If you have your Bibles handy, you can
turn to Genesis 2, Genesis 2, 21, and
Psalm chapter 1, the beginning of Psalm, Psalm
chapter 1.
I would give you one more, but 3
is a little difficult.
So we'll put them up on the screen.
The message this morning, we just started a
marriage series entitled, The Blessed Marriage.
If you weren't here last week, go hear
last week's message, because it helps to set
the foundation.
But the message this morning, are you ready
to get a little controversial?
Just a little bit, right?
Okay, here's the title.
I'll just start with the title.
Don't tell me what to do.
And we all have a little bit of
that DNA in us, don't we?
Men too, come on.
More so than the women often.
Don't tell me what to do.
And here's my challenge in this series.
Many marriages are going well.
Some are abandoning their marriage and filing for
divorce.
Some are in turmoil.
And trying to hit on all aspects is
a little difficult, unless you let God's Word
come alive and let God's Spirit do His
work through us and in us.
So that's my goal this morning, is to
do that.
I also want to encourage the broken.
He can rebuild your life.
Many times we become broken and shattered, and
instead of turning to God, we turn the
other direction.
But He can take that brokenness and begin
to rebuild it into something wonderful that you
never even thought possible.
And many times we look back on our
broken times and we say, thank God for
the broken road that led me straight to
you.
And I don't know how He works that,
but take your brokenness to Him.
And I used to say something many years
ago, and maybe I said it recently here,
I can't remember, but that hunger is often
a sign of health.
If you're hungry, you're healthy, right?
More often than not.
So the question is, are you hungry for
a healthy marriage?
Or are you bored and are you yawning?
Because your hunger will determine how healthy you
are in this area.
You should be hungry for a healthy marriage.
And a scripture that leaped out this week
was Revelation 3.2. Be watchful and strengthen
the things which remain.
Jesus is talking to the church in the
first opening chapter there of Revelation.
He talks to seven different churches.
And to one of the churches, He says,
Be watchful and strengthen the things which remain
that are ready to die.
For I have not found your works perfect
before God.
So to be watchful, to see what areas
we need improvement on, and then to strengthen
those areas.
Now this is not written for marriages.
This is a principle that can be applied,
though.
It's written as a principle to strengthen those
areas that are weak.
To watch out.
Because we know, right?
The enemy goes to and fro throughout the
whole earth looking for those he wants to
devour.
But thank God, did you also know that
the eyes of the Lord go to and
fro throughout the whole earth to show himself
strong on behalf of those whose hearts are
loyal to Him.
So you have God looking for those who
are loyal to Him.
And you have the enemy looking for those
who are not loyal to God and who
open themselves up.
And many times we open ourselves up in
marriage to the attack.
And we are not watchful.
We are not prepared.
We're not strengthening those things which remain.
The imagery here I have for marriage is
to strengthen.
You know the areas that need strength.
And the foundation.
And you have to be watchful.
And you have to purposely strengthen those areas.
And you have to do difficult things.
I'm one of those guys that will tell
you, you have to do difficult things.
The Christian walk is not a cake walk.
It's not where we go running through the
garden throwing flowers every day.
It's just this wonderful...
That's coming later, right?
That's coming later in heaven.
Right now it can be hell.
And I almost titled it a sermon.
Marriage, Heaven or Hell.
But it was a little too, you know,
maybe difficult.
It might be a good book title someday.
But we can make it heaven or we
can make it hell.
And I also don't want to minimize.
When I talk about this topic, I don't
want to minimize the difficulty that some people
are going through.
They're in very difficult relationships.
They're in very difficult seasons of life.
And I don't think we can just say,
well, pick yourself up by your bootstraps and
get on with it.
The Bible says just get on with it.
And they're being abused.
Maybe physically.
Maybe verbally.
Maybe emotionally.
It's an ongoing battle.
So I don't want to minimize that.
So when I talk about a subject like
that, many times people look at it as
an overall approach to everything that's going on
in their marriage.
For example, we're going to talk about the
role of men and women.
And within that, though, comes different situations.
How I would counsel one person in this
area might be different than how I would
counsel another person in this area.
Now, God's Word is still true.
The principles are still true.
But sometimes people need to flee difficult situations
versus embracing them.
So it all depends on what a person
is going through.
So don't tell me what to do is
in our DNA.
Let's just get that out front, right?
Do you like people telling you what to
do?
No.
Everybody should be doing this.
If you're not, I know you're just being
a little bit dishonest there.
We don't like to be challenged.
We don't want to have people tell us
what we should do.
So let's look at the role of men
and women.
Genesis 2, 21.
We are going to get a little bit
controversial, if that's okay.
And you're not going to see a lot
of these scriptures in churches.
