So let's just speak about some of these
areas of balance.
The balance, first of all, between having respect
in the family, and especially from our children,
with humility in our own lives.
This is an area where I have found
it actually very difficult, because there are certain
things that children will say, especially as they
get older.
And if you take the line, the hard
discipline line, you know, respect your parents at
all times, very easily your own pride gets
locked into that.
And your discipline isn't really something that comes
from God, it's your own pride reacting, and
you want your children to be all they
should be, especially what will other people say.
And there's nothing more difficult in some ways
than rearing children, especially as they get older,
and especially because there's ten different voices telling
you ten different ways to do it.
I have read many books, I've listened to
many tapes, and I've also been in many
homes, and seen where they put these things
into practice.
And I tell you, I come to you
with less answers than ever.
But I know one thing, your heart needs
to be right with God, and there needs
to be that humility, and yet you have
to demand some degree of respect from your
children.
There will have to be the times in
which a firm word is given.
I'm not going to dwell on that because
I know you covered some of that yesterday.
The second area where I have to wrestle
for balance is the balance between discipline and
love and freedom.
Again, in the home, we want discipline, and
yet as much as discipline, we want love
and freedom.
A third area which especially hits us in
OM, the balance between forsaking all and the
spiritual warfare, all that kind of thing, and
maintaining a home, an attractive home.
And what is an attractive home?
What some people would call attractive, other people
would probably not classify it as being attractive.
How much money do you spend for that?
When millions of people in the world don't
even have a home, and are living in
the gutters, how much do we spend to
make our home attractive?
If you have an easy answer to that,
maybe you could share it with me.
Because I know what Edith Schaefer says to
some degree, and what some other people say,
and basically within OM we do, among our
families, practice having attractive homes.
We are hardly living, most people, in sort
of an ugly home with the old concept
that I referred to before.
I was married of one box for a
table, another box for a chair, and a
few other things that people in the early
days thought all the families in OM would
be practicing.
I tried it for a while, and it
didn't go over too well with other members
in the family.
There were other practical problems, and of course
it was tagged as extremism.
So I can only say to you it's
an area where we have to work for
balance, and the husband must consider the opinion
and the thoughts of the wife.
It's not right before God for the husband
to bulldoze his viewpoints into the family if
the wife is not really happy about it.
And I think one of the things that
helped me to survive, because our family was
at a point at times of just struggling
for survival over some of these issues where
we so wanted to please God, and we
could barely stand, at least myself, spending any
money for the home except the barest essentials.
I saw that some of this area really
was the decision of my wife.
I would approve it, but it wasn't for
me to make the final decision.
When we moved into that flat where we
are right now, when it came to the
things in the kitchen, I said, you know,
that's up to you, work it out, because
that's not my area, I've got too many
other things to do anyway.
And I think this is where the husband
and the wife have to talk things out.
This is where love must come in.
And what will all these principles of discipleship
mean if we don't have love?
And of course, this is where God really
broke me, because I saw that sometimes my
principles, my desire to see all the finance
go out to the regions beyond, was stronger
at times than my love.
So work toward this, and beware of the
pitfalls.
Number four, the balance between living by faith
and taking proper care of the family.
And number one, we live in a society
where we are totally brainwashed, I don't care
what anybody says, into a security mania.
There is no end, there is no end.
And people are now getting salaries of $50
,000, $60,000 a year in the states.
This is no longer a big salary.
And they are more insecure than I'm sure
most of you.
They don't have enough.
How are they going to make this payment?
And once you're into this rat race, the
bigger home, the bigger car, more insurance, more
everything, you know, where do you end?
And so I think that today, more than
ever, the only way to survive is to
take a more radical stand and to determine,
to hold to that stand.
I think it's very important to understand when
you come into OM, OM is not dictating
your future lifestyle.
If you're just with us for a year,
there will be some things you may have
to do for that year, but when you
leave OM, you will be free.
There's no one forcing you to sell your
home or to drain your bank account.
This is between you and God.
And something you have to wrestle out.
Can families live by faith?
Years ago, people used to say OM was
a movement for single people.
With 160 families, and with most of the
major positions of leadership in OM carried by
families, and with these families, some of them
now having lived by faith for 15 and
20 years, my older son is 19, I
don't think too many can say that any
longer.
There's no question that a family can live
by faith just as much as a single
person.
Because living by faith does not mean asceticism.
It does not mean you don't provide for
your children.
It does not mean that.
We not only, as we live by faith,
can provide for our children, but because we
have direct access to God, we can see
God provide for them.
And it's amazing to see what the Lord
is already doing.
About 14 years ago, I started on a
book, The Revolutionary Home.
The Lord convicted me that instead of writing
a book, I should just have a home.
So I dropped the book.
About that time, anyway, everyone was writing a
book on marriage.
A number of them were already divorced.
So I decided not to go that way.
Number five, getting things organized in comparison or
kept in balance with learning, patience, and long
-suffering.
How do we keep those two things together?
Every father must be an administrator.
Some of you may tell your leader, as
he's looking for someone to take on an
administrative job, you say, I'm not an administrator.
If you're a father, you've got to be
an administrator.
Or you jeopardize your family, you'll probably end
up in a divorce court, because your wife
eventually will go crazy.
Unless she is just such an excellent administrator
and she's willing to organize you as well.
And that is a possibility.
It has some interesting pressures, but no doubt
it has saved a few men from jumping
out windows.
Keep in mind also, when you're in OM,
we cannot teach you everything about marriage.
OM has strong points and OM has weak
points.
And one of the weak points is that
often for families in OM, some things are
very easy.
The money is generally there.
The housing is generally there.
People are usually around that are willing to
help out.
Vehicles are generally there.
Most families in OM have their own vehicle,
but we like to cut down on that.
You just try.
People get used to things.
And we've had a number of leaders, when
they left OM, say it was much more
difficult when they got out of the fellowship.
And some were having trouble getting food on
the table.
Now, of course, some of you from the
super affluent countries, generally speaking, you probably won't
have much trouble financially.
There's a lot of unemployment today, however, and
it's not as easy to get a job
in places, some places as it used to
be.
But in quite a few countries, when people
leave OM, they will sometimes find it harder.
They will have to learn how to budget.
They will learn something that sometimes is hard
to learn on OM.
You can't spend what you don't have.
Because in OM you can have it build
and your vehicle is supplied and the mechanics
are taking care of it.
And sometimes people get a new vehicle on
the basis of one letter to Belgium.
You think, I could have another vehicle.
And that's all he has to do.
Believe me, when you get married and you're
out on your own, if you buy a
brand new vehicle and you go out and
blow the engine, you're going to weep.
