Grant me your attention as we get started
this morning.
I did tell the children, I was going
to ask you parents, how many of you
know who Ishbi B'Nab is?
I told the children, I don't think one
adult is going to know who that is.
And they said, not even Brother Charles?
I said, no, I don't think so.
Ishbi B'Nab.
Okay children, let the adults know who that
is.
He's a giant and one of David's mighty
men killed him.
In fact, I think it was Abishai was
the one that killed him.
And there were four different giants that we
find in 1 Samuel that were put to
death.
One of them had six fingers on each
hand.
Do you remember Og, the king of Bashan?
He was also a giant.
I talked to the children today about giant
killers in the Scriptures.
And we, as Christians, are yet called to
be giant killers.
This isn't just something for the fairy tales.
Dragon slayers and giant killers are very much
a reality today.
They're big things that God has called little
people to conquer.
But when we go in the strength of
the Lord, we can conquer them.
If we go in our own strength, we
can't do it.
We can't do it.
You know, one of those monsters that God
has given us to conquer are our children.
And every parent here knows the weightiness of
that truth.
This week, well, I think it was last
week actually, I was reading in my own
personal Bible study time and going through the
prophecy of Ezekiel.
The Lord, in Ezekiel 16, boy, in the
middle of Ezekiel's prophecy, there are some of
the most incredibly angry words that come forth
from God.
Wrathful words.
It is the place in the history of
Jerusalem where God is going to destroy them
and there is no hope of repentance.
There is no hope that God's going to
turn away.
He tells them, I am going to do
this and I am not going to turn
away my wrath.
And it doesn't matter if you even had
righteous men among you like Noah, Daniel.
It doesn't even matter if you have men
like this.
I would not turn away my wrath.
Repentance from men like that will not turn
me away.
It's not going to happen.
His anger is fierce.
And as He is telling, chronicling all the
devastation and destruction and despair and sorrow that
He is going to bring on the people
of Jerusalem, He begins to go through and
tell them why He is going to do
this.
And He lists their sins.
And in the course of listing their sins,
one of the terrible abominations that they committed
was that they offered their children as sacrifices
to foreign gods.
I want you to hear exactly how the
Lord Himself describes this atrocity.
He says in Ezekiel 16, 20, And you
took your sons and your daughters, whom you
had borne to Me, and these you sacrificed
to them.
By them, He means the gods, the idols,
the images that they were worshipping, to be
devoured.
Were your whorings...
Now, He's not talking about sexual whorings.
He's talking about idolatrous whorings.
Were your whorings so small a matter that
you slaughtered My children and delivered them up
as an offering by fire to them?
The Lord says here, your sons and your
daughters.
But He says that because they're their responsibility.
But He says, these sons and daughters that
He calls yours, He says, they have borne
to Him.
And then the Lord points to each one
of those children and He calls them My
children.
Your children belong to Him.
And I realize He's speaking to Jerusalem here,
but the same principle is true for our
children as much as it is for their
children.
We bear them to Him.
And they're His.
Parents, do you ever just sit down, sit
back and watch your children and realize, they're
not mine.
They're not mine.
I've been entrusted with them.
And folks, you know what?
You have been entrusted with them for a
short season.
You do not have long with these children.
All you have to do is ask somebody
whose children are already gone out of the
house.
They will tell you, it happens like that.
In a flash.
It is, they are gone.
You only have them entrusted to your care
for a short season.
We just simply don't have long.
And you know what?
You guys only get one go around at
this thing.
There is not a second chance.
No second chances here.
How many parents say, oh, where did I
go wrong?
But you know what?
They're asking that after the fact.
When it's too late to correct anything that
they did wrong.
Folks, if we're going to ask about doing
wrong, we need to ask ourselves right now
while we have time to change what might
be wrong.
Not later.
Folks, we need to seek to perfect this
thing.
The Scripture says, whatsoever your hand finds to
do, do it with all your might.
Well, God has given your hand to be
a parent.
And you need to give it all your
effort.
Give it a good effort.
You need to seek to perfect this thing,
looking to the Lord and trusting Him.
We need to seek to give this thing
our best, folks.
And you know, biblical parenting is one of
the hardest things that God has given us
as Christians to do in this life.
Folks, He has entrusted living souls to your
care.
Living souls entrusted to your care.
Handle them with care.
One of the areas that parents have the
potential to go wrong is in the area
and deals with the subject matter that I
want to cover today.
It is in the area of dating.
Folks, parents have
a responsibility to guide their children.
Wait, this thing has just had its better
day.
There's no question about it.
Parents are failing in this area.
No question about it.
Is it worthy of a sermon?
Yeah, it is.
It's worthy of lots of sermons.
And I believe that one of the problems
in this country and one of the reasons
that parents and Christian parents have gone astray
in this matter is because you know something?
There's been a failure in the pulpit.
I mean, I would challenge any one of
you guys to tell me when you have
ever heard a message about biblical courting or
dating in your entire lives.
And yet, it is a huge matter.
It is a huge matter.
It is a huge responsibility as far as
our parenting goes.
This is an area that we are not
properly, biblically instructed in.
And I say that for myself.
I know that I have not had messages
about biblical courting pressed upon my conscience.
And you know what?
You hear some things about it.
You've got people out there like Joshua Harris,
why kiss dating goodbye, and there's some things
like that.
But you know what?
Even for the amount of biblical courting material
that I've come across or I've heard about,
rarely have I ever seen somebody really open
up the Bible and show why is one
way right and one way not right.
Why is it right?
I mean, give me some...
You know what?
I get frustrated with hearing people say, well,
the Bible says do this.
And you know, in a lot of the
courting stuff and a lot of the dating
stuff, you hear people say, the Bible teaches
this.
The Bible teaches this.
But you know what?
They never go and show you where it
teaches that.
Because a lot of times when guys say
that, when I read it in a sermon
or hear it on a tape, I'm thinking,
well, where does it say that?
You don't say where it says it.
Because right off, I can't think of where
it says it.
And you know what?
If you don't have Scripture bearing weight on
your conscience, just because a man says the
Bible says it, it doesn't hold a lot
of weight with me and probably not with
you either.
So we need to dive into this.
Now, parents, God has given you wisdom.
He's given you a measure of biblical understanding.
He's given you knowledge.
He's given you things that your children don't
have, right?
He has brought you to a place where
every Christian adult in this room has knowledge
about what would make a good spouse.
