I would like to close this service by
addressing myself to a couple concerns that every
pastor in America now is addressing more and
more.
And that is the tremendous attack that is
being made on marriages throughout the country.
Among people who go to church, the divorce
rate now has reached the same exact percentile
as people who don't go to church.
And in the last year, there has been
an explosion, I've learned, in the year 2000.
There's an explosion among a lot of well
-known TV evangelists or TV personalities or pastors
of large churches who have divorced and then
remarried right in front of their churches, some
within seven days of divorcing, some marrying women
25 years younger, nothing against the Bible, but
in the Bible about that.
But it has gotten to the place where
such deception has come in that pastors have,
in one case, this is in a public
Christian, very, very largely circulated Christian journal, a
pastor told his cheering congregation that the Lord
told him to divorce his first wife.
So that he could marry this new one.
And that now his anointing was stronger now
that he had a new wife.
In another case, much to the sadness of
this periodical, that usually covers ministers of this
ilk in a rather positive way.
The minister, and this is how far the
deception can go, told the congregation, because he
had divorced and remarried, don't worry, I have
to do what I have to do because
God didn't call me to marriage.
God called me to ministry.
So we know that Satan is working overtime.
So I want to address something to the
single people that are here and to married
people that are here.
And this is no sermon.
This is just me, the pastor of this
church, opening my heart to you.
Not as some great example or not as
someone who's saying to you, I've never made
mistakes or my wife and I have nothing
to learn.
No, not that at all.
But I do want to pause to share
just these few thoughts with you before we
dismiss in prayer.
All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward
one another, because God opposes the proud, but
he gives grace to the humble.
Humble yourselves therefore under God's mighty hand, that
he may lift you up in due time.
Cast all of your anxiety on him because
he cares for you.
Be self-controlled and alert.
Some translations have it, be sober or circumspect
and alert, awake.
For your enemy, the devil, prowls around like
a roaring hungry lion is what's implied, looking
for someone to devour.
Resist him standing firm in the faith.
Just listen, this is not a message.
This is an exhortation.
But something I have felt that, you know,
I should say to all of you here.
I am sad in, you know, just about
now 30 years of doing this, being a
pastor.
The hardest part is when you sit in
an office and you see the devil has
gotten into marriage.
And it's destroying.
And in fact, one recently where I was
counseling a couple.
I just broke down inside of me.
I didn't let them see it.
But I just broke down and started to
weep.
And then very soon I just started to
pray out loud.
And they joined in my prayer.
Because people start out in the Lord, loving
the Lord.
And the next thing you know, incredible things
are happening.
This is because, of course, marriage, which is
ordained by God, is potentially so full of
blessing that Satan makes it his great point
of attack.
And also because when you're married, you totally
expose yourself to your spouse.
No one knows you better.
And because when you love someone, you become
vulnerable.
If the flesh gets in and anger gets
in, you can really end up hurting each
other.
In fact, nobody can hurt you as much
as your spouse could hurt you or your
child, someone that close to you.
Also, what saddens me is when I see
single people who, to me, aren't approaching life
in a healthy, normal way.
Something has spooked them or frightened them or
turned them off or they're just too selfish
or self-centered to open themselves to the
possibility of sharing their life with another person.
So let's start with single people.
The Bible talks about the fact that not
everybody's called to marriage.
Some people are called and have the ability,
by God's grace, to live a single life,
live with self-control, and work for the
Lord and ask for the Lord's blessing.
But you can't actually do things as single
people that you can't do as you're married.
Even as married people can do certain things
that single people can't do.
But single people can be devoted to the
Lord and give time and energy to the
Lord, unlike married people who are tied down
to responsibilities with children, etc.
But when you're single and you feel that
you're called to marriage, and remember what the
Bible says, he that finds a wife or
husband finds a good thing.
Marriage is potentially just blessed by God.
It's blessed by God and potentially can bring
a lot of help to others.
But marriage is a two-edged sword so
that it has the potential in there, if
Satan gets in, to hold people back because
of a bad marriage, of a heartache in
their marriage.
Now, to get married to someone, you have
to be open.
And if you're a man, you have to
be delivered from the selfishness and the insecurity
that you won't share your life with someone
else.