And your wife is probably going to weep.
And you may be without transport for a
while.
So, in a movement like OM, there are
strong points, there are weak points.
Something that's been very important to me is
to realize I can't learn the lessons this
year that God has for me next year.
There are some lessons you're going to learn
only when you leave OM.
You say, well, then should I leave to
get out with these lessons?
No, there are other lessons you'll learn if
you stay in.
So, that isn't the determining factor whether you
stay or whether you leave.
But I think it's important.
And Jonathan tomorrow probably will be dealing more
with the financial side of marriage within OM.
And I would just say this.
It's always greener on the other side of
the fence.
As a family, you are going to see
some of the weak areas within OM.
Some of the problems of finance.
For example, if you get a tough treasurer
and your wife has to go to that
treasurer to get our money, to get the
money, sometimes that can lead to unpleasant situations.
But remember this.
When you're out of OM, there will be
other unpleasant situations.
Every set of circumstances has its blessings and
its problems.
And I feel the thing that has really
helped my wife and I is to realize
this is the way life is.
Some of the circumstances now when you're in
OM, of course, they are going to be
OM-ish circumstances.
Little fluky things.
Like you're going in for money and that
morning they're out of cash.
Even though you're convinced that probably in that
drawer somewhere there's probably some money for something.
And that if the main leader walked in
an hour later and asked for money, surely
he would get it.
May not be so, I'll tell you.
So every set of circumstances has its positive
and negative things.
When my wife and I at times were
looking at some negative circumstances in our environment,
we realized that if we were out in
a totally secular situation, maybe with some things
more according to what we would like, there
would surely be other things that would be
worse.
Why do I say this?
Because I have more contact with non-OM
families than with OM families.
Remember, I'm on the road six months a
year.
I'm living with other families, not with OM
people.
They are pouring out their burdens.
As I said in the beginning, I could
be full-time now just teaching seminars on
marriage and counseling people on marriage.
It's an unlimited field.
And in some of the European countries, when
I've shared some of these things, the response
has been even greater because people have come
to me, even Christian leaders, and they've said,
no one is speaking about these things.
Especially when you get into the area of
sex and you get into the area of
discipleship, sharing, walking in the light, being honest
with your children, all that kind of thing.
So each environment has its problems.
Don't let OM be your excuse for your
marital troubles.
OM may play their part, but if OM
is not there, some other problem will be.
And so don't use OM or other people
as an excuse for your marital problems, but
try to face them squarely and realize that
when you leave OM, things may be rougher.
We've had a few unfortunate cases of people
whose marriages went quite well when they were
in OM, even though, in fact, problems were
there.
But the fellowship, the community, the walking in
the light, the emphasis on discipline, the emphasis
on dying to self, all this kind of
thing helped.
Within two or three years after leaving the
work, the marriage ripped apart.
Two or three cases of that happening.
All cases in which the person was married
before they came.
There are almost no cases of any marital
breakdown of people that have met within OM,
gone through this kind of training, then married.
We only know of one marital breakup in
21 years.
There may be one we don't know about.
I think that's encouraging.
I think it's indicative that the way of
discipline, the way of the cross, this kind
of thing we emphasize, like last night, this
is what's going to hold marriages together.
The enemies that we talked about of fellowship
and community, if you took the notes last
night, they're the same enemies of the home,
the family, and unity with the children.
Number six, the balance between being open and
sharing on the one side and being kind
in all things on the other side.
Do you tell your wife everything?
You're walking through the streets that afternoon, you
saw this really beautiful chick, your mind blew,
your circuits shorted out, you managed to get
back to the house, is that the first
thing you tell her?
Wow, you should have seen this beautiful girl
I saw in the streets.
Man, turned me on more than I've been
turned on for five years.
I'm sure that will encourage her.
Where do you find the balance?
When to share, when to be quiet.
What about this thing of honesty?
You mean to tell me I'm supposed to
tell my wife I love her when I
don't feel it?
I've counseled some cases where poor wives have
hardly heard that word, I love you, from
one week to the next.
Maybe that was Joe Honesty.
He just felt, well, I don't really feel
it the way I used to when I
was engaged or the night of the honeymoon,
so, you know, I gotta be really honest.
I believe honesty without love is a curse.
It doesn't work.
It's only half the picture.
And love must always go together with honesty.
And my commitment to Jesus Christ is one
in which I move by faith.
I don't always feel my love to Jesus
Christ, but I am committed to Him.
I love Him.
It's an act of the will.
And to me, dedication and commitment to one
another is the heart of marriage, more than
emotional love.
The emotional love is there one minute and
gone the next.
If you have it all the time, great!
I hope somehow you can get some work
done in the midst of it.
But generally it fluctuates.
And I'm convinced that we are committed to
one another and that we must constantly reaffirm
our love for one another.
We must constantly turn away from the subtle
lies of the devil that we love someone
else.
We may be lusting after someone else, but
we don't love them.
Not the kind of love we know from
God.
And then, because we want to move on,
I could get going for an hour on
some of these subjects.
Having convictions and letting love cover.
You know the problem with many of us?
This is probably one of the biggest problems
I've had in my life.
Too many convictions and not enough reality.
And I think we as Christian men in
a movement like OM, reading all the books
we read, we get too many convictions.
Strong convictions.
This is why we are often critical of
other people, of other marriages, and the devil
really uses that because it gets around and
people are hurt by it.
And one of the most difficult things you
will face in OM is when people criticize
your children.
But I can assure you that doesn't only
happen in OM.
What if you're living with all of your
relatives?
To me, this is one of the blessings
of OM.
Now, I don't know where this tape is
going, but somehow, with all the work that
I have to do, the fact that I
don't have all my relatives around me and
all their opinions and all their evaluations of
my children, this is helpful.
Now, I've got other problems in OM.
Some of you may feel after a year,
OM is a hard place.
You decide you prefer to go home.
And mommy and daddy, grandpa and grandma, uncle
and auntie, all the other friends, you may
find a whole new set of problems because
I tell you, in family relationships, things can
get more intense and more upsetting than generally
it can with your OM leader, especially in
some cultures.
In fact, I think this is where we
as foreigners need patience to understand there are
certain difficulties that an Indian family would face
living next to his relatives that we would
not understand, especially if we're going to put
pressure on them to live the OM lifestyle.
I think of Thomas Samuel in the early
days in India and how some foreigners were
so critical of him, especially some of the
more naive types.
No idea what this brother was living with,
with his father just a few hundred miles
away and relatives, asking things like, don't you
get a salary?
What happens if you get thrown out of
the movement?