They have biblical knowledge.
They have practical understanding about what a good
spouse ought to be and what one ought
not to be.
And yet, isn't it amazing that for all
that wisdom that's been imparted to Christian parents,
the dating system bypasses that just about altogether.
You've got little girls bringing home boys and
boys bringing home girls, and they're the ones
selecting.
And the parents are left out of this
formula almost altogether.
And yet, we're the ones who have been
given to our children to guide them and
lead them and train them and instruct them
and warn them.
And how the present day system...
I'm telling you folks, Satan wants parents out
of the formula.
Because he knows the danger that there is
when we get involved in our children's lives.
There just might be a godly result in
the matter.
And he doesn't want that.
But God does want that.
Now, you guys might think I'm going to
dive right into this and say, well, of
course, dating's wrong.
You know, you throw a guy and a
girl out in the back seat of a
car.
What do you expect?
Well, of course, that is, and there's a
place to discuss that.
But you know, I really think as I've
studied this issue up, I'll tell you what
I did.
I started off by going to daughter and
daughters and virgin and virgins and words like
that.
And I scoured the whole Bible.
Because as I've looked at this and I've
considered it, I feel like, I have a
sense, and I think the biblical evidence will
back me up on this, there is a
failure, folks.
There is a failure at the point of
sound biblical headship in the family.
I think that is the starting point of
the fracture in this area of the lives
of our children and of our families today.
Not just out there in the world, but
in Christian circles.
I think it is a matter of headship
failure.
And now maybe you wonder, well, what do
you mean by headship?
I mean authority.
Folks, when you go to the Bible, I
realize feminists don't like this.
This might sound sexist to some of you.
But listen, it's biblical.
God has ordained.
In fact, you know what?
When you go to the Bible, you find
that Jesus Christ is the One who created
everything.
He created it.
If it's out there, folks, He made it.
If it's light, if it's day and night,
if it's the plants that come up, if
it's the seas and the dry land, if
it's the animals, the birds in the air,
the fish in the sea, we find out
in John 1.1 and following there that
in the beginning was the Word.
And you know what?
There's not a thing out there, folks, that
wasn't created by Him.
He ordained it.
And you know what?
Not only that, He ordained all the structures.
He ordained society.
He ordained the way the family would be.
He ordained the way the church would be.
He ordained the way that government would operate.
And you know what you find in the
Scriptures?
You find this principle of male headship.
It's biblical.
God designed men to lead in government.
He designed them to lead in the church.
And He designed them to lead in the
family.
And that just can't even be argued.
Now, I know there are exceptions where women
may need to take up the headship in
a family or in the government.
But they're exceptions.
They're not the rule.
They're exceptions to the rule.
And I would remind you of this, guys.
God did not give male leadership and male
headship to oppress.
He gave it to protect.
And so that needs to be where we
start out with.
And I want to deal first and foremost
with that headship issue as it involves fathers
and daughters.
Now, no doubt about it, it includes fathers
and sons or fathers and wives.
But when you go to the Word of
God, you find far more emphasis on the
father-daughter.
Now, I know you go to Proverbs and
you find lots of instruction being given to
the son, but when it comes to the
headship and the authority issue, you find the
submission emphasized far more in the Word of
God when it concerns daughters.
And I want to show this to you
because I believe, folks, that this is where
the breakdown is.
I really believe that if this is corrected
in our families, then there will be a
natural outflowing that will tend to cause young
men to have to conform as well.
Because I'll tell you this, folks, if a
man isn't going to let his daughter get
touched by any young man until he is
responsible, until he's hardworking, until he proves himself
as a leader and shows himself to be
brave and courageous, if all fathers took that
position and a young man couldn't, I'll tell
you, his sexual drive and his desire to
have a wife and his desire to lay
his hand on a woman would be pretty
compelling to get him to conform to certain
standards.
But that's not the way it is today
because young men basically have sex handed to
them on a plate and there's no responsibility
required.
And so you know what you've got?
You've got a bunch of young men that
aren't responsible.
So, let's jump into the Word of God.
Let's check this out.
First thing is, you guys know that there
is definitely a principle and you're going to
say, well, yeah, we're familiar with this.
It's in our culture today.
But there is a biblical principle about fathers
giving their daughters in marriage.
You might say, yeah, but you've come across
it a lot.
So if you've read your Bible any fair
amount of time, you've come across the verses
that deal with this.
You've heard this.
Let's just look at some.
The first one I want to read to
you...
Don't look at all these because I'm going
to shoot through them very fast, but open
your ears right now.
We'll all read together in the Scriptures in
just a second.
This first one I want to read to
you, pay very close attention.
You'll probably never hear it read again in
a sermon the rest of your life.
1 Chronicles 2.35 So, Shishan gave his
daughter in marriage to Jarhah his slave.
Exodus 2.21 Moses was content to dwell
with the man Jethro.
And he gave Moses his daughter Zipporah.
Genesis 41.45 Pharaoh called Joseph's name Zaphonath
-Paneah.
And he gave him in marriage Asenath, the
daughter of Potipharah, priest of An.
Nehemiah 10.30 We will not give our
daughters to the peoples of the land.
Joshua 15.16 And following Caleb said, Whoever
strikes Curiath-Sephar and captures it, to him
will I give Aksa, my daughter as wife.
Anath-Neel, the son of Kenaz, the brother
of Caleb, captured it and he gave him
Aksa, his daughter, as wife.
In 1 Samuel 18.17, Saul said to
David, Here is my elder daughter Merab.
I will give her to you for a
wife.
Now, ultimately, he didn't end up giving her
to him, but the point was he was
saying I will give her.
In 1 Samuel 18.27, David arose and
went along with his men, killed 200 of
the Philistines.
David brought their foreskins, which were given in
full number to the king, that he might
become the king's son-in-law.
And Saul gave him his daughter Michael.
Not spelled like the guy's name, but it's
a girl's name.
Michael for a wife.
Jeremiah 29.6, Take wives and have sons
and daughters.
Take wives for your sons and give your
daughters in marriage.
In Judges 21.1, the men of Israel
had sworn at Mizpah, no one of us
shall give his daughter in marriage to Benjamin.
Genesis 34.8, you know, one of Jacob's
daughter Dinah was raped and Hamor, the father
of the young man that raped her, spoke
with Jacob and his family saying, the soul
of my son Shechem longs for your daughter.