I'm meeting more and more men who now
are getting older and are alone.
And when I talk to them and say,
why didn't they get married?
They had a chance to get married.
There was someone who cared for them and
they cared for that person.
But they were either too insecure, were afraid
of rejection, had been hurt by somebody before,
were too selfish.
Because, you know, when you're single, whether you're
a man or a woman, the longer you
live single, you can develop selfish tendencies.
You don't have to say amen, but that's
true.
Because you do what you want when you
want to do it.
Nobody...
you're not responsible to anybody.
You go where you want, you stop where
you want, you eat when you want, you
do whatever you want.
And when you get married, them days are
over.
You know that.
It's a life of sharing with another person.
And I actually think that one of the
causes why men...
I will speak to men because I am
saddened by this.
I have to say this.
Not just here in this church, but every
place I travel, I see men that I
know love the Lord, who make no attempt
to even know Christians of the opposite sex,
to open up their heart and their life
to them, to go out on a date,
which means nothing.
You're just going out to get to know
one another.
Doesn't mean anything.
Doesn't mean you're going to, you know, take
her to the senior prom or anything.
It just means that you're going out with
someone or a group of people.
I mean, more and more men who just...
There's these lovely Christian women who love the
Lord, single women who love the Lord, and
they are just so into their own lives,
or I don't know what they're into.
It's...
I knew this was going to happen.
I knew it.
All right, let me get off that point
quick.
But you know what?
Seriously.
It's insecurity.
Sometimes it's hurt.
It's pain.
It's stuff learned in a house.
It's men saw their mom and dad fight
like a cat and a dog and said,
if that's what marriage is, I pass.
And this is something God has to deliver
guys from.
Because a lot of guys have insecurity.
They're afraid of rejection.
I talk to men who tell me, she'd
never go out with me.
I know she would.
No, no, I'm afraid.
Because, you know, our machismo, our pride can
get so big that fear stops us from
reaching out to anyone because we're afraid we'll
get rejected and then you end up rejecting
yourself.
You just end up nowhere.
So men and women have to be willing
to open their lives.
The other thing and the main point I
want to bring to you here, because I'm
not trying to give you a classical teaching
on marriage and the difficulties of marriage.
I just want to exhort you what's on
my heart.
And I just pray God will make it
a blessing.
Peter tells the Christians here in First Peter,
the fifth chapter, he tells them, I'm sorry,
yes, the fifth chapter about walking in humility
and humbling yourself.
And God resists the proud.
And I, from what I can perceive, that
is one of the major problems.
We're going to get to marriage in a
second, but let's stay with single people for
a moment.
And this is single, whether you're 20 or
whether you're 40 or 50, is that God
will never bless anything we do if we're
full of ourselves.
Do we all agree on that from scripture?
Now, you have to understand the strong language
God uses here.
He resists the proud.
I don't care if it's in preaching or
directing a choir or teaching a class or
being a gospel singer and ministering or looking
for a date or trying to, you know,
find the wife or the husband that God
might have for you.
The only way it'll be blessed is if
you walk in humility.
Because God resists the proud, he gives grace
only to the humble.
And the humble are those who count others
better than themselves and empty themselves of self
by God's grace so that God can fill
them, as Damaris was saying.
So, without humility, here's what happens.
I see single people with expectations for their
spouse that are from another world.
I don't even mean that to be funny,
but obviously you're in a laughing mood here
tonight, I can see.
Why girls think that there's a perfect guy
or guys think that there's a perfect girl
and they're not going to commit or even
date until they find Miss Perfect or Mr.
Perfect.
You better wake up and smell the coffee
before you're in a senior citizen's home.
There is nobody that's perfect.
And here's what you have to understand.
God is working on all of us.
And brothers and sisters, listen to me, I'm
serious.
If I was your dad and you were
single, I don't care what age you are,
but imagine me as your dad.
I want to tell you this.
Don't you understand, and this is only humility,
God's humility helping us to see this.
Whatever you see in another person, don't you
understand that they see things in you?
