In Exodus 20, verse 5, it says that
the effects of a family are felt under
the third and fourth generation.
Now there it's talking primarily about sin, but
the effects of a father and mother are
going to be felt for at least four
generations.
Not only is that true in the negative,
it's also true in the positive, and I'd
like to show you how significant the family
is in that regard.
Let's make an assumption that the family planners,
the little old educators in tennis shoes that
run around trying to tell us that the
world is overpopulated and that we ought to
cut down on the size of our family.
Now they've done a good job in our
country.
They've cut us down from four and five
children per family to now this year we
expect it will be 1.6 children per
family, and I can't think of a greater
tragedy than being a 0.6 child.
But let's assume the family planners get to
you and they con you into the idea
that you should only have two children, and
your children have two and they have two
and two for four generations.
That still means you and your wife will
be influential.
You'll be the number one influence in 60
individuals.
Now let's assume that you ignore the family
planners.
You read an idea in the Bible that
says something like, children are a heritage of
the Lord.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full
of them, and you decide to have three
children, and they in turn have three and
they in turn have three and three for
four generations.
You will have influenced the lives and destinies
of 240 individuals.
Now let's assume that you step up to
what Bev and I consider the ideal family
since God gave us two boys and two
girls, most of whom are raised now or
in college, and let's assume that they in
turn have four children and they're working on
it.
Two of them are married.
We have four and a half grandchildren now,
and so it looks like we may make
it.
Now just assume that these four have four
and they have four and four for four
generations.
That means the little love corporation that we
established some 30 years ago will be the
profound influence in 680 individuals' lives.
Now let that crank into your brain as
I point out that the home is the
most influential place on earth in preparing for
the next generation.
Not even television, not even the public school.
The home, the ideals and the standards and
the precepts of mom and dad, as lived
before the children, are going to be the
guiding force in the lives and destinies of
these children.
That's why it is so important that we
know and live the principles that God has
given us in the Bible.
That's one of the thrilling things about being
a Christian.
We're not just down here on earth like
a cork bobbing around waiting for something to
happen and we're not sure when or where.
We're given a manual, a guide through life
and God has filled his book with principles
to live by and that's what this seminar
is all about.
The communication visually and verbally of the principles
of God for happy individual and family living.
And since we're going to get acquainted in
the next few hours, some of you we
know and have known for years, others we're
just getting acquainted.
But we're going to get acquainted with more
of you as we concentrate on you as
a person.
I realize some of you attending this seminar
are not married.
Well, if you leave your application at the
book table, we'll work on that for you
and see if we can help you find
the right person.
But let me give you a concept of
where we go in this seminar and what
we're trying to achieve.
We start with you as a person and
all the messages, both Bev's message and mine
tonight, will be on the basis of you
as a person concentrating on what God wants
to make of you.
Because if you're the right kind of person,
then you'll make a good partner.
And if the two of you are good
partners, then you'll make good parents.
Oh, we will have some time for parent
instruction tomorrow afternoon.
In fact, Bev will give what I consider
the best lecture on raising children I've ever
heard anywhere and I've heard some of the
experts give them.
And I think you'll find it very meaningful.
But we have found that if people are
right parents, they're going to make good, right
partners, they're going to make good parents.
But you can never be a good parent
if you're bad partners.
Two jangling, factious, hypocritical, selfish partners will never
make good parents.
The trouble is, in order to be a
good partner, you have to be the right
kind of a person.
And we're convinced, according to the principles of
God, that people that are in right relationship
to God are going to be the right
kind of persons.
Now, we do have a presupposition, and that
is that this book, in addition to many
other things, contains the principles for happiness.
I've married about 439 couples down through the
years.
Most of that has been here in San
Diego, too, by the way.
And one thing I've never had is a
couple come to me and say, Pastor LeHay,
we'd like to get married because we think
we can make each other miserable.
Instead, all of these couples come with stars
in their eyes, assuming that marriage is going
to solve all their problems.
Well, it doesn't take but a few days
after the wedding to realize that was not
the solution.
But may I suggest marriage is not a
guarantee to happiness, nor is singlehood a guarantee
to happiness.
I'd like to give you the guarantee that
comes from the Word of God.
Here it is.
There are three verses that I am using.
There are others that could be used.