And don't you have a house?
And don't you own anything?
Things that are very hard to explain in
many cultures, sometimes even in our own culture.
One of the problems that comes when we
have too many convictions is we become opinionated.
I happen to know that some OM leaders
are really turning people off because they are
opinionated.
They have comments to make about everything and
about everybody and about everybody's marriage.
And of course it tends to be negative.
And they don't realize that sometimes as they're
sharing, the brother who's listening, he also may
have too many convictions.
And so he becomes convicted that this guy
is, and he has a few names that
he puts on him.
So the judgment you give is the judgment
you get.
If you are harsh on other people's children,
don't be surprised if the Lord allows you
to have some special lessons when you're own
grow up.
And the very things you criticized in other
people, then you've got them in your own
children.
That will make you so uptight, you probably
will therefore be unable to resolve the problem
because your own pride and guilt will be
so involved in these situations.
Let's have convictions, but let's have priorities.
This has so revolutionized my life.
I still have some of my convictions that
I had 20 years ago, but some of
them now are low priority.
So if my wife doesn't want to go
along with me on something, it doesn't matter.
I still have a little conviction there, but
it's low priority.
Let her make the decision.
And I think that, I don't know how
you can function in the home if you
don't do this.
Those of you who have strong convictions about
a lot of areas, and you know that
your wife is not totally in agreement with
you.
We're not asking you to throw your conviction
out, especially in regard to your own personal
life, but get it in its right priority.
And the first thing in the list of
priorities is love, peace, joy.
Don't you want your children to be reared
in an atmosphere of peace, joy, reality?
Of course you do.
So, having convictions and letting love cover.
I'm afraid almost to say some of these
things because they're so basic.
They're so basic.
But I think in marriage, some of the
mistakes we make are in the basics.
And I think one of the most basic
things I want to ask of you, are
you really accepting your marriage partner as she
is?
You're accepting her as she is.
With her weaknesses, with her strong points, with
the things you like, the things you don't
like.
You have not put her on Operation Carrot.
You know Operation Carrot.
You're always holding a carrot out in front
of your wife and, you know, keep her
pressing on.
And then eventually she'll be rewarded.
Of course, some women use the carrot approach
with their husband.
I counseled a situation years ago on OM.
A couple that's now divorced.
They were married before they ever got to
us.
They had incredible problems.
But she used the carrot, the sex carrot.
She basically told him, you do what I
want during the day and you get what
you want at 9 o'clock.
And, of course, eventually he was forced to
leave OM because she said, if you want
any more carrots, you got to get out
of OM because she couldn't stand OM anymore.
And, of course, they thought if they got
out of OM it would be the land
of bliss.
And, of course, it divorced and broke down.
So I believe total acceptance is so basic.
And work from that foundation in all that
you do.
We constantly need to be affirming one another,
communicating that we believe in one another.
Now, I wish really I could have you
men alone because then I could really hit
you between the teeth.
Because, really, a lot of men when it
comes to affirming their wives and all that
kind of thing, they really score low.
And then I wish I could have the
women alone and say 12 things you should
never say to your husband because most husbands
are more sensitive than you think and they
need the affirmation of the wife.
They need the confidence.
They need to know the wife believes in
them.
I can tell you a lot of people
could learn a lot from my wife on
this.
She's here.
I better be careful what I say.
But I've never once, never once picked up
a ripple of communication that my wife was
not my strongest supporter and absolutely believed in
me and was behind me anywhere, anytime.
Even when we were arguing about something and
disagreeing, she always had the gift to be
able to communicate that there was no question
she didn't believe in me 100%.
Now, husbands, don't start complaining if your wife
isn't as gifted in that area.
There are all kinds of women.
Your wife may have some gifts and strong
points that my wife doesn't have.
In fact, my wife tends to feel inferior
to all the other women.
I've never hardly found a woman my wife
didn't feel inferior to.
You think, what a crazy thing.
The wife of the director of Operation Mobilization.
That doesn't mean a thing because these emotions
and these things go back to our childhood.
They go back to our relationship with our
father and our mother.
Let us not be so naive that with
these young people we see them converted, we
bring them into the meeting, they rededicate their
life for Christ, we ground them in the
word of God, and then they go out
as soldiers and disciples happily ever after.
It takes 10 to 15 years to bring
the average young person into spiritual health.
And some of us still know how far
we have to go because we can make,
we can teach the most beautiful teachings, but
for them to get that into their emotional
life takes many years.
My wife knows the teachings.
I know the teachings.
But to get that into our emotional life
so that it hangs on when we're depressed
or discouraged or upset or panicking, that takes
spiritual growth usually over a long period of
time.
Number eight.
Having a healthy diet and not wasting or
living extravagantly.
Now in the states today, every time I
return, I find more and more people into
this really intensive health thing.
And this, I'm sure, is even keeping people
from launching out to the mission field because
they cannot get the diet that they want.
Just the thought of not having their special
special water machine.
A lot of homes now, they teach, certain
books teach, unless you, what do they do
to your water?
Unless you distill your water, you'll never be
healthy.
This whole chart showing all the pollutions in
your water.
You study this, man, you'll never drink a
glass of water again.
And so people, the people selling these water
distillers are making millions.
And of course, in most of this thing
in connection with health food, there are elements
of truth.
There are elements of truth.
And you know, I think it's an area
where we as Christians are the only ones
that have the real answer.
That ultimately, we've got to trust God.
This isn't just the states.
One of the young men that I was
involved in leading to Christ in Vienna many
years ago, he didn't believe in eating carrots
that were planted within 100 yards of any
major highway.
I mean, you can imagine the pollution that
can get onto anything growing near a major
highway.
There are people that will not eat eggs
unless the eggs are laid by chickens that
are running free.
Well, what's that term in England they use
for this?
Free range, free eggs.
I was so naive the other day in
the countryside, I saw the sign, free eggs.
And I almost went, I almost went to
the door and I thought, these people have
probably got too many chickens, too many eggs,
and they're giving them away to local people.
But this means that the eggs are laid
by chickens that are running free.
And when you think of, you know, getting
in a movement like O.M., you know,
in O.M. we're praying for any eggs.
We don't care if they're laid by the
local rabbits.
So I would say that the way to
find balance in your desire for a healthy
diet is number one, trust the Lord.
Number two, do the best you can.
Do what you can with the money you've
got.
When you get to India, you can find
tomatoes, you can find fresh fruit.
You're going to have to die to your
pride with your leader who may want you
put on a total rice diet and say,
brother, I want to drive the truck, I
want to work, but, you know, I'm from
the west, if I don't get some of
this fruit and other stuff, I'll be finished.