Please give her to him to be his
wife.
Now, you guys might think, well, yeah, we
still have that.
I mean, in our wedding ceremonies, what does
the father do?
Papa, what did you do?
Did you take her hand and set it
in mine?
I don't remember exactly how we did that.
But you know that happens in weddings.
You have the father.
Typically, in a first wedding, a lot of
times in later weddings, it doesn't happen this
way, but in the first wedding, you have
the father who will hand his daughter over
to the groom.
Well, folks, that's only a ceremony.
You know what?
It's symbolic of a greater truth.
We still have the symbolism in our society,
but we've in great measure lost the truth
that goes behind the symbolism.
Because you know what you've got?
You've got Daddy's little girl who brings home
some guy and he doesn't like him.
And he doesn't trust him.
And he's got a thousand things that he
thinks are wrong with this guy, but you
know what?
He keeps his mouth shut and in the
end, they end up there at the altar
and he never did like the guy, but
he just hands his daughter over to him
and never says a word.
And you know what?
He hasn't given his daughter.
He hasn't been in control of this thing.
He hasn't looked at a young man and
found approval in him and then handed his
daughter over.
Folks, do you realize in the Scriptures that's
exactly what was happening?
When Caleb said, I will give my daughter
to whoever takes this mountain, what he was
saying is, I'm looking for a man to
prove himself and take this mountain, and if
he takes it, then that is the man
who I am going to be pleased to
give my daughter to.
And I'm going to be the one to
be pleased with it.
And I'm not saying, folks, that the daughter
never has anything to say.
But I'm telling you this, in God's Word,
you don't hardly ever...
I can only think of one time where
the daughter's ever consulted.
That doesn't mean she shouldn't be, but what
I'm telling you is the Scripture gives emphasis
to the father's decision, not to the girl's.
And He does that because the girl's decision
is not primary.
It's secondary.
The father's is the most important.
Not the daughter's.
You see this, folks?
A father in Scripture could refuse and did
refuse to give his daughter.
You know what?
The fathers in Israel said, we will not
give our daughters to Benjamin.
In Nehemiah, the fathers in Israel said, we
will not give our daughters to the people
in this land.
You know what?
If your little girl went out and all
of a sudden she got all these affections
for one of the Amorites that lives out
in the land, guess what?
Daddy's not giving her no matter how much
she cries, no matter how much she goes
on.
And you know what?
A good father in Israel would not have
let his daughter go out and get moved
by affection for one of these Amorites.
But you see, that's where this laid in
the hands of the father.
Now I know, this might rub some wrong.
We have such feministic, equality type thinking that
runs in our society.
Folks, let me tell you something.
Men and women are equal spiritually.
But men and women are not equal when
it comes to roles.
God has designed distinct roles.
They're not equal.
They're not the same.
I'm not saying they're not equal in the
sense that necessarily one role is superior to
the other, but God designed them different.
And in the differences, the men are to
rule over the women.
They are.
And again, I want to emphasize this to
you.
It is not to oppress them.
It's so that they might be cared for.
It's so that there might be protection.
God lovingly has provision in mind, protection and
care when He designs these things this way.
Loving, caring, nurturing headship.
You guys, the fact is that the Scriptures
teach us that women are the weaker vessel.
And fathers need to protect their daughters.
They are weaker physically generally and they are
weaker emotionally generally.
And I'm not saying this to knock, ladies.
We know this is true.
What we have to do is look at
this thing.
It's biblical and it's practical.
It's real.
We see this.
God has given women a God-given role
and a God-given place.
And you know what?
As women take that place, it's a glorious
thing.
And as women take that place, it's a
safe place.
It's a protected place.
It's a place, folks, that's not somehow degrading.
You know what?
When you will take on yourself the place
God has created you for, there's no place
of greater blessing.
You know what?
When the feminists come along and they come
with their equality type statements and they go
after God's Word, you know what they do,
ladies?
They don't give you liberty.
They put you in a place where you
are vulnerable to be harmed.
And what they do is they produce men
who are weak and will not take up
leadership.
And they produce women who come out from
under the protective headship of their fathers and
their husbands and they become far more vulnerable.
Will you guys remember with me?
Satan attacked mankind right at this point.
He went after Eve when she was away
from her head.
Because he knew she was most vulnerable right
at that point.
Don't you for a second think that the
feminist movement is liberating.
Folks, it's destructive.
Because it goes dead set against God's order
in things.
So, fathers, we need to give our daughters
in marriage.
We need to do it.
We need to have the courage to stand
up when it's not right, when we see
that our daughter is in danger.
We need to speak.
We need to act.
This whole thing about giving daughters away falls
in your lap.
This isn't something we sit back and let
our daughters figure out.
Let them go through all the ropes on
this thing.
This is a thing, folks, we men need
to be leading in.
Now, you mothers who don't have a husband,
or you have one, but they're unwilling to
take up their responsibility, then you must, with
God's help, take up the task.
But I just want you to never forget
that once that headship of the father and
the husband breaks down, God has given you
the headship of pastors within the context of
the church.
And we are here to take up that,
to come alongside, to counsel, to put our
shoulders into those family situations where the father
in the family is not there or failing
to do what he's called to do.
And we just ask you, if this is
a weight, if you're confused, if you're not
certain how to carry this through, come to
Charles or come to myself.
We're here to help you.
We want to help you.
Okay, everybody turn in your Bibles to Numbers
30.
Numbers 30.
Now, you might say, well, brother, this doesn't
speak about marriage.
This doesn't speak about courting.
This doesn't speak about dating.
This speaks about vows.
Oh, it does speak about vows.
But, it sets forth a principle that I
want you to see.
I want to note a number of things.
I'm going to read to you an entire
chapter, but don't worry, it's not all that
long.
Let's look at Numbers 30.
Moses spoke to the heads of the tribes
of the people of Israel, saying, this is
what the Lord has commanded.
If a man vows a vow to the
Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself
by a pledge, he shall not break it.
Now, folks, this is any man.
It doesn't tell us age.
It doesn't tell us if he lives in
his father's house or doesn't live in his
father's house.
It just says simply, if it's a man
and he makes a vow, his word is
his word.
And he's got to stick to it.
He shall do it according to all that
proceeds out of his mouth.
But, verse 3, if a woman vows a
vow to the Lord and binds herself by
a pledge while within her father's house in
her youth, now that's important.
She's at home.
