Will you turn to Colossians chapter three?
And tonight, just two simple verses, but oh
what a punch they pack.
And we will be borrowing very heavily from
the parallel passage in Ephesians, which is much
longer.
In fact, at one point, I'll ask you
to turn to that passage.
But for those of you who've joined us,
and we're thankful for your presence, and we
believe this place will be full by Thursday,
we are dealing with some very, very important
issues in the Christian life.
And tomorrow, the work ethic is possibly one
of the most important messages I want to
deliver.
But tonight, the home life.
And notice where it starts.
Wives, be subject to your husbands as it
is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be
embittered against them.
Children, be obedient to your parents in all
things, for this is well-pleasing to the
Lord.
As one said in that beautiful music period
of worship, possibly one of the hardest places
on earth to witness is your home.
Some of you may come from hostile homes,
non-Christian homes, where it's awfully difficult even
to say the name of Jesus.
But even in Christian homes, it's difficult to
witness.
Because I'll tell you something, you can fool
people in the church, and you can fool
people in the world, but you cannot fool
people in your home.
Your children can read you loud and clear,
and nobody understands you better than your wife,
or your husband, as the case may be.
To fail in the home is to fail
miserably.
And yet the home, as we heard in
the opening prayer, is the unit of the
family, the unit of the nation, the very
bulwark of society.
And, if I may say so, predates the
church, and comes from our Father God.
It follows, therefore, that a broken home is
a threat to the very established order of
things.
Now, I don't know what your people are
saying in this country, but some sociologists predict
the death of the family.
They say that Hans Fernand Lomberg, author of
The Coming New Transformation, argues, and I quote,
the family is near the point of extinction.
Professor Margaret Mead, now dead, noted, however, that
whatever other people say, the family, he, she
says, is in fact the only institution we
have that does not have a hope of
disappearing.
And I agree with Margaret Mead, not with
her theology, don't mistake me on that point,
but certainly with her conviction about the family,
because God has ordained the family.
And yet, I have to add very, very
quickly that never in history, that is, modern
history, has the family been in such trouble.
I have right here your Sunday mail.
And your wonderful state here, that has given
us such a glorious welcome, is going to
celebrate the family year, as against all other
states in Australia.
And one of the reasons is this, your
statistics show, and I quote here, while 1903
-9 marriages took place, last year there were
8,056 divorces, almost 50 percent, almost 50
percent.
We'll come back to that in just a
moment.
And there's great concern in this state of
Queensland concerning the family.
And I believe the Christian church should lead
the way in showing that this wonderful institution
of the home, this institution upon which God
smiled from the very beginning, should have its
exemplification in the lives of men and women
like you and me.
And I say a word to singles here,
this message is not just for married couples,
it's for you as well, because you're part
of that family.
It's for some of you young people here
who are contemplating love, courtship, and marriage in
days to come.
So I'm going to ask you to follow
me very closely as we deal with three
tremendous aspects of this wonderful subject.
But I'm going to take it in two
main divisions.
First of all, the beauties of the Christian
home.
The beauties of the Christian home.
Notice the words I emphasize.
Wives, husbands, children, fathers.
The home is not a material building.
The home is a relational structure.
And the Christian home is that relational structure
under the Lordship of Christ, and available to
all the sufficiency of Christ.
The apostle compares the church to the home,
and the home to the church.
And as we'll be showing a little later,
there is a tremendous lot that Paul says
in his companion epistle, Ephesians chapter 5, on
this very subject.
And there are three beautiful things in particular
that characterize this relational structure, this home, which
is not just the outward bricks, but the
home of husband and wife, and parents and
children.
Three things, jot them down.
Number one, the beauty of a Christian environment.
The beauty of a Christian environment.
Notice what Paul says, let the peace of
Christ rule in your hearts.
I know we're borrowing from last night, but
it's part of the context.
What Paul says about the unity of the
church also applies to the unity of the
home.
And someone has remarked that there are two
kinds of magic.
There's the magic of heaven, there's the magic
of hell.
How true this is of hope.
A home can be a heaven or a
hell.
If it's a heaven, it is a sanctuary
from the noisy world outside.
It's a harbor from the storms of life.
It's an elusive person, perfume which penetrates to
its remotest corners.
If it's a hell, as some of you
perhaps know, then it's a memory of horrid
fights and strife and a place of utter
wretchedness.
Only the peace of Christ can create an
environment that beautifies the home.
That's why the Lord Jesus must be acknowledged
as Lord in the home.
Husband, I challenge you as I'll be challenging
you later.
Is Jesus Christ Lord of your life?
And is your wife subject to that headship
under his lordship?
And are the children subject to that loving
authority?