Many times we don't want to talk about
difficult things.
We'll kind of avoid the difficult things that
are going to upset people.
But really, God's Word is here to help,
not to hurt.
But sometimes it hurts before it can help.
It hits the heart.
Genesis 2, 21.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep
to fall on Adam.
And he slept.
And he took one of his ribs and
closed up the flesh in its place.
Then the rib which the Lord God had
taken from the man he made into woman.
And he brought her to the man.
And Adam said, This is now bone of
my bone and flesh of my flesh.
She shall be called woman because she was
taken out of the man.
Therefore a man shall leave, which is forsake
dependence upon, let go from, his mother and
his father, and be joined to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh.
Something I want you to note here is
Adam said, Now bone of my bone and
flesh of my flesh.
See, this is an imagery of equality.
That's what we sometimes forget in the church.
Conservative churches sometimes are branded as male chauvinistic
churches.
And male domination.
And that's really not the case.
You look at the Bible as equality.
In God's eyes, men and women are equal.
They are equal spiritually.
There's no Jew, Gentile, male, female.
They're equal.
But then God designs us differently to perform
the role he has given us.
So that's the concept here.
Adam says, This is flesh of me.
This is bone of bone, flesh of my
flesh.
We are one.
We are coming together as one and the
two become one flesh.
And that's the design there.
So from the get-go, we see that
this is not a bad thing.
And just as a side note, just for
fun, men do not have one less rib
than women.
I went on a lot of medical sites,
and I couldn't find where men have one
less rib than women.
So people say, Well, see, the Bible's not
true there.
Well, actually, the rib can grow back.
It's one of the areas of the body
where the rib can grow back, and there's
no deficiency in Scripture here.
So let's get a little controversy.
Are you ready?
You guys, are you sure you're ready for
this one?
1 Corinthians 11.8 1 Corinthians 11.8
Also, I hear some beeping over here.
It might be somebody's alarm.
Oh, it just turned off.
That was a coincidence.
1 Corinthians 11.8 For man is not
from woman.
I hear people turning.
That's a good sound.
1 Corinthians 11.8 And on that note,
I would encourage you to get through the
Bible once a year.
If you just read it 20 minutes a
day, you'll get through the Bible once a
year, and you'll begin to understand the nature
of God and the character of God, and
these things that seem difficult are not difficult.
For man is not from woman, but woman
is from man.
Nor was man created for the woman, but
woman for the man.
So people have this imagery here that, Well,
you're just created for me.
You can rub my feet, bring me olives
and some wine.
And you're my servant.
That's not what this is.
This is a help meet.
That God has created the woman to help,
to come alongside, and to compliment the man
in the areas he is weak in.
Do you know we have another helper?
The Holy Spirit.
I will give you another helper.
Now, I'm not saying that women and the
Holy Spirit are the same, right?
Now, sometimes they are though, right?
The woman wants to be the Holy Spirit,
and the man wants to be the Holy
Spirit.
But my point of all that was, let
me bring it back, the woman is given
as a help to help compliment the man.
The Holy Spirit is given as a help
to help us through our faith.
See, we need help.
So how this becomes a message of male
domination is a surprise to me.
Because it's really a message of humility.
Right?
I need help.
We need help.
We work together.
The strong points of what God has created
and designed women, and the strong points of
God designed and created men, come together.
They become one.
It's like one body, right?
But what, in your opinion, what's more important,
the head or the heart?
Remove either, and you are dead.
Right?
So you can't have two heads.
See, not better than, not lording over, but
the head to think, to process, to look,
to view, to take the body where it
needs to go.
The heart, to keep the blood pumping, to
keep the toxins removed to the liver and
the kidney, and all these things.
And you need, so that's what the male
-female relationship is.
It's coming together, complimenting each other.
The head does what it needs to do.
The other areas of the body need what
they need to do, and they work together.
So that's why, but that's why there's a
little, the ESV actually says a helper fit
for him.
Somebody fit for what his needs are.
But people take the scripture and say, see,
you're created for me.
See, I'm in charge, you're not, and that's
not what it means.
That's actually you telling God, I don't want
someone telling me to do, that being God.
Because as the man leads, the woman wants
to follow that leadership.
So let's read Genesis 3.16. Just another
aspect here.
To the woman he said, I will greatly
multiply your sorrows and your conception.
In pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be for your husband, and
he shall rule over you.
Can I go now?
We can start worship, and I'll see you
next week.
Again, problem.
What do you think of when you think
of the word rule?
A king, right?
Sitting down on his throne with the, it's
hot out.
Keep me cool.
Go get me some grape juice.
Or some wine for some of you.
And you know, just this waiting on.
But actually the word in the Hebrew, if
you look up rule, it's marshal.
M-A-R-S-H-A-L.
