The message this morning is parenting.
Parenting, is it controlled chaos?
Here's a mistake some of you are making
right now, but I'm not a parent.
Those days are over.
Or I'm not yet a parent.
Well, you are an influencer.
So this message, every single point is going
to be applicable.
I've had people tell me, tell me when
the series is over, I'll come back to
church.
Like, well, no, no, it doesn't work that
way.
We can gleam from the Word of God.
We can gleam from what the Bible says.
And I'm not going to tell them when
it's over.
They're going to have to find out themselves,
right?
In a chaotic and confusing world, let's get
grounded for a minute, okay?
Parenting doesn't have to be controlled chaos.
What I've noticed is when our lives are
out of control and chaotic, so is our
parenting.
It's directly related to how we are doing
spiritually.
Now, this has been, public confession, this has
been one of the hardest sermons for me
to put together in a long time.
Because I just got slapped in the face
on every verse.
Oh, Lord, please, Lord, please.
Because you want to be, and there's something
we miss.
When you come away from things like this,
saying, God, I really felt beat up maybe,
or I've got to work on these things.
That can be a good thing.
Because woe to the person who says, I've
mastered this.
I'm not convicted by prayer.
You know, Shane, I don't need to pray
more.
I don't need to be a better parent.
Then you're in trouble.
So it can be a good thing saying,
Lord, I need to work on this area.
Then we work on it.
Too many people get, well, gosh, that was
hard to hear.
And I feel beat up.
And now I'm just going to go grab
a few bottles of wine.
And just not fix the things that need
to be fixed.
So use it to propel you in the
right direction.
So I actually have a lot to say,
as usual.
And not a lot of time to say
it.
I don't want to turn this into part
two.
I'm just going to read scriptures.
They're up on the bullets.
They'll be up on the screen as well.
And we're going to get through this.
Psalm 127.3. This is where I wanted
to start.
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb, a reward.
And I've underlined some things that I want
to pull from this.
Children are a gift from God in a
society that really minimizes kids.
Have you ever noticed that?
The world's view?
I mean, if you have more than one,
you're frowned upon.
When I tell people sometimes, four kids.
Oh, my gosh.
You know what causes that, right?
I mean, how did you?
How did you?
Why?
I'm like, four?
Really?
I mean, have you ever researched history?
That's like actually not very many.
But the world's view.
Anytime in society, you know, when abortion's an
epidemic, the value of life of children is
going to be minimized as well.
So you have to remember this.
Christians, we have to remember that they are
a gift, a heritage, to leave to the
world, to leave to society, to make a
difference.
God's gift to you.
You shepherd and raise that gift, and you
allow that gift to go in and be
a heritage, be a voice for truth.
But here's a practical application on this point.
I'm going to try to have practical application
on each one.
Focus on the blessings and not the difficulties.
I have to remind myself often, focus on
the blessings, not the difficulties.
See, if you're not a parent, this even
applies.
Young adults in the audience, even those in
the balcony, this is for you.
You don't have to focus always on the
difficulties, always on the challenges.
We're supposed to renew our mind and get
them back on the blessings of God.
If you just think of how blessed we
are in our nation and in your homes,
you will reorganize and reprioritize your thought life.
Because an attitude of thankfulness, bitterness doesn't grow
in that.
Unforgiveness, anger doesn't grow in a thankful attitude,
in a thankful heart.
This also is a good time to remind
you that parenting is not like a microwave.
It's a crock pot.
Right?
My wife just threw something in a crock
pot the other day.
It was great, actually.
And I looked and I was like, this
isn't doing anything.
It's been two hours.
But it's on slow, right?
Six hours, eight hours later.
And sometimes we think, you know, this book,
I want to be careful, though.
I don't want to criticize because, I mean,
maybe it was great.
I don't remember what it said, but a
new kid by Friday or something.
I'm like, hmm.
I mean, that's probably good principles in there.
But be prepared.
It might not happen by Friday.
It might be over the long haul.
And I've seen a lot of times God's
grace in this area because families who are
just chaotic, and I feel bad for them,
and some are close to me, and I
pray for them.
But they have this child that's just an
angel.
It's like, wow, God's grace is on that
child.
And then you see other families trying hard
and bringing in the Word of God and
this, and then one of the kids is
not really an angel.
And we think, well, what am I doing
wrong?
So you have to also remember that it
takes time, and the seeds you plant will
come to fruition.
That God will honor His Word.
And I would rather be the family that
has a difficult child, and you're in His
Word, doing what it says, than the family
who's not, and somehow this child is being
perfect.
Because that's an exception, not the rule.
And any time there's an exception, there's a
rule.
The rule is adhering to godly principles.
Number two, 2 Timothy 3.15. Paul's talking
to Timothy, noting that how from your childhood,
Timothy there, you have been acquainted with the
sacred writings which are able to make you
wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ.