Don't you understand that when you see something
that irritates you or irks you or bothers
you, maybe they see two things for every
one that you see, but they're not saying
it and you're not saying it, and now
you won't even talk on the phone because
you're looking for someone who doesn't exist.
Nobody is perfect.
And really when you come to it without
Jesus, nobody's a bargain either, starting with you
and me.
And without that humility of, I'm not going
to find someone perfect, and if I did,
how would they ever go with me, who's
so imperfect?
This is something that is very practical, but
I'm telling you, people are living in another
zone.
They're thinking that there's a perfect way to
get married, that there's some storybook way.
Are we ready to get married?
Nobody's ever ready to get married.
You just get married and then God helps
you.
There's counseling.
There is a level of maturity and commitment
to one another.
But Carol, were we ready to get married
when we get married?
You better marry back here.
Were you ready?
No, you just get married because God's saying,
this is what I want, and you start
adjusting to one another, and you start adapting,
and you can't do that without humility.
Just like you need humility to date properly
and not take yourself so serious.
Because don't you get it?
Right now as I'm speaking, just every Sunday
I speak here, I've learned now that there
are people who don't like just the way
I look or the way I'm going to
speak.
That's just the way it is in life.
And as much as somebody troubles you, you
know, aren't there some people that just drive
you nuts in this earth?
Come on, is everyone with me?
There are some people who just irritate you.
Listen, how many have people that just irritate
you on your job, or in your family,
or an in-law, or somebody, but you've
never told them?
Don't you know?
Listen, don't you realize that tonight somebody is
laying in their bed thinking about you?
Well, of course.
Someone can't take Maritza.
Someone can't stand Damaris.
Someone can't take Chevy.
Well, why would it be different if there
are people that bug you?
Don't you think that you irritate other people?
Do I get a witness here?
Not because, listen, not because you mean to
irritate them.
It's because we're all so imperfect.
Haven't you noticed?
And when we're married, that's the thing that
really helps ultimately.
If a husband doesn't walk in humility, he's
going to try to jam down his wife's
throat.
Wives, obey your husbands.
Submit to your husbands is unto the Lord.
Ephesians, and it's in the Bible.
But listen, the same Bible says, Husbands, love
your wives.
Love your wives as Christ loved the church.
Now, now, is there any husband here who
could stand up and say, I love my
wife exactly like Christ loved the church and
he gave himself for it.
Does Michael love Vilma that way?
Does Joey love Missy that way?
I know they love their wives.
These are two good godly men and they
love their wives.
But as Christ loved the church, I bet
there's imperfections in their love.
I bet there's selfishness mixed in.
So if I don't love my wife the
way I need to, God's still working on
me.
Isn't it insane for me to start laying
in bed at night or thinking about all
the ways that Carol's not what she wants
to be.
Then marriage will not be a blessing.
It'll be hell on earth.
Because when pride gets in, and a man
wants to show his wife that he's the
boss and she's not what she needs to
be and even use the word of God
on her, literally all hell will break loose
in that situation.
Or if a wife is going to show
her husband, I'm going to have the last
word on you.
And I'll use, I'll use turning you off
sexually.
I'll use whatever.
I'll use a way to get back at
you without challenging you even verbally.
You know what brothers and sisters, it's best
to just drop on your knees and start
to pray.
Because that breaks the heart of God.
That just destroys everything.
And we've all been guilty of playing games
inside of our marriage and saying and doing
things.
There's not a married couple here that hasn't
had a perfect record in their marriage.
But you got to understand, this is very,
very volatile ground that you're on.
Because the same portion of scripture says, as
I draw this little exhortation toward another stage,
it says that we're not only to humble
ourselves, you need humility to date and look
at things in perspective and not take yourself
so serious and realize that nothing's perfect except
for Jesus.
God's working on everything You know, I meet
people, I've been dating her for six months,
but you know, I don't know what to
do past the symbol.
I just, I saw a fault in her.
You know, oh please.
And also if I could just say this,
when single people do get involved with one
another and you feel like God wants you
to get married, you got to realize, you
got to say goodbye to your family if
you're going to get married.
Oh, I didn't get much of a wedding,
let me say that again here.
The Bible says, for this cause, a man
leaves his mother and father.
