1 00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:03,520 This is the eighth message in the series, 2 00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:06,780 Understanding Marriage, from Ephesians chapter 5. 3 00:00:07,039 --> 00:00:09,900 The title of this teaching is, Oneness in 4 00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:10,340 Marriage. 5 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,900 Let's join our teacher, Pastor David Guzik, speaking 6 00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:16,100 at Calvary Chapel of Simi Valley. 7 00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:21,780 Ephesians chapter 5, beginning at verse 28. 8 00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:25,580 We're continuing our series, Understanding Marriage, from Ephesians 9 00:00:25,580 --> 00:00:26,540 chapter 5. 10 00:00:27,380 --> 00:00:28,860 And today we're going to talk about the 11 00:00:28,860 --> 00:00:30,560 reasons for a husband's love. 12 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:31,860 And you'll see what I mean by that 13 00:00:31,860 --> 00:00:33,800 title as we get into our study this 14 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:34,140 morning. 15 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,760 Ephesians chapter 5, beginning at verse 28. 16 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,820 So husbands ought to love their own wives 17 00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:41,920 as their own bodies. 18 00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:44,960 He who loves his wife loves himself. 19 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,780 For no one ever hated his own flesh, 20 00:00:47,820 --> 00:00:51,160 but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the 21 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,340 Lord does the church. 22 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,260 For we are members of his body, of 23 00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:56,760 his flesh, and of his bones. 24 00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,860 For this reason a man shall leave his 25 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,120 father and mother, and be joined to his 26 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,900 wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 27 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,640 This is a great mystery, but I speak 28 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,520 concerning Christ and the church. 29 00:01:12,820 --> 00:01:15,520 The book of Ephesians chapter 5, verses 25 30 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:19,840 through 27, sets the standard for a husband's 31 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:20,960 love towards his wife. 32 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,500 We talked about that last week. 33 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:26,760 How the standard is the love of Jesus 34 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,360 and the love that he has for his 35 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:29,800 people. 36 00:01:30,780 --> 00:01:32,460 So first of all, that it's love based 37 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,560 on a decision, not on a feeling. 38 00:01:35,340 --> 00:01:37,520 We know this from the very word for 39 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,000 love that Paul used. 40 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,980 This ancient Greek word we know as agape, 41 00:01:42,540 --> 00:01:44,500 which is different than a feeling kind of 42 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:44,760 love. 43 00:01:45,020 --> 00:01:47,060 The kind of love Paul's talking about is 44 00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:48,720 love that's made by a decision. 45 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,780 That says, I'm going to decide to love 46 00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:51,640 in this situation. 47 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,340 It doesn't wait for the feelings of love 48 00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:56,880 to arise, though the feelings may be there. 49 00:01:57,180 --> 00:02:00,280 It's not that agape love contradicts feelings, or 50 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:01,220 is without feelings. 51 00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:03,960 It's just simply that it isn't based on 52 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:04,400 feelings. 53 00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:08,320 We saw also that it's love in attitude, 54 00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,080 that it's warm and affectionate. 55 00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:12,120 And we know this from the description of 56 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,540 Paul's describing of how the love of the 57 00:02:15,540 --> 00:02:16,520 husband should be. 58 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,480 In Ephesians 5.25, he said, Husbands, love 59 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,760 your wives just as Christ also loved the 60 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:22,200 church. 61 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,380 And when you think of how Jesus loves 62 00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:25,640 the church, it's a warm love. 63 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:26,880 It's an affectionate love. 64 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,580 We saw that it's love in action. 65 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,760 That it'll sacrifice itself for the sake of 66 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:34,220 the beloved. 67 00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:36,380 And we know this from Paul's description of 68 00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:37,980 the husband's love again in the same verse. 69 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,480 He said, Husbands, love your wives just as 70 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:43,500 Christ, and then it says, gave himself for 71 00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:43,680 it. 72 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,360 I mean, Jesus just didn't feel thoughts of 73 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:47,540 love towards the church. 74 00:02:47,660 --> 00:02:49,240 No, he did something. 75 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,560 He gave himself for it. 76 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,300 And it was something that he did of 77 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:54,200 self-sacrifice towards the church. 78 00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:56,980 So, we've seen what this love is about. 