So from your childhood, you have been acquainted.
See, that's an interesting word.
That's why I wanted to highlight it.
This isn't just throwing a Scripture at somebody.
Acquainted means relational.
He's been acquainted with the Scriptures.
Not only has he heard them, he's seen
them lived out.
And one of my great challenges is not
to just quote Bible verses, but to see
the verses lived out.
To go to your children and say, you
know what?
I was wrong in this area.
Daddy shouldn't have did that.
Mommy shouldn't have yelled like that.
Please, let's pray right now.
And you see it lived out.
They see you giving grace and mercy.
They see you living it out.
They're acquainted with the heart of Christ and
the Scriptures.
Now this means, actually this word means to
make someone familiar with the Scriptures and the
application.
This is why, and we really try to
get this point home, church, what we offer,
you know, if there's a youth ministry, or
a Juana on Wednesday, or the children's ministry
next door, that has to be supplemental.
Do you know what supplemental means?
Have you heard the word supplement?
You go to the store and you buy
some supplements, vitamins, right?
Just make sure they're not heat treated, no
fillers, no binders, and all natural.
But a lot of those are junk, so
I'm trying to get this in there a
little bit.
So be careful.
But you take something that's supplementing.
I'm not getting quite enough at home, so
I'm going to get a supplement.
And that's what the church should be.
It should only complement what is going on
in your home.
Because if we just drop them off and
hope next door takes care of them for
an hour and a half, and now they'll
be grounded, now it doesn't work.
And just a personal opinion here, many books
have been written, studies have been done, you've
probably been hearing this for 20 years.
Why are kids leaving the church like never
before?
And it's a great list of things, and
I agree with many of them.
But at the heart of that is they
don't want the Christ they see in us.
So we send them next door to learn
about Jesus.
Then we take them home and they don't
see the Jesus they learned about.
And when they're not acquainted with the Scriptures,
when they're not, and you can ask my
prayer is, God, let them have a passionate,
meaningful relationship with you.
And help me just point them in that
direction, invest in them.
So it does involve apologizing to your kids.
It does ask for forgiveness.
I made, I hope she's not in here.
One of my daughters cried last night because
I forgot to give her a hug, but
I gave the other two.
Is she here?
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's embarrassing.
Let's edit that out of the text sermon.
But I felt bad all day this morning.
And I see that it's parenting.
Are you acquainted with?
Are you acting like Christ?
Can you apologize?
I apologize.
I need to work on that area.
And I love them so much in each
different ways.
But see, my dad, they know you're not
perfect.
Who are we trying to fool?
They're just going to think I'm this perfect
pastor.
My parents are flying to New York to
be on Fox News.
And my dad writes books, and he should
be this perfect.
But no, no.
See, I'm flawed.
I need Christ.
I ask for forgiveness.
I need Christ.
I need Him every day.
I need to devote my life.
I need to humble myself.
Every day they see that.
That's what they remember.
They're not going to remember respect your parents.
Respect your parents.
See, right here in the commandments.
They want to see the character in order
for them to respect.
So acquainted with the Scriptures.
I'll probably have to apologize again for bringing
that whole thing up later.
But the more you know the Scriptures, the
more you know Christ, and the more the
kids know Christ.
So here's the application.
I have not perfected this area.
I'm actually frustrated in my own home because
I'm getting too busy and have been too
busy.
And this week I'm going to continue to
take some serious inventory of my life and
start a list of, okay, Lord, what are
you calling me to do?
Because all these things are coming in that's
not necessarily you.
And I need to put up some boundaries,
and I need to get back to these
things.
Because first and foremost is my relationship with
the Lord.
It's loving my wife, raising the kids, and
then, Lord, what have you called me to
do?
If those things start to get interrupted by
things that aren't of God, that's when we
run into trouble.
And that's what I feel sometimes and I
notice.
So I haven't perfected this area.
I'm working on it.
Pick one point for the week and teach
on it.
That's a practical application because we look at
the, right?
I look in my office, I go, systematic
theology.
Oh, my Lord, where do I even start
with these kids?
How about what is sovereignty?
Or God is love.
What does that mean?
Just pick a topic and just show them
that week what it means, what it means.
When the year's over, you've got 52 things
you've covered with your family.
So what is mercy, what is grace, what
is God's love that week?
So when one of the kids gets in
trouble and they came and they told me
the truth, I'd say, you know what?
Here's what grace looks like.
Here's what's mercy.
You're off the hook.
That's what God does when we bring our
sin to Him.
See, all this wonderful application, if we allow
it to penetrate our own lives and our
own hearts, it's a good time to remind
you, too, we don't throw Scriptures at people.
We use them.
We don't throw.
Can we throw?
Can we quote?
Oh, we can quote.
We can quote Scripture.