It means to lead or to take responsibility
for.
So God is saying the man is going
to take responsibility for the family and lead
the family.
To be the head and to go before
the family.
See, not rule over as in domination.
Now the word, the root meaning can also
govern.
You know, to be the lead in certain
areas.
But the idea there is to take responsibility
for.
See, somebody, what about, one thing I hate
about our culture now is nobody takes responsibility
for anything.
Right?
Everybody's excuse-driven.
I mean, look at how, well, I won't
even get into the national anthem thing.
That's just, don't get me started.
Don't get me started.
But we just, we don't want to take
responsibility for.
No, it's his responsibility.
And if you have two people, who's responsible?
Who's the responsible party?
Who's God?
Is God going to look at what person
to lead the family?
You can't have two heads.
You can't have two areas of leadership.
And the word that sometimes people get confused
with is submission.
And looking up that word again too, it
gives this picture of yielding.
Do you ever come to a stop sign?
And you yield to the person on your
right, hopefully.
You yield to that.
So it's not a word of becoming like
a doormat and being stepped on and controlled
and beaten up physically or verbally or emotionally.
That's not submission.
Submission is you're yielding to how God created
the husband.
I like what Beth Moore said.
Submission for the woman is ducking so that
God can hit your husband.
That's pretty good.
Submission is just, thank you.
You know, and bam.
And you're submitting to and letting God deal
in that area.
And the reason is, I mean, let's just
be honest for a minute.
I know there's, well, we are always being
honest.
I shouldn't have said that that way.
But let's take a minute and reframe this.
I mean, I don't know too many.
I mean, most of us want somebody else
to take responsibility.
Most of us let you lead.
So if a man is truly following the
Lord and wants what's best, most people want
to follow that.
Let me follow that.
The problem is man has so messed up
the design of how God has created us
that they don't want to follow because they
don't like the Christ they see in us
because we're not following God's standard.
We're causing division in the family.
We're hurting the family.
We're allowing things into the home that shouldn't
be there.
So it's hard to lead somebody who's not
following Christ.
Or it's hard to follow somebody who's not
following Christ.
That's where the problem comes in.
So men, if you're using submission as a
weapon, you are in the wrong.
It's not a point of you need to
do what I say.
If what you say goes against Scripture, if
what you say is illegal, if what you
say is coming from a condescending, arrogant, manipulative
heart, they don't need to submit to that
type of leadership.
See, the whole role is man, you lead,
and woman, follow that leadership.
Complementing each other.
Not to be lorded over, but to be
lovingly led.
Our homes are not to be lorded over,
but lovingly led.
Not to be bossed around while orders are
barked, but to complement one another.
Not to be a doormat, but a helpmate.
And my heart for this is so many
people will say, look, here's what the Bible
says.
You need to do what I said.
If you ever need to say that, you're
already on the wrong page.
It should come from who you are, and
your character in wanting to follow Christ.
We don't use the Bible to beat people
up.
You don't use the Word of God as
a weapon, unless you use it as a
knife.
A surgeon uses a knife, and so does
a thief.
One to harm, the other to help.
But the Bible is not a weapon to
throw at your family.
Submit, submit, submit.
And your teenager's having a hard day, you
just go and throw the Bible.
Respect your parents, read that.
It's not going to work.
It's not how God designed it.
So I'll role play for a minute with
you, what I do sometimes.
All areas, finances, schooling, our calendar, our time.
We'll sit down, we'll talk about it.
You know, here's where we're at with the
finances, and what do you think?
And the man should be making financial decisions
that line up with Scripture.
When the man's not making financial decisions that
line up with Scripture, let's take our check
to Vegas.
No, no.
See, it's hard to submit to a man
who's not submitting to God.
That's the problem.
But you sit down, we talk about finances,
so it's not that I'm going to make
these decisions, I don't care what you say.
It's getting input, and often we're going to
say, whatever you want to do, make the
decision.
It's you and God.
And decisions on paying off a house early
if we can, or a vehicle early, or
these things, or the kids, or schooling, or
more time with them, or our calendars and
check, and we work together and we complement.
But you can't have two people doing the
same thing.
One of them has to take responsibility for
the decisions the family is making.
So if the house isn't being paid, and
it's going to foreclosure, you can't say, the
man takes responsibility.
If the yard looks like a mess, the
man takes responsibility.
If the kids aren't in church, and they've
got a spirit of rebellion, the man has
to take responsibility to rule over taking that
area of responsibility.
1 Timothy 2, I think we have it
on the screen.
1 Timothy 2.18 Don't worry, we haven't
stopped getting controversial.
It gets worse.
In the eyes of some, right?
1 Timothy 2.8 I desire therefore that
men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands without
wrath and doubting.
