intention whatsoever of marrying.
It's recreational dating.
Getting intimately involved with a person of the
opposite sex simply for the fun of it.
The practice of recreational dating is so far
removed from Scripture that it's not even addressed.
It is a recent phenomenon that is not
only not found in Scripture, but is hardly
found in the annals of human history.
Do you realize that?
In the Western culture, and just in the
last few decades in the Western culture, do
we have the phenomenon of dating?
And I might add that in the Western
culture and only in the last few decades
have we seen such the rampant destruction of
family.
The rampant increase of immorality.
Pregnancy out of wedlock.
All sorts of vices and ills and sexually
transmitted diseases.
All the things that springs forth from having
fun in relationships with people of the opposite
sex.
And taking what is one of the most,
if not the most, sacred things given to
man and turning it in to a playground.
A frolic.
A six flags.
Now, why do people do this?
Well, we are in a godless and lawless
culture that is motivated by ignorance and flesh
rather than by Scripture and the Spirit of
God.
That is true.
It is true.
We are not a Christian culture, and even
if you're in the Bible Belt, the Bible
Belt is not a Christian culture.
It is a twisted, superstitious culture that claims
to lean towards Scripture.
But it is just as much practically atheistic
as the North.
Because it doesn't matter what you say about
God or the Bible.
In your daily, everyday activity, is there the
reality of truth?
Of truth.
A good old boy, Christianity, is just as
deadly as a Yankee atheism.
Now, why do people date with no intention
to marry?
One is to satisfy the lust of the
flesh.
Simply to satisfy the lust of the flesh.
Ask a young person who is 16 years
old, why are you going out on a
date?
It is to satisfy the lust of the
flesh.
Now, that might be for gross immorality, or
it may simply be for entertainment.
But never forget, this is the country that
on our tombstone it will be written, they
entertained themselves to death.
Entertainment.
You do not use other individuals as a
source of entertainment.
You do not use a sacred relationship as
a source of entertainment.
Also, sometimes dating comes about to satisfy heartfelt
passions that may even be biblical, but to
satisfy those heartfelt passions without having to step
across and make a commitment.
Another reason is a consumer mentality.
To test drive several models before you make
a purchase.
A consumer mentality.
You've got to kiss a lot of frogs
before you find your prince.
The only problem in this day and age,
all those other frogs you kiss may leave
you with many, many scars.
A consumer mentality.
And there are probably people here who have
counseled their own children, well, you know, you've
got to look around.
You've got to test the waters.
Never make any mistake about it, you're speaking
the words of the devil.
We teach our children to live and learn.
God told Adam and Eve to learn and
live.
That you don't have to experience evil, and
you don't have to experience relationships with other
people in order to have a viable relationship
with the person you finally settle with.
But I think one of the greatest reasons
among the true people of God for dating
is just the ignorance of Scripture.
And it goes back to my people are
destroyed for a lack of knowledge.
My people are destroyed.
A man who disciples me has told me
so many times one thing.
Paul, the truth is the only thing we
have.
We have nothing else to save us but
the truth.
Nothing else.
Now, I'm going to begin with the time
for courtship.
And if you can grasp a hold of
this one truth, it'll save you so much
harm.
And some of the things I'm going to
say are going to anger you, particularly the
young men here are going to maybe be
quite angry.
But I just want you to think about
things.
First of all, when young people are awakened
to the opposite sex, it is not a
sign to begin to participate because that's basically
what the world teaches or at least what
the world allows.
When a young girl is awakened to the
fact that there are boys or a boy
is awakened to the fact that there are
girls, we seem to think that it is
then okay for them to begin to participate.
And what you don't realize is that when
someone is awakened to the fact that there
is the opposite sex out there, it is
a sign from God not to participate but
to prepare, to spend the next several years
growing to be either a man or a
woman of God, not to participate, but to
prepare.
Another thing, parents, I want to tell you
something.
You listen to me, it's true.
All of these lies that try to convince
you that you are not to protect the
innocence of your child.
How many times do I hear that?
No, you know, you don't want your child
just to be an innocent idiot out there
and not know what's going on, it's dangerous.
That's not what the Bible teaches.
The Bible teaches just the opposite.
To guard the heart of your child for
it's the very wellspring of life.
It is my obligation as I shared this
morning, even from the Greek text we understand,
that I am to be a guardian of
my children.
I don't want to be rude, but I
want to tell you something.
Anybody walks up to my four year old,
or walks up to my nine year old,
or walks up to my twelve year old
and says, well you're a fine looking young
man, do you have a girlfriend?
Sir, I am going to grab you and
I'm going to take you down the hall
and I'm going to make sure you never
say a thing like that again to my
child.
My child is to think about Tonka trucks
and hunting and tree forts.
It is my job to protect his heart.
I see little girls sending love letters and
things.
They're six and seven years old and their
parents are helping them write the things.
It's disgusting.
It's wrong.
Do not awaken love before it's time.
There is a beautiful time that is coming,
when my children will be awakened to the
fact that there is love and there is
the opposite sex and that is a wonderful,
beautiful thing.
But it is not to be awakened until
it's time.
There's a time for childhood.
There is a time for innocence.
There is a time for them to play
without ever thinking about these things.
Because if they begin to think about these
things too early, spiritually and emotionally and everything
else, they're not developed and the only thing
it's going to do is run them down
a ragged road.
Also, in all the things that they ought
to be thinking about as children, that will
be stolen away from them, their childhood.
They will be violated and no longer able
to think about the things that children ought
to think about.
Oh, we ought to protect our children.
We ought to protect them.
It's a lie that tells you any other
thing.
It is not cute.
It is not.