79 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,720 What I think is so great about God's 80 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,680 Word, so great about the way He speaks 81 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,560 to us, is that so often, God gives 82 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:10,100 us the why behind His commands. 83 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,040 He doesn't have to. 84 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,720 Isn't it really enough if God simply says, 85 00:03:16,220 --> 00:03:17,780 well, now do it because I said to 86 00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:18,160 do it. 87 00:03:18,660 --> 00:03:19,820 That should be enough, right? 88 00:03:20,420 --> 00:03:21,220 He knows us. 89 00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:22,080 He's our creator. 90 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,180 He made us. 91 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:26,180 He gives us every breath that we breathe 92 00:03:26,180 --> 00:03:27,340 as a gift from God. 93 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,160 It's enough just for Him to say, well, 94 00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:31,040 because I said so, that's why. 95 00:03:32,060 --> 00:03:33,500 God loves us so much. 96 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,660 And He wants us to share, He wants 97 00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:39,660 us to catch His vision behind His commands. 98 00:03:40,540 --> 00:03:42,440 But so often in the Scriptures, He gives 99 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,180 us the why behind it. 100 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,100 So, husbands, you have every right this morning 101 00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:49,560 to say, listen, pastor, you're telling me that 102 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,460 the Bible says I have to love my 103 00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:53,880 wife in a pretty radical way. 104 00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:56,600 I've got to love her based on decisions, 105 00:03:56,860 --> 00:03:57,780 not on feelings. 106 00:03:57,780 --> 00:03:59,760 I've got to love her in my attitude, 107 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,120 and I've got to love her with self 108 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,220 -sacrificing actions. 109 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:06,440 That's a tall order to fill. 110 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:07,000 Why? 111 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,260 Why do I have to have such a 112 00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:09,800 giving love? 113 00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:12,440 A love that's so far beyond what the 114 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,020 world expects from a husband. 115 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,420 Well, I'll tell you why. 116 00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:19,300 First of all, He's already described why in 117 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:19,880 one sense. 118 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:23,020 The first reason why is because this is 119 00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:23,820 what love is. 120 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,000 I mean, He says, husbands, love your wives. 121 00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:28,300 He used that Greek word agape. 122 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:29,480 Well, this is what it is. 123 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,800 It's just defined by that that's what love 124 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,060 is, and so that's why you should do 125 00:04:33,060 --> 00:04:33,520 it that way. 126 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,980 Secondly, we should love our wives this way 127 00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:42,240 because our relationship with our wife has a 128 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:42,920 pattern. 129 00:04:43,580 --> 00:04:46,700 And the pattern for the marriage relationship is 130 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,840 the relationship between Jesus and His church. 131 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:51,960 And again, Paul indicates this over and over 132 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:52,940 again in our passage. 133 00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:57,440 He says, love your wives just as Christ 134 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:58,660 also loved the church. 135 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,060 See the just as in there? 136 00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:01,160 It means there's a pattern. 137 00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:02,500 You have a pattern for the way that 138 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,460 you're supposed to love your wife. 139 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,840 And then he says, so husbands ought to 140 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:07,520 love their own wives. 141 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:08,880 So what? 142 00:05:09,020 --> 00:05:11,260 So according to the pattern of Christ's love. 143 00:05:11,580 --> 00:05:14,220 And then later on he says, just as 144 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:15,440 the Lord does the church. 145 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,080 As the Lord loves the church, that's how 146 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,120 the husband is supposed to love his wife. 147 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,780 So the first reason is just because that's 148 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:22,560 what love is. 149 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,260 According to the biblical definition. 150 00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:26,860 Second reason is, is God's given us a 151 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,680 pattern for the way we should love. 152 00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:30,660 And the pattern is Jesus and His love 153 00:05:30,660 --> 00:05:31,240 for the church. 154 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,320 But this morning we're going to discuss the 155 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:34,580 third reason why. 156 00:05:35,580 --> 00:05:36,680 I have to say this. 157 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,500 This really impacted me. 158 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:45,060 These were things that I have to say 159 00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:46,880 in all my years of study of this 160 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,960 passage and understanding. 