So as we get into this, as we
keep reading a little bit, I want you
to always look at Scripture as a context.
We often see the chapter and the verse,
we just skip ahead to it.
It wasn't written with chapters and verses.
It was written as a letter to the
church.
So you have to read the context.
So Paul is writing to Timothy, a letter
to the churches.
My desire is that men everywhere pray, lifting
up holy hands without wrath and doubting.
So you have this picture of a man
who's lifting up holy hands.
He's leading in worship.
He's not a man driven by anger, and
he's not a man doubting, tossed to and
fro by every wind of doctrine.
Let's do this.
Let's get our money invested in this.
Let's get this.
And he's ruining the family, or ruining his
life by going back and forth and doubting.
So you have this imagery of a man
worshiping God, making good decisions based on integrity.
So that's the context.
And then let's read some more.
In like manner also, that the women adorn
themselves in modest apparel.
Hmm.
How long you want me to stay there?
So you have the image of the man
doing this and the woman adorning herself in
modest apparel, meaning dressing modestly.
I knew that was going to be a
tongue twister.
With propriety.
Boy, they're trying to get me on this
one.
What's propriety?
Conforming to what is accepted by God.
So when you get dressed, you say, if
I were going to meet Jesus, would I
wear this?
That's a good place to start.
And moderation.
Not with braided hair or gold or pearls
or costly clothing, but which is proper for
women professing godliness with good works.
So there you have the man leading in
this area, and then you have the woman
who is dressing modestly.
Because what it does, dressing actually sends a
message.
Right?
Sometimes it's sad because the person is starving
for attention and affection.
So it's dressing in such a way so
they receive that affection.
So it's often an issue of the heart.
And people say, well, it's not my problem.
If a man can't control himself, that's his
problem.
Well, that works both ways.
He has a responsibility, but so do you.
He has a responsibility to not, now I'm
not talking about a married couple now, right?
Because it's a good thing to entice your
spouse.
But he's talking about here being modest apparel.
How you dress sends a message about who
you are, what you stand for.
It shouldn't be the $4,000 suits for
men up here and women.
I found this at Macy's for $562.
You know, and you've got $4,000 on
you.
And a funny story I heard.
I've got to remember this one.
A lady came home, spent all this stuff
on clothing.
And she said, you're not going to believe
this.
I saved $1,000.
Look at all that.
Markdown, Ross, you know, all these other places.
TJ Maxx, whatever.
Look at all that.
I saved $1,000.
And he said, no, you spent $1,000.
See, all this stuff was normally $4,000.
But I got it all for $1,000.
I saved, actually I saved $3,000, right?
No, I spent, you still spent $1,000.
But we can get trapped in this thing,
especially in clothes and modesty and dressing and
our appearance.
And so he says, here women dress in
modest apparel.
What is acceptable to God?
Now, most of us know, right?
We know.
If you have to say, is this too
tight?
Is this too low?
Now, I'm just throwing out there, right?
Radio listeners, listen, not this crowd, of course.
But if you have to ask, that might
tell you something right there.
Always err on the side of modesty.
God will reward that.
It's a reflection of your heart.
Are you drawing attention to yourself or to
God?
Don't tell me what to do in this
area.
Now, here's an excuse I often hear.
But Shane, that was a culture with women
back then.
And can you see the Middle East now?
You know, it's all about the culture.
It doesn't apply now.
But the Bible's not talking about the culture.
It's talking about creation.
How God created them to complement each other.
Verse 11, we are going to go into
uncharted territory.
Are you ready?
Just read the first sentence there.
It's in the Bible.
To me, it's not.
People, like, take something and then they just
attach TNT to it.
And explode it and make it something it's
not.
So, Paul's in the church.
He's talking to Timothy.
Here's your men lifting up holy hands, not
without doubting, without anger.
Your women adorn themselves in moderation and decency.
And so, that's the image.
And then he goes right into, let a
woman learn in silence with all submission.
So, that tells me she's trying to learn
inside the church.
So, she's probably asking questions, maybe.
She's probably disruptive.
It's like, hold on.
I'll get to you later.
You know, it's this disruptive environment.
At least that's what the context seems to
support.
That the woman, if she has questions, just
wait until afterwards.
Learn in silence.
Submit to what's being said and ask questions
later.
And I do not permit a woman to
teach or to have authority over a man,
but to be in silence.
So, the context here, again, is the church.
It's the church.
And the women are, it appears, asking questions,
maybe being a little disruptive.
I'm not sure.
But the context is for the man to
teach and not have authority over the man,
but to learn in silence.
Now, if we keep reading, in just a
minute, we're going to find out that the
reason God's...
Paul goes on to say that she should
not usurp authority over the man.