And is the King of Peace swaying the
scepter of power and authority in your home?
Is your home a place of peace?
And by the way, peace in scripture has
nothing to do with the cemetery piece.
Peace is action without friction.
A beautiful environment, the beauty of a Christian
environment.
Oh, how I thank God for memories of
my boyhood days in Africa in that respect,
more of that in just a moment, and
our own blessed home.
Just two sons, Jonathan and David, we'll come
to them in a moment, and a sweetheart
wife, and all the joy of home life
as we've known it throughout the years.
But look again, the beauty of a Christian
enlightenment.
Let the word of Christ richly dwell within
you with all wisdom.
All the books ever written on love, courtship,
and marriage, and the family, won't match this
book of books.
And it breaks my heart, and I've read
almost every book there is on marriage, and
every book there is on so-called love
and courtship.
And I want to tell you something, what
bothers me is that it's so much of
it is non-Biblical, borrowed from the psychology
and philosophy of a world that's gone to
pots, instead of the eternal word of God.
There is no doctrine or duty regarding the
home to which the Bible does not speak
with authority and relevance.
The problem is that this holy book is
not reverenced or read in our homes today.
John Bunyan said, this book will keep you
from sin, or sin will keep you from
this book.
This very night, I'm going to open the
altar again, and we're going to sing, Have
Thine Own Way, Lord.
I hope couples are going to come and
kneel here, and especially husbands, and say, Lord,
I want to confess that the altar of
devotions, and the reading of your word, and
the lifting up of my family in prayer,
that altar has broken down in our home.
And I can't remember last when we gathered
to read the word, and to pray, and
to wait on you.
And Lord, I want to confess that sin,
and I want to rebuild the altar of
worship once again in our home.
I was telling friends just the other day
that some of the greatest moments of my
life go back to that little chota, a
little round room off our dining room, where
every morning my father marched us off.
Sometimes even with rebellious sons, there were three
of us, Stephen, Paul, and John.
And my mother sat down in a little
organ, a little organ given her by Sister
Abigail, and she played a hymn, and we
sang a hymn.
If it had five verses, we sang every
verse.
And then my father opened the word of
God, and expounded it, and we got to
our knees and had a round of prayer.
And when visiting brethren came through, as often
they did, they were part of that, and
they were given the assignment to read the
scriptures, and expound the scriptures for the rest
of the week.
I remember a man called Charles Swan, who
opened the book of Daniel during those days,
and I've never forgotten his teaching on Daniel.
It was in our devotional prayer time as
a family.
The place of enlightenment, that's where you can
share your secrets.
Heather and I will never, never, never want
to rob our memories, this side of eternity.
In eternity, of course, all will be clear.
A little place we had up in the
Poconos of Pennsylvania, where during the vacation time
especially, we gathered as a family.
We played golf together, we laughed together, we
went on trails together.
But the great time was every night when
we opened the scriptures and began to read,
and discussions would begin, and our sons would
ask us about sex, they would ask us
about the fullness of the Spirit, they would
ask us about demonism, they would ask us
about the problems and the mysteries of nature,
and we'd go on talking, and we would
go to our beds to sleep, and they
would sit on the edge of the bed
and talk us through to two o'clock,
three o'clock in the morning.
Those were the greatest days of our life.
The home, the place of enlightenment.
But it's more than that, it's more than
that, it is the beauty of a Christian
enablement.
Because it's into this very context, in the
Ephesian epistle, that Paul says, be not drunk
with wine where it is in excess, but
be filled with the Spirit, that he goes
right into wives and husbands, parents and children.
And as we've noted already, homes are breaking
up all across our land today, here and
in America and elsewhere.
People have discovered that cocktails, drinking parties, artificial
stimulants, never keep a home together, never keep
a home together.
It absolutely shatters me when I look into
the face of young people who are already
alcoholics, and they tell me they learn to
drink in their home.
That's why Paul says, don't be drunk with
wine where it is in excess, but be
filled with the Spirit.
When the Holy Spirit fills the life, I'll
tell you something, you get the fruit of
the Spirit, which is love, and joy, and
peace, and long-suffering, and gentleness, and goodness,
and faith, and self-control.
You say, what has that to do with
a home?
Let me give you, let me give you
my own outline.
Listen, joy is the secret of a happy
home.
Peace is the secret of a harmonious home.
Long-suffering is the secret of a helpful
home.
Gentleness is the secret of a heavenly home.
Goodness is the secret of a hospitable home.
Faith is the secret of an honorable home.
Meekness is the secret of a humble home.
Self-control, temperance is the secret of a
healthy home.