And I tell you, there's many a foreigner
in India because he didn't make the extra
effort and die to his pride and he
wanted to sort of totally identify within six
months he's finished.
I believe this is one of the reasons
we don't have more long-term people in
our work.
Foolishness.
And we've got to get the food we
need.
A person reared on a low diet, all
of his life, is not going to generally
need the same food as you do, but,
you may discover he also gets sick.
And this is an area where I don't
have any easy answer when sometimes you hardly
have any money.
And I think pride gets in the way
on some of our teams who are afraid
to tell other people our needs.
OM does not teach this.
We believe in sharing the needs within the
family.
We are the family.
You may want to do it on your
own.
You may want to get the testimony of
the fruit rolling down the hill.
But God may want to give you the
testimony of learning your dependence on other brothers
and sisters.
Sharing your need.
Maybe the headquarters could send you out some
money if you die to your pride and
let them know that your team has not
been eating lately.
If you feel you're going to trust the
Lord for all the money, all right, try
it for a couple of days and if
you don't see the victory, just acknowledge you're
failing and get some communication out and get
some money that you need for a proper
diet.
One of the miracles in OM is the
sharing of our possessions, things we don't need.
We need to do more of this.
Why don't we even interchange lists among ourselves
as families?
If you don't feel happy about putting some
bigger thing in Charlie, why not duplicate a
list, send it out to five, ten headquarters
and say, these are some things we have
around that we don't really need or we'd
like to see distributed if someone else has
a real need.
If they don't, well, we'll make use of
it.
And I think through more sharing of ideas,
of things that we no longer need, it
could be a real blessing.
And it's the concept of it's better to
give than receive.
I find it very easy to be concerned
about the needs of my own home and
there's nothing wrong with that.
I have to care for my children.
But to be also concerned about one another's
needs.
I heard Alfie Franks wanted a cricket bat
and to me little things are important.
I think of the lack of toys sometimes
out in some fields compared to all the
stuff dumped on us in the West.
Within a week or two or I think
it was just before that someone of all
things gave me a cricket bat.
Well, my children are not into cricket.
We play baseball.
We go around teaching the English how to
play baseball.
It's the funniest thing you've ever seen.
We had this summer some great time with
our baseball bat.
So we sent the cricket bat out to
India.
And then the ninth thing under this finding
the balance, work and evangelism and church versus
play recreation and the home life.
You're never going to find the total answer.
Now some of you if you were in
a secular job you might have a 9
to 5 job.
You know the phlegmatics the family types 9
to 5 job you don't want to go
up the social ladder you're not that interested
in a bigger house.
You might have a relatively quiet life.
In some of your countries some of you
you would get locked into a big multiple
national corporation.
Yours wouldn't be 9 to 5.
Yours would be 24 hours a day.
When I see the demands made on some
businessman it's unbelievable much more than it's made
on me.
And I just feel that in O.M.
we have plenty of scope for having a
good family life.
If we don't have a good family life
it's our own fault.
And I'm convinced that we've got to work
toward balance in this area.
You've got to learn to play with your
children.
People that have not specialized in playing with
their children taking time with their children they
are disobeying major principle about it.
Because I was teaching what I'm teaching you
now 15 years ago when I was working
on this book was saying very, very similar
things.
I didn't have it in my own life
as much as I do today.
But there's got to be time to play.
And as your children get older you're going
to discover it's not a matter of you
just snapping your finger they drop everything they're
doing to go with you.
You know I have more influence over many
people than I'll ever in some ways than
my own children.
They're quicker to go tell me to fly
my kite than any of you.
You're very gentle.
And I'm going home now late tonight specifically
to be with the children tomorrow.
And tomorrow night I have had to book
in advance not a matter of me here
I am God's gift to the family.
They're already booked.
Daniel has his girlfriend.
Benji's going to his car club.
Christa she's younger.
She's used a little more co-op.
So we phoned ahead you know any chance
you know that we can have some time
you know.
Daniel says can I bring my girlfriend?
Christa wants to go do this.
Benjamin I don't know I guess he'll have
to miss his hot rod club for Friday
night or something else.
So it's not like when they're five you
just drag them off to any crazy O
.M. event.
Here sit in the back of the meeting.
Have a great time.
I tell you my kids got meetingitis five
years ago.
They're not interested in going to O.M.
meetings.
They know O.M. backward and forward.
So you're going to have to use a
little bit of sanctified imagination.
And husbands you may want to get a
little of that for your wife as well.
She's tired of the same special treat.
The same special treat for the last ten
years.
You know you can think of something new.
The big thing in the last three years
in England ever special treat?
McDonald's.
McDonald's has been there three years now.
This was a big thing for my kids
when McDonald's first came.
The other day we said hey McDonald's what
about Indian food?
That stuff is really expensive.
Some of you might want to learn how
to cook.
You know that's another interesting area that we
discovered.
That making food interesting can help you survive.
Boy this is probably something you don't know
about me.
I don't need to eat much.
And when it's unappetizing I don't need to
eat at all.
Really.
I can go for a long time with
just biscuits, a few apples.
And my wife has learned how to make
the food a little bit attractive.
Because I have a lot of things on
my mind.
Food is not a high priority.
Until it's appetizing.
Until I land in New Jersey and there's
my mother lurking with rare roast beef, corn
on the cob.
Oh man.
My sanctification down the tube.
And I don't believe it's wrong.
I don't believe it's At least a couple
times a week to spend even a few
more pence to make that food a little
more appetizing.
Especially if you've been in the dull food
battle for 20 years.
As far as I'm concerned there's certain food
in O.M. I want to never look
at again.
Of course the new recruits, I'm sure they're
just spellbound with some of the best food
that they get.
So, the balance is needed.
And I hope you will find it.
Some other things I wanted to share about
marriage very quickly if I can find my
notes, are some things that I feel we
tend to do too much and some things
that we don't really do enough.
I gave this message on the ship some
years ago and it made quite an impact.
Let me give these first.
Basic complaints we find in O.M. In
fact, this is the message I was thinking
of.
I changed the title.
Called it basic complaints or the not enough
and not too much.
This comes from many, many, many husbands sharing
privately with me.
And it comes from many, many wives sharing
privately generally with my wife and I together.
So, this is wrong.
This is really getting down to the nerve
of survival in marriage.
First of all, I have listed seven not
enough.
There's not enough of this.
You know, when I made a stew in
Boy Scouts, I made a mistake.
I was getting cooking merit badge.
I thought I was one of the greatest
cooks ever.
I specialized in stew, Irish stew.