Note that.
And her father hears of her vow and
her pledge by which she has bound herself
and says nothing to her, then all of
her vows shall stand.
And I would note this, fathers.
Silence is an affirmation.
Did you get that?
When you don't say anything, you are affirming
what your daughter is doing.
If you don't say anything or you give
approval, all her vows shall stand.
And every pledge by which she has bound
herself shall stand.
But, if her father opposes her on the
day that he hears of it, no vow
of hers, no pledge by which she has
bound herself shall stand.
You see, folks, the father takes preeminence over
the daughter.
He can overrule her.
You don't find this about the son, but
you find this about the daughter.
If a son gives a vow, if any
man does, he's bound to it.
Even if he's under his father's authority, he's
bound to it.
He's given his word, he's got to stand
by it.
But the woman, the daughter who lives at
home, she must concede to the authority of
her father's headship.
And the Lord will forgive her because her
father opposed her.
He'll forgive her of her vow.
He'll basically let it go.
He will not hold her to it because
the father has overruled in the matter.
If she marries a husband under her vows...
Now notice this, folks.
She's under her vows.
It means she made vows when she was
under her father's roof that her father agreed
to or gave consent to, but now she's
becoming married.
She's carrying over vows from her single days.
"...or any thoughtless utterance of her lips by
which she has bound herself, and her husband
hears of it and says nothing to her
on the day that he hears, then her
vows shall stand and her pledges by which
she has bound herself shall stand.
But if on that day that her husband
comes to hear of it, he opposes her,
then he makes void her vow that was
on her."
Now, this is what I want some of
you fathers to understand too.
The moment you give your daughter away to
a man in marriage, his authority supersedes yours.
You may have approved of her vow, but
now the father's headship overrules yours and he
has the right to negate the vow.
I just warn you fathers, when you put
your daughter's hand in marriage to the hand
of that young man, you better trust him.
You better be convinced that he is a
man that you can trust your daughter with.
Because after you let her go, she's gone.
Your authority...
oh, they still need to honor you, but
folks, they don't need to honor you by
conceding to your authority in the matter.
The father's was superseded by the husband's here.
If on that day that her husband comes
to hear of it, he opposes her, then
he makes void her vow that was on
her and the thoughtless utterance of her lips
by which she bound herself and the Lord
will forgive her.
But any vow of a widow or a
divorced woman, anything by which she has bound
herself, shall stand against her.
Now, I want you to notice this.
The only single women that are ever talked
about in any of this context are ones
that have already been married.
Never, never, never, never, never does God acknowledge
a young lady who has not been married,
who is not under her father's roof.
Did you get that?
This idea today of letting young women go
out of the household who have not been
married, sending them off into an apartment or
into a dorm is not biblical.
You don't find examples of that.
What you find is examples of young ladies
under the protective headship of a father who
directly and immediately go from there under that
headship and the authority of a husband.
Never is she left unprotected, without a head.
The only women you find here that are
in a place of their own headship are
those who have already been married.
And either by a legal divorce or by
the death of the husband, they are in
a place to make the call on their
own.
But I'll tell you this, even the young
ladies who find themselves in this capacity, Paul
tells in 1 Timothy 5, they need to
go get married again.
They need to find a husband again.
Because it's not good that they be in
that state.
And if she vowed in her husband's house...
Now, this is not so much a carryover
vow from her father's house.
Now, Moses is talking about if she actually
makes a vow in her father's house and
bound herself by a pledge with an oath
and her husband hears of it and said
nothing to her and did not oppose her,
then all her vows shall stand and every
pledge by which she bound herself shall stand.
But if her husband makes them null and
void on the day that he hears of
them, then whatever proceeds out of her lips
concerning her vows or concerning her pledge of
herself shall not stand.
Her husband has made them void and the
Lord will forgive her.
Any vow and any binding oath to afflict
herself, her husband may establish or her husband
may make void.
Folks, he has the headship.
He has the authority.
But if her husband says nothing to her
from day to day, then he establishes all
her vows and all her pledges that are
upon her.
He has established them because he said nothing
to her on that day that he heard
of them.
But if he makes them null and void
after he has heard of them, then he
shall bear her iniquity.
These are the statutes that the Lord commanded
Moses about a man and his wife and
about a father and his daughter while she
is in her youth within her father's house.
So, again, I'll say, this doesn't speak about
courtship.
It doesn't speak about dating.
But you see some principles here.
Male headship.
Fatherly headship.
You find that young ladies that haven't been
married yet are not running around out there
on their own.
There's no category for that.
God doesn't even concede to such a category.
Again, I emphasize, the picture you have in
the Scriptures is of a father protecting his
daughter and that baton being handed to a
husband who will then protect that young lady.
Protection.
Deuteronomy 22.
Jump over there please.
Deuteronomy 22.
Now here in Deuteronomy
22, we have the virginity of a young
woman who has been married called into question.
Again, we get some good headship points here.
It's very instructive.
Deuteronomy 22.
I want to begin reading in verse 13.
Deuteronomy 22, fifth book in the Bible.
Verse 13, If any man takes a wife
and goes into her and then hates her
and accuses her of misconduct and brings a
bad name upon her, saying, I took this
woman and when I came near her, I
did not find in her evidence of virginity,
then the father of the young woman and
her mother shall take and bring out the
evidence of her virginity to the elders of
the city in the gate.
And the father of the young woman shall
say to the elders, I gave my daughter,
there's that concept again, I gave my daughter
to this man to marry and he hates
her.
And behold, he has accused her of misconduct,
saying, I did not find in your daughter
evidence of virginity.
And yet this is the evidence of my
daughter's virginity.
And they shall spread the cloak before the
elders of the city.
Basically, it was a cloth that would have
contained the blood of proof of her virginity.
Then the elders of that city shall take
the man and whip him.
If he brought a false report against his
wife and it was found that he was
a liar, he was to be scourged.
And you know what else?
They shall fine him a hundred shekels of
silver.
A little research on that will show you
that's about $60,000 in today's currency.
Gentlemen, you did not want to falsely accuse
your wives of not having been faithful.
Because if you did and you were found
out, it was going to cost you $60
,000 and it was going to cost you
a scourging.
Either one of those by themselves would have
been punishment to probably cause you to not
want to do this.
Both of them together was quite a wallop.
And, he was to take this silver and
give them to the father of the young
woman, because he has brought a bad name
upon a virgin of Israel, and she shall
be his wife.