161 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,320 I never saw it the way that I 162 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,320 saw it in coming to an understanding of 163 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:52,660 it now. 164 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,820 And I hope that I can live it 165 00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:57,720 better and better in my own marriage. 166 00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:00,160 As the weeks, as the months go by. 167 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,200 Because it's challenging. 168 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,060 The third and perhaps the greatest, the central, 169 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,300 the whole thematic reason here. 170 00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:10,400 Why we should love our wives with this 171 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:14,720 self-sacrificing, absolutely giving all kind of way. 172 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,180 Why is this reason, it's explained in the 173 00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:17,480 text. 174 00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:22,660 It's because we are one with our wives. 175 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,800 Just as Jesus is one with the church. 176 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,700 It's this teaching of unity. 177 00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:31,500 It's this teaching of the essential oneness of 178 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:32,400 the husband and wife. 179 00:06:33,340 --> 00:06:34,760 Look at it in the text we saw 180 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:34,960 here. 181 00:06:35,340 --> 00:06:37,920 Ephesians chapter 5 beginning at verse 28 again. 182 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:42,100 He says, So husbands ought to love their 183 00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:46,760 own wives as their own bodies. 184 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,600 Now the little word in there, as, is 185 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:52,340 very important. 186 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,380 What does he mean when he says that 187 00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:59,120 I ought to love my wife as my 188 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,400 own body? 189 00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:03,080 Now he doesn't mean, and this is the 190 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,480 way that I understood it for quite a 191 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:04,720 while. 192 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,220 But I do some good study here. 193 00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:08,980 I think that I've come to a different 194 00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:09,400 conclusion. 195 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,780 I used to believe that what Paul meant 196 00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:15,120 by this was, I should take care of 197 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:18,060 my wife after similar manners I would take 198 00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:18,780 care of my body. 199 00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:20,580 In other words, I look after the needs 200 00:07:20,580 --> 00:07:21,300 of my body. 201 00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:24,480 I make sure that it's fed and clothed. 202 00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:26,780 I pay attention to the needs of my 203 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,260 body. 204 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:29,680 Therefore I should pay attention to the needs 205 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:30,320 of my wife. 206 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:31,960 Now we have to say that first and 207 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,540 foremost, this would be a huge improvement for 208 00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:34,620 many marriages, wouldn't it? 209 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,400 I mean, there's no denying that. 210 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,060 But that's not the meaning here. 211 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,160 This is the meaning behind Paul's example, and 212 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:44,880 the rest of the context bears it out. 213 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:49,760 The meaning is, So ought men to love 214 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:55,600 their wives because they are their own bodies. 215 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,680 A man loves his wife as his body. 216 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:04,020 In other words, she is part of you. 217 00:08:04,820 --> 00:08:08,340 When you are loving her, you're loving yourself. 218 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,540 You're taking care of yourself. 219 00:08:11,460 --> 00:08:12,520 She's part of you. 220 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:14,340 There's a oneness here. 221 00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:16,480 There's a unity that God has established. 222 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,620 And as you give your love towards her, 223 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,680 as you care for her needs, as you 224 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,420 take consideration of her, what you're really doing 225 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,860 is you're really taking consideration of yourself. 226 00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:32,240 Now, you see, as a man loves his 227 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,179 body, he loves his wife. 228 00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:35,299 No, that's not the idea. 229 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,020 A man must love his wife as his 230 00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:41,260 body, as a part of himself. 231 00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:44,660 You see how God has woven this theme 232 00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:46,040 all since the very beginning? 233 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,940 When Adam was created, and then Eve was 234 00:08:50,940 --> 00:08:53,620 created, where did Eve come from? 235 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,200 From Adam's own body. 236 00:08:57,700 --> 00:09:00,040 What did Adam say when he looked upon 237 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,100 Eve for the first time? 238 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,380 He said, this is bone of my bone, 239 00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:06,080 flesh of my flesh. 