And I put ten times as much flour
as you're supposed to put.
It was the final ingredient, the stew was
made, just a little flour to make it
thicker.
You can imagine the team as they tried
to digest a recipe that became known as
Verwer's glue.
So, sometimes in your cooking, you put too
much.
And I just want to let you know
how carnal I get.
Some of you think I'm spiritual, those of
you who've only been around one or two
days.
Sometimes I get upset if my food isn't
cooked properly.
Now, that something isn't for the international coordinator.
Joe brokenness, hardship, the ends of the earth,
suffering for Christ, prison for Christ, anything.
Here I am, having a meal and just
because it's not cooked right.
In fact, my wife and I have had
major, major controversies, especially over steak.
Now, see, you only get steak when you
really come into a whole liberty experience, you
know.
And some extra money has come in and
you finally go down and you buy some
steak, you bring it home praying and you
entrust it to your wife.
I cannot stand steak unless it's rare.
To me, if you're going to cook it
through, you might as well have hamburger, might
as well have liver.
So, as my wife is cooking the steak,
I become very intense.
I make at least three trips into the
kitchen and I make comments like, you know,
you can always put it back again, but
you can't make it rare once you've burned
it.
This makes her more nervous.
She's usually trying to cook three or four
other things.
Also, I don't agree with this thing of
serving everything at once.
To me, we just cook it and serve
it as it comes.
And when my wife was in hospital, we
had a hallelujah party.
One person at the stove, one person at
the table.
This is ready, over to the table, back
to the stove.
My wife likes everything perfectly organized.
For a long time, I could not wait
for her to sit down and pray.
I used to be sitting, she's diddly dallying
around with a salad and salt.
I'd just pray.
Thank you, Lord, for this food.
She would get upset.
Can't you wait for me?
I'd shout back, you're too slow.
Don't you realize I've got a meeting tonight?
Now, it's all very funny here, but not
so funny in the house.
This is why, over the years, I have
become more convinced that it is good for
families to live privately, away from the team,
or at least one of your meals, away
from the team, because oftentimes, the meal time
is an intensive time.
All right, here are the things the wives
are saying they don't get enough of.
They don't get wives don't get enough.
Number one, they don't get enough time.
Number one complaint in O.M., they don't
get enough time.
You know, your husband, you think your time
was worth, you know, $500 an hour.
Give your wife some time.
Not begrudgingly.
You don't put a sign-up sheet outside
your office.
My wife used to give me a jab
once in a while by going to my
secretary and saying, you think you could book
in some time.
But believe me, you've got to give that
time.
By the way, I've had just the opposite,
where husbands felt their wife wasn't giving them
enough time.
There's a small number of very active types.
These more aggressive, choleric, outgoing, charging down.
You know, they used to be team leaders
in O.M., carrying the banner.
Now they're married to Joe Phlegmatic.
I tell you, if I had married one
of those types, it would be an explosion.
So there are some cases where the woman
is not giving enough time for the men.
And in the area of sex, we'll get
to that later, to tell your husband you
don't have enough time, then you need to
go back to first grade.
I don't know where you learned about married
life, but you shouldn't tell your husband, at
least not more than once in a while,
you know, oh, you don't have any time
for that, because you may discover if he's
not a good, dedicated, totally committed, spirit-filled
O.M. that he may find someone else
that does have time.
And that is happening far too much among
Christians.
Now, I don't believe a man ever has
an excuse for immorality.
I don't care if his wife kicks him
out of bed seven days a week.
He must stand before God.
That's what Shelly Taylor also says in his
book.
But I don't think we want to get
to that point.
Number two, not enough information.
Let your wife know what's going on.
I have the problem, and this has brought
great tension in our home, all day I'm
communicating to people.
I feel like, you know, sometimes a phonograph
player, a record player, all day I'm telling
people why we do this, what O.M.'s
doing, what are the principles.
When I come home at night, I don't
want to say anything.
The last thing I want my wife is
to ask me what the strategy is, or,
you know, what's happening here.
And I've had to really repent, because she
has been in the dark what was going
on.
And so the wives want more information.
Number three, number three, more money.
Give her a little more money.
Don't be like me.
Here, darling, is a dollar.
Spend it completely free.
Don't account for it.
What is a dollar today?
Costs that much to get the bus up
to the shop where she wants to buy
something.
So be sure to give her a little
money that she can do what she wants
with it.
And you have to protect your wife, husbands,
from the team treasurers.
Now, I don't know what Steve Hart is
teaching, but if you have a prickly team
treasurer, then you've got to run interference.
You talk to her about your situation.
You can even be honest and say, look,
if I don't see victory in this area,
my situation is such that I will probably
have to leave OM because I can't put
this pressure on my wife, where she feels
like she's accounting to a Gestapo agency for
her expenditures.
And to some degree, a treasurer has to
be almost neutral and turn a blind eye
to wastage because single girl and male treasurers
do not understand the expenditures a family has.
I can imagine my team treasurer recently, because
I account for everything, and I, in turn,
I believe we ought to die to our
pride and not worry if some people are
criticizing because I don't know how you can
survive otherwise.
But I can imagine when the team treasurer
looked down last week and saw that I
gave 65 pounds, personal money, to my son
Danny.
What?
Spoiling the kid.
But you see, that's 65 pounds, and I
decided to put a little explanatory note just
for her encouragement.
That was a reward for four years' study
for his O levels.
I believe it's good to give incentives to
our children.
You don't have to believe that.
There's no fixed policy.
My other son only got two or three
O levels, and that was a fight to
the finish.
So I didn't know much about all this
business.
My son Daniel, I told him I'd give
him a bonus for every top grade, so
he goes off with nine O levels and
three top grades, and of course cleaned me
out of 65 quid.
Of course, I won't do it again.
I don't have any more sons.
But you see, often single people, and sometimes
even married people, they don't understand.
We are wrestling for those teenagers.
I'm not going to lose the souls of
my kids for the sake of some spiritual
movement.
That's gone extreme.
And my children mean more to me than
those two ships, and since I'm the one
that started it, I'll sell one of them
to keep my kids going.
I don't deny your children things that are
basic, within reason, of course.
And we're all going to be different.
We're all going to be different.
It's of no help to me if you
come back to me ten years from now
and say, I've kept all the OM principles,
I'm forsaking all, and your three kids are
down the tube, one on drugs, one on
liquor, and one being arrested.
And if you don't think Christian kids get
into these things, you really must be naive.
If you think it's just a matter of
putting your hands on the promise in the
book of Proverbs, rear up the children in
the way they shall go, first of all,
I would challenge even your interpretation of that
scripture.