Let me just give you three.
Happy are they that hear the Word of
God and keep it.
Jesus said that in Luke 11, 28.
Now, the principle or the formula that we
use here is obeying God's principles equals happiness,
or happiness is the result of being obedient
to God's principles, and the principles are found
in the Word of God.
Here's another one.
Psalm 119.1 says, Happy are all who
perfectly follow the laws of God.
Why do we have so many miserable Americans?
We have the most educated miserable Americans we've
ever had.
Why is it?
Because in 1954, we, by the Supreme Court
and the intellectuals of our culture, wiped the
Bible out of the public school.
Now we're educating people, independent of God, with
massive doses of humanism, and they're bereft of
the principles of happiness.
Everything is a grandiose sociological experiment, trying to
find some solution to man's dilemma of misery.
The only thing they seem to know is
that the Bible doesn't have the answer.
And in concluding this, they are keeping themselves
from the one source of true happiness.
Look at this verse.
In fact, this is one of my favorites
that the Lord Jesus gave.
He said, If you know these things, the
principles of God, happy are you if you
do them.
If you know these things, happy are you
if you do them.
So we're going to concentrate on the principles
of God tonight and share with you two
messages.
Bev's going to give a fundamental message on
spirit-controlled family living.
We're convinced that God's way of building into
the family is going to result in our
relationship to him.
If we're in right relationship to God, we're
going to be in right relationship to one
another.
And then I'm going to, after you've had
a chance to stand up and let your
blood circulate a little bit, then I'm going
to come back and share with you an
exciting concept of why you act the way
you do.
I'm sure you're interested, if not in why
you act the way you do, I know
you're interested in why other people act the
way they do.
And so we'll try to give both of
them tonight.
Let me give you a couple of ideas
on how to get the most out of
this seminar.
Now you're here, you've got nine hours to
study, you might just as well make the
most of it.
First of all, may I suggest that you
concentrate on yourself and your relationship to God.
Leave your partner to him.
Don't play Holy Spirit for your partner.
Now that means don't elbow jab.
You'd be amazed at how we can see
up here someone's head jerk.
Two, take notes freely.
You've got a little notepad there.
They're there to suggest notes.
We hope that you'll put down some other
things, particularly write down principles of God that
you may be violating, and then set new
spiritual goals for yourself.
I hope as you go home that your
standards will be enriched and raised and that
you'll write them down.
It'll be helpful six months from now to
evaluate them.
And then review those notes.
You may be surprised you'll find some things
that you can use in sharing these principles
with others.
It's always a joy for me to introduce
other speakers to share in Family Life seminars.
We've conducted 225 seminars.
This is the 226th.
We started out, as I mentioned, in southwestern
part of the United States.
Then I teamed up with Dr. Henry Brandt.
Dr. Brandt, as you know, was here with
Ken Poore.
And then some years later, I traveled extensively
with Dr. Howard Hendricks.
And then our baby went off to college
as a college freshman, and we were home
all alone.
And Bev and I decided that it was
about time we quit traveling in opposite directions
together and start traveling together.
And as I told Dr. Brandt the last
time I saw him, I miss him, but
she is sure a lot more fun to
travel with than he was.
During the past 11 years, God has given
Bev an increasing ministry of speaking to women.
And it was with a little fear and
trepidation that we invited her to share with
a mixed audience.
And we find that men relate to her
very well because she communicates the timeless principles
of the word of God.
And I think partially because she's so much
better to look at than I am.
It is a delight for me to introduce
to you my first and only wife of
30 years, Beverly Leahy.
May I begin this session here by reading
to you a few verses from Ephesians 5.
As my husband told you, this lecture here
is the foundation.
It's just the basic foundation for what we
want to build on in the next few
hours together.
We will be giving you eight lectures.
So we'll be spending about eight hours together
and we start with the foundation.
I'll not develop these points.
We will be developing them as we go
along, but it's always good to lay a
very solid foundation.
So you know where we're going.
And then after we get there, you can
look back and see what steps were taken
to arrive at that spot.
Ephesians 5.
May I begin reading in verse 14.
For this reason, it says awake sleeper and
arise from the dead and Christ will shine
on you.
Therefore, be careful how you walk, not as
unwise men, but as wise, making the most
of your time because the days are evil.