But we have to use them in a
powerful way.
The third point, Matthew 6, 34.
Oh, all the verses are from the English
Standard Version of the Bible.
This one is from the, oh, it has
it up there for you, okay.
This one is from the New American Standard
of the Bible.
And people do ask me this quite often,
what translation, why the translations?
This is a side note.
If you go to our website and put
in there what translation is best, I spent
about an hour breaking down where they came
from.
The majority of them are trustworthy.
ESV, New American Standard, New King James, and
different things.
But that's just a side note from the
questions I keep getting asked of me.
So do not worry about tomorrow.
Oh, my goodness.
Is that you?
I mean, this week, I was a worrywart,
right?
Right under that story about Vegas and dealing
with all that is, that darn guy in
North Korea now has something that can hit
California.
I'm like, oh, I didn't see that.
I mean, part of me is like, can
it be just off LA a little bit
and right here so it's just gone and
there's no pain, there's no suffering.
You know, and you wrestle with that, but
do not worry about tomorrow.
Now, I'm going to bring this point home
in just a minute for parenting.
This has really impacted me this week.
Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care
for itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Worry, to allow one's mind to dwell on
difficulties or troubles.
That's why I want you to be very
cautious, an area I didn't do well this
week, very cautious on what you allow to
enter into your mind about Vegas and what's
going on in the world.
Because it's either promoting worry or it's promoting
God's sovereignty.
Years ago, I thought of, if I could
do it, I would do it.
Maybe this is a good idea for you.
Somebody start a news page, all it is
is the positive stuff.
Good news from Las Vegas.
People are being saved and set free, families
are being, and you've got to offset that
because we were not designed to absorb all
that.
I know I've said this before, but it's
perfect with parenting because here's what's happening.
What we are allowing into our homes, this
fear, this anxiety, this worry, we are then
transmitting into our kids.
An eight-year-old does not need to
worry about what's going on.
Proverbs 12.25, anxiety in the heart of
a man causes depression, but a good word
makes it glad.
See, if all we're getting is the anxiety,
all we're getting is that, what happens?
It begins to weigh, begins to push, begins
to depress, and that's where depression comes from.
But a glad word, a positive word, what
does God's word say?
Because you can hear about North Korea, what
does Psalm say?
I am the Lord thy God, no nation
will stand before me.
What is a man to me?
God actually says, let the nations know that
they are but men.
I hold the king in the palm of
my hand.
I mean, it's just, amen is right.
And then I read that, and I'm like,
that's right.
That's right, who am I?
And then you go back out in the
world, right?
And then you go into the world, and
you're like, oh, I'm so depressed.
And then you come back, and you go,
that's right, who are you?
You've got to constantly remind yourself and your
kids, I wouldn't have any kind of stuff
at home that's negative, right?
All the, with the holiday coming up, avoid
the skeletons and the witches and the war
lines.
It's like, what is that?
I mean, I just see it, like, in
Home Depot, or it's like, ew, I just
don't like that.
It doesn't sit well with my, you know,
with what's in here.
It's just this dark, demonic, oppressive things, and
they have skulls and stuff and graveyard things
on their porches, and I'm like, Lord, help
us.
But I won't, I'll get off that rabbit
trail, don't worry.
So will you, and I want to ask
this right now, even about Facebook, too.
Will your post build people up?
Will it encourage, will it unify an already
divided nation?
Because what you're posting, what you're feeling, what
you're talking about, you transmit that into your
home.
Our kids become little mini-me's, right?
Minions.
They feed off of what they're hearing.
So here's what and why I made this
point, and stayed here for a minute.
I came across a great article, Jennifer Lauer,
I think you shared it.
And it was, I had to read it
three times.
And just ponder, because this is finally somebody
saying what I've been feeling, and I didn't
know what to do with these feelings.
But the article is entitled, Simplifying Childhood May
Protect Against Mental Health Issues.
And it talks about kids were off building
forts, used to, at my age, making bows
and arrows, collecting bruises and bloody knees, and
having the times of their lives, they were
immersed in childhood.
And then something stood out, there was this
person they interviewed, by the name of Kim
Payne.
They volunteered in refugee camps, where children were
dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder.
Kids seeing their parents get killed.
Shot, dead, on the streets.
He described them as jumpy, nervous, and hyper
-vigilant.
Wary of anything, novel or new.
You have the skits, have you ever tried
to get a dog that's like that?
Catch it, come on, come on.
No, no, they're afraid, and so these kids
were like that.
But years later, Payne ran a private practice
in England, where he recognized many of the
affluent English children were displaying the same behavioral
tendencies as the children living in war zones.
Halfway around the world.
Why would these children, living perfectly safe lives,
show similar patterns?
He explained that although they were physically safe,
mentally they were also living in a war
zone.
Because of the influence of their parents on
them.
They're not ready to handle North Korea.