Sometimes I go into people's houses and I
see a very prominent photograph of two little
children.
They look to be about five or six
years old and they're in a lip lock,
kissing.
Well, look, it's so cute.
No, it's not.
It's a violation of innocence is what it
is.
There's a time for things.
But let me tell you something.
You know, this is true.
Sex is a gift from God, but sex
can become one of the most perverted, filthy
things if it is out of time and
not in the proper place.
Do you see that?
Everything God has given us is good, but
we have this phenomenal capacity to twist it
into something horrid.
Men, rise up, protect your children.
Rise up and protect them.
Because the greatest problem for your children and
their innocence is not someone coming from outside
your home, but the thing that's found in
your home, which preaches more than any pastor
could ever preach, which is your television.
Protect the innocence of your child and do
not allow love to be awakened until it's
time.
Now, we go on.
I want to speak to you this evening
about the lie of adolescence.
When young people, well, adolescence is usually defined
as the stage between childhood and adulthood when
a young person is discovering his or her
identity and asserting his or her independence.
But you need to understand that adolescence is
nothing more than an invention of false evolutionary
thinking.
That's all it is.
It has not existed in our history.
It has not existed in our prior culture.
It has not existed in other places outside
of the West.
It is a fable that has done more
to destroy maturity in young people than any
other thing.
Let me give you an example.
As a result of adolescence, here's what we
have.
A youth passes to adolescence where he or
she is allowed to participate in the privileges
of adulthood without being required to assume the
responsibility of adulthood.
Now, let me put it this way.
Now, I don't want you to raise your
hand.
I'm going to talk to all the young
men in here, 18 years and down.
Now, don't raise your hand, but I just
want you to answer this in your own
heart.
How many of you would be bold enough
to raise your hand and say, You are
a man.
You are a man.
Now, let me ask you this question.
How many of you would like for me
to refer to you as a boy?
A boy.
A little boy.
I doubt if there's very many young men
who would stand up in the presence of
their own father.
The people know him, know them.
I doubt there'd be very many who would
stand up and say, Yes, I am a
man.
I meet the requirements of a man.
And I'm also very sure that there are
very few young men here who would like
being called a boy.
But you see, when you remove adolescence, you
only have two options.
You're either a man or you're a boy.
When adolescence is brought into play, what do
you have?
I'm not a boy, but I don't have
to be a man.
And basically, I'm given all the privileges of
manhood without having to assume the responsibility of
manhood.
This is one of the greatest problems in
our culture.
You go to the Aguaduna tribe in South
America, of course, it's quite different.
Rule, agricultural.
You go to the Aguaduna tribe, it is
not uncommon for a young man to marry
when he's 14 years old because he's already
built his house.
He knows how to plow a field.
And if there is a tribal war, he
knows how to pick up a lance and
go stand on the front line.
You go back to the colonial period of
our own country, you see basically the same
thing.
But with the advent of adolescence, what we
have is a young boy at the age
of 12 or so becomes adolescence and remains
in that adolescent state until he's 35 years
old.
This is very important when we get to
the rest of our teaching, very important.
Now, the dangers of adolescence is the immature
youth is allowed to participate in activities that
require adult maturity in order to avoid serious
harm.
Probably the only hobby I have is archery.
I love archery.
I love to make bows and things like
that.
As soon as I knew Chato was pregnant,
I was ready to go out and buy
my son a bow.
And he's had two or three bows already
and he's been shooting for about two years
with me.
And he's four years old.
Now, when I get ready to go hunting,
I use a double bladed broadhead.
It has to be very, very sharp because
my equipment's traditional and the arrow doesn't fly
that fast.
It has to be extremely sharp.
And we use what's called a broadhead wrench
because you do not want to touch that
broadhead, even if you're a man.
I mean, it can cut you.
When my little boy goes out shooting with
me, he uses very dull field points.
They're rounded.
They have no blade whatsoever.
It would be a grotesque immorality for me
to allow my little four year old boy
to handle broadheads that are even dangerous for
me.
He is going to use field points.
He will continue using field points until he
comes to the point where I see he
has the maturity and the strength and the
wisdom to handle a broadhead.
Then he can get a hold of one
and he can put one on.
After his father has painstakingly taught him many,
many times how to do it.
Let me ask you, what's more dangerous?
A little boy in a broadhead or a
little boy entering into an intimate emotional relationship
with a little girl where sexual activity will
occur?
You see, we're letting children play with things
that are dangerous even for adults.
Now, also, because of adolescence, there is little
or no motivation for the youth to mature
to adulthood.
There's almost no motivation.
You hear stories, just read classical literature, just
look back in your own culture.
What do you see?
You see these stories of little boys who
are constantly wanting to go out with the
hunters, are constantly wanting to go to war,
are constantly wanting to go out and work
in the fields.
They want to be included with the men.
They want to become men because they know
that adulthood and manhood opens the door to
many, many privileges they cannot experience until they
become a man.
But now that's no longer required.
They can remain as boys.
And yet we ignorantly open the door to
all the privileges.
It's extremely, extremely dangerous.
When that love is awakened in the heart
of a little boy, the heart of a
girl about the opposite sex, the idea that,
wow, that's something marvelous.
It ought to be set before them that,
yes, it is a wonderful thing.
But there is no participation in such a
thing until someone arrives to adulthood, manhood, womanhood.
And therefore, the next several years will be
years of careful preparation so that they can
dance in the dance without harm.
And it motivates a young man to want
to do something other than play video games
and watch SpongeBob.
If there is any young man that's in
the area of 13, 14 years old, if
I have anything to do with him, I
sit him across the table.
I've done this a couple of times at
my church back home.
I sit him across the table and I
say, listen to me, you're 14 years old.