So then do not be foolish, but understand
what the will of the Lord is.
And may I stop right there to bring
to you our first point to understand God's
will for your life.
That those two verses to me, as you
read that chapter says, don't be a fool,
be wise and understand what God's will is
for your life.
And so the very first very basic thing
would be from second Peter three, nine, that
you receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and
Savior.
And this seminar, everything we will share with
you will be built on that very basic
foundation that we cannot offer you the keys
to a happy home life without first of
all, receiving Jesus Christ as your Lord and
Savior.
That's very basic.
And then when Jesus Christ comes in, then
you have access to all the power, all
the potential that a family can ever expect
to have from the word of God.
And so the very basic will that God
has for each one of us is that
each one of us received Jesus Christ as
our Lord and Savior.
It is not God's will that any should
perish, but that all should come to repentance.
And when a family has trouble, when individuals
have trouble, when partners have trouble, it is
because someone has stepped aside from the will
of God.
When each one of us as individuals, as
persons follow God's will for our life, then
you can expect to have harmony.
You can expect all the puzzles of life
to go together.
And then you have access to all that
God has to offer you.
Well, let's move on to the next basic
principle.
It is God's will.
As we read the verse that says, thou
shalt love the Lord, thy God, with all
thy heart, with all thy soul, and with
all thy mind.
So we're given these four, three parts.
And then with all this strength, our entire
being, the heart, the will, or the soul,
same thing, the mind and our strength.
Now, what determines, how do we put things
into our mind?
Two ways, through our eyes and through our
ears, through your eyes, you read, you see
things you observe through your ears, you hear,
and all those things that you take into
those two, uh, parts of your body will
be stored up in your mind.
And the very part of you that determines
what you will see.
And here comes from right here, the will,
this very center part of your being.
Now this picture right here has Jesus Christ
outside of the life.
This individual has not followed the very basic
thing that each one of us are told
to do to receive Jesus Christ as Lord
and savior.
And so self the S self is on
the throne.
Now when self is in control of the
will, then what this person will see with
his eyes, what he will hear with his
ears and store up in his mind will
be very different from the person who has
the Lord Jesus Christ sitting on the throne
of his life.
There should be a great difference there.
And you see what you store up in
your mind eventually will affect how your heart
will cause you to live out of the
abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
So what you store up in your mind
eventually is going to affect how you're going
to live.
Is it any wonder today that we have
families who are struggling?
We have marriages that are falling apart because
we've had people who have been storing things
up in their mind through what they're seeing,
reading, what they're listening to.
And it is contrary to what Jesus Christ
says, the child of God should put into
his mind.
Well, let me show you a diagram of
this individual who now has Jesus Christ invited
into his life, Lord and savior sitting on
the throne of his life.
Self is off the throne and now plays
the role of the servant.
And you see here, we have the new
man, the new man has entered the heart,
a new creature in Christ Jesus.
Now you can expect there will be a
difference.
This is where transformation comes in, in the
life of an individual, because the Lord Jesus
Christ comes in and takes control of this
life.
And then it also controls what you're going
to look at with your eye, what you're
going to view on the TV screen, what
you're going to read, what magazines you might
browse through, what movies you will let your
eyes see.
All those things influence us and they will
either, either influence you for good or for
evil.
And as you see those things at the
moment, seem harmless.
Remember you are storing those things up into
your mind that eventually will be lived out
in your life because it comes through the
heart and will affect how you're going to
live.
Jesus Christ makes a difference in this area
by just controlling what your eyes see and
read and what your ears are going to
hear.
No wonder he says, thou shalt love the
Lord, thy God with all thy heart, with
all thy soul, with all thy mind and
with all thy strength.
Well, let me move on to the next
point here that I'm progressing to so that
we can spend time developing these points.
Now, may I read verse 18, a familiar
verse?
I'm sure you know it says, and do
not be drunk with wine for in success
or one translation says where this is dissipation,
but be filled or be controlled by the
Holy Spirit to be controlled.
That control that we just talked about where
the Lord Jesus Christ is on the throne
of the life.
The Holy Spirit is in control and controls
your eyes, your ears, and in effect controls
the life that you live.
What does it mean to be controlled by
the Holy Spirit?