And that doesn't mean you always are there
for your family, but you never bring your
family into your marriage to harm your wife
who didn't marry your parents and didn't marry
your family.
She married you and that's not fair to
make her put up with the nonsense that
might be in your family.
With all due respect, listen, wait, listen.
They're clapping in the lobby.
When I got married, when I got married,
my dad was an alcoholic, my late father.
He never made it to my wedding.
We would get phone calls, right Carol?
The first few years of our marriage, I
would get a phone call.
My mother would be crying.
That meant my dad had gone over the
edge and started to strike her.
That had happened with me growing up.
Unfortunately, now all the kids were married, so
she was home alone with no one to
protect her.
When that phone call came, my wife knew
I had to drop everything and race to
my mother.
Right, Carol?
There were times I just said, I'm sorry.
I got in the car.
And my wife understood, thank God.
But I try to shield.
I never had my dad when he was
drinking in front of my wife.
I didn't want to shame him.
But that wasn't something part of the bargain
with my wife.
She married me.
She didn't marry my father.
She didn't marry my mother.
So while I respect, and of course, she
loves my late father.
She loved him and my mother who's living.
And I loved her late dad.
He was like a father to me and
her mother.
You have to be very careful that you
never let your family get involved in your
marriage because they're always going to side with
the kid.
Never.
I don't care what would ever happen between
my wife and I.
There have been attacks on our marriage and
we've had disagreements and the devil has attacked.
My mother and father have never heard the
first sentence of anything I've ever said about
my wife, no matter how I felt she
had treated me or whatever we were going
through.
You don't bring your parents into your marriage.
They have their marriage.
Let them take care of their marriage and
you work on your marriage because that is
unfair to Carol if I bring in my
family into the marriage and Mom, she's not
treating me the way you did and she
doesn't make the meatloaf the way you do
and all of that.
I was one time at a place where
a man, a young minister said in front
of his wife and his wife when he's
being served some food.
You know what?
It's so good that you serve butter that
way because you know, my wife doesn't serve
butter the way my mother did.
Oh, exactly.
I wanted to just jump out of my
seat and say, how do you dare put
your wife down in a comparison to your
mother?
If you wanted your mother's butter then why
don't you just stay home and not get
married?
How many say amen?
So, so listen.
Now that's dangerous.
Listen, this is all dangerous because you love
your family.
See, marriage is fraught with difficulties because I
love my mother and when my dad was
drinking you know, I had to navigate through
that.
But you never talk out of school.
You never, you never talk like that and
then just get emotional support.
Then your spouse feels more isolated because the
parents usually side with their own child and
feel they're not being treated correctly.
So, there's a saying in Spanish, I don't
know how to say it but it's a
play on the word casas, I think, but
it's what it says in Argentina is whoever
wants, whoever wants a house, whoever wants to
get married wants a house.
You have to want your own house.
If you don't want your own house then
don't get married.
Now, and you have to drop what you're
used to because you have to share now
in humility.
You can't force your culture and what you're
used to onto a spouse.
You know, it takes maturity and grace to
be married because you got to share.
You got to give up your way.
You got to be open to other ways.
My mother and dad brought up Eastern Europe,
never put garlic on any food.
I never had garlic on any food growing
up.
I married this lady over here.
She loves garlic.
Then she got into West Indian food.
She has me eating rotis.
Then we got into rice and beans.
Wait, now we have garlic on ice cream.
We put garlic in our tea.
She has an effect on me.
Now, the other warning is when you're dating
and when you're married you have to understand
that the other warning that we have to
listen to is not only to be humble,
walk in humility and not take ourselves serious
and realize there's got to be give and
take which we all struggle with because we're
all used to having our way.
We're all egomaniacs naturally.
We need God to help us.
And just not type A personalities are egomaniacs
or aggressive people are egomaniacs.
Quiet people can want their way just as
strong.
Sometimes still water runs very deep and it's
dirty on the bottom.
Now, Paul Peter says be alert and be
sober because your enemy, Satan, who by the
way the word there means the condemner or
the accuser of somebody.
That's what his name means there.
The devil, your adversary, the devil goes about
like a roaring lion.
Nowhere is this more true in dating and
in marriage which I want to close with.