I will not treat you like a boy
and I expect you not to act like
a boy.
And guess what?
They rise to the occasion.
Young boys want to be men.
Tell them that they must be.
Now, the when of courtship.
When?
When can you, young man?
When can you, young woman, begin thinking about
participating in a relationship with the opposite sex?
The biblical principle is simple and challenging.
One may pursue a relationship with the opposite
sex only after one has embraced adulthood and
its responsibilities.
That would put an end to a whole
lot of stuff going on, wouldn't it?
Think about that.
Genesis 2, 24.
For this reason, a man shall leave his
father and his mother and be joined to
his wife and they shall become one flesh.
A young man may pursue a relationship with
a young woman only when he is willing
and able to separate from father and mother
and stand independently.
Spiritually, that he walks with God.
Morally, he's developed a godly character.
And materially, he is able to provide for
self and family.
You should not be thinking about having a
relationship with the opposite sex while dad is
still paying for your car insurance.
You see, you must be a man.
That would put an end to how many
struggles.
You allow a 14-year-old girl go
out in a relationship with a 14-year
-old guy and then you bang your head
and wonder at why there are problems.
It's like putting a stick of dynamite in
the hands of a babe.
Now, I'm always asked this question.
Well, Brother Paul, what about, you know, we
go off to college now.
We have to go to college and it's
very hard, you know.
I mean, sometimes you need help from your
parents and things like that.
Are you saying that, you know, even to
your college years, you can forget about a
relationship with the opposite sex until you get
out of college and you get a job?
Well, I will tell you this.
Until you arrive at a point in college
where you demonstrate the right road to adulthood
and independence and walking in a godly way
and assuming responsibility like a man, the answer
is yes.
I'm telling you, you can't get involved in
anything.
I'm telling you that I am sorry if
someone has to tell you that you can't
have your cake and eat it too.
If you're going to remain a boy, you
must only be allowed to do the things
a boy does.
And if you want to do the things
that belong to a man, you must begin
now, young man, to become a man.
It should be the hope of every father
to have his son was into manhood at
18.
I see nothing wrong with a young man
marrying at the age of 18 if he
is a man.
And I see everything wrong with some men
marrying at the age of 35 because they're
still boys.
People always ask me, what's the problem with
the world today in this area?
And when I begin to explain to them,
they say that's too hard.
Who can listen to it?
But it's true.
It's true.
And it's so exciting.
There are some families here that know exactly
what I'm talking about.
It is so excited when you see a
13 year old boy who talks about and
thinks about being a man.
And to watch that young boy start imitating
men, start trying to walk like a man
and talk like a man and do the
things.
It is so exciting.
But if we allow them to participate in
all these things without demanding that they assume
the responsibility, we are going to continue in
this travesty that we now know.
Now, principles of courtship, principles of courtship.
Well, let me say something before we get
there, because I've been talking primarily about young
men.
Let me say something about young women.
I've asked the young men, are you a
man?
I asked the young women, are you women?
Are you women?
There is such an honor.
There is such an honor in becoming a
virtuous woman of God.
And I will not stand in agreement with
the feminists and all the other rabble who
try to literally...
Do you know that most women who teach
on these things, the feminists and everything, they
just hate women.
They don't love women.
They hate women and want to be like
men.
But the fact of the matter is, you
were born to be a woman, a godly
woman.
And to take comfort and to take joy
and to find glory in the full manifestations
of womanhood.
And when you are awakened to love, it
is to set yourself by the side of
your mother, by the side of godly women
in the church, and to discover what it
means to be a woman.
The strength of it, the femininity of it,
the nobility of it, everything about being a
woman.
Do you realize that because we allow our
little girls to get involved at 14, 13,
the number just keeps decreasing.
We allow them to get involved in relationships.
And what are we doing?
We keep them from ever learning the tools
of womanhood.
It could be so beautiful.
It doesn't have to be so dark.
Turn to the scriptures.
We go on.
The principles of courtship.
I just want to give you a few,
several sound principles of courtship that are often
practiced by people who've had a measure of
success in this area.
First of all, when a young man, and
we'll start there, has grown to a fine
man, grown to a fine man.
Or is clearly on his way to being
a fine man so that his father can
validate him.
Or if his father drops the ball, the
elders of the church or the godly men
in the church can validate him as someone
on their way.
First of all, relationships between the opposite sex
are always initiated by the man in scripture.
They are initiated by the man.
And I have found that women and girls
have become so bold and brazen, shameless in
this area.
But in the scriptures, and it's not a
cultural thing, it's a biblical thing.
The relationship is always initiated by the young
man.
It says for this reason, a man shall
leave his father and mother.
It does not say for this reason, a
woman shall leave her father or her mother.
But a man, not a boy, a man
shall leave her father and mother.
Furthermore, in the scripture, every time a woman
in scripture pursues a man, she's considered immoral.
Every time.
You say, well, this totally goes against our
culture.
Wouldn't you expect it to?
If our culture is God hating and truth
hating, wouldn't you expect it to?
And women, look at this.
The feminist will tell you that you ought
to have the privilege of this.
Do you realize, why would you want to
have to assume the task of the man?
You're the queen sitting there on a throne.
He's the one who has to come crawling
to you.
He's the one who has to seek you
out, find you.
Why do you want to be running around
the streets doing the same thing?
There's a nobility in this.
But the enemies of scripture would seek to
take something like this and twist it and
convince you.
It's treating women as something of a lesser
quality.
No, it's treating women as something of more
noble quality.
Now, let's say that a young man is
beginning to is attracted to someone.
Begins to start thinking about someone as possibly
a partner for life.