He may not divorce her all her days.
But, if the thing is true that evidence
of virginity was not found in the young
woman, then they shall bring out the young
woman to the door of her father's house,
and the men of her city shall stone
her to death with stones, because she has
done an outrageous thing in Israel by whoring
in her father's house.
So you shall purge the evil from your
midst."
Now, somebody might say, well, brother, you're reading
all Old Testament passages.
Well, one thing I would have you remember
that whoever gave you reason to think that
we need to disregard the Old Testament, all
Scripture is inspiring.
All Scripture is profitable.
And folks, the thing about the law of
God is this.
It reveals to us the character of God.
When you come across the Old Testament, believe
it, who God is is being revealed back
there just as much as in the New
Testament.
And what you find out is what God
feels and how His concerns run when it
comes to purity, when it comes to families,
when it comes to fathers, when it comes
to husbands, when it comes to daughters and
wives.
We get an idea of the mind of
God in this that carries full well over
into the New Testament.
Well, what I want to show you, I
want to mention three things here.
First, notice this.
When the virginity of a young woman was
questioned, who did they question?
I mean, who was brought in?
They didn't bring the young lady in for
questioning.
Who did they go to?
Who was called in?
Yeah, it wasn't the woman that was called
in to vouch for her purity.
It's the parents and specifically the father.
Why?
Because he had had the headship of that
young lady prior to this husband who has
now married her.
It's the parents, specifically the father, who has
the responsibility to keep that daughter pure before
her marriage.
It's his responsibility.
And so, when there's some question about whether
she's pure or not, that's who they go
to.
You know what?
When that girl was on her wedding night
and her wedding was being consummated and she
was a virgin, they actually put a cloth
or a cloak as described here on top
of the bed in order to give proof.
And you know what?
The young lady did not hold that.
She didn't keep that as proof.
Who was it given to?
It was given to the parents and held
by the father.
Why?
Because it had to do, folks, with his
headship.
It had to do with his honor and
his integrity.
It had to do with how well he
kept his daughter pure.
If it turns out that she indeed played
the whore in Israel, it was his integrity
that would be at stake.
Guys, a young woman in Israel was expected
to be a virgin until the time she
was married.
It was expected.
And if it wasn't true, she was considered
a whore and it brought great reproach upon
her.
She would be killed and great reproach upon
that family.
The fact that the parents were responsible to
keep the evidence of her virginity indicates that
they have a biblical duty to ensure and
to raise their children in a manner so
as to preserve that purity and that virginity
in their children.
That is a responsibility of parents.
Fathers, you have a responsibility to keep those
daughters pure.
You do!
You do.
Notice second, that when the fine of 100
shekels or $60,000 comparable to our money
today was paid by the lying husband, it
wasn't paid to his wife.
And it was his wife whom he lied
about.
But it wasn't paid to her.
It was paid to the father of the
accused woman.
Why is this money paid to the father
and not to the slandered woman?
I mean, after all, who was wronged in
this whole thing?
Although the charge was brought against the woman,
it is her father's reputation as the one
responsible for protecting and preserving his daughter's virginity
that is at stake here.
So what the man is doing is he's
paying for the scandal and dishonor brought upon
the wife's former head.
And that head was her father.
Now, notice thirdly this.
If the woman is guilty, check out what
happens.
The woman isn't executed out front of her
husband's house.
And she's not executed out in front of
the city gates.
But where is she executed?
She is put to death at the front
door of her father's house.
Look, folks.
A father has headship over his daughter, and
if she is found to be impure, part
of the blame and the shame is to
be bore by the parents and specifically the
father.
You know what?
If your child gets to marriage and they're
not a virgin, if your child loses their
virginity, we can look at this and we
can say, well, it's the sin of my
child.
And you know what that may be.
But there is shame and there is reproach
that is brought upon the family because you
know what?
That father did not protect his daughter well
enough to preserve her virginity.
He let her out of his sight.
He let her out of his protective headship.
He let her out into this world in
a way that she was exposed to such
a thing.
A good father in Israel would not allow
his daughters under any circumstances to be in
a situation where it might call into question
his ability to be able to keep her
pure.
He would not.
And yet, fathers in our country and Christian
fathers will let their daughters go.
They will let them into circumstances where their
virginity is not protected.
And it's the truth.
Christian parents will let their children into unguarded,
unprotected, unchaperoned situations.
Very questionable situations.
And you find that that is not the
case in the Scriptures.
Even though this father here was likely unaware
of his daughter's sexual immorality.
Very likely, he knew nothing about it.
Very likely, he assumed that she was a
virgin.
And yet, her sexual activities while living at
home, he must bear the shame for because
he failed to properly protect and fence his
daughter from such behavior.
You know what?
Parents, our greatest objective is no doubt to
lead our children to Christ.
It is.
But you find that biblically, we're not just
to protect them spiritually, we're to protect them
physically.
We are to be their protectors.
God has given you fathers to be protective
heads of your wives and your daughters.
You need to protect them.
And you're not protecting them when you let
them go out into this world.
You're not protecting them when you hand them
off into some young man's hand who has
made no commitment whatsoever to them and they
want to run off on some date together.
You're no protector.
You're allowing your daughter to go off and
to be defiled.
Not protected.
Which brings us to dating.
Very popular exercise.
And you know, there are those who like
to call it recreational dating and it's a
good term because it is just that.
It's recreational.
It's done for pleasure.
And you guys know what I mean by
that.
I mean, the thing is, one thing I
don't have here is a bunch of fifth
generation Christians who are all naive about how
all this works.
Almost every single adult in this building right
now, those of us who were lost as
we grew up and we have children now,
we did this thing.
We know what it's about.
You know, you get to a certain age,
you get attracted to a member of the
opposite sex and the first thing you want
to do is you want to try to
get alone with them.
You want to talk to them.
You want to have phone calls with them.
You want to try to get off in
a corner by yourself together.
Then whenever you have transportation available, you want
to try to get to the movies together
or to a ball game together or to
dinner together.
And you know the practice.
And if you decide that you're not going
to go out with anybody else, you call
it going steady or whatever.
I'm going with that person or however you
guys phrased it here in Texas.
Probably a lot of the same, similar terminology.
And you know, it's basically disposable relationships.
And when you get tired of that or
it doesn't work out, something didn't quite right
about it, then you hand that off and
you go to the next one.