It's true in dating because you can lose
your reputation and your good Christian name if
you don't date properly because of the flesh
and because the part of getting married to
someone is a physical attraction to them.
There is naturally the sexual temptation.
So the devil has some buttons that he
can try to press and we have to
be sober and diligent the Bible says and
we have to be alert to see what
kind of situations would be very combustible so
that there's not a lot of heartache and
shame and just a mess.
And that's why people need to pray together,
don't they?
You got to make Christ the center of
relationship, guys.
You got to talk about Jesus and in
marriage even though the sexual temptation of illicit
sex before marriage is taken away because now
you're married you have to be very careful
because in marriage is where the devil can
come in and attack because once when you're
vulnerable and you love someone once anger and
a fight come in and you feel alone
Satan has a temptation waiting for you and
uses the hurt of your marriage to springboard
you into that temptation.
Are you all listening to me?
In marriage Satan uses a feeling of rejection
she doesn't care for me he doesn't respect
me he doesn't like you love me he
wants to be with his friends she wants
to be over there whatever she's still with
her family and you got to understand women
we got to understand men husbands and wives
it's a feeling of tremendous violation when you
feel like the one that you love that
you've given your life to now doesn't want
to be with you or Satan and the
word they use is he's the accuser he
will accuse Carol to me he will bring
negative things about my wife to me he
will bring negative things about me to Carol
that's his strategy because in our situation once
the wall goes up then we can't pray
to God because a fight a marital fight
means you can't pray and in my case
I couldn't preach it's more than one time
since we've been in this building since 1979
that I've had to walk over to the
piano at the beginning of a service and
apologize because I knew I couldn't leave we
had had words thing wasn't right between us
and I knew I'm going to get up
and preach God's word to you and I'm
not talking to my wife how would the
Holy Spirit bless that?
not just once I had to do that
but that's where this great blessing and support
because I couldn't have a greater wife she
compliments me where I'm weak she's strong maybe
where she needs encouragement I'm there for her
but the devil knows that and he knows
the potential blessing Gene and his wife can
be and Damaris and Rod can be and
the rest of us Pam and Corey the
whole group of us here that are married
he knows the blessing that Henry and his
wife could be so he's going to attack
to try to cut us off from being
what God wants us to be and blessing
other people because do you know how horrible
you feel when you've been compromised either in
a relationship and you've messed it up somehow
or in your marriage if you're on the
outs with your spouse you can't witness to
anyone you can't sing you can't pray you
got to get it right you got to
get it right and what Satan tries to
do as I close is he tries to
by the way what you got to do
I very rarely give you physical instruction about
these things but see when you love your
woman you got to show whether you're dating
her you're married you got to show that
you love her right?
so you don't even wait till Valentine's Day
how many know when Valentine's Day is?
wait what you do is wait
wait wait wait wait wait
wait wait sit down sit down you're all
out of control wait would you be my
Valentine?
and don't be cheap go for a few
flowers will you please?
don't bring something from Prospect Park now listen
last night my brother was at my house
and we had to have a family talk
about some things and Carol was over with
one of with the grandchildren and one of
my daughters her husband so Bob and I
were watching something on the news before we
I got to get to get along with
the Lord and study and he had work
to do so we were watching the news
but as we went past one of the
nature channels they had one of those specials
on and it just hurt me again as
I saw in this case it was those
wild dogs of South Africa that you can
find in Kruger National Park there where I've
been invited to go but I've never been
able to go and these you know Andrew
these wild dogs they are so nasty and
my friends from South Africa Chosen they told
me that these wild dogs are so bold
and aggressive that in a pack they will
go after a female lion if they can
just get her alone and start snipping and
fighting imagine well these wild dogs who are
nasty they went after there were some impalas
there and they made a run at it
when I saw the size of the impalas
I was wondering how would these little dogs
as they're impalas are pretty big but you
know what it was it was they ran
and they have some kind of communication these
dogs with each other they have a strategy
and they bewilder one of the impalas and
they get it away from the pack and
it was so sad because impala was running
saw a dog so it turned but as
it turned it turned away from a pack
then another dog turned it another way then
another dog turned it another way and now
the pack is there and it's all alone
and it was horrible those dogs went in
and ripped this animal apart I thought that's
just like satan you see when you're married
or when you're single what he wants to
do is isolate you and make you feel
alone that nobody cares that nobody loves you
this is why it gets people to try
to leave churches you know things don't work
out in the church and it gets people
to say no they don't care about you
they're the minister never cared about you and
if he can get you feeling alone with
nobody to pray for nobody to love nobody
to pray with you nobody to encourage you
you got to understand brothers and sisters listen
to me married couples you got to understand
this at the worst moment of my marriage
or your marriage or whatever you got to
understand as you look at your wife or
your husband no matter what they've done wrong
when things are going south you have to
realize the devil is behind this the devil
is behind this are you listening to me?