The first thing he should do is prayerfully
evaluate his own motives as to why he
is attracted to a certain young lady.
Lamentations 340 says, let's let us examine and
probe our ways and let us return to
the Lord.
Now, this is very important.
Most people put a lot of emphasis on
let us examine and probe our ways.
But one of the most important things said
here, and let us return to the Lord.
You see, whenever you're attracted to something and
it begins to be something you think about.
Oftentimes, is it not true, it begins to
consume your thoughts.
You begin looking at a young lady, you
begin thinking about a young lady, pretty soon
what happens?
It begins to consume your thoughts.
And I can assure you that if anything
other than Jesus Christ consumes your thoughts, you've
walked away from the Lord.
And so what it's saying is when you
are attracted to a certain young lady and
you begin to think of her as a
possible wife.
And she begins to consume your thoughts.
What do you need to do?
You need to step back and you need
to obey the scripture.
Let me examine and probe my ways.
And let me return to the Lord.
As a matter of fact, one of the
ways in which you will know whether or
not this person is the person that God
has for you is this.
They will promote your spiritual walk, not take
away from it.
Here are some very important questions that I
always ask young men.
Number one, are you attracted to her biblical
beauty or are you attracted to her sensuality?
Sensuality proceeds from a wicked heart in Mark
7, 21 through 23.
For from within, out of the heart of
men proceed the evil thoughts, fornication, thefts, murders,
adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well
as deceit, sensuality, evil, slander, pride and foolishness.
Also, sensuality is a deed of the flesh
in Galatians 5, 19.
Now, the deeds of the flesh are evident,
which are immorality, impurity, sensuality.
A woman can probably properly be called beautiful.
A woman can properly be called elegant.
But a woman who is sensual has an
evil heart.
Has an evil heart.
I know personally, my wife and I have
discussed this a lot because she talks to
young women and things.
I know many, many women who, when you
look at them, you would think to yourself,
what a beautiful, elegant lady.
And honestly, as a man of God, that's
all you would think.
A beautiful, elegant, refined.
And there are other women, young men, that
do not carry half the physical beauty that
if you're a man of God, you look
up and the moment you see them walking
into the church, you have to put your
head down because of the sensuality coming out
of their heart.
Now, folks, this is truth.
This is just raw bone the way it
is.
Young men, you run from sensuality.
You run from sensuality.
Because sensuality is just a public advertisement for
the condition of the heart.
You run from it.
And young women run from sensuality.
Run from sensuality found in young men because
it's there, too.
If anyone dresses or acts in any way
so as to promote the frame of their
body, it's sensuality.
It is.
Beauty, yes, we should be a beautiful people.
The Proverbs 31 woman, all indication is that
she had a royal nobility to her.
Beauty in Scripture, many of the patriarch's wives
were considered beautiful and it was considered a
virtue even.
But sensuality, if you're attracted to that young
man, it's also an indication of your own
heart.
And you're biting on a fruit that is
forbidden to you and will end up turning
to gravel in your gut.
Now, also, I said, now, are you attracted
to her because of her biblical beauty or
her sensuality?
Secondly, are you attracted to her virtue or
are you attracted to her personality?
Even good personalities can be misleading.
You say very misleading.
You're not looking for personality.
You are looking for virtue, for virtue.
The Bible says in Proverbs 31 10, who
can find a virtuous woman for her price
is far above Ruby's virtue.
As the years go by, young men, I
want to tell you something.
Listen to me carefully.
It will not be the physical that will
endear you to your wife.
It will be virtue.
When you see, if indeed Christ dwells in
your heart, young man, then you will be
attracted to the Christ that is manifested in
her life.
Now, am I attracted to biblical beauty or
sensuality?
Am I attracted to virtue or personality?
Now, on we go.
When a young man is attracted to a
certain young girl, what should he do?
Well, after examining his own heart, he should
go to the authorities that are over him.
And that main authority over him would be
his father, his father.
Now, the young man should seek out godly
counsel from the biblical authorities that are over
him first, starting with his father.
Proverbs 4 1, hear, O sons, the instruction
of a father, and give attention that you
may gain understanding.
Now, for you fathers, there's a word here.
When he comes to you, will you be
able to open up your mouth and pour
forth scripture?
Do you have a discerning heart, trained by
years of being in the scriptures?
It's a sword that cuts both ways.
The father, go to the father.
If the father has dropped the ball, if
he is an unbeliever and does not care,
still you should honor your father and you
should go to him.
But if he basically just gives you a
license to do whatever you want, do not
take that as a word from God.
Go to the next in line.
Go to the elders of your church.
Go to the men of God in the
church.
Because the Bible says in 1 Peter 5
5, You younger men likewise be subject to
your elders.
And all of you clothe yourselves with humility
toward one another.
Go to your elders and put this before
them.
And if the elders drop the ball, find
yourself another church.
You need that authority in your life.
Find a godly man.
If every authority that has been ordained by
God has been dropped, then do it.
Find yourself a man who you can see
loves his children.
And go to him.
Ask his help.
And if the spirit of God abides upon
him, he will help you.
And the first thing that will probably come
out of his mouth is, I do not
know you well enough, young man, to help
you.
So abide with us for a while.
Let's wait upon the Lord together.
Allow me to help you.
But if you're looking for a quick answer,
then you weren't looking for counseling in the
first place.
Because most people that go for counseling, they're
not looking for counseling.
They just want the preacher to affirm what
they've already decided to do.
And if he doesn't affirm it, they'll just
go find another preacher who will.
And they're out there.
But let's say in a perfect case scenario,
you go to your father.
And your father says, son, you know, all
these years we've been in scripture together.
We've walked together.