And terrorism, and the shooting.
And you just keep bringing that in with
the negativity.
We're going to hell in a handbasket.
Is that gun safe full, but our prayer
cloths are empty?
Is the thing down in the basement ready?
We got enough food for a year?
If you've got to pack enough food for
a year, you might as well do it.
We're creating this culture of fear, and I
don't see that as biblical.
Now be prepared, of course.
We have enough water, just in case there's
an earthquake.
You prepare, but you also encourage.
Hey guys, God's sovereign, God's in control.
And you're the encouraging force.
So what it boiled down to, they were
privy to their parents' fears, their parents' drives,
their parents' ambitions, and the very fast pace
of their lives.
The children were busy trying to construct their
own boundaries.
So instead of being children, and allowing them
to be children, we bring into, especially if
you hook them up on the media, and
it's hard, right?
I need a two hour break.
Just go sit and watch that thing.
But then what are they watching?
What are they hearing on the news?
What are they hearing from us?
Too much stuff.
Too many choices.
Too much information, and going too fast.
That's what's happening.
That's what is hurting our children.
Because none of that's biblical.
None of that is biblical.
They went on to say soccer, music, martial
arts, gymnastics, ballet, baseball.
We schedule play dates with precision.
We have everything scheduled.
They've got to be here, got to do
this, got to be here, got to do
this.
We fill every space in the rooms with
educational books, devices, and toys.
The average Western child has in excess of
150 toys at one time.
With so much stuff, children become blinded and
overwhelmed with choices.
So what happens?
We add our stress into their world, and
they can barely cope as it is.
Now, I'm just throwing this in here.
Okay, don't get upset yet.
Now, if we throw into that what I've
talked about before, unhealthy food choices, the colorings,
the dyes, the preservatives, the junk that doesn't
help their body, the caffeine.
They're giving kids caffeine at 4, 5, 6,
7, 8.
Their little bodies can't absorb that, so you're
putting in all this junk, and the body
can't run efficiently.
It's already coping with the stress.
And then we add on them the stress
of our lives.
You can see why there's nervous breakdowns, why
there's attention deficit disorders, why there's all these
things.
Now, of course, this isn't a blanket statement
saying, oh, Pastor Shane throws all that underneath
this blanket.
No, but the majority of it is we
are causing things to happen in little bodies.
You know, 40 pounds.
40 pounds, and we're throwing on them the
fears and the challenges of life, and they
cannot cope.
They will have nervous breakdowns.
Panic attacks.
Have you ever used the word meltdown?
A meltdown is a child having a panic
attack.
Now, some of that's natural, I know, but
how much of that is self-created?
Now, if it's getting a little convicting, welcome
to my world all week, because you realize
that I believe I'll get to the Scripture
in a minute, like arrows in the hands
of a mighty warrior are our children.
We're supposed to shoot them out into the
educational field, into the government field, into the
religious field.
Shoot their arrows, precise, marked arrows to make
a difference for God, and we are called
to instruct and train a child in the
way they should go, to be able to
filter certain things, to be able to slow
down the pace of life.
Let them enjoy life.
Go out and be a kid.
I'm bored.
I don't care.
Find something to do.
Do something, and get creative, and you encourage
this atmosphere that is godly, it is positive,
because really, should they be fearful?
I mean, if we're teaching God's sovereignty, if
we're teaching God's in control, we've got to
be able to show it in our own
lives as well.
So here's a few areas of practical application.
Say no.
Be purposeful about what you're doing.
Say no to things.
It's okay.
Not being so busy, because here's what I
noticed, being in construction, real estate, corporate executive
with 24-hour fitness, and I got caught
in this big time.
Somehow, this is entry to the church, the
busier you are, the more successful you are.
Oh, man, that guy's so busy.
He's so busy.
I'm so busy, man.
I'm so busy.
Real estate agents, right?
So busy.
I'm so busy.
Accountants, I'm so busy.
I'm so busy.
Oh, man, I'm so busy.
Working 60 hours.
I'm so busy.
So now, so busy is successful.
And that's not what the Bible says.
The Bible actually says slow down.
Teach us to number our days.
Put God first.
Your family.
Prioritize.
And don't live according to the world.
Because let me tell you right now, that
busy train doesn't slow down.
It's gaining speed and gaining speed.
And even in the church, like we think,
people tell me, well, Pastor Shane, you're so
busy.
Don't use that word.
Selective.
Maybe I'm trying to not be busy because
busy sometimes has this, God forbid you take
a few days off, you spend time with
your children, take them to the zoo, teach
them the Word of God.
Oh, that's not, that's lazy.
No, that's godly.
Because you're taking time and you're using it
correctly.
Because the enemy will use busyness because the
busier you are, the less productive you are
on the important things often.
A busy person will not read the Word
of God very often.