Only the Holy Spirit can enable husband and
wife, parents and children, to live in love
day after day, day after day, with all
the irregularities and consistencies that are part of
our own nature, and yet live in love.
Live in love.
Why?
Because this agape love, let loose by the
Holy Spirit, His mind in me thinking, and
eyes in me seeing, His lips in me
speaking, in my heart loving, only the Holy
Spirit, living out His life in us, can
make it that kind of home.
And I want to tell you, if I
didn't have a home to come back to,
to regroup for enablement, I would never be
able to cope in the ministry.
And I say to pastors here, how anybody
can stand up and begin to minister on
a Sunday morning, knowing very well, you have
chaos back at home, is something that boggles
my mind.
As a matter of fact, in terms of
actual qualification, the scripture says, if a man
know not how to control, how to rule
his own home, how to bring his own
home under control, he is disqualified from being
an elder, and for that matter, a preacher,
or a pastor.
The beauties of the Christian home.
Is your home like that?
Those three wonderful things, Christian environment, Christian enlightenment,
Christian enablement, that's the home.
Be glorified, Lord Jesus, in our home.
Now we come down to the grassroots of
our subject, the duties of the Christian home.
Ah, the beauties are there, but also the
duties.
Will you notice verses 18 through 21?
We won't read them again because we're dealing
with them as we go along.
These instructions may be unpopular today, but they
constitute the word of God to all cultures,
in all countries, and for all centuries.
We can never enjoy the beauties of the
Christian home until we enact the duties of
the Christian home.
Ha!
Through the supremacy and sufficiency of the Lord
Jesus.
And Paul starts right away.
Number one, there are the duties of wives
in the home.
Now, you wives, you listen to me very
carefully.
The duties of wives in the home.
Wives, be subject to your husbands as is
fitting in the Lord.
Now, while it's obvious that the duties of
a wife are gathered up in one word,
used in our King James Version, submission, we
can't leave it there.
Other related passage must be examined in order
for us to understand and implement what Paul
has in mind.
Writing to the Ephesians, he says, Wives, submit
yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the
Lord.
As the church is subject unto Christ, so
let the wives be to their own husbands
in everything.
The wife must see that she reverence her
husband.
Three very, very significant and yet beautiful statements.
Let's look at them.
The submission which is taught here is wholly
different to the slavish submission that existed in
Paul's day, or that is sometimes preached even
from our pulpits throughout this land.
This submission is born of a wedded love
and dictated by deep, deep affection.
In no way does this submission suggest intellectual,
social, or personal inferiority.
To the contrary, it could be the very
opposite.
It could be the very opposite.
When God created Adam, He made him a
perfect man.
When God created the woman, He did not
take the woman out of the head of
the man to be ruled, or out of
the feet to be trampled under, but out
of the side, the place of equality and
affection.
And we must always remember that in terms
of our personhood and our creatureliness.
But having said that, very simply God is
saying to wives what He said to Eve
at the very first marriage ceremony, be a
helpmeet, or be a person who is the
complement of your mate.
For that is fitting in the Lord, as
Paul adds.
Paul amplifies it by telling wives what a
helpmeet is.
And I want you to note the three
things.
Three things.
Number one, a helpmeet supports her husband with
a loyalty of love.
A loyalty of love.
Submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto
the Lord.
There is no room left here, ladies, no
room left here for unfaithfulness or even suspicion.
You are to be loyal to your husband
as the only man in the world.
In fact, Peter adds this quality of loyalty
when he writes and says, even with you
have an unconverted husband.
An unconverted husband.
And I wish you'd read that passage in
1 Peter 3.
All those first six verses, and then the
one concerning the husband, the seventh verse, read
those verses very, very carefully.
Because what Peter is saying, if you live,
if you live, as you are hearing in
the music tonight, with the indwelling spirit, making
your life precious and wonderful, which is in
the sight of God of great price, you're
going to win that unconverted husband without preaching
at him, without nagging him, without irritating him.
With so many divorces taking place in the
Christian world today, and I mean the Christian
world today, I think we need to get
back to this concept, biblical concept, of loyalty.
The loyalty of love.
Then the help needed is to support a
husband with the ministry of love.
The ministry of love.
Let the wives be subject to their husbands
in everything.
Will you underline that?
In everything.
I didn't say that.
The Holy Spirit said that.
Paul didn't say that.
Nor is it culturally limited.
God said that.
Into that phrase, in everything, we can include,
of course, all that the Bible says about
women's ministry in the home, in the church,
and in the world.
You all heard me talk about that at
the women's rally the other day.
It certainly embraces such ministries as childbearing, homemaking,
social entertaining, church attending, personal witnessing, prophesying, yes,
and ministering the Word, yes, under the headship
of the man.