And the average person, I don't know, I
heard one preacher say, the average person in
this country goes through five major relationships before
they ever get to marriage.
And basically, that's what it is.
A bunch of disposable relationships.
Well, folks, I'm here to tell you and
I think you will agree with me if
you know your Bibles at all that God
hates this practice.
There's so much about it that it is
abominable to His Word.
It is not right.
It is not righteous.
It is not pure.
It does not engender good, solid marriages.
It doesn't do any of this stuff.
What it is is simply young people's opportunity
to go out and play together and enjoy
sex to one degree or another.
But folks, you know in our day, you
know in the 70's, you know in the
80's, you know in the 60's, dating, kissing,
necking, petting, and beyond, folks, are a part
of dating.
It was expected.
It was known.
How much more 40 years, 30 years after
the fact?
Do you think somehow dating has become this
pure thing?
It hasn't.
It's just the same.
All you've got to do is look around
you.
It hasn't changed.
It's only gotten worse.
The first thing.
Statistics.
66%.
That is 2 out of 3 of 18
year old females in this country have had
sex by the time they're 18 years old.
68%.
2% more of young men by the
time they reach 18 years of age have
had sex.
1 million young ladies under the age of
20 become pregnant in this country each year.
40% of all American females have become
pregnant at least once before they turn 20.
Do you realize what this means?
66% of 18 year old females are
in a position where if they had lived
in the Old Testament times, they would have
been stoned to death.
Right in their father's doorway.
On their wedding night, they would have been
found out and they would have been carted
out before the elders of the city and
there would not have been proof of her
virginity and they would have taken her right
away to the father's front doorstep and they
would have crushed her skull with stones.
And you know, God's attitude about premarital sex
has not changed today.
Fornicators and adulterers He will judge.
The Scripture is plain.
Because of these things, folk, the wrath of
God is coming.
God has not lightened in these matters.
You guys just ask yourself this question.
When have 66% of our young ladies
and 68% of our young men found
time to get together where they have lost
their virginity?
When is this happening?
I tell you, dating, folks.
It's dating.
It's when they get together.
It's when you let them run off and
go spend the night at a friend's house
or go off out to the movies together
or go off...
Folks, automobiles are basically moving couches.
I mean, don't be naive.
How many times young man and young woman,
well, I'm going to go spend the night
at my friend's house and she goes to
spend the night.
And you know what?
You've got parents on the other end and
nobody knows what's going on.
And it's not difficult, folks.
When you've got undiscerning parents, it is not
difficult for young people to figure out how
to get together.
It simply isn't.
You know, folks, what does dating say about
biblical headship and the responsibilities of fathers to
protect the purity of their daughters?
Fathers are miserably failing in this area.
I mean, it is ludicrous for me to
think...
Men!
If you were that age, you knew who
you were.
Think about this.
A Christian man to send his daughter out
with a young man who has hormones spilling
out his ears and who is obviously attracted
to his daughter or he wouldn't be asking
her out, and to simply let her go
off with him all by themselves.
What can we possibly think is going to
result from this?
Biblical headship in fathers is absolutely breaking down
at this point.
Absolutely.
Dating is a breakdown, folks, of family authority
and headship.
And then, you guys have to think about
this.
You know, one thing that I became very
aware of when I became married is the
fact that as much as God calls upon
me to honor my mother and my father,
that as soon as I was married, basically
Ruby's parents became my parents.
And I was to honor them in the
same degree.
But where does all that honor go?
I mean, think about it.
Even if that young man you send your
daughter with ends up becoming your son-in
-law, even if that happens, is he honoring
his future son-in-law if he lays
his hand upon that man's daughter prior to
marriage?
Total dishonoring of the parents in that respect.
Next thing, you guys, the symbolism of the
man-woman relationship.
Anytime we talk about men and women, we
talk about a conjugal relationship.
Anytime we talk about man and wife, anytime
we talk about sexual intimacy, do you guys
realize that Jesus Christ designed all of this
as a picture of a spiritual reality in
the church?
Christ the Husband.
God the Head.
God the Husband of His people.
We are likened to the virgin daughter.
You know how oftentimes Israel was called the
virgin daughter of Israel?
It wasn't because they had a bunch of
virgins there.
And it identified men just as well.
You guys remember how it was?
Paul said, I feel a divine jealousy for
you, for I have betrothed you to one
husband to present you a pure virgin to
Christ.
You know, when we allow our children to
run off with each other and fall into
emotional and sexual intimacy before they're married, we
just blow out of the water all the
symbolism that goes behind the very reason God
created sex and created marriage, created sexual intimacy.
Responsibility is ignored.
I am so positive that this headship issue
is right at the heart of the matter.
You know something?
A young man is not forced in our
society to be responsible.
Can you imagine if it was like it
was in Israel?
There was no man in this country going
to let me lay my hand, lay a
finger on his daughter, until I've shown that
I can successfully put together a household.
I can have a house.
I can have sufficient money to be able
to take care of his daughter.
Show myself as a spiritual leader.
To show myself that I'm able to accomplish
things in this life until I've proven myself
where that man is going to be willing
and trustingly hand his daughter over to me.
I can't trust a woman.
And so you know what happens when you
become 15, 16, 17 years old and you
begin to desire to be with a woman
pretty badly?
If I can't be with one unless I'm
responsible, guess what it's going to engender in
me?
Responsibility!
You know what we have today?
We have 12-year-old, 13-year-old,
14-year-old young men, boys, and they
get these sexual urges.
And obviously, there's at least 66% of
fathers out there who are willing to let
their daughters out of their sight long enough
to fall into the hands of these young
men.
And they're becoming pregnant.
And then you know what?
Nothing's required of them.
You know what it says in the Scriptures?
If a young man laid with an unpatrolled
virgin and it was found out, guess what
happened?
He had to pay an equivalent of $30
,000 of our money today to the father,
and he had to marry her.
And he could never divorce her.
And you know what you've got today?
You've got young men that are going out
and they're enjoying all this sex, but society
and the families and the fathers are not
requiring anything more of them.
And then they go home and they play
Nintendo.
And they're not figuring out how to be
wise, honorable, upright, hard-working young men in
our society.
No.
It's all handed to them on a silver
platter, folks.
And you know what?
No responsibility is being expected out of them
until they're 30, 35 years old.
And isn't it a wonder?
You know what's happening?