I still think that you lack the necessary
things to be walking in this direction.
And I would ask you as your father
to wait.
Young man, you only have one correct biblical
response.
And that's wait.
Honor your father and wait.
But put it before your father.
Father, what am I lacking?
Help me.
I want to be the man.
And father, help him.
You are not a father because you put
a roof over his head.
The government can do that.
You are not a father because you buy
him all the things that you never had.
You are a father because you raise him
to manhood.
But let's say that the father looks at
the boy and says, son, you've grown to
be a fine man.
I'd jump in a foxhole with you.
You've grown to be a fine man.
Then what should happen from there?
Well, there's some things that should go on.
First of all, the father should sit down
and if he knows the girl, if he
knows the girl, if the father is aware
of who she is, he ought to pray
much and think about this.
Because the father may know the girl well
enough to know that she is not ready.
That she is not ready.
And young person, listen to me.
When someone comes into my office and they
say that they want to be married, and
I tell them that it is not the
will of God, at least where I can
see it, their life, and I'm not saying
that I've prayed and not had a vision
about it.
What I'm saying is, I've simply listened to
them, compared what they've said to Scripture, and
it doesn't add up.
I'm not talking about something mystical.
I'm not talking about becoming the prophet over
other people's lives.
I'm just telling you that as a man
of God, some young man comes in, says
they want to get married, and I take
his life and compare it to what the
Scriptures say about adulthood, and he isn't even
close, I cannot tell him with all the
authority of Scripture, it's not God's will.
But I don't mean it's never God's will.
I mean it's not God's will at this
moment.
That's something, young man, young woman, that would
greatly help you.
Just because it is not God's will at
this moment, doesn't mean it's not God's will.
It was not God's will for Moses to
deliver his people as a prince of Egypt,
or through his own might and by the
strong arm of his flesh, but it was
God's will for him to deliver Israel from
Egypt.
It was just 40 years later.
And one of the greatest tests of true
Christian discipleship is the ability to submit to
authority, number one, and number two, the ability
to wait upon God.
To wait upon God.
But let's say that all things considered, she
seems to be a very godly young woman,
he's a very godly young man, then what
should happen?
Well, I'll tell you what should not happen.
If that young man sends his best friend
to go talk to her best friend, he
is not a man.
He is a coward to the nth degree.
Some of you guys are laughing because you've
done that very thing.
That's pitiful.
I mean pitiful.
I ought to wrap you in diapers and
leave you out there in that snowstorm.
But then again, we've all done it.
We've all done it.
But it doesn't make it right.
Everybody in hell is going to say we
all did it.
But it doesn't matter how many people are
in there, it's still not going to make
it right.
One of the things of being a man
is to be able to stand your ground
and accept rejection, accept humiliation.
It's part of being a man.
To go ahead and lay your cards on
the table knowing that they could be wiped
away.
Another thing you don't do, young man, is
you do not walk up to that girl.
You do not walk up to that girl
and ask her.
You have no right.
In the same way, young man, that you
are to honor your father and your mother,
you are to honor her father and her
mother.
Let me give you an illustration.
Let's say it's October 1st in Illinois.
That is a very holy day in Illinois.
It's the beginning of bow season.
And so my wife has already had enough
of me, so I'm sitting outside in the
frost at three in the morning because she's
already kicked me out of the house.
And I'm sitting there and I can't wait
until it gets even close to daylight because
I'm going straight up a tree.
I've been looking forward to this ever since
the season was over, the 18th of January.
There are only two seasons, hunting season and
waiting for hunting season.
Can I get an amen, David Young?
And it's just about time.
I'm standing there and it's light enough so
the game warden isn't going to get me.
And I go over there and get in
that old truck of mine and it's gone.
It's gone.
Now that truck doesn't mean anything to me,
but I'm not going to get to where
I need to go to make blood be
spilt on the field because that truck is
gone.
And I'm pacing around until 10.30 in
the morning.
I am so fuming.
My wife has boarded up all the windows.
No one's going outside.
I'm so angry.
And all of a sudden you, 16 year
old, snotty nose you, come pulling up in
my truck.
And you jump out.
You throw me the key.
You say, Thank you, Mr. Washer.
Good time in your truck.
I got a place behind the barn where
I bury people like you.
And I don't kill them first.
I let the ground handle that.
Would you do that?
You might do it, but you'd only do
it once.
I don't think you would do that.
Then how dare you do the same thing
with my daughter?
The most precious person in the world, my
wife, risked her life to bring that girl
into the world.
I've worked very, very hard to put clothing
on her back, food in front of her,
a house over her head.
I have been with her at nights when
she was terrified because of the storm.
When her little heart was broken into a
million pieces.
I've been there.
You were nowhere.
Who do you think you are?
I'll never forget one time, two young ladies
in our church, their grandparents, who are very
godly, their grandfather died and I went to
the funeral.
And the girls came out.
They came out of the church and they
were weeping, of course, understandably fine young girls.
And all the young youth guys were standing
there like this.
You know, kind of just standing around all
of them.
Like this.
And they saw the young girls coming out
weeping.
Of course, the girls' friends were weeping.
And they all kind of stuck their chest
out there and walked over there and they
put their arm around the girls and were
trying to comfort them and everything.
When those girls walked away, I walked over
there and I said, you ever do that
again, I'll rip off your arm and beat
you with the bloody end of it.
And they said, what?
I said, who do you think you are?
God has not ordained that comfort come from
you, young man.
As a matter of fact, you're not giving
comfort, you're receiving something.
You're taking something.
It's not your place.
You see, to some of you, I am
saying things that are so radical you think
I'm out of my mind, but if you'll
sit down and think about it for a
while, it is not the place of that
young man to come over there and put
his arm around a girl that he has
nothing to do with, no commitment to, nothing.