But even more than that, prayer backing, community
serving, and on and on and on one
could go.
But in everything, that should be a ministry
also to the husband.
To the husband.
The point is that everything is done as
a ministry of love, even as the church
is subject to Christ as Lord and Head.
The believer serves Christ because of love.
The wife serves the husband because of love.
Wives love their husbands in that way.
Another point that Paul makes, and it's the
third one, that a health beat supports a
husband with the dignity of love.
The dignity of love.
Let the wife see that she reverence her
husband.
Now, many translators have watered that down.
But I don't buy it.
Don't buy it.
Because I've dug into that word.
Some versions use the word respect, and that's
fair enough.
But it robs the injunction of a whole
dimension of meaning.
It's one thing to respect a person.
It's quite another thing to reverence them.
If a husband is a true man of
God, he should be regarded with awe and
reverence.
And that gives a dignity, a dignity to
love, instead of the sloppy stuff I see
in so many homes today.
And what breaks my heart, having conducted thousands
of weddings throughout my ministerial career, is to
see that young couple looking into one another's
eyes, seeing, seeing the young couple sitting at
the table with the husband helping her to
the seat, opening the car door on the
right side in order to let the wife
in before going around to drive.
And a hundred and one other little chivalries.
You know why, you know why a wife
goes down the aisle?
It's not known in America, and I've had
to teach America and, shall I say, educate
America in this.
She goes down on the left arm down
the aisle, because that goes right back to
antiquity.
You know why?
Because on that left arm, she is totally
guarded and protected by the husband who can
draw the sword with his right hand.
If he's left-handed, well, God have mercy
on him.
But the traditionally, that's where it all comes
from, chivalry, consideration, and courtesy.
Why?
Because of the dignity of love.
The very atmosphere of love like that transforms
a home from the monotonous to the momentous,
from the rugged to the romantic.
And that's a word to all you ladies,
right from the word of God, and right
from my heart.
But now, gentlemen, will you please fasten your
seatbelts.
There are the duties of husbands in the
home.
And here I would like you to turn
to Ephesians chapter 5, and just keep verses
25 through 29 open.
I won't read it for the sake of
time, but please, please, just keep your eye
on that passage.
Ephesians chapter 5, Ephesians 5, chapter 5, and
verses 25 through 29.
As you'll see, these words just complement what
Paul says in Colossians, and they're full of
very rich meaning.
Now, even though I said, wives, love your
husbands, actually, there is no such injunction.
There is a statement in Titus that tells
young wives, young wives to be loving to
their husbands, but the real command, the imperative
injunction, and exhortation, I call it command, is
to the husband, husbands, love your wives.
And then Paul amplifies this.
These words teach that a husband's love must
be sacrificial in its measure.
And these words boggle my mind.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also
loved the church, and gave himself up for
her.
And, beloved, we cannot think of that, gave
himself up for her, without closing our eyes
for a moment, and stealing away there to
Golgotha, and climbing that little hillock, and seeing
our Savior give his hands and feet to
those nails, and see that cross uplifted, and
then seeing our blessed Savior, not only shed
his blood, but shed his blood to the
last drop.
Brother, if you can look at that, and
then say, that's how I'm to love my
wife.
You've said it all.
And no husband can love his wife like
that.
I mean, no husband can love his wife
like that.
A total self-giving sacrifice, without receiving back
reciprocal love.
The husband is to love with a sacrificial
love, sacrificial in its measure.
Now, are it fair to say that husbands
can never attain to the degree of love
which was manifested in our Lord, yet we
are firmly exhorted to love with the same
kind of love.
And it's a love which works two ways.
It forgives and gives.
Or put it the other way, it gives
and forgives.
That's how love always works.
It gives and gives and gives.
I've got the love.
Gives, gives, gives.
But it does more than that.
It forgives.
And it's an interesting thing, that right here,
Paul says, husbands love your wives and do
not be embittered against them.
And I've learned to my chagrin, and I've
learned to the grief of my soul, that
what's true in other countries is true right
here in Australia.
That men are bitter against their wives.
Not only that, they are beaters of their
wives.
And that can't be so if you're a
Christian.
For you to love your wife, even as
Christ loved the church and gave himself up
for her.
That love gives and gives and forgives and
forgives.
It's a love that can say sorry.
Not the kind that what your wife wants,
not your gifts, not even the bouquets that
you bring sometimes, they're wonderful, not even the
basket of fruit, not the cash, not the
mink fur.
What they really want is just you.
You.
That's why she married you.
And if you can't give yourself in that
kind of love, you should have never been
married.
I want to say a word to you
pastors.
Even in our evangelistic work, before we were
married, and Heather and I were engaged, we
decided on this.