My husband flies a plane and we've had
some very thrilling experiences in planes, some good
and some bad, mostly good.
And I feel like some of the most
spiritual experiences I have had have been flying
in a plane because you just really have
to depend and trust.
And this one day we were flying to
a meeting at Fresno.
The weather report was that it was good
flying conditions and everything was just going to
be a lovely trip.
But after we crossed the range of mountains,
north of Los Angeles, we noticed that the
air around us was no longer clear.
The sky wasn't blue and gradually the desert
below us began to just fade from view.
And we were engulfed in a maze of
fog and haze and smog.
And I'm not sure what you call it,
but it was very thick.
Outside of the window of our plane, it
looked like milk.
Now that's not too bad if you're flying
in a plane that has all kinds of
instruments.
But at this time, the little plane that
we were in was a very simple little
plane, one engine, very few instruments.
And my husband didn't even have his instrument
rating at that time.
He senses obtained it.
And so we knew that we had to
fly VFR, which simply means you fly as
you see.
For my layman's language, that's exactly what it
is.
Where you see is where you go.
And when I knew I couldn't see anything
looking out that window, I wondered how my
husband was able to see anything.
And he wasn't seeing much.
But he was very busy there, I noticed,
on the panels.
And we did have one little instrument that's
called a transponder.
That transponder puts you in touch with the
closest, oh, I can't think what they call
it, but it's the closest regional control where
they vector you in and give you radar
surveillance and so on.
And so this fellow came on our radio
and said, in my terms, of course, they
speak a language that's very unusual.
And so he said something like this.
He said, I have you spotted on my
radar screen.
Now, if you will follow my directions, I
will guide you to the Fresno airport.
And I watched very carefully while my husband
was busy following every direction that man told
him.
You know, it was interesting.
Not one time did I hear him say
to that radio operator, sir, I think you're
mistaken.
I think I should be going this way.
Not at all.
He followed absolutely to the best of his
ability.
And moments later, it seemed like hours, but
moments later, the voice said, now you should
be near the Fresno airport and you should
be able to spot the lights.
And sure enough, through that haze, I could
see the faint blue lights of the airport
beneath us.
We landed safely.
And as I recall that experience sometime later,
I thought, isn't it interesting that my husband
didn't have an independent spirit at that time.
He wanted to be a obedient follower of
those directions that were given to him with
no questions asked, absolute obedience.
And, you know, we didn't know who this
man was.
We had never seen him.
We didn't know his identification, but we trusted
that he was a man who knew what
he was talking about.
And yet for those few moments, we were
willing to let him take full control of
our lives.
And how we hesitate sometimes to let the
Lord Jesus Christ to take control of our
life, where we will obediently follow, no questions
asked, just obedience.
And, you know, the Lord Jesus Christ is
not a stranger to us.
We can know him.
And yet we want to take the controls
ourselves and say, Lord, let me help out.
Let me manipulate this situation, or let me
control the situation.
Be controlled by the Holy Spirit.
And to be controlled requires several things.
One thing is requires someone to listen.
First of all, there has to be that
listening ear.
And then there has to be the willingness
to obey.
And you cannot be controlled by the Holy
spirit unless you are willing to, first of
all, listen and then to obey what you
have heard the directions that have been given
to you.
Or let me move on.
There'll be more said about this in the
next session.
You see, we talk about the Holy spirit.
We talk about being filled with the Holy
spirit, but there are some definite results that
are given to us.
And in the next three verses, it tells
us exactly what we can expect.
If we are controlled by the Holy spirit,
verse 19 says, speaking to one another in
Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and
making melody in your heart to the Lord.
So the first result you can expect when
you are filled with the Holy spirit is
that you will have a singing heart.
Now this doesn't mean a beautiful singing voice,
or some of us would be left out.
It says the heart will be singing.
There will be that attitude of joy and
song, a melody in your heart.
And that is a result of the Holy
spirit's control in your life.
I cannot stand here and tell you that
I have always had that, uh, attitude where
I had a singing heart because there have
been times when the song in my heart
has faded and it is turned into a
complaining, growling heart.
And probably if you were honest, you would
say you have experienced something similar.
You see, we can be right in the
middle of doing something very worthwhile, productive for
Jesus Christ.
And then that old man that's in the
heart will rise up and take control because
we look at the circumstances around us.