So, the way that God designed it is
for the man to be fed by God
to teach and to learn and for the
family to benefit.
Versus me sitting down on the pew and
Morgan being up here and teaching me.
And I'm like, oh, okay, teach me, teach
me.
You're my spiritual authority.
She's usurping that authority that God has given
the man.
Now, this isn't a male domination.
I don't know why people get upset about
it.
I'd rather her come up here and do
this than I sit down there.
I mean, it's hard.
It's dying for self.
It's serving.
It's not an arrogant type of boastful position.
It's a dying to self.
So, he's saying women don't usurp the authority
of the man.
Don't be their spiritual leader.
That's why you can gleam.
Men can gleam from a lot.
Like, say, M.
Graham Lotz or K.
Arthur, right?
You guys read.
Or Beth Moore or different people.
You can gleam from them.
We can learn from our moms.
We can learn from our wives.
We're always learning from women.
Always learning.
But she's not the spiritual authority over the
man teaching him in spiritual matters.
Does that make sense?
Because you kind of have this image then
of a wimpy man just sitting there, oh,
teach me, teach me.
And the woman lording over him, teaching him
when he should be the one, in the
word of God, teaching and leading his family.
That's just how God designed it.
So, how it's blown up into this big
male domination, male chauvinism and control, it beats
me if you just read the text.
So, I'm supposed to be in worship, lifting
up holy hands, not being angry, not doubting,
be a man of integrity, fill with the
spirit of God, look to the word of
God, get trained by the word of God,
and then serve my family, take that to
them and teach them.
How in the world has that become what
the world makes it out to be?
This terrible thing.
And there's a movement in churches, even, different
things that want everybody equal on all equal
playing fields, and they forget that we are
equal in all areas.
With pay, you know, and different things.
Men and women are equal, but when it
comes to the role that God has given
us, there's different roles that we play in
life.
Not one is better than the other.
Verse 13, For Adam was formed first, then
Eve.
And Adam was not deceived, but the woman
being deceived fell into transgression.
Nevertheless, she will be saved and childbearing if
they continue in faith and holiness with self
-control.
So it's a hard scripture.
Nevertheless, will she be saved and childbearing if
they continue in faith, love, and holiness with
self-control.
This is a hard one to interpret, but
I like what John Piper said.
He said, Even though many women today and
in history may feel the ongoing effects of
the curse and the pains of childbirth and
the lifelong wounds that it may leave, I
urge all of our Christian sisters not to
despair.
God's word to you is hope and not
a curse.
God's plan for you is salvation, not destruction.
God's word to all those burdens and frustrations
and miseries is no.
This is not my last word to you.
My word is salvation.
My word in and through every fiery trial
is to save you, to rescue you, to
preserve you, and give you a future and
a hope, all of that through faith in
Jesus Christ.
See, we think, oh, she'll be saved and
childbearing, and it's this idea that God, the
curse, the pain of childbearing is from the
curse.
Man was cursed from the work he will
do in the toil of the soil, and
that hard labor, that's his curse.
Hard labor is a curse.
And then childbearing and the pain of childbearing
is the curse from the fall of Adam
and Eve.
But God said, I will be with you.
I will save you.
I will take you through it.
Look and lean on me.
But I think I might need to elaborate
a little bit more on this.
And I do not permit a woman to
teach or to have authority over a man
but to be in silence.
This is one of the scriptures we use.
Our church is called, when people ask me
sometimes, they don't use these terms.
I'll say it differently.
But we're considered complementarian versus egalitarian.
Egalitarian means everything is equal.
So you'd have women pastors that I would
maybe submit to or different things.
Complementarian is we complement.
We see the different ways that God has
designed us.
So women basically keep this church going.
I don't know if you've known that, but
children's ministry to the office, to every single
aspect of this church, it's vital because God
has given us that wonderful gift.
But we see from here and from Timothy
and Titus the qualifications of an elder pastor.
That's why we don't encourage or promote women
pastors.
So it has nothing to do with being
mean.
It has nothing to do with holding people
back.
It's just what God's word says.
Now here's the guidelines for a woman pastor.
We'd follow it.
Here's the guidelines.
A woman pastor must not be a gossip.
She must not this.
She must be able to manage her kids
as well as her home.
We'd be the first to say it.
But because God's word shows us that man
is just in that position of spiritual authority,
here's his qualifications to lead the church, then
that's why we believe in male pastors and
not women pastors.
Now I have friends that are women pastors,
and I think sometimes it's just a play
on words.
They put a woman in a position of
leadership in women's ministry.
That's what we have.
So she becomes a pastor.
However, in that word, in the Greek, it's
pastor, bishop, overseer.
And you don't see that word being used
in the context of women leadership.
It's a male leadership position.