And then after our marriage, that whether we're
on the road or in a church, whatever
occupied our time, one day a week was
going to be set aside for each other.
Over and above our nightlife, our dining life,
and when the family came, our family life.
Just for each other.
Duke Suite knew all about it.
Calvary Baptist Church in New York City knew
all about it.
In fact, they were our greatest protectors.
You could have asked anybody at Calvary during
our 14 years there and they would have
told you, Stephen Alford says that Sunday is
King's Day.
He gives himself totally to preaching, but Monday
is Queen's Day.
And that's where we escaped.
And when the little children were too young
to take care of themselves, that's the only
time that Heather handed over responsibility to a
babysitter.
Rarely, rarely did she leave the children while
they were young.
That was her conviction.
But that day was Queen's Day.
When the boys were older, we slipped out
very often on a Sunday night, having given
myself completely.
And we hired a little car.
We never owned a car in New York
City.
We knew better than to own a car.
You'd never find it next day.
And up to the mountains we'd go to
a little cottage, and there we'd sleep our
way through to health and strength again after
a big day, and then just thoroughly live
in his love with each other.
That's when the whole week was planned out,
and she knew where I was going, and
I knew where she was going in relation
to the week.
And it made all the difference to our
love life.
But I want to go deeper.
Paul informs us that a husband's love must
be spiritual in its motive.
Not only sacrificial in its measure, but spiritual
in its motive.
Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved
the church and gave himself for her, that
he might sanctify her and cleanse her by
the washing of the water of the word.
Now, I know Paul intermingles thoughts here, but
don't gloss it over.
Don't gloss it over.
Paul hasn't lost himself at all.
He's saying something tremendously important.
While Paul is speaking here of the mystery,
and it is a mystery concerning Christ and
the church, he has in mind throughout this
whole passage the relationship of husband with wife.
And so he follows sacrificial love with spiritual
love.
A wife should be the reflection of the
spirituality of the husband.
And as the husband ministers the word, not
only at family altar and in choir times
together, and lives out the life of Jesus
in prayer, and is prophet, priest, and king
in his own home, the wife becomes more
and more and more beautiful, more beautiful, because
she's washed, she's cleansed, she's sanctified by the
ministry of a husband.
From one degree of glory unto another.
And so are the children.
And I want to say to some of
you men what I said a little earlier.
If that ministry of the word is broken
down in your home, you get right tonight.
You get right with God.
Romantic love is sanctified and fortified by the
daily application of the water of the word.
And that phrase, the water of the word,
implies the holy scriptures personally applied through the
power of the Holy Spirit.
One other point.
A husband's love must be sympathetic in its
manner.
Husbands also ought to love their wives as
their own bodies.
He who loves his own wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh,
but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ
also does the church.
Just as our sympathetic system operates, so love
ought to operate in your home.
I go to put a picture up on
the wall, and I hit the nail, and
miss one nail, and hit the other nail.
And instantly that finger that's being bruised registers
throughout my whole body, and my head says,
it wasn't once.
That happens, my brother, you know what the
sympathetic system really is.
My head says, she needs, it needs help.
Instantly, instantly, the whole sympathetic system rushes to
the need of that one finger.
Now, says Paul, that's how you take care
of your body.
That's how you take care of your body.
That's how you take care of your wife.
She has sexual needs.
She has emotional needs.
She has spiritual needs.
She has physical needs.
She has material needs.
It's key that those needs are met by
love's consideration, love's perception, love's discernment.
Peter expresses the same thing when he exhorts
husbands, dwell with your wives according to knowledge,
giving honor unto the wife is unto the
weaker vessel.
And you know, that word, dwell with your
wives according to knowledge, in the Septuagint, actually,
actually refers to that precious, romantic, and sanctified
act of intimate love, which God ordained from
the very beginning, and said, this is very
good.
But it's more than that.
It's just an intelligent understanding of your wife,
a total identification with your wife.
And in these days of women's lib, these
words are resented and resisted by ignorant and
arrogant people.
But in actual fact, the language is both
positive and precious in the context of married
love.
Here, Peter is instructing husbands to understand their
wives, and then to undergird their wives.
It calls for thoughtful and tender understanding of
her spiritual, her social, her sexual, her emotional,
her physical needs, as I've already said, giving
honor to the weaker vessel.
And that doesn't imply an inferiority.
No, no, no.
It means this.
It implies the recognition of the delicacy of
womanhood, on the one hand, and the dependency
of motherhood, on the other hand.
The violin and the double bass are both
musical instruments, but they demand different handling, different
handling.
Womanhood and motherhood require loving chivalry and courtesy
and consideration at all times.