It is not his place.
It is the place of her father and
her father's father.
It is the place of her brother who
ought to beat the living daylights out of
you if you ever try that again.
But it is not your place.
It simply is not.
You can walk up and say you are
praying for that person, but that is not
your place.
That young lady is under the watch care
and the authority of her father.
You extend your arm and touch her.
You've touched him and you've dishonored him.
You say, well, this is absolutely...
well, then go back to the way you've
been practicing and get the same results you've
been getting.
Or learn that this is true.
And even secular, unbelieving people knew this 70
years ago.
It is not your place.
You honor her not by going over there
and wrapping your arm around her.
You honor her by abstaining from doing that.
Because she is something very, very valuable and
especially something very, very valuable to another man.
And that man is not you.
That is her father.
And so what does the young man do
when he thinks that he has attracted this
person, his father?
And maybe even he's gone to his elders
because his father wanted him to and he's
spoken with them.
Maybe he's gone to other godly Christians and
they have done the same thing.
And it seems to be affirmed that he
should go.
What should he do?
He should go to her father.
Now, let me tell you something, young man.
When you go to her father, don't walk
up there and say, you know, I've been
looking at your daughter and she is fine.
Just a little hint.
I just kind of want to fill you
in there.
You need to say something like this.
I have been praying about your daughter and
she is a very virtuous woman.
But you walk up to him and you
say, sir, I want to speak with you.
Now, here's the problem again.
Many fathers would think you were out of
your mind.
Even men who attend church regularly would think
you were out of your mind.
They wouldn't even understand.
And maybe if that's the case and it
is a church going man, you could call
on your father for a second visit to
accompany you and maybe your father could explain
to this man what it means to be
a father.
But you go to him and you honor
him.
And if he drops the ball and doesn't
care, if he just says, what do you
mean?
Do whatever she wants.
Then go to her elders.
Again, go down that line of authority.
Go as far as you can to honor
God and to honor her.
Even if her parents drop the ball, go
ahead and do everything in your power to
honor her.
But let's say that the father is a
godly man and he is aware of these
things.
Then you go to him.
Now, fathers, let me share some things with
you.
Some things that are extremely, extremely important.
That father, immediately, can take one look at
you and can deny you any privilege to
have anything to do with his daughter.
And he doesn't have to ask his daughter.
He can take one look at you and
he can say no.
And there are passages that back that up
in Exodus 22, 16, and 17, Numbers 30,
verses 3 and 5.
Cases where a young woman has made a
vow and the father can come and just
put an end to that vow, just like
that.
Or because of something that's happened, a young
man asked to marry a young lady and
the Scriptures say that the father just simply
says no.
He has that right.
And young man, if he does do that
without any explanation, the most godly, biblical thing
you can do, the most God-honoring thing
you can do is say, thank you, sir.
Although I would ask him after saying, thank
you, sir, I would say, sir, would you
please pray about it and could I come
back and ask you in a few months?
But no more.
No more.
I was 30 years old when I wanted
to marry my wife.
Her father is an unbeliever.
He lived thousands of miles away.
He did not want me to marry her
because he did not want her to be
a missionary.
He said no.
We honored his no.
And a few months later, I don't know
how long it was, four or six months
later, he said, Marian.
I mean, no one could believe.
The grandparents, the father, the mother, no one
could believe.
Even people who should have known better were
telling us, what are you doing?
Marry her.
No.
I love her too much to marry her.
And I can remember going there.
I was a single missionary and I can
remember going up to the third floor and
crying out to God and I can remember
God impressing upon my heart because the relationship
I have with Him happens to be supernatural,
impressing upon my heart, Son, I will fight
for you.
I will fight for you.
I remember having such a time of praise
and worship because God was going to fight
for me.
He's never lost a battle.
If God's in it, young man, a king
can't keep you away from her.
You talk about a radical Christianity.
My radical Christianity says I can swing out
into eternity on a scarlet thread and be
as safe as a baby in a cradle.
The providence of God.
If it is God's will for you to
marry her, you will marry her.
If He has to take out half the
world, you will marry her if it's His
will.
You don't have to worry about that.
It is such a wonderful thing to have
a sovereign God.
He can turn the heart of a father.
He can do anything He wants.
So if the father says no, then bless
the Lord, because maybe through the father's authority,
God has kept you from entering into a
relationship you should not have been in, but
you didn't have the sense to know it.
Or maybe His no is going to give
you the opportunity to see the glory of
God in turning His heart.
if the father approves, if you see this
young man coming and you're like, oh yeah,
this is good.
He is a godly young man.
Everything else.
Father, you do not look at him and
say, man, you have my blessing.
Go for it.
You don't say that.
Why?
Because although you do have the scriptural authority
to say no to him, you do not
have the scriptural authority to put your daughter
in a relationship with a man that she
hasn't spoken about, that she has no care
for.
And so what you do is you say,
young man, thank you very, very much.
I'm going to retire and pray, and I'll
get back with you.
And then you go to your daughter.
If you've prayed, sir, and you feel that,
yes, this is a fine young man.
He's grown to be.
You go to your daughter and you tell
her.
Now she throws up on your shoes.
The answer is probably no.
If she says no, you say, daughter, would
you take a couple of weeks and pray
about it?
And she should submit to her father.
Yes, dad, I will.
Because God can change your heart.
God can begin showing you things.
But if she comes back and says, daddy,
no, no.
Then dad goes to her.
Now it goes to the young man.
I want you to listen to this, father.
It's very, very important.
He goes to that young man and he
does not say, listen, I've talked to my
daughter, and she said no.