So we're just looking at Scripture.
It has nothing to do with being…
I mean, ask my wife.
Any of you can ask her any question
on this you want.
Was Shane really that way at home?
Does he push you guys around?
Ask her.
I'm not afraid of that because I understand
that women are a gift to us.
It's a help me.
And this, people think, oh, he's in some
pushing…
I submit to the needs of the church.
I submit to the needs of my family.
I submit to what are the needs.
I submit.
It's a position of servant leadership, of dying
to self.
These guys that make this position, some going
around telling everybody what to do is off
chart.
It's not according to God's word.
So that's the whole thing.
Men are supposed to die for their family.
Men are supposed to lead for their family.
Men are supposed to…
That's why.
So all these things now, the women leading
in battle.
Oh, churches are against that.
Well, no, I think men should lead in
battle.
Men should die first.
They should guard the wives and the children.
That's our role.
We're just messing up so many different things.
So it has nothing to do with equality
and everything to do with perverting how God
designed people.
Now I'm going to talk about something a
little bit different.
At the root of all unhealthy marriages, especially
this area of submission would apply.
If you prefer, we can use a different
word.
I just gave you a few.
Yielding.
This area of yielding.
Because words have changed, right?
Submission means a certain thing.
And we get this imagery.
A hundred years ago, they used to say,
hey, afterwards we're going to have a gay
party.
And then, you know, happy, good party.
But you probably wouldn't say that, you know,
today.
In the old versions of the Bible, there's
a word, doulos.
That we are doulos.
That we are God's, we are slaves.
But we know what happened in this country
when Great Britain forced the slave trade on
the nation.
That they wanted to remove that word.
Doulos became servant instead of slave.
Careful on what the words mean.
So, that's sometimes why people have this negative
view of this word.
Because what they put on it.
So, at the root of all unhealthy marriage.
All unhealthy marriages at the root is one
word.
Are you ready for that word?
Influence.
At the root of all unhealthy marriage is
influence.
Your family is being led by whatever is
influencing you.
You don't like the direction of your family.
Who's influencing you?
I'm not talking about spiritual attacks.
I'm not talking about difficult seasons.
But who is influencing you is also influencing
your family.
Psalm 1, that you turned to earlier.
Psalm 1, we can put that up.
Blessed is the man.
Blessed is the man who walks not in
the counsel of the ungodly.
Nor stands in the path of sinners.
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful.
But his delight is in the law of
the Lord.
And in his law he meditates day and
night.
He shall be like a tree planted by
the rivers of water.
That brings forth its fruit in season.
Whose leaves shall not wither.
And everything he does will prosper.
Wow, I like this guy.
I want to be, right?
The blessed person.
He opens up here.
Blessed is the man or the woman.
Who what?
Blessed man or woman who walketh not.
Who walks not.
I memorized it in the King James, I
believe.
So this is probably New King James.
Walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly.
They're not walking according to how ungodly counsel
directs them.
They're looking to God's word.
Who are you listening to?
Who is giving you advice?
What fills your mind?
That's what's influencing you.
I saw a movie that was coming out.
Maybe it already has.
It's called Bad Moms.
Party Like a Mother.
Rated R.
Now, if you're watching that, and your marriage
is falling apart, can I make the connection?
Can I make the connection?
If you're watching all this junk, and you're
bitter and you're angry and you're upset, and
your marriage is being destroyed by the devil,
let me make a connection for you.
As a man thinketh in his heart, so
is he.
Blessed is the marriage.
Blessed is the man who walketh not in
the counsel of the ungodly.
Because influence is influence.
If we sit and we enjoy something, it's
influencing us.
Do you ever say, I'm not watching that.
Because it's not going to influence me in
a negative way.
Let me read a story I read many
times many years ago when I was speaking.
I came across it again.
I don't remember where I got it.
But it fits perfectly.
When Matt was very young, his parents introduced
him to a family friend.
Matt was excited because he had someone to
play with.
His parents were pleased because he could entertain
Matt while they were gone.
As the years went by, Matt and his
friend spent countless hours together playing video games,
watching sports, music videos, and reality shows.
In time, things started to change.
His friend began to use profanity and was
disrespectful towards his family.
Although his mother and father disapproved, what could
they do?
His friend was like a family member now.
He taught Matt how to dress, how to
act, and even how to treat others.
Although his parents would admit it, he taught
them a thing or two as well.
Once Matt reached his teen years, his friend's
influence was obvious.
Matt spent more time with him than with
his family.
Matt's dad and mom were always gone, so
his friend taught him about life.
He introduced Matt to alcohol, drugs, pornography, explained
how sex before marriage and homosexuality, all these
things, it's not a big deal.
Everybody's doing it.