And that lady of yours deserves everything her
body, her mind, her spirit require.
This sympathetic and sensitive love is one of
the lost arts of today, because it isn't
something that just falls upon you.
It says, Peter, husbands dwell with their wives
according to knowledge, understanding.
It's an art to live with a woman.
And Peter is saying, don't miss out on
that.
Don't miss out on that.
The duties of the wife, the duties of
the husband, the duties of the children in
the home.
There are the duties of the children in
the home.
Children are to be obedient to their parents
in all things, for this is well pleasing
to the Lord.
In Ephesians, Paul adds, children, obey your parents
and the Lord for this is right.
Honor your father and mother, which is the
first commandment with promise, that it may be
well with you, that you may dwell long
on the earth.
Now it's appropriate at this point just to
point out something in exegesis and in the
language which some people overlook.
Will you notice quickly, as you look back
at either Ephesians or Colossians, how Paul deliberately
places the privilege to the weaker vessel in
each case.
Wives before husbands, children before parents, servants before
masters.
This is not only a good touch in
writing, it's a good taste in living.
So we come to the duties of the
children, and notice there are two of them.
Two of them.
First of all, the duty of obedience.
The duty of obedience.
Children, be obedient to your parents in all
things.
Now you all know, and I've said it
before in these meetings, obedience is the first
law of the universe, and it must be
established as the first law in the home.
Just as the husband is accountable to the
headship of Christ, and the wife is accountable
to the headship of the husband, so the
children are accountable to the authority of their
parents.
Obedience.
And then Paul says, for it is right.
Don't debate it.
It is right.
Period.
Full stop.
No child is too young to obey.
Even at three months, a child can learn
to obey promptly.
In fact, gynecologists are telling us you can
teach a child how to begin obeying while
it's still in the womb.
And the younger he's taught, the better he'll
be in terms of future life.
The only exception in this matter of obedience
is when parents ask a child to do
something which is deliberately wrong or sinful, and
the child is old enough to recognize the
moral issue at stake, and because they obey
in the Lord, they make their protest quietly
and take the consequence.
But otherwise, it's obedience without question.
In Queensland is the same paper that tells
of over 50 deaths a year by suicide,
second only to driving deaths.
This is a suicide of young people between
14 and 26.
And two psychiatrists who want to remain anonymous
both say, reason number one, broken homes.
A home where the love of Jesus is
known and the authority of love isn't known.
Other reasons are there to be sure, but
that's what the report says.
Obedience.
But along with obedience, notice the duty of
loving allegiance.
Honor your father and mother, which is the
first commandment with promise.
Now, of course, that goes on long beyond
the home.
That is to say, long after the children
have left the nest, long after they've been
married.
They're to obey when they're under the roof.
They're to obey as long as they are
under the authority of their parents.
But when they've left and gone their way,
they're to continue to honor and to honor
and to honor their parents right through until
the end of life.
There's never a time when they shouldn't honor
their parents.
And that's one thing I'd like to say
to young people here.
Think of the way your parents have poured
out in sacrifice to raise you and to
train you, to put you through college, university,
and into careers, and they've shared everything out
for you because of love.
Now, when you see your parents no longer
able to do what they could before, that's
the time to love them, absolutely to love
them, and repay them in some way by
that honoring love, by that honoring love.
You know, if that only happened, if that
only happened, something would take place in our
society.
Something would take place in our society that
you may not be aware of.
But I have something here I'm deliberately going
to use.
I brought it along for this special meeting.
Oh, that Christians would prevailingly cry to God
for a generation of Christian parents who will
erect a mighty Christian bulwark in the nation
and the church by sincerely standing with Joshua
and saying, as for me and my house,
we will serve the Lord.
Now, listen to this.
Max Dukes lived in the state of New
York.
He did not believe in Christian training.
He married a girl of like character, and
from this union, men have studied 1,026
descendants.
300 of them died prematurely.
100 were sent to the penitentiary, that's to
jail, for an average of 13 years each.
190 were public prostitutes.
There were 100 drunkards.
The family cost the state $1,200,000.
They made no helpful contribution to society whatsoever.
Jonathan Edwards, the great theologian and revivalist, Jonathan
Edwards, one of the greatest minds that God
ever gave America, lived the same place, the
very same town, the same state.
He believed in Christian training.
He married a girl of like character.
From this union, men have studied that 729
descendants followed.
Of this number came 300 preachers, 65 college
professors, 13 university presidents, 60 authors of good
books, three United States congressmen, and one vice
president of the United States.
And barring one grandson who married a questionable
character, the family hasn't cost the state a
single dollar.
The difference in the two families was caused
by Christian home training and heart conversion.