So, there needs to be enough money.
This is why I don't see how a
family can function in OM unless they have
support.
I just don't see how it will work,
because we want the freedom to spend money.
The freedom to spend money means you've got
to have money.
There is no big machine in Jonathan's office
printing the money.
Now, those of you on a one-year
program, we're not worried if sometimes your support
is a little bit short.
You're just learning about us.
You've got reservations about us.
So do I.
But once you move, you've got to see
your support come in.
I say more important than minimum support or
maximum support, their good goals is what is
it really costing you to live, including your
furlough, including all travel, including everything, including things
that look like they come free, like the
vehicle.
That should be your goal.
And then, number four, not enough sex.
Not enough sex.
This, of course, comes more from the men
than the women.
I don't know whether it's Christian men or
women feel that sex is carnal?
My wife and I have counseled people who
felt that sex was sort of a carnal
thing and if you were really spiritual, you
certainly wouldn't have to indulge very often.
This is completely ridiculous from what I see
in the Bible.
We're not to lay aside this discipline and
often it is a discipline, at least to
get started.
Once you're started, it's usually not such a
discipline to finish, but when you have so
many things in your mind and this, that,
to get started.
When I've spoken at length about sex within
marriage, I've had more feedback of encouragement than
almost any message I've ever given.
It seems that not many people want to
talk about this.
And the last thing we'll often do as
people who are susceptible to pride, the last
thing we'll do as Christians is go for
counseling about our sex life.
That's a no-no.
What if they find out?
First of all, you can go to someone
totally outside of O.M. Someone you know
has a balanced, happy, marital life and a
positive view towards sex.
You can even write people.
You can write people.
I have seen some people's sex life totally
change through even one little sentence of advice.
Getting people, for example, convinced that you can
have sex in the daylight.
You've had people we've counseled, you can't have
sex except in the night, with the lights
out.
And this is crazy.
You can have sex anytime your heart desires.
I could give you a list, 25 ways,
where, when, how, what kind of signs to
produce, and all the rest.
And in O.M., you've got to have
signs.
Private, keep out, explosives, anything.
We sometimes presume that we can neglect our
sex life.
As long as we're having our Bible study,
as long as we're praying, God will hold
us.
But if God has told you in His
Word not to neglect this aspect of life,
then maybe you ought to put the Bible
aside.
I've had a number of times, I've studied
the Word of God, some of these passages,
I just thought, well, I know what I'm
going to do now, and I chased my
wife and we had some special study.
I am not asking you to be like
me, God have mercy on you, but it's
a big area.
And we've had a number, a number of
wives have come very cautiously to my wife
and I and say, is there anything you
can do to get my husband to have
more sex?
They're very shy about this.
Then I go quietly to the husband and
say, well, I it's very difficult.
So, you know, how's this aspect of life
going?
Oh, well, I'm busy in the work, brother.
I'm preaching a lot, really getting in the
Word, and I'm so tired at night.
And the wife is suffering.
Some women need far more ministry and communication
in this area than other women.
Get to know your wife.
If she, in a sense, is making bigger
demands on you than you feel you can
give, well, rejoice because most of the men
are in the other category.
Oh, we better move on.
You may get offended.
Number five, more affection.
Now, if the men sometimes would like a
little more activity in and around the bedroom,
then the women would like a little more
general affection.
And this is where I have to repent.
I can be in a bad mood and
problems, phone calls, no loving words to my
wife, no caresses in the kitchen, no kisses
and no I love you.
But somehow around seven o'clock at night,
the volcano starts to come and within 20
minutes, I've got her, she's very cooperative.
Ten minutes later, I want to go back
to work.
This is not right.
I'm not sure it's even normal, but it's
not right.
Women need to understand that with a man,
his sex valve turns on very quickly.
Very quickly.
I mean, some women, they don't want to
have sex, and yet they purposely without knowing
it, are always undressing in front of their
husbands.
And then they get upset because the guy,
you know, starts on the move.
I mean, you know, you need to get
things organized.
Put a curtain up or get some rules
and regulations.
Because as men are triggered, our triggers go
off easy.
Not all men, not I'm the first one
to tell you, we're all different.
But most women prefer a little more affection
throughout the day.
A little I love you on the phone.
Bring some flowers.
We had some growing right in our back
garden recently.
There's little yellow ones I picked and brought
some.
The impact wasn't too great.
Number six, this is a big one.
Not enough water.
We're not talking about baptism.
We're talking about washing.
We had a wife quietly come share.
Anything you could do to encourage my husband.
It took her about half an hour to
get to this point.
But we don't have that time now.
Anything you could do to encourage my husband
to wash.
Imagine, here's a married man.
He's jumping in bed smelling like he just
came out of a cow barn.
And he wonders why she moves to the
other end of the bed and grabs a
bottle of perfume.
Women are very sensitive.
Now, this is where I tell you I'm
so thankful to God for my wife because
this is one of my problems.
Washing for me is a pain in the
neck.
Fortunately, I don't sweat much.
But when I preach, it starts to come.
And I have really sinned against the Lord
and my wife in the not enough water.
Much less other things like bad breath and
other things that we think are a demonstration
of our manliness.
Do you know there have been divorces over
these things?
I'm not kidding you.
Divorces over these things.
And women need tender, loving care.
And I feel if we men go an
extra mile, we might find that our wife
is willing to go a few extra miles.
And sex and the wonders of sex life
does not decrease in the thirties.
And by the forties, if you're learning the
secrets, you know the volcano, the roof is
going to blow right off.
So greater things are ahead for those of
you who are balanced.
For those of you who are extremists, what
road lies ahead of you, I'd hate to
know.
And then, more prayer.
Not enough prayer and devotions.
Here's also where I have totally failed.
We're all aware of this.
Don't give up.
Try again.
Get back in your family devotions again.
Then very quickly, too much.
We've had not enough, now too much.
Number one, too much looking at other women.
Men, we need to control our eyes.
It hurts our wives when they find out
that we've got an eye for other women.
We may make a joke of it and
she may make a joke of it, but
it's not right.
It's sin against the Lord.
Doesn't mean we can't look at women as
they pass, but you know what I mean.
Number two, too much work.
Too much work.
Too much work and not enough praying makes
John a dull boy.
Something like that, isn't it?
Or Jack.
Learn something in O.M., the work is
never caught up.
Forget it.
It's never caught up.
And it's more important to emphasize your wife
and your family and those basic realities than
just be working 15 hours a day.
I believe in O.M. some families need
more holidays, three and four day holidays.
Why?