the devil is behind this yes she might
have her faults but I have more but
the one causing this conflict this adversary this
roaring lion seeking whom he may devour because
once you get hurt and you feel isolated
and you feel sorry for yourself if anybody
here is in a pity party that is
the most vulnerable position because if you think
this lion if you think this lion has
any feelings whatsoever about you your family your
name he will tear you to shreds but
you might say but I've been hurt and
nobody cares about me he could care less
he loves to hear that kind of talk
he will rip you up one side and
down the other because he's a roaring lion
and the bible says we have to be
alert for the tricks that he uses of
isolating us we have to conquer him by
praying for one another and loving one another
and praying with one another and saying I'm
sorry first before your wife can say she's
sorry and when you have a relationship even
if it doesn't work out to be respectful
and say you know what God's not in
this for us to get married but we're
going to be reasonable and we're going to
act in a Christian way and not act
like a cat and a dog because it
didn't work out that's a horrible thing and
what it does is once that bitterness or
isolation gets in you then the enemy just
slowly spiritually isolates you Carol and Jonathan if
you play or whoever's over there he isolates
you over there and then he has a
plan for you that woman is waiting that
guy is waiting a situation is waiting listen
brothers and sisters last thing I want to
say to you I have counseled people who
have ended up in situations that they never
dreamed and you know what it began with
a fight but the fight leads to something
else which leads to something else which leads
to something else which leads to words which
leads to yeah and those you know there
are four letter words that they won't let
you on TV to say anything but you
know there are words you never say in
a marriage better to say a four letter
word than ever to say I'll leave you
or I'll divorce you those are words you
never say if you're a Christian you never
say those words why not then just whistle
for the devil to come for both of
you you never say those words you can
say I'm hurt you can say you know
this I don't feel this is right better
yet say could we pray because the devil
goes about like a roaring lion and we
have to rise up and fight him so
that the world can see the way God
intended young single people middle-aged single people
to live and married couples to live let's
close our eyes and bow our heads I
want every married person in the building whose
spouse is in the building if you're sitting
with them sir would you take her by
the hands and walk her up here to
the front for Valentine's Day if she is
another part of the building meet her at
the altar if you're here and you're dating
someone regularly and you consider yourself you're in
premarital class or whatever but you consider that
you're dating somebody regularly and you feel like
you two should come up then come up
with these married couples you do if you're
here and you're single and you're sitting somewhere
in and you are open tonight that God
would send somebody into your life and you
want to say to God tonight God I
am open I would want to date in
a Christian way I would want to have
a Christian marriage and I would want to
be all that you want me to be
if that's what you have for me but
I want to I want to surrender myself
again and open myself up to your purposes
I don't want to have some childlike attitude
of I'll never go with a man I'll
never be with a woman I'll never I
want to be open to whatever your plan
is I release any resentment or hurt pain
that I have I want you to stand
up wherever you're sitting if you're single I
know that takes a little courage but I
want you to do it I don't care
if you're 20 or 50 or whatever if
they just play that quietly I want you
husbands with your arms around your wives right
now begin to pray and minister to your
wife right now just pray over her out
loud let her hear your prayer everybody else
in the building just let's begin to pray
and call on the Lord that God would
make us the kind of men and women
He wants us to be single or married
come on everybody just grab somebody's hand on
the left or right whether you're standing or
sitting or in the lobby everyone grab hold
of somebody next to you and begin to
pray