Instead of letting the Holy spirit control, even
the circumstances and trusting him for those events
around us, we look at those circumstances and
complaining begins.
For two years, we had the privilege of
having a Bible study in our home.
That was the professional football team here in
our city, the chargers.
I think some of you are familiar with
them and these men and their wives were
invited to our home once a week to
study the word of God.
It was a thrilling experience.
We saw men and women come into our
home with Bibles that had never been opened.
We would say, turn to a certain book
and they would start Genesis, Exodus, and start
looking.
They were not totally unfamiliar with the word
of God.
And it was thrilling to watch these thirsty
souls coming to study the word and had
the privilege of seeing some of these men
and women received Jesus Christ as their Lord
and savior.
Well, this one night we were getting ready
for the Bible study in our home.
My job was to get the house ready
to make sure that the dinner dishes were
put away and to have some refreshments.
You had to have many refreshments ready because
football players do not eat lightly.
They have to keep their strength up, you
know?
And so my job was to have that
part of the house ready.
And then of course there were certain chairs
in our home that we had to move.
They just couldn't hold up men that were
tackles on a football team.
And so those light chairs would go to
the back of the house and would bring
out those old sturdy ones or let them
sit on a cushion on the floor or
whatever.
My husband prepared the Bible study and would
give the spiritual lesson for the evening.
This one night as I was getting ready
for the Bible study, cooking dinner, hurrying so
I could get it cleaned up and the
clock was working against me.
I also had my two grandchildren visiting that
night.
I was babysitting.
They were ages one and three at that
time.
Now you know what that can involve.
That means that every moment is unpredictable.
You never know from one moment to the
next what might happen.
And so I was rushing and they were
sitting on the floor in the kitchen, had
a Tupperware door wide open and all the
Tupperware out on the floor and they were
content.
So that was fine.
And I just walked around Tupperware and on
it and in it and everywhere else.
But they were happy.
And then the doorbell rang and I went
down to answer the door and it was
the newsboy collecting for the newspaper.
And so I rushed back to get the
change to pay the newsboy and at that
moment the one-year-old got his finger
caught in the cupboard door and had slammed
it and he was screaming like his finger
was gone.
So I stopped everything, picked him up and
counted his fingers and tried to comfort him
and they were all five still there.
And at that moment the telephone rang.
Now I had a crying baby in my
arms.
I had the newspaper boy at the door
waiting for his change.
The telephone was ringing and my dinner was
burning on the stove.
And you know what?
I didn't have a singing heart.
Not at all because I stopped to look
at the circumstances.
And when you do that the old nature
will take advantage of the situation and start
to complain.
And I did just that.
I started to remind the Lord about that
Bible study we were going to have and
all those fine things we were going to
do that night as if the Lord needed
to be told.
And then I was convicted.
And I knew at that moment because of
Ephesians 5 19 that right that moment the
Holy Spirit was not in control of Beverly.
It was Beverly's old nature that was in
control because I was looking at the circumstances
and did not have a singing heart even
in the midst of all that mess.
And all you need to do is stop
and confess that and once again ask the
Holy Spirit to control to fill your life
and to help you face those circumstances trusting
that the Holy Spirit is going to work
all things out.
And he will.
The next verse verse 20 says always giving
thanks for all things in the name of
our Lord Jesus Christ.
Giving thanks always.
Oh I've often thought if only that word
weren't in there always.
I could give thanks when things went my
way.
I can give thanks when my schedule is
running smoothly and no one gets in my
way and circumstances are going well.
It's easy to give thanks then.
But the verse says giving thanks always.
And that means even when your schedule is
topsy-turvy.
When you have interruptions uncountable.
When you have circumstances that are miserable and
you have a home to live in that
people are cantankerous and irritable.
Giving thanks always.
If you're controlled by the Holy Spirit.
Several years ago I was invited to Burbank
to speak at a mother and daughter banquet.
On Friday night after the banquet I was
to go home with a pastor and his
wife and spend the night.
Early the next morning they were going to
drive me to the Los Angeles airport where
I would catch a plane and fly to
Atlanta Georgia and connect to Orlando Florida where
I would meet my husband Saturday night for
a meeting.
It was a close schedule but it was
all worked out and was possible.