Because when they're in a conference like this,
it's a 16-hour day and the wife
and the family therefore deserve a greater period
of holiday when they can get totally out
of it.
Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes I've made
is not do that more often, especially since
when I take a holiday, I can still
usually squeeze in eight hours of dictation without
much problem.
But I believe too much work is a
hindrance.
Number three, too many people.
I overran my wife with hospitality.
I had people over every day.
I used to have people breakfast, lunch and
supper, sometimes without asking.
Now I'm sure some people criticize that the
Verwers don't exercise as much hospitality as they
used to do.
You know one thing we learned?
To one degree, we don't give a blank
about criticism because we have decided we are
going to survive.
And we know in this kind of fellowship,
you're always going to be criticized.
We try to communicate.
We try to give answers.
We don't give up.
We have single people, we communicate.
Our life's an open book.
But I'm not going to have people in
all the time, every meal, when I got
three teenagers, when this puts too much pressure
on my wife, and especially when she feels,
and this, every woman is different, but my
wife feels if she has someone in, she
has to really do something right.
The meal really must be right.
I wouldn't care.
Really, we've had big fights over this.
Serve them noodles, burn them, let's have operation
brokenness.
But you can't expect a woman to go
along with this kind of philosophy.
Women like to do things right.
Now, of course, to bring the balance in,
woman, if you want to survive, you may
be a little bit more watchful of your
pride in this area.
Household pride, kitchen pride, cooking pride, there's an
element of it that's allowed in the good
sense.
But it can be deadly because it plays
on your nervous system.
And I think it's an area where we
need balance.
Too many people, we all love people, but
you can overdo dose your wife.
You can overdose your wife.
And physically, you need to know where your
wife is.
You need to know where your husband is.
Some of your wives, you're going to protect
your husband from a nervous breakdown because he
does not know his limits.
And you need to trip him.
My wife knows how to trip me.
She's got a little fancy uniform up in
her bedroom that we only see every once
in a while.
And I can be totally paranoid.
World evangelism, my leaders are bugging me.
Phone calls, telexes, she knows how to stop
me cold.
Turn me over, flip me upside down, and
deliver me from all fears and worries.
Now, for those of you who don't know
what I'm talking about, we can have a
private session.
It'll cost you $100 field credit.
Too much working pressure.
Too many people.
Too many pressures.
Wives, protect your husbands.
There are many other ways to do it.
His favorite meal.
He comes home all blue.
The leaders had given him a hard time.
Give him his favorite meal.
Boy, that's a way that my wife ministers
to me.
And there are many other ways.
We need to protect one another.
And then, too much, hang on, safety belts
ready, too much fat.
Fat.
Now, you don't want to rub this in.
You want to get rid of it.
Now, I want to just tell you, first
of all, I feel my wife is just
right.
I don't feel my wife is too fat.
But one of the mistakes I made in
my early marriage was overemphasizing this.
So, really, I shouldn't mention it.
But I used to give this weekly.
Stay thin, keep the curves, you know, because
I'm one of these lustful persons.
Now, if your husband doesn't have any trouble
with lust and, you know, he doesn't care
whether you roll home or walk home, just
let yourself go.
I can feel free here because I think
all of you really are doing well.
Some wives are here right now and might
have a little trouble.
And ultimately, of course, I know all of
this has to be kept in balance.
This is the trouble, of course, that the
scales don't stay in balance.
But I believe women should try to be
attractive within balance, within control, not become neurotic
about it.
Husbands, in turn, need to battle their wife,
loving her, no matter what happens.
I really believe that.
I've told my wife many times, no matter
what happens.
What if she has cancer of the breast?
The fear of many women.
Before God, even though that's the last thing
perhaps many men would like, my loyalty to
her goes far deeper than anything that we
can ever talk about physically.
But most of us are not in that
situation.
And I have seen how Christian women sometimes
neglect themselves, the husbands pretending it doesn't matter.
It's easy for husbands to pretend in this
way, pretending it doesn't matter, and soon he's
chasing other women.
The same thing can happen in reverse.
The man who neglects himself and these other
practical things, the wife can begin being attracted
to other men.
Then, next, just three points to go.
Too much complaining.
The wife who's always complaining to the husband.
The house is never big enough.
There's never enough money.
Always complaining.
One minute it's O.M., next minute it's
him, next minute it's the neighbors, next minute
it's his mother.
You may think complaining about the in-laws
is not important, but generally somebody gets hurt.
They try to smile, they get hurt.
And so, the revolution will be brought into
the home through more of a positive attitude.
Bringing things into balance.
Then, too much children.
Too much children.
Appropriate moment.
Don't worry about that in this session.
The more harassing we can have, the better
the orientation.
But, believe me, there are times when you
need to get away from your children.
Isn't it better to see your wife go
the long run?
And if she is, then she needs a
break once in a while.
There are times when you need to take
care of the children.
Let her go out with the girls, if
that's something she wants to do.
What a wonderful thing in a fellowship like
this.
Some of you helped married women when you
were single.
You should not feel ashamed to ask a
little help from the single people.
It's pride that keeps us from seeking help
from those who can help us.
You say, what if they criticize?
You say, you can't live any life without
criticism.
Talk it out with them.
See what the problem is.
The problem may not have been that they
didn't want to help.
The problem may have been that they felt
they were being presumed on because no one
thanked them or a little gift or you
helped them.
Once we were going out with a family,
we took a single woman out with us
for something special.
Take single men out with us, do something
special, bring them into your family.
They get blessed, in turn, they bless you.
Pride is at the bottom of many of
our problems.
We want to be the independent family, the
self-dependent family.
When you get sick, you go to the
hospital without any pride.
I believe this is an area where as
a fellowship, we need wisdom.
I had to write a three-page letter
to one brother who was criticizing my older
son in connection with his use of a
vehicle.
I just made it clear that my older
son, part of his life is missing because
of OM.
If there's anyone that has suffered in this
work, for the last 10
years, I just to rid of them.
I want to get rid of them.
I want get many disadvantages.
So the fact that within OM he will
get some advantages, it just balances out.
But many young people, even other families, if
they're new, they never had much teaching, they
will not understand this.
And it's an area where we need wisdom.
And then lastly, too many demands.
Too many demands.
I have told my wife, she does not
have to preach at meetings, she does not
have to give her testimony.
We've had suggestions through the suggestions box, can
Drina Brewer have a question and answer session?
I feel there are already enough demands on
my wife because I am, by my very
ministry, somewhat demanding.
I'm not interested in putting more demands on
her.
And it doesn't bother me if someone thinks
she's not the spiritual woman she should be.
I don't want one of these spiritual women.