Surprisingly, Matt's parents allowed his friend to continue
to live in their home.
After all, they enjoyed his company.
When Matt grew older, he realized that the
friendship should never have continued.
He believed that his friend's influence encouraged his
dad's affair, his mom's problem with alcohol, and
eventually the destruction of their family.
The impact of Matt's friend on him was
just as devastating.
Today, with full knowledge of the damage done,
Matt still allows his friend to live with
him, and he still listens to his advice.
Matt's friend has a name.
It is television.
It is the media.
We know what it's doing.
We know what is destructive in these areas.
And we continue to allow that influence in.
And we continue to allow that to break
away at the foundation of marriage.
Listen, I'm one of those guys who I
take Scripture literally.
Blessed is the man who walketh not in
the counsel of the ungodly.
Where are we getting our information from?
For those of you who might not think
there's a big difference, let me show you
the difference.
The media right now says, cheat on your
spouse, everybody is doing it.
But the truth is, whoever commits adultery destroys
his own soul.
The media says, have sex before marriage, experiment,
it doesn't matter.
But the truth is, marriage is honorable among
all in the bed undefiled.
But fornicators, which is sex outside of marriage,
God will judge.
Media, party, eat, drink, and be merry, for
tomorrow we die.
But the truth is, take heed to yourselves,
lest your hearts be weighed down with carousing,
drunkenness, and the cares of this life, and
that day Jesus' return come upon you unexpectedly.
What about this one?
Media, this is all over by the way,
disrespect your parents and their outdated advice.
Just about every show your kids are watching,
this is portrayed.
But the truth is, honor your father and
your mother, as the Lord commanded you, that
your days may be long.
So that's the first aspect of the blessed
marriage, is watch who you're getting information from.
The next, it says, standing in the path
of sin.
Are you standing in sin's way?
You see something coming, you know that's going
to result in sin.
You know it's going to probably lead to
not a good choice, but you're playing patty
cake with the devil.
You're standing in the path of sin, and
you will get hit.
There are some of you in this room,
you need to make some hard decisions.
You need to remove some things out of
your life, that are causing you to possibly
be in the path of sin, and when
it comes, it's going to be a locomotive.
You're standing in that path.
Or then he says, are you standing in
the path of sinners?
And then he says, or sitting in the
seat of the scornful?
What does that mean?
Well, a scornful person would be like a
gossip.
You ever been around those people?
They just are critical about everything.
You sit with them, they're scornful, they're putting
down everything.
You're sitting in the seat with the scornful.
You're sitting next to them.
What is that?
You should leave that dirtbag.
You should get out of that.
You shouldn't take that.
You should, you should, you should.
Worldly advice, worldly advice.
Not speaking life into you, speaking death into
you.
So get out of the seat of the
scornful.
If you have people around you who are
bringing you down, get rid of them.
If you can't lift them up, you're sitting,
because you're getting influenced, and you're in the
path of sin, and then now you're in
the seat of the scornful.
That is an invitation for disaster.
Blessed is the man who does not do
these things.
His delight, what, is in the law of
the Lord.
It's a choice.
His delight is in the law of the
Lord.
Is really your delight in the law of
the Lord?
Let me throw it out there.
How bad do you want it?
How bad do you want a good marriage?
Or if you're single, how bad do you
want to serve the Lord, and truly be
filled with the Spirit?
How bad do you want it?
Because there's a fight.
There's a battle.
There's a battle to do what is right.
You think my life has been a bed
of roses the last two weeks, getting ready
for this event?
Oh, no sir, I've got news for you.
It's been a nightmare.
I feel like Jeremiah.
I'm mocked everywhere, I'm scoffers.
All these things, I will never mention your
word again.
That's what Jeremiah told God.
He said, I'll never mention your word again.
I wish I wasn't even born.
And then it says, but your word is
in my heart like a burning fire.
It's shut up in my bones.
I'm weary of holding it back, and I
cannot.
Is your delight in the word of the
Lord?
If it's not, you need to change that
this morning.
You need to say, God, I need that
again.
I need that passion again.
Remember when I used to wake up, or
you used to wake up and you used
to just want to get to the word
of God?
If you never have, then that's something you
can pray for.
I mean, you get up so hungry for
God.
Can I get up now?
And you want to get into the word.
His delight is in the word of God.
And in that word, he meditates day and
night.
That's where his focus is.
What does God's word say?
He meditates day and night.
As a result, he will be like a
tree planted by living, not dead water, by
living water, who will bear its fruit in
season, and whose leaves will not wither.
So it's meditating on God's word.
As you're meditating on God's word, your marriage
will bear fruit eventually.
Don't give up.
Look up.
That's why we put that on the banner.
Don't give up.
Look up.