A busy person will not go to church
as often.
They will not listen to worship as often
because they're busy.
Going here, doing that, they get caught into
the flow of the world system.
Slow down.
I would encourage you, disengage from electronics more
often.
Disengage the kids.
Disengage your grandkids.
Disengage them from those things more often.
I know they make a wonderful babysitter, but
they also make a terrible influencer.
Don't vent your fears and frustrations at home
with your kids.
There should be a sense of calm and
safety.
Now, I believe as we're training them, you
prepare them with the little, they just can't
go out into the world, oh my Lord,
I didn't know it was like this.
My dad painted this picture of utopia.
You just kind of gradually shape, okay, here's
where there's evil.
And at some point, you have to talk
to him about the marriage, gay marriage issue
and why does it happen.
And you give them back to love and
grace and what the Bible says.
But there's a process there.
So I want to throw this out there.
Why are we busy bees?
It's important because a parent who's busy is
not effective in raising their children if we're
too busy.
Now, there are seasons in life and seasons
we work through.
But I think as we prioritize and we
downscale, it will help.
But here's the main reasons.
To escape reality.
Right?
Same reason the alcoholic grabs a drink.
He's good for a few hours.
But then when that next day comes, here
it comes again.
So we escape the pain sometimes.
We escape the reality.
We are amped up.
Number two, that's why we're busy.
We're amped up on not taking care of
our body and consuming things that just do
nothing but amp us up.
Number three, to appear successful.
We can't say no.
We don't want to appear mean.
As a result, others will run our lives.
So just be careful in this area.
Yes, it will be hard.
But many battles worth fighting are hard.
And I ask a question here.
Who runs your home?
See, the seven-year-old who's running your
home now will be the 17-year-old
who's destroying your home later.
Who's...
You know, sometimes parents, we become butlers.
And maidens.
Or maids.
Maidens, yeah.
You know, when it's not that design.
Distraction has always been a tool of the
enemy.
So the fourth one.
Proverbs 22.6 Train up a child.
Train up a child in the way they
should go.
Even when he is old, he will not
depart from it.
And I really wish I could have focused
a lot of the sermon here because people
get confused sometimes.
Shane, I trained up a child in the
way of the Lord.
And they departed from it.
What happened here?
Well, there's a lot to this.
Number one is we...
When it comes to scriptures like this, there
are parameters.
Train up a child in the way they
should go.
Even when he was old, he will not
depart from it.
Meaning that there is a season maybe where
they depart.
But because of what you invested in them,
the anchor you secured them to at a
young age, they have something to go back
to.
I know in my case, when I drifted
away, I came back to that training that
was earlier in my years.
So we don't know what God is doing
in their lives.
We don't know what He's going to use.
Because most kids will rebel.
Shane, how do you know that?
Because you did.
We do.
Rebellion is in the heart.
Especially it's pent up in the heart of
a child to rebel.
Say, don't do something, it's going to be
done.
And there's this time of testing.
But train up a child also means to
teach through practice and instruction over a period
of time.
So back to what I said initially, I
wonder how many people who think they're training
aren't really training.
They're just quoting Scripture.
And if they're not living it out, they're
not training.
The child has to see by example the
love of their father, example the love of
their mother, not just quoting Scripture.
And I say that because I know people
who just quote Scripture.
They'll yell it as if it's got more
authority then.
Oh, just kick that up a volume.
Now they're going to listen.
And then the Word of God becomes offensive
to them.
The best way to use Scripture, some people
might disagree with this, but it's this.
If I've got somebody or I've got a
child, you know, the people I'm talking to
in Vegas, not once did I quote Romans
8.28. Well, you know what?
All things work together.
For good, for those who are called to.
I mean, there's not good timing.
You know, and same thing with our kids,
you know.
And have them, many times they'll ask, well,
what does the Bible say?
Or what does God think?
Well, I'm glad you asked.
Let me see.
Now you're positioning it.
Now you're versus just this bludgeoning, this tool.
Now granted, this is different from teaching in
the evening or morning or whatever, and you're
teaching or going through.
This is when you're using it skillfully.
Not to hurt, but to help.
And the wrong training is not good.
Too busy, too tired, too lazy.
And we fail to do this.
Drastic change requires drastic change in you.
Here's the hard part about a message like
this.
Most of us would agree.
Say, yeah, boy, that's some good points there.
And that's about where it ends.
Because hearing, it's easy.
It's in applying it that the rubber meets
the road.
And as grandparents, maybe talk with your kids
and say, hey, you know, here's what I'm
thinking.
Here's an area I'd like to help in.
Psalm 127.4 Like arrows in the hand
of a warrior are the children of one's
youth.
That's what I quoted earlier.
Arrows are sent.
They are precise.
They are targeted.
You know, I've been going through this all
week, and I even skipped over it just
now.