He doesn't do that.
Fathers and husbands, listen to me.
Your wife and your daughter should never be
confronted by any other man.
Should never have to deal with any other
man in a confrontational situation.
It is your job, sir, to protect them
both.
And so you do not go back and
say, my daughter said no.
You go back and say, I say no.
I say no.
Because it is your job to stand between
any man and your daughter.
You are her protector.
You are her guardian.
You care for her.
Do you see how precious daughters are and
yet how we've treated them like they were
old rubber buckets?
Just let them go anywhere.
Let them do anything.
Do you see how wrong that is?
Do you see the nobility in this?
My daughter is so precious.
I protect her.
She never has to answer a young man
and say no.
Because her father stands in the middle.
And he takes all that has to be
taken.
Any storm that comes from any man, he
takes it.
He stands as guard over her until the
day the father, by his own volition, takes
the hand of his daughter and places that
hand in the hand of her husband.
Until that moment happens, he is her authority
and protecting her.
It's very important to guard her.
And that's why, young man, you never walk
up to a girl and say, will you
go out with me?
Because not only have you stepped over her
father, but you're forcing her to be confronted
by a man.
That's not her father.
And she has to address him with a
difficult issue.
And that is not her place.
She's to be protected.
She's a finer stock.
Do you see the nobility in what we're
talking about here?
There's such nobility.
Now, let's say that the father says yes,
goes and talks to her daughter.
She starts saying hallelujah and running around the
house kind of like Chato did when she
first found out, my wife.
No, actually, I called my wife on the
phone when it finally all came to pass.
I called her up on the phone.
I was in Peru and she was in
the United States studying.
Her father had already said, but then, you
know, we had separated for a long, several
months and everything.
And she had gone her way.
And I was sitting in my office one
day and I was reading a track by
Swindoll, Chuck Swindoll on benefits of being single.
And I was looking at that and I
said, man, there isn't a thing in this
thing that applies to me.
So I called her on the phone.
I said, Chato, is this you?
She said, yes, it's me.
I said, I have a question for you.
She said, what?
I said, would you marry me?
She said, you're kidding.
I said, no, I'm not kidding.
Would you marry me?
And she said, well, yeah, I'll marry you.
That's how it happened.
But now, if the girl says, yes, dad,
yes.
Then what should happen?
Then the person's most involved, which would be
the parents should come together if at all
possible.
Now, again, I realize I'm talking about a
perfect case scenario.
But let me also say this, and I'm
becoming more and more believing in this.
Folks, this is one of the reasons why
there is a sense in which your family
life should stand on its own and the
father is the priest of his family.
There's a real sense of that.
But especially as darkness surrounds the Christians in
this country, this is all the more reason
to have a strong church.
And in that church, your society be in
that church.
Because it is there that relationships are going
to occur.
God does that.
In churches like this and then with sister
churches that are like-minded, there's nothing wrong
with this.
This is the way it should be more
and more.
That life evolves around the family.
That we have families and strong families, but
that we have this society, this fellowship, this
church life in which godly relationships can spring
forth from it.
And when they occur in the body with
families together that have known one another for
years and years and years, there's such a
strength in that.
There's such a strength in that.
For getting in a church, making that church
your family home.
You know, this whole idea, I heard a
testimony a while back about a man who
was offered a phenomenal job.
Twice the pay and everything else.
He turned the whole thing down.
Why?
He did not want to leave the community
of his church.
Because I believe that we should live in
such a way, and if we live in
that way, that we will see relationships springing
forth from the godly families in our church.
It's a wonderful thing to happen.
But if at all possible, the parents should
come together.
They should come together.
Now, for what purpose?
To build a relationship in Christ.
To build a relationship.
To get to know one another.
To be united in purpose.
What is their purpose?
Man, this is my daughter.
And this is my son.
To be united in purpose of making their
time of courtship a wonderful, beautiful, godly experience.
And to do that, they must build parameters
of protection.
That's one of the main reasons they come
together.
To build parameters of protection.
To take what the Scripture says seriously so
that this young couple does not enter into
immorality.
We'll be talking about that in a moment.
And to provide accountability.
To provide accountability.
Now, I want to speak to you.
We're going to come to an end here.
Against sexual immorality in courtship.
And I want you to listen to me.
This is the most dangerous aspect of any
relationship between two people of the opposite sex.
This is the most dangerous thing.
Now, let me just say something to you.
And I've had so many people disagree with
me.
But I just want to say something to
you.
I submit to you from Scripture that it
is absolutely impossible to be alone with someone
of the opposite sex for any extended period
of time without falling into some form of
sexual immorality.
And you're dreaming if you think differently.
It is impossible for two people of the
opposite sex to spend any extended period of
time alone together in an emotional relationship without
something physically happening.
It is impossible.
The fierce nature of sexual immorality is portrayed
throughout Scripture.
Listen to this.
We are told to wrestle with the devil
in Ephesians 6, 12, and 13.
We are told to wrestle in hand-to
-hand combat, face-to-face wrestling with the
devil.
We are told to resist him and we
are told he will flee from us in
James 4, verse 7.
We are told that.
We're not told to run from the devil.
We're told to fight him.
But when it comes to youthful lust in
2 Timothy 2, 22, we are told to
run as though a wild beast were behind
us.
That tells me that whatever's inside of you
is worse than the devil himself.
Now, let me give you a few illustrations
to explain this.
A few years ago, a very godly young
man who's now in seminary came to my
office and he's crying.
He was a man's man.
He was crying.
I said, Son, what is wrong?
He said, I just can't take it anymore.
He said, I don't know what to do.
He goes, I pray, I fast.