I've seen too many of them go cuckoo.
I want a down-to-earth wife that
can minister and love and help me survive.
Now all women are different.
If your wife can have a public ministry,
praise God, we need this in OM.
We really do.
And if she feels free, let her go.
But don't make too many other demands.
And I think the reason there are many
nervous breakdowns and depressions among Christians and more
in Christian work outside of OM than within
it, especially pastors-wise, is because too many
demands.
She's got to be Mrs. Hospitality, Mrs., of
course, wife, good partner in the marital suite,
and she's got to be a good cook.
She's got to be ready at all times
to the smile of those people who drop
in in the house.
And then, of course, in OM, there's about
seven other things she's supposed to be doing.
Too many demands.
And sometimes it's true also of the husband.
Too many things coming upon one man.
If you find that's the case, you need
to go back and have a good, loving
talk with your leader and cut down on
what you're doing.
I don't have any easy answer to some
of these things, but I know there are
some answers.
And I know that if we'll learn some
of these principles, and we've touched a lot
of things this morning, we will definitely, we
will definitely see some great breakthroughs in our
marriages.
Don't hesitate to seek counsel.
It doesn't have to be with someone whose
marriage is perfect.
Sharing between married couples, we have done this
in Bromley with a number of people, and
it's been a great blessing.
No one's asking you to reveal the secrets
of your marriage, and perhaps I say too
much about mine because of the ministry God
has given me, but I can assure you
there's some things that I'm about to talk
about.
But God's not asking you to do that.
And there'll be things that, what I've said,
that you don't agree with.
That's okay, because there's plenty of scope for
all of us.
But at least be willing to learn, willing
to talk it over, and make your marriage
better for His glory.
Thank you.
Ten minutes of questions, and that's it.
Yes, thank you.
I don't tend to think of that problem
too much, but it's true, absolutely.
I did mention that just taking care of
yourself as a man is very important.
But I've noticed around OM an increase of
the bulge, and I never want to put
people into a guilt trip, but I'd rather
put a brother into a guilt trip and
see him live longer because the more weight
you put on, the more strain on your
old heart.
And I think we need to be careful
at the same time not judge people.
Some people have thyroid problems and other problems
in which they put on weight very, very
quickly.
So people like myself, we better just keep
our mouth shut because for me to put
on weight no matter what I eat is
just about impossible.
The doctor told me whatever I push in,
within three hours it's all burned up.
This morning, just trying to walk after yesterday,
I almost fell flat on my face.
So the reserve is not there, a very
big quantity.
Someone else, anything at all.
Anything at all.
I don't know what opinions are, but the
policy.
The policy is that all money is to
go through the OM bookkeeping system.
And personally, I feel very strongly that when
we don't do this, we are to a
degree operating in the dark.
And if we don't put the brakes on
it, there's no great problem now, it will
go completely wild eventually.
So we've always said, look, all you have
to do is enter that money into the
books.
Why sit on it for months anyway if
you don't need it?
Turn it in with the agreement that you'll
give them a week's notice when you need
it back.
Or if you just can't do that, at
least register it, even after you spend it.
How do you do that?
You send a slip to the treasurer, 50
pound received for family personal expenses, 50 pound
spent for family personal expenses.
I mean, if that is a hard thing
to do, then I think we are in
need of some other help because this is
good stewardship.
And remember, in God's work, the greatest abuse
has been the misuse of personal money.
I recently had a gift of $32,000,
check made out to my name, that I
could have said, this is personal.
And in Christian work, there is no end
of confusion, endless confusion.
What is personal?
What belongs to the movement?
In OM, it's all God's.
It's all God's.
And if someone gives you a $1,000
love offering because you're a great preacher, you
have to account for it.
So with the women, we give that freedom,
even to account for it after they spend
it.
We prefer they turn it in, get it,
producing for God immediately, then draw it back
out.
If you think, of course, it's something you're
going to get within one or two weeks,
like a birthday present, keep it and account
for it at the end.
I can tell you, my wife has been
very faithful in this, though she didn't find
it easy originally and receives many personal gifts,
even gifts, do not give this to OM.
You're not giving it to OM, you're just
being open about it so it's accounted for.
And I think it's important in this kind
of work.
I often have to spend book sale money
before I get back to headquarters.
I go out of some meetings with money
in every pocket.
People somehow give, and I get confused about
it, and I can publicly confess that I
have totally misplaced some money this year, small
amounts.
But as much as within me, I account
for every pound.
Even though sometimes I spend it before I
get back to my bookkeeper.
And if I know I have a big
expense for the family, I'll sometimes hold it
for a week or two and then account
for it.
Does that answer your question?
Well, I think this is where OM must
mature.
And if you are seeing that money come
in, the bookkeeper is knowing also that you're
seeing money come in.
Plus, what I've just said, no bookkeeper is
going to generally worry if it says, you
know, this was given as a personal gift
to our family, and we used it for
that.
And then you can even tell them, this
is what I said in this room.
Because it does take time for bookkeepers to
understand these things.
And I think we need to just thank
the Lord for these people.
Their job is very hard.
And I think here's another problem we're having.
People are having personal money come in that
they are using for personal things, and their
support is not coming in.
This is where the complication comes.
So this is why in my own mind,
I feel it's all one.
I personally feel when you have a personal
gift and you use it for a birthday
present, that's included within the support.
Now, if you know that actually all your
support is being blown because you're living in
a high rent and a high expenditure area,
then of course you may want to pray
a little extra.
But I think that will help you in
that situation.
Actually, I think maybe before you came in,
the husband must act on this.
Now, what you may do is just do
something to help your wife.
And my wife is faced with a lot
of extra expenditure that's very linked with the
ministry and linked with the crazy way that
I operate.
And so I ask that apart from her,
because we have a housekeeping weekly system in
Bromley, different fields of different systems.
And I ask that on top of that,
my wife be given a float.
And she accounts for every penny of that.
On the other hand, some of these things
will never be totally easy.
But just compare your financial struggles with the
struggle of most people in the third world.
And personally, when I've got hassled about some
of these things, I've just thought of some
of the problems other people are having.
And I've realized the greater danger is really
unreality in this area.
That we just get so much, our parents
send us money, they buy us clothes.
And we need to just praise the Lord.
Not that this isn't a problem, it is
a problem.
Keep working on it, praise the Lord, and
just accept this as part of life.
And one of the things you need to
learn about.
Because the financial hassles of the average family
just living on their own are enormous.
And you know what some of your own
relatives and friends have been into.
When these days in many countries, within one
month they can give you notice that you're
fired.
After putting 10, 15 years into one job.
And you know what?