I don't know.
I'm going to go ahead and read it.
But I don't want people to feel too
much conviction.
But then again, I do.
Because sometimes it's hard to change if we
don't.
But I've read this many years ago when
I did a men's conference, and I was
traveling speaking at men's events.
And there's some statistics about when men are
absent in the family.
And the reason I'm talking about this is
what we talked about last week is the
man is the primary, I believe, the primary
influencer in this area of spirituality in the
home.
As the man goes, so goes the family.
And as the family goes, so goes the
nation.
Now, we have wonderful single moms and wonderful
wives that are taking the role in this
area and doing what they can.
But when you get the man involved, you
see dramatic differences.
Actually, 63% of all youth suicides are
from fatherless homes.
90% of all homeless and runaway children
are from fatherless homes.
85% of all children who show behavioral
disorders come from...
you guys are getting it, right?
80% of rapists, 80% of rapists
motivated by misplaced anger come from...
because they need to see how that man
treats a woman.
They need to see that man value and
respect and impart life into their son.
70% of all high school dropouts come
from fatherless homes.
And this page is about this long, but
I'll spare you.
Here's a mistake we're making right now.
Yeah, that's bad for the inner city.
I feel bad for single moms.
But leave here remembering this.
You do not have to leave your home
to be an absentee father.
You do not have to leave your home
to be an absentee father.
You can be absent emotionally.
You can be absent spiritually.
You can be absent in other areas.
Present, but no influence.
Present, but the media's got your attention.
Present, but the television is your mistress.
Present, but you're always gone.
You're too busy.
See, you don't have to leave home to
be an absentee father.
If you're absent in the areas that are
most important, these statistics will ring true in
our own lives.
Proverbs 5.12, this is number 5.
I'm about ready to open up a can
of worms.
For the Lord reproves him whom He loves
as a father the son in whom He
delights.
We have to talk about this area for
a minute.
What is a reproof?
A correction.
It's a correction.
So your kids are going...
They need to go in that direction.
They're going in this direction.
If you don't reprove them, what do they
continue to do?
Go in this direction.
So this is where the topic of punishment
comes up.
And as much as I wish I could
dedicate a whole sermon to all these topics,
this one would require a whole sermon because
the reason...
I think if you talk to different lawmakers
and things that are spanking and different things,
what happens is there are abusive homes and
they've got to correct those abuses.
And the way to correct them, there's different
ways to do that, but they often, in
correcting something, they go to the polar opposite.
And they say nothing about this aspect of
disciplining a child.
And a parent who loves their child sees
the need to discipline because an undisciplined child
will become a monster as a teenager because
you're shaping, you're forming.
You ever seen a kid go into the
military and come back?
What happened?
They were disciplined.
That will was broken.
And that's what parenting involves.
It means to correct, to reposition.
And God disciplines us, right?
There's not a switch off the almond tree,
but there's a loss of a job.
There's not a spanking from heaven.
Where did that come from?
But there's financial collapse.
Where did that come from?
And God will discipline us in the same
way.
Proverbs 13, 24, whoever spares the rod hates
their children, but the one who loves their
children is careful to discipline them.
And this is funny because it goes back
to study the Scripture.
What does rod mean in the Hebrew?
Nobody bothers to look at that.
All these websites, oh, the Bible's recommending, get
out a club, baseball bat.
It's like, what's the word rod mean?
Well, all you have to do is what
they call law of first mention or how
is it mentioned elsewhere in the Bible?
What's the root word?
Genesis 30, 37, the same word is used.
It means a twig from a poplar tree.
Jeremiah 1, 12, it means a branch, a
little branch, a twig from an olive tree
or an almond tree.
So it's something there and that's what the
tush is a little padded, right?
For that.
And I have to be careful because people
try to get me in trouble.
Right now, what I'm about to tell you,
but I want to tell you the truth.
That biblically speaking, the children, there needs to
be some type of discipline.
What that looks for, your family, you can
talk about it, but there has to be
something, some way that the child fills the
pain for what they've done and what they've
done will, if they're not filling the pain,
they're not being shaped and molded and trained.
Now, some people say, I'll just take away
their phone and that'll be punishment.
Well, I don't know.
Is that working?
And you have to go through this with
your spouse because if men are prone to
anger, then I would redirect somewhere.
If a person can lovingly discipline their child
and not cause any damage, but a little
bit of, oh, okay, then that's their role.
And I would, if there was a sermon,
I could break it down a little bit
more.
But in this area, there has to be
some type of discipline.
That's why I said earlier, a seven-year
-old who runs the home will be a
17-year-old who destroys the home.
If they're chaotic and without boundaries and without
discipline, now, that doesn't improve.
Boy, you can hear a pin drop in
this service.
Wow.
So, here's my danger, or my struggle is
if I say too much, parents might take
that as a license to go beyond a
healthy discipline.