My fiancée, she prays, she fasts.
We're in the Word.
We have a quiet time together.
But there are times where we haven't committed
sexual immorality.
We haven't gone all the way.
But we have done things and those things
have made us feel so miserable and dirty
and confused that sometimes we even want to
break off the relationship.
I feel ashamed.
She thinks that I'm ashamed of her.
I mean, we just go through this.
We struggle and sometimes we just don't know
what we're going to do.
And I said, well, what do your counselors
at college tell you?
And the young man said, well, they told
us, you know, this is a difficult time
and you need to be praying and fasting,
reading the Word and everything to overcome these
temptations.
And I said, you go back.
You tell your counselors and I want you
to use my name.
You tell them that I said they need
to stop counseling young people with their foolishness.
What would you think of me if I
told you that I was fasting and praying
for seven days in order to have the
power of the Holy Spirit so that I
could go in and rob a bank?
You would say, brother Paul, you don't pray
for the power of the Holy Spirit to
do something outside of the will of God.
In the same way, you do not pray
for the power of the Holy Spirit in
order to resist temptation when you're alone with
someone of the opposite sex because you're commanded
not to be alone with someone of the
opposite sex.
What would you think about me if a
few years ago when I came here to
preach and I had a wonderful little apartment
that I was staying in over there, what
would you think?
What would the pastor and the elders think
if they came up there one day up
the stairs and they hear something going on
in the room, had a little kitchenette in
it, and I'm there with a little apron
on and a beautiful single young woman in
the church and we're making cookies.
And they said, what's going on?
I said, what do you mean what's going
on?
I got an apron on, we're making cookies.
What's the problem?
You know as well as I do the
revival would be canceled.
It would be immediately.
I mean, let's just say, let's just play
this on.
And I said, I don't understand, men.
Did you come up here, am I committing
immorality?
We're making cookies.
We're having a good time.
We're talking about the Lord.
We're making cookies.
What is the problem?
And they would look at me and go,
are you out of your mind?
What do you mean what's the problem?
This is insane.
How can you do this?
All right, now look at something.
I'm 44 years old.
I'm not a 16 year old kid with
raging hormones.
Number one.
Number two.
If I ever fall into immorality, I got
a lot more to lose than a 16
year old boy.
I could lose my wife.
I could lose my children forever.
I could definitely lose the ministry.
I also will hurt countless missionaries around the
country and around the world who depend upon
heart cry.
Also, the testimony.
I've got more to lose than a 16
year old.
So don't you think if anyone could be
alone with a woman for any period of
time, it would be me because I have
everything to lose.
And you say, well, of course not.
You still should not be with a woman.
It's too dangerous.
Then why do you let your 16 year
old do it and then wonder why he
fell?
Or you don't think he fell when he
has.
Because I can tell you this.
You can mark it down.
I'm not a prophet or the son of
a prophet.
You let your young children be in an
emotional relationship with someone of the opposite sex
long enough.
They've done things that would make you turn
inside out.
And it's not their fault necessarily as much
as it is yours.
If I as an older man should never
be thrust into a situation like that, then
why do you think that a 15 year
old and a 16 year old and a
17 year old and an 18 year old
can get into that type of thing and
not be soiled?
Young person, listen to me.
Sex is a wonderful gift of God in
its proper context.
The average so-called Christian in America has
five major relationships before they're ever married.
Do you know what that means?
That means when they go to the altar
to be married, they're not complete.
They've left five pieces of themselves somewhere else.
It also means that that night of their
honeymoon, you're not alone because those five people
have come with them.
It's just true.
And then you wonder why there's so much
confusion and so many problems.
Young person, you know this.
You know it's true.
Some of you have already fallen.
You know it's true.
You cannot be alone.
And this young couple I was talking about,
it wasn't like he was going over to
her apartment every night.
I'm talking about him driving her home from
church.
Sitting in the parking lot, talking.
Maybe even have a Bible open to start
off with.
It's just that powerful.
That is the reason why old buildings, old
houses had parlors.
It is a room.
Where what?
Where two young people can sit there and
talk and share and get to know one
another.
But it has a great big door that
has no door on it.
It's just a big opening.
Where dad, every so often, walks by with
his old World War II or Vietnam rifle.
And everybody's happy.
Except the devil.
Let me tell you something.
This idea that you must have some sort
of physical relationship to get to know the
person.
If that is true, then Jesus wasn't the
Messiah.
And the Bible is a joke.
If you want to say that, say that.
But know that you are saying that Jesus
Christ is not the Son of God and
the Bible is nothing more than a book
of myths.
But don't hold on to both things.
Young person, listen to me.
A physical relationship, the only thing it does
outside of wedlock is confuse.
That's all it does is confuse.
And then make you feel dirty.
The young man is ashamed.
If he is truly a Christian, he's ashamed.
Why?
He's going, what kind of spiritual leader am
I?
The girl is ashamed.
What does he think, I'm a tramp?
I mean, look what I did.
It just confuses everything.
And there's no need for it.
It's a lie.
Straight out of the pit of hell.
It is a lie of our culture and
our age.
But it's not true.
It's not true.
And so what happens?
Again, the parents, elders, the church community, they
realize, look, we've got young people who are
interested in one another, maybe have made commitments
of courtship.
Here's what we're going to do.
We're going to be a church to them.
We're going to find ways that they can
get to know one another.
We're going to find ways that this can
happen.
But we're going to make sure that those
ways never allow them to be alone.
And I put it this way.
I write it this way.
The only way to avoid sexual immorality is
to avoid being alone in secret places, unshaperoned,
where any form of unbiblical behavior can go
unseen.
And if you take that principle and say,
OK, this is not a suggestion.