And so I went to the banquet went
home with the pastor and his wife afterwards.
We had a great time.
Early that morning I was up and had
my suitcase packed and sitting by the door
and he wasn't quite ready to go.
First of all he was down on the
floor playing with his little baby and that
was very precious to watch for half an
hour.
And then he was in the kitchen pouring
his fifth or sixth cup of coffee and
I began to look at my watch and
tap my foot and wonder if I was
going to miss that plane.
And soon he came and said oh are
you really ready to go now Beverly.
This dear man very fine man a lovable
soul.
He was a sanguine temperament.
Now I must tell you that so you
can understand this picture.
Sanguins have many great strengths.
The world could not get by without sanguins.
They keep us laughing and keep us with
that happy attitude toward life.
But a sanguine can be a source of
irritation if you're on your way to the
airport.
Because they don't always pay close attention to
time.
If you've ever seen a watch that has
no numbers on it that may be a
sanguine watch.
They just kind of estimate the time.
And this man must have been estimating the
time and finally he put my suitcase in
the trunk of his car.
We headed off down the freeway toward the
airport and he went to talk.
And he was driving 40 miles an hour
down the Los Angeles freeway just talking and
turning his head around.
And sanguins like to look at you when
they talk.
And that tends to make passengers nervous.
And finally the time was going fast and
I stopped and said call them by name.
And I said don't you think maybe we
should hurry a little bit.
I'm going to miss my plane.
And I'll never forget what he said to
me.
He said Beverly why don't you do what
you told my ladies to do at the
banquet last night.
Why don't you just rest in the Lord.
Well I surely needed that.
But I'll be honest with you.
I didn't rest in the Lord.
I shut my mouth.
But inside I wasn't resting.
Inside I wanted him to hurry up and
get me there.
We arrived at the Los Angeles airport.
He pulled up in front of the airlines.
I was flying.
He opened the trunk of his car and
set my baggage on the curb and so
the bag boy could pick them up.
Shook my hand.
Thanked me for coming.
And he got in his car and drove
away.
And he never knew that I missed my
plane.
And I'll confess.
I did not have a thankful heart.
I had a complaining heart.
I was looking at the circumstances very definitely.
And I went into the airlines.
He the agent rescheduled me on a later
flight.
Wasn't too long.
That I was heading out east.
A little different direction.
But I was on my way anyway.
When I finally got to Orlando Florida very
late.
I got the news that the plane I
was to be in Los Angeles that morning
had been hijacked.
And all the passengers were held captive for
12 hours.
Do you know I had a thankful heart
then?
My first response was thank you Lord.
And as soon as I said it my
heart was convicted.
I asked God to help me to learn
to be thankful.
Even back in Los Angeles when my schedule
didn't fit into my plans.
When circumstances weren't going my way.
Lord help me to be thankful.
And let the Holy Spirit take control of
my life.
You see the Holy Spirit had control all
the time.
And I was trying to interfere.
Lord help me to be thankful.
And let the Holy Spirit have full control
of my life.
Well the next verse is 21.
It talks about a submissive spirit.
Submitting yourselves one to another.
That's so contrary to human nature.
Because we want to be first ourselves.
We don't want to be one step ahead
of someone else.
And this is preferring someone else above ourselves.
All these three things have to do with
you as a person.
You as an individual.
You see Ephesians talks to you as a
person.
You as a partner.
And you as a parent.
Because then the next few verses.
Verses 22.
Talk to the wives who should submit.
And tomorrow we'll give a whole section of
a lecture on that subject.
I'll not develop it right now.
It talks to husbands who should love their
wives.
And we'll have a section on that to
husbands.
And then chapter 6 goes on to talk
to the family.
Children first to obey.
To honor the father and the mother.
And then the strong admonition to fathers.
To bring their children up in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord.
And we'll have a whole lecture on the
responsibility of parents.
In bringing their children up.
In disciplining and training.
And then loving their children.
The word of God has much to say
about these things.
There are principles given to us that we
cannot overlook.
If you overlook them, you're going to reap
the consequences of a miserable life.
But if you will look at them and
obey them.
Obey the principles of God.
Then you're going to reap the consequences that
come from a life that is controlled by
the Holy Spirit.
The singing heart.
The thankful heart.
And the submissive spirit.