All right?
That brings us to the duties of the
parents.
The duties of the parents.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children that they
may not lose heart.
These duties have to do with parental responsibilities,
and I want to say, never were words
more needed from this pulpit and from every
other pulpit throughout the land and across the
world.
But I want to say this, as I
travel widely all across the world today, thousands
upon thousands of children are neglected, abused, even
destroyed.
Thousands more are on the run because of
unhappy homes.
These poor kids end up as dope addicts,
prostitutes, or thugs.
Many parents forget that children are a heritage
from the Lord, and we are accountable for
every single hour they spend in our presence.
And so, the word says, fathers, don't exasperate
your children that they may not lose heart.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord.
Now, it's generally assumed that when Paul uses
the word fathers here, he means parents and
includes the wife as well, though the emphasis
is on the male character.
And there are three things he says as
we close tonight.
One, parents must be responsible for the protection
of their children, the protection of their children.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.
Do not exasperate your children that they may
not lose heart.
When the apostle penned these words, children had
no standing in society.
Any Roman father could declare his child illegitimate
and drown the child or kill the child
at birth.
From cradle to death, the father had authority
at every age.
There was never a time when a child
could walk out and say, now I'm a
man and I stand on my own feet.
And by an act of their will, they
could destroy or sentence to death at any
time their own children.
Life at every stage, and even in adulthood,
was subject to paternal control.
This, of course, has been true in other
cultures.
Christianity has changed all that.
The word is clear.
Children are not to be provoked, irritated, or
angered, lest they be broken in spirit.
Nothing is more damaging in the formative years
of a little child than to be constantly
nagged at, instead of encouraged.
To be knocked, as this article said.
Children are being knocked, knocked, instead of encouraged.
Parental protection is one of the greatest gifts
God has ever given to man.
You know, this matter of encouragement is so
important, so important.
I was ministering along this line and told
the story I'm going to tell right now.
And what do you know?
This was in the Barbados in the Caribbean.
The whole congregation almost burst into applause.
And then afterwards, I knew why.
They took me to a famous church that's
a tourist attraction in Barbados, and there was
the greatest painting you would ever see in
your life.
And it was a Benjamin West painting.
But here's the story.
Here's the story.
Benjamin West tells how he was a painter,
but how that all started.
One day, his mother went out to do
some shopping and left him with a bottle,
a few bottles of ink and paint, and
he said he wanted to paint something.
When mother came back, you wouldn't believe it.
There was paint on the all over the
floor, all over the mat.
It was a mess.
But there on the table lay a piece
of white paper and some kind of a
figure on it.
And the mother went right up and said,
Benjamin, that's wonderful.
That's wonderful.
That's a picture of your sister.
That's Sally, isn't it?
And bent down and kissed him.
And Benjamin West says, that kiss made me
a painter.
Encourage your children.
Number two, parents must be responsible for the
correction of their children.
Fathers do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in discipline and instruction
in the Lord.
There is a place for correction.
The Bible expressly states, he who spares his
rod hates his son, but he who loves
him disciplines him diligently.
But whether that punishment be corporal or verbal,
it must not be spared when needed.
However, I hasten to add that all correction
should be executed prayerfully, righteously, lovingly, and helpfully.
And I've chosen those words very carefully.
No correction should be given without lifting your
heart even as a split second in prayer.
No correction should be unexplained and unjustifiable.
Then of vital importance is this matter of
showing love and concern and reminding the child
whom the Lord loves, he disciplines, he chastens.
Furthermore, correction must have a purposeful and helpful
goal in view.
This is what Solomon means when he says,
train up a child in the way that
he should go, even if it's a train,
that when he's old, he will not depart
from it.
Finally, parents must be responsible for the instruction
of their children.
That's why we talked about the beauty of
an enlightened home.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and
the instruction of the Lord.
Parents, you have the most wonderful privilege to
teach your little tots, right from the very
beginning, all about Jesus, all about Jesus.
You remember, Paul could say to Timothy, as
a child, you have known the sacred writings
which were able to give you wisdom that
leads to salvation through faith in Christ.
And needless to say, instruction covers other areas
than just biblical areas.
But nevertheless, all instruction, basic instruction, should come
from the whole.
While on this point, I have to add
something which is devastating as I prayed over
this.
Listen, don't you ever give instruction unless you
live it out.
For there's nothing that speaks more loudly than
your example.
What you are, shouts so loudly, I can't
hear what you say.
Nothing is more devastating to a tender conscience
than to hear a parent say, do what
I say, not what I do.
And the dichotomy immediately creates a schizophrenic reaction.
It's significant that the note of caution to
parents, and particularly to fathers, is phrased negatively.