The average marital age in this country is
moving up, up, up, up.
You know why?
Because young people can enjoy everything now without
having to have marriage.
And so, you know what?
I was there.
I was in that culture.
My friends and I, we always talked that
way.
Why marry?
Most of them had parents that had been
divorced anyways.
Why did we want that?
Why take upon us that responsibility?
You see, what we're engendering in our society
today is irresponsibility.
Dating encourages irresponsibility.
That young man comes over there, and you
know, you send your daughter off with him,
I guarantee, folks, within a date or two
or five, there is going to be contact,
and there is going to be intimacy.
And here this young man, he's got free
access to it.
And nobody's putting the clamps on it.
As one man said, I listened to some
messages, I like this, he said, you know,
there's no place for SpongeBob and for Nintendo
in a young man's life if he's serious
about this thing.
No place whatsoever.
And if the fathers in our families would
rise up and be responsible and take upon
themselves that God-given headship that they ought
to have, we'd be encouraging that far more.
Now, I'm not saying all this has to
do with our daughters as a place.
You parents need to be pouring yourself into
your sons too, and you need to be
training them.
Another thing, this whole dating thing, it certainly
isn't love.
It's lust.
You know what?
Love seeks the purity of the one it
loves.
It doesn't seek to defile.
When that young man lays his hand on
a young lady, he's defiling her.
Young ladies never be sucked into that mindset
that some young man comes along and he
says he loves you.
He doesn't love you if he's willing to
defile you before marriage.
He doesn't love you.
He's selfish.
He's self-centered.
He's doing it for his own pleasure.
He's doing it for his own desires.
He's not doing it because he cares a
whit about you.
He cares about satisfying his sexual desires.
And you know that's true.
You know it is.
Flee youthful lust.
Oh, guys, in the Scriptures, we're taught not
to flee from the devil.
We're taught to resist him and he'll flee
from us.
We're taught to wrestle with principalities and powers.
We are given pictures in the Scriptures of
fighting the devil.
But you know when it comes to sexual
immorality, when it comes to youthful lust, we're
never taught to fight it.
We're taught to run from it.
We're taught to fear it.
We're taught to escape from it.
We're taught to flee.
Parents, you are not instructing your children rightly.
You are not encouraging them rightly.
Fornication and adultery are not things that you
ought to simply throw gasoline on top of.
You guys realize, you can tell by your
words to your sons and daughters one thing.
You can tell them, well, you better not.
But then you let them go right out
the door together.
That's gasoline on the fire, folks.
And you know what?
If this statistic is right, that the average
person has five major relationships before they get
married, you know what?
When you let your daughter date another man
and he lays his hand on her in
any way, he lays his lips on her
lips, you know it is very unlikely that
those two will ever be married.
That boy is laying his lips on a
woman that is going to end up being
another man's wife.
Fathers, you have no business letting your own
sons go out with another woman and set
his lips or his hands or any body
part at all upon a woman that is
going to be another man's wife.
No responsibility to allow such a thing.
None whatsoever.
And you fathers with sons, you better remember,
you are trying to encourage.
You are trying to encourage him to honor
parents.
You are trying to encourage him to respect
authority because he himself is going to have
to turn around and be that authority.
And young men, listen to this.
If you're out with a young lady, you
ought not to be out with them.
I shouldn't even say that.
But if you meet, if you know a
young lady who is not willing to submit
to her father's authority, she will not submit
to your authority either.
Don't believe that because somehow she has this
giddiness about her now and this willingness to
try to become whatever you think that she
needs to become, it won't be that way
when you get married.
If she doesn't respect the authority of male
headship in her life while she's under her
father's roof, she will not respect it when
she is under your roof.
The divorce rate.
Is it any wonder?
You know, the divorce rate is close to
50%.
And it moves around from year to year.
But is it any wonder that the divorce
rate is nearly 50% in our country?
Listen, if that statistic is right, if the
average young people getting married in our country
today have had five relationships prior to marriage,
guess what's true about those five relationships?
Every one of them failed!
Basically, you have people getting married today who
have a string of failed relationships prior to
their entering into marriage.
And is it any wonder then that marriages
fail?
Because you know what the whole dating scheme
induces into our society?
This mindset of disposable relationships.
If I don't like anything about it, I
can just toss it away.
And young people get hardened through that.
Their emotions get hardened.
Why?
Because people get hurt.
Folks, when you come together and you give
yourself to a person of the opposite sex,
whether married or not married, when that thing
separates, it causes pain.
And there's separation.
And you've lost a part of yourself to
that person.
You've given a part of yourself to him.
And when you come together now and you're
married, so much of what ought to be
there in that marriage relationship has been lost.
The things that ought to be special between
the two of you have been lost in
other relationships.
We're teaching our children disposable, trivial relationships as
far as marriage goes.
Not the inseparable relationship.
God hates divorce, folks.
He hates it.
He absolutely hates it.
Serious ramifications there ought to be.
Folks, if a young man touches a young
lady, there ought to be serious ramifications.
In the Bible, $30,000 to the father
he had to get married.
Today, you know what?
We allow so often out here in this
culture, this dating and everything, and young people,
they do what adults ought to do.
And there ought to be serious ramifications in
the matter.
There ought to be very serious ramifications.
Young people ought not to be able to
walk away from this thing without having to
bear the penalties of it.
In the Old Testament biblical times, they had
to.
There were fees.
There was money that had to be given
to the father of the offended female.
There was obligation to marry.
You know what?
In the Old Testament, if a young man
got together with a young woman out of
wedlock, you know what their sexual act constituted?
It constituted betrothal.
As soon as they had that sexual relationship,
whether a baby resulted or not, you know
what?
By law, they were man and wife.
By law.
When a young man did that, there was
a commitment involved.
He was not...
You know what?
There's no commitment today.
No commitment.
Our young people just walk away.
No commitment.
We as Christian parents, we'd better enforce commitment
on our sons and daughters.
If they're going to do that, there must
be a willingness to commit to something here.
There must be a willingness to make sacrifices
and a willingness to give.
Okay, this brings me basically to courting.
You know, if all this doesn't work, and
I'm going to be short here, and folks,
there's a lot more reasons that could be
said about why...
Maybe some of you are thinking about other
reasons about why dating is wrong.
There are many others.
We just simply don't have time for it.
I'm trying to cover all of this in
one message.
When it comes to biblical courting, there is
much more that can be said about it.