Who's going to go outside and say, we
just planted that cherry tree.
There's nothing on there.
I'm taking it back to Home Depot.
Well, of course not.
That might take a few years.
You're bearing the fruit.
It takes a while.
And whose leaves will not wither.
Green leaves are a sign of health and
vitality.
So that will not wither.
That will not fade.
Blessed is the man or woman or marriage.
Do you see that?
Do you want a blessed life?
Not Joelstein time.
I'm talking about Psalm 1.
The blessed life.
Walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly.
Don't stand in the path of sinners.
Don't sit in the seat of the scornful.
Delight in the word of God.
Meditate day and night.
You will be like a tree.
Planted right by the river.
And you will drink of the wells of
God's riches.
This is what is so ironic.
It is so simple.
But it's not easy.
You didn't know that was coming, did you?
Very simple.
Not easy.
I want to share a verse with you
as I close.
It meant a lot this week.
Helping us refocus.
And sometimes when you read the Bible, Isaiah,
Jeremiah, look at the introduction.
And you'll know that Isaiah was in a
time like this.
He was writing to the children of Israel.
They were broken up into northern and southern
kingdoms.
And after many years of prosperity, they started
to drift from God.
Sound familiar?
And so this is Isaiah writing.
God says, For thus says the high and
lofty one who inhabits eternity, whose name is
holy.
See, his name's not just love.
His name is holy, holy, holy.
God says, I dwell in the high and
holy place with him who has a contrite
and humble spirit to revive the spirit of
the humble and to revive the heart of
the contrite ones.
Who may ascend, David asked, who may ascend
into the hill of the Lord or stand
in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure
heart and has not lifted up his soul
to an idol.
If you truly want to draw closer to
Christ, if you truly want to dwell with
God and feel that passion of the Holy
Spirit like a heartbeat for the things of
God, then right here to revive the spirit
of the humble, you have to humble yourself.
You have to humble yourself.
It starts by saying, God, I've been wrong
in this area.
Maybe there's women in here that have been
wrong in this area.
You've been fighting a spirit of rebellion and
it needs to stop.
Maybe there's men in here.
You've been lording over.
You've been dominating.
Screaming, barking orders, you think is what a
man does.
You need to humble yourself.
Humility's our only hope because as you humble
yourself, you're broken.
As you're broken, your heart's tender.
As your heart's tender, you feel how the
other person feels and you can begin to
change.
If not, the opposite pride is a hard
heart and you stand there like a piece
of concrete and it's very destructive.
We're actually going to do communion this morning,
but it's a little different than we did
in August or September.
Instead of it being passed out, we have
it up front here and up front in
the balcony, you have areas up there too.
And during worship, whether it's the first song
or second song or third song, during worship,
you come up, you take the elements, you
take them back to your seat with you.
But a couple reminders, you don't want to
take communion with the wrong heart.
Paul said, examine yourself.
Examine yourself.
Don't take communion in an unworthy manner.
What he means by that is if a
person is caught in sin, besetting sin, they're
just sinning, they're sinning like, for example, in
this topic.
Yep, I know him that way, but I
don't care.
I'm going to stay rebellious.
I'm going to stay a mean, nasty husband.
I don't care.
I don't care what this guy has to
say.
I don't care what God's word has to
say.
And then you're going to go take communion?
That's mockery.
That's blasphemy.
He says, check your heart.
Make sure, because what you're doing is you're
taking the elements.
You're saying this juice represents the blood that
was shed for my sin.
And this wafer represents the body that was
beaten because of my sin.
And I'm going to take that, and I'm
going to remember, Jesus, what you did on
the cross for me.
Thank you.
So you can't do that and then stay
caught in that rebellious state.
You can't do that and continue.
Now, nobody's perfect in this room.
I'm not talking about a perfect person taking
communion.
I'm talking about a humble person, broken, repentant,
taking communion.
Examine your hearts.
Pray with your spouse if you need to.
And also, you don't want to take communion
if you don't know Christ.
If you don't know Him, this morning, repent.
The Bible just says repent and believe.
Repent and believe.
And God will save you.
And then you take communion.
And that's really what this is.
It's remembering what Jesus did.
But since we're in the marriage series, I
also want you to remember back.
Remember back when the marriage was healthy.
Remember back when you couldn't get enough of
each other versus you can't stand each other.
What changed?
You know that love doesn't leave.
Love doesn't leave.
You leave love.
Love never goes anywhere.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
It doesn't envy.
It doesn't boast.
It's not proud.
It's not rude.
It's not self-seeking.
Love doesn't keep any anger of the wrong
done against it.
It always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres.
It doesn't go anywhere.
So maybe this would be a good time
during communion to come back to those marriage
vows and to say God, restore and renew
us.