The verse reads, do not exasperate your children.
In Ephesians, do not provoke your children to
wrong.
You know, it's a tragic fact of history
that Martin Luther shook from head to foot
at the mention of the word father.
And it is stated by historians that he
could never pray what we call the Lord's
Prayer, the disciple's prayer.
Our father wanted him.
And do you know why it was?
He found that word father stood for severity,
because his father was so severe on the
dear boy.
Luther himself said, spare the rod and spoil
the child.
That's true.
And I'm quoting Luther now.
But besides the rod, keep an apple to
give him when he's good.
And so I say to you young men
and women who are contemplating having children and
bringing them up.
That's what the Bible says.
And I'd like to say one final word
to all the parents here.
I say to you parents, one and all,
be positive with your children.
Be positive with your children.
Always look on the best side of things.
I absolutely love to be at a home
when the children burst into laughter, and the
parents join them in laughter.
Somebody has described heaven in Zachariah's words, that
heaven's going to be full of laughing children.
Even though they may exasperate you at times,
be sure you never exasperate them.
Next, be playful with your children.
Man's chief joy is to glorify God and
to enjoy him forever.
I love to see a father wrestling on
the floor with his little son as they're
having a little wrestling match, loving each other
in the doing of it.
Or a father outside with a racket or
a bat or a basketball playing with his
son or with his children.
And likewise, you mothers as well.
Let life be fun for your children.
Fun, fun, fun.
A smile, a good laugh can save the
day.
Next, be precious with your children.
Be precious with your children.
So live out the life of your precious
Lord that your children will want to kiss
you under any circumstance.
Heather and I have two sons, Jonathan and
David, of course.
And when we had Jonathan, we were already
settled on what the next game was going
to be if it were a boy.
Jonathan is now a missionary with his sweet
little wife, Catherine, and our delightful little grandson,
Jeremy, in Kenya.
Serving the Lord Jesus under the banner of
the AIM.
You know something?
He's a man.
He's a father now.
But I want to tell you this.
He doesn't go to bed at night when
he comes home without throwing his arm around
his old dad and giving him a kiss.
It'll be a sad day when that doesn't
happen.
I have no authority over him anymore, but
he wants to honor his old dad.
Our son David has just finished his Ph
.D. in New Testament and is now joining
our organization in biblical studies to help pastors.
But I want to tell you something.
He doesn't like to go to bed at
night without kissing his mother and his father.
He's living with us at the moment.
He's 26 years of age.
When that kind of a hug or even
the grip of a hand or possibly a
kiss are absent in the home, I know
trouble is brewing.
Trouble is brewing.
You say, Stephen Olford, but you have, you
have exalted these duties to such a height,
no higher than what Scripture teaches, both from
the beauties and the duties.
But you say, can we arise to that?
No, not in your own strength.
But don't you know what our theme is?
The sufficiency of the Savior for the home
life.
That's why we say, Lord Jesus, be glorified
in my life.
Be glorified in our church.
Be glorified in our home.
Do you want a home built on the
rock of ages, the impregnable rock of Holy
Scripture?
Then, beloved, take these words that have come
from the exposition of this epistle as the
message of God to your heart.
And tonight, if God is calling you to
a new commitment in relation to your home,
make that commitment.
And by the power of the indwelling Spirit,
under His Lordship, go out to flesh out
what this city needs, this state needs, this
country needs, glorious, triumphant Christian homes.
Amen?
Let us pray together.
We're going to sing our closing hymn, Have
Thine Own Way, Lord, Have Thine Own Way.
But before we rise to sing it, I
want us just to have a quiet moment
for silent prayer.
And then it'd be a wonderful thing here
tonight in this tabernacle, perhaps the purpose for
which I came with a team all the
way from the United States to Brisbane.
It would be wonderful to see husbands and
wives holding hands together, kneeling quietly here at
the front, or just standing right where you
are there, just laying hold of that hand
and saying, Sweetheart, that's it.
That's where we come in.
If God has spoken to you and you
would like to express it in the sheer
joy of witness and honor your Lord openly,
without shame, without sham, without shrinking, while we
sing tonight, why don't you just come and
quietly kneel as so many did last night?
And having said a prayer and confessed your
commitment, just slip back to your seat, unless
you seek personal counseling.
And do it without any sense of embarrassment.
Do it with joy.
Do it with hilarity.
Do it with dignity.
Because you're obeying your Lord and you're honoring
him in public.
Lord, bless your word to my heart, to
all our hearts.
We sit under its sentence.
Nay, we kneel under its sentence and ask
that you, Lord Jesus, by the power of
your Spirit, will enable us to flesh out
what you've taught us here tonight.