If you are interested in other sermons, in
other material, there is good stuff on the
Internet.
There are books that have been written.
And there are places you can go to
get very good information with regards to this
if you want to study.
If you have young people that are in
their lower teens and just in a few
years, this is all going to be realities
with you guys, you need to know.
You need to study your Scriptures.
You need to have a good idea.
You need to be equipped to lead your
children through a biblical courtship.
Because you know, listen, I know singleness in
1 Corinthians 7 is something that is set
forth as a possibility.
But you and I know that if we
were to go ahead 30 or 40 years
and look at where all of our children
are, the majority of them will marry.
That tends to be normative.
This lifetime of singleness, you know, just as
Christ told His disciples, not all can receive
this.
Paul said it's better to marry than to
burn.
Not all have gifts.
It's actual gifts.
And the truth is, God doesn't give it
to most of our young people.
Most of your children in this place, the
ones that you have now or will have
in the future, are going to get married.
So this is very practical.
Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen year olds ought not to
be concerned with boyfriends.
They ought not to be concerned with girlfriends.
They ought not to be concerned with finding
dates.
You know what, folks?
When they're that age, they ought to be
concerned with becoming what they need to become
to be the kind of mate that exactly
the kind of mate they're looking for would
desire.
Did you get all that?
Folks, if a young man is hoping to
have a young lady who is quiet, neat
-spirited, submissive, a worker at home, one who
loves her husband, loves her children, is going
to be devoutly faithful, pure and upright, a
woman who fits the Proverbs 31 description, then
you know what that young man needs to
be becoming, what a woman like that would
desire in a husband.
And just vice versa.
If a young woman truly wants a man
who is going to be a strong leader,
a spiritual leader, a physical leader, a man
who is going to be a good father
and a good husband, a man who is
going to be a hard worker, a man
who is going to be honest and full
of integrity, a man who is upright, a
man who is going to be a man
worth marrying, then she needs to be becoming
the woman that she needs to become.
And enough with the games.
Enough with the boyfriend-girlfriend giggling in the
corner stuff.
I know when God saved me, I went
to a certain church and there were two
young ladies who were marrying age.
But you know what?
It just seemed like all the time, all
they did was stood over in the corner
whenever I would see them, over in the
corner they were just giggling and laughing all
the time.
And I just thought, that is not the
kind of wife that I want.
It didn't interest me at all.
You know what?
If there would have been seriousness there, maybe.
But it didn't interest me.
And it shouldn't interest if a man is
looking for the right kind of wife.
You know what?
Scripture says that charm and beauty are vain.
You want a wife that's going to fit
the description of Proverbs 31 woman or Titus
2 woman.
Men.
Bulging muscles and everything that TV and the
movies make out to be these macho men
today isn't it.
You know what, ladies?
You find a man who gives his word
and he doesn't go back on it.
You find a man who's concerned for the
poor and the needy in this world.
You find a man who's willing to stand
by his family no matter through thick and
thin and he's not going to bail when
things get hard.
A man who gets off his rear end
most of the time and is working and
hard working.
A man who's willing to be responsible and
to guide his family.
That's what you need to be looking for.
Not the GQ guy.
And we as parents know these things.
That's the thing.
And so many parents today, they don't pour
themselves into their children this way.
And so the children grow up and you
know what?
They didn't have their parents there.
Their parents might be thinking about what they
think would be right and best for their
children, but unless you're telling them, instructing them,
guiding it, laying it down.
You know what?
When I was growing up, I had a
grandfather who instilled in me I was going
to go to college.
You know what?
When I got into high school age and
beyond, no matter how much of a partier
I was, no matter how much I got
involved in anything, no matter how much...
I simply had this mindset that I was
going to go to college and I was
going to succeed.
It was ingrained in me.
And you know what?
You parents ought to be ingraining your children
the same way.
Your daughters ought to have it ingrained into
their head.
You are going to be a virgin when
you get married.
You are going to be a virgin.
You are going to be.
And you are going to look for a
man that fits this kind of man.
And you are going to be this kind
of woman.
And I realize, folks, there are things about
this, there are aspects of the heart that
we have to trust God to do.
But I am telling you, lots of these
principles carry out whether your children are lost
or whether they are saved.
Whether your child turns out to be lost
when they get married, you still need to
pour the Scriptures into them.
You still need to train them in biblical
principles.
You still need to guide them and train
them and teach them and instruct them to
find that kind of man.
Because you know, even in the lost world,
there are men who far excel other men.
And there are women who far excel other
women.
Far excel.
And the parents have a great deal to
do with that.
So, when they are ready to marry, under
no circumstances whatsoever, fathers, do you ever let
that young man alone, unchaperoned with your daughter?
In fact, you know what?
You resist allowing your daughter to get emotionally
attached to that young man until you have
discerned whether he even meets your standards.
Until he has, you have no right allowing
any emotional, let alone sexual intimacy to be
involved there.
None whatsoever.
There ought to be no romance.
And I don't mean sexual immorality.
I mean just poetry, phone calls, love letters,
you know, that kind of stuff.
There ought to be no relationship evolving there
until you as a father have come to
grips with, you know what, prayerfully and everything
I know about this guy and by all
my observations, I think he is a worthwhile
young man.
And if your daughter's interested, then maybe you
begin to pull the reins back a little
bit.
A little bit!
You might allow them to talk.
You definitely want to allow them to talk.
You want to allow them to get to
know each other.
And it's not saying that they can't get
to know each other before that.
Consider the guy in the beginning.
You know what?
When that young man's interested in your daughter,
he doesn't go to the girl.
He goes to you.
And he seeks your permission.
Because you're the head.
And you know what?
If he's not willing to do that, he's
a coward.
And he's not going to take up any
kind of leadership or headship.
I'll tell you, even as mellow as Papa
is, I was probably sweating bullets when I
had to go talk to him.
It was nerve-wracking for me.
And there's a lot.
Most fathers are far worse than him.
He's probably one of the easiest that you
could have, yet I was scared about the
thing.
But you know what?
You've got to do it.
There's going to be a lot of things
as men who lead their families.
There's a lot of areas that you might
find are fearful, but that's where courage comes
in.
That's where courage comes in.
Just instill, instill, instill, instill.
There will be no sexual intimacy at all
until they are married.
Instill that.
The marriage bed is the only undefiled place
on the face of this earth for any
sexual intimacy.