If I say nothing, then some parents will
continue to do nothing.
So, take it to the Lord.
What's the best thing?
But I wanted you to know the Bible
recommends not a rod, but a little switch.
Ow, that hurt.
And it's gone in 10 seconds.
You know, it's something where they have to...
When I went to Bethel Baptist, many times,
I'd be like, okay, and it was this
paddle, this long, with holes in it.
Bam!
And three times, you know what dawned on
me?
This is interesting.
For talking or chewing gum or making noise.
Those are the top three problems in the
school.
The school was 30 years ago.
Now there's sexual abuse, rape, robbery, weapons.
Look how far we've drifted as a culture.
And my point was, I didn't chew gum
in class anymore.
Right?
Oh, boy, I still remember that.
It was a big German teacher from...
Yeah, a big German teacher from Germany.
Whew!
My goodness.
But see the point, right?
So there has to be...
And that's part of the problem.
Why we're seeing...
Go ask a school teacher.
I feel for them.
It's like...
They tell me, Shane, it's like a zoo.
A zoo.
And I'm going to be careful here on
the language.
Charles Swindoll, I think, told a story.
He talked to a public school teacher in
the 70s, I think it was, who got
out of it to raise her kids.
And they came back into it 30 years
later.
And she went from...
It used to be, good morning, Mrs. Johnson,
to dropping F-bombs and calling her certain
names.
In 30 years.
Let that sink in.
See, there should be a righteous indignation to
say, okay, not on my watch.
I can't change the world.
I can't change this community, but I can
change my home.
Or I can help to change the home
of my grandchildren.
Well, Shane, they don't listen to any of
this.
You can pray.
You can fast.
And have God move and have them seek
your advice and be able to help in
this area.
So the whole point was, for the Lord
disciplines those He loves.
When we don't discipline, I'm not saying a
parent doesn't love, I think a parent is
fearful.
I think something's happening there.
But there has to be some type of
discipline or that you're doing damage to that
child.
Number six, Deuteronomy 6.
And these words that I command you today
shall be on your heart and you shall
teach them diligently to your children and you
shall walk in them and you shall sit
in your house and when you walk by
the way and when you lie down and
when you rise.
So here's what we should be doing.
Teach to place something into their mind morning,
noon, and night.
Speech.
Our speech is seasoned with grace, wisdom, and
humility.
At work.
It means they used to take the kids
into the field, obviously, and kids were more
involved in the work of their father often,
or the mother in doing things.
But there needs to be a time before
the media or before just sending them out
somewhere.
Have a time where the family, and this
is a big challenge for me.
I know the enemy's coming in and trying
to stop a lot of this.
But you have to get to where it's
morning, evening, noon, sometime where you begin to
corral them in and begin to teach them
the Word of God.
And these words that I command you today,
you shall teach them.
What are the words He commanded?
The Scripture right before that.
Love the Lord your God with all your
heart, with all your soul, and with all
your mind.
That's what we teach them.
What does that look like, kids?
Let's pray that you're going to be filled
with the Holy Spirit.
And they're not going to all sometimes be
there and be cooperating, right?
Depending on the age, but you still pray,
you still contend.
And even before that, I the Lord God
am one, O Israel.
Teaching the nature of God, the character of
God.
And then number seven, Ephesians 6.4 Fathers,
do not provoke your children to anger, but
bring them up in the discipline and instruction
of the Lord.
Colossians 3.21 adds, Fathers, do not provoke
your children lest they become discouraged.
This was interesting as I studied it this
week because to irritate, to provoke, you know
what that is?
Have you ever found a rattlesnake?
And you get a stick?
That's the image.
So fathers, don't provoke.
Don't do this to your children.
I also looked up an article on the
suicide epidemic.
It said most teens who have been interviewed
after a suicide attempt say that what caused
the teen suicide are feelings of hopelessness and
helplessness.
Suicidal teens often feel they're in situations that
have no solutions.
The teens can see no way out but
death.
The teen feels like they have no control
to change their situation.
So see, here's how the kids are feeling.
The parents are to go into that and
address those feelings.
And bring them worth.
Show them there's not hopelessness.
Be able to encourage into the Lord.
They don't provoke.
See, if we're provoking and provoking, we are
actually contributing to the problem.
We're supposed to go in and be change
agents, not provokers, to go in and say,
hey listen, hopelessness, how are you feeling?
And talk with them.
And build them up and build them up
because the enemy of your soul, of your
family, the cat is out of the bag.
The enemy is coming to kill, to steal,
and to destroy your family.
That's the main focus often.
The sanctity of marriage, the sanctity of life,
the family unit.
He's coming after all of that.
Also, it was interesting, this word provoke.
Don't discourage them.
It's parents who are never satisfied with their
performance.
Did you ever have that dad or that
mom?
If you, just done better.
Why didn't you get an A?
Why didn't you stop that ball?
Ooh, let's get, ooh.
So the person who should be investing into
them the most is actually discouraging them the
most.
Now this is going to be a message
that you're gonna wanna listen to a few
times.
I would slow down.
I would listen.
I would shed some tears.
I would put on worship.
I would pray and let this impact your
life.
Send it out.
Get this out.
Because here's where we're losing the battle.
This is where things are collapsing at the
home.
And why it's collapsing, as I feel it
just like you do, it's hard.
Isn't it?
I come home, last thing I wanna do
is open the Bible to four kids who
do not wanna hear.
Well, three, three, three.
Right, three, three kids.
I don't wanna pray.
I wanna go out.
I wanna go play Minecraft.
I wanna go.
And, oh, you know what?
I'm exhausted.
Go for it.
So I invest, or you invest all this
energy in people or things when God says,
no, use a lot of that energy to
invest in the things that matter.
So I personally believe the most freshest times
in your day, when you have the most
energy, are those the times you spend with
God.
We often give Him the late night, 20
-minute read-in real quick, when He should
get the, D.
Martin Lloyd-Jones wrote a book, Preachers and
Preaching.
He talks to pastors.
He said, the most important, He said, first,
guard your mornings.
Safeguard your mornings.
And He said, whenever you are the freshest,
the most alive, give it to God.
And then from that, give it to your
family.
And then from that, give it to others.
But what do we do?
Others and everything else.
Because we're chasing the almighty dollar.
We're chasing the things that never...
I've spoken to so many people over the
years.
I talk about a story in one of
my books of a man who was on
his deathbed.
And he couldn't speak anymore.
He could only write.
And the tears were just coming down, regretting
that he spent all of his life focusing
on the things that do not matter.
And his children now, they're grown.
Trying to comfort him.
It's okay, Dad.
It doesn't matter what's in the bank account.
It doesn't matter what your position was.
See, those things at the end aren't going
to matter.
If you take from this, and you slow
down your life, you reposition, you'll be thanking
God that you did that.
That you brought everything back into focus.
Don't preach to them.
Live it out.
But here's the challenge.
Our challenge is we hear how we are
failing, and we'll say I'll do better, and
we don't sometimes, right?
We beat ourselves up.
I have been for years.
God, I want to do better.
I want to do better.
And I also want to encourage the single
mom, or the single dad, or those who
are just in a hard spot right now
and they've got to put work first.
They can't.
And they're trying to get through this.
If you seek God with the right heart,
you'd be amazed what God does with humility.
I've seen God open tremendous financial doors.
Like, oh, wow, I can change this.
When you start to honor Him, when you
start to honor His Word, and seek Him,
He will open doors.
He will rebuild.
He will restructure.
If a single mom has kids, I need
help with my kids.
We have men that can help to mentor.
We have these things available.
So here's just a key takeaway.
Reprioritize.
It will not come without a struggle.
You will be amazed at what God does
with humility and repentance.
Another paragraph.
I've been going back and forth all week
about reading.
Because my struggle has been this.
My heart is to encourage.
I mean, dads are beat up.
My heart is to encourage.
And let's get back on track.
But I also don't want to avoid the
realities of life.
A young girl, she wrote, I think it
was focused on the family, devastated by the
choice her father made to leave her family
for a younger woman had a nightmare following
his announcement.
She dreamt that she, her mother, and sister
had all died in a horrific car accident.
When she told her dad about the dream,
he sympathetically replied, I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm glad it was only a dream.
Her response was shattering.
She said, Dad, right before we hit through
the window, I saw that you were driving
the other car.
I know four families right now this could
be applied to.
Right now.
Right now, today.
Christian.
Fortunately, this man broke.
He repented and worked to restore his marriage.
Some of you hearing this now and hearing
this later, men and women, we have to
wake up.
Is this what we are doing to our
families?
At some point, we need to take a
look in the mirror.
Because we can be encouraged.
Oh yeah, it sounds great.
I need to do that.
And nothing changes.
So the key takeaway really is difficult changes
are going to be difficult.
Get ready to fight.
Get ready to put first things first.
Get ready for your kids to not be
supportive.
I found out there's a little black box
hidden behind a couch.
It has a little Ethernet thing that goes
into it.
And if you accidentally just unplug it a
little bit.
Just unplug it.
Oh, what happened?
I think the Internet's down today.
I don't know.
What are we going to do?
It works.
You've got to be creative and you've got
to fight that.
Give the family your energies.
Now some of you can't.
And for me, it's hard.
I come home exhausted sometimes.
But there can be a way if you
start to take care of your body too.
Feed your body what it needs.
Take care of it.
Energy, exercise, and you become whole, body, soul,
and spirit.
Then you're able to give more efficiently to
your family.