240 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,180 You know what he's saying? 241 00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:09,920 She's part of me. 242 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,500 And that was the essential unity that Adam 243 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:16,160 understood from the very beginning. 244 00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:20,020 The apostle puts it this way, so that 245 00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:24,280 the husband can see that he cannot, I'll 246 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,300 say it again, husbands, you might try, we 247 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:31,080 might try, but you cannot detach yourself from 248 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:31,740 your wife. 249 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:36,020 Just as much as you cannot detach yourself 250 00:09:36,020 --> 00:09:39,680 from your body, so you cannot detach yourself 251 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,380 from your wife. 252 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,180 She's part of you, and so you have 253 00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:43,100 to remember that always. 254 00:09:44,060 --> 00:09:47,380 This means that you cannot live in isolation. 255 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,200 You cannot live in detachment. 256 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,920 And if you realize what Paul's saying here, 257 00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:53,180 that she's part of you. 258 00:09:53,820 --> 00:09:56,160 God has knit you together, God has made 259 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:56,800 you one. 260 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,940 Just as much as Adam could say to 261 00:09:58,940 --> 00:10:00,840 Eve, she's bone of my bone, she's flesh 262 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,460 of my flesh, she's part of me. 263 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,280 So God's made you that way with your 264 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,820 wife in the marital relationship. 265 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,760 And if you understand that, if you grab 266 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,760 a hold of that, well then there's no 267 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,760 danger in thinking of detachment. 268 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,880 You don't wish and will and desire to 269 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,440 be detached from your wife. 270 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,940 Still less, how could there be any antagonism 271 00:10:21,940 --> 00:10:24,160 or hatred if you realize that your wife 272 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:24,820 is part of you? 273 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,320 You may as well start trying to chop 274 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,160 off your own foot. 275 00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:30,520 Or beat yourself in the face. 276 00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:34,080 It's the same self-defeating kind of action. 277 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:38,440 You see, friends, this is simply any element 278 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,800 of hatred between a husband and a wife, 279 00:10:42,220 --> 00:10:43,140 it's sheer madness. 280 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:48,340 It shows that the husband has no biblical 281 00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:50,600 understanding of what marriage is. 282 00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:55,580 Notice another phrase that Paul uses in this 283 00:10:55,580 --> 00:10:56,000 passage. 284 00:10:56,160 --> 00:11:00,120 Verse 28 started by saying, So husbands ought 285 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,800 to love their own wives as their own 286 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:03,180 bodies. 287 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,860 And we know what that means, right? 288 00:11:04,860 --> 00:11:07,280 It means because she is part of your 289 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:08,020 own body. 290 00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:09,620 And then he goes on, look what he 291 00:11:09,620 --> 00:11:10,660 says at the end of verse 28. 292 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:11,340 Did you see that? 293 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,980 He who loves his wife loves himself. 294 00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:16,660 Do you see how he just repeats the 295 00:11:16,660 --> 00:11:18,240 same idea in different words? 296 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,020 Simply said, husbands, grab a hold of this. 297 00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:25,560 When you love your wife, you benefit yourself. 298 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,160 Or perhaps it's better to put it in 299 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:29,060 the negative. 300 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:34,380 When you neglect your wife, you neglect yourself. 301 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,340 And it will come back to hurt you. 302 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,520 Now, we all know what it's like to 303 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:42,320 neglect something. 304 00:11:43,460 --> 00:11:46,020 I'm speaking mainly or focusing my remarks towards 305 00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:46,940 husbands this morning. 306 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,180 So let's take the example of your automobile, 307 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:49,680 right? 308 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,260 There it is, and you hear this noise. 309 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,800 And the noise is going on and on. 310 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,040 It's, well, forget that, who really cares, right? 311 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,000 And you neglect it, and you neglect it, 312 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:00,460 it doesn't matter. 313 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,460 In the end, we can all smile, we 314 00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:04,180 can laugh at that, because we recognize that 315 00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:05,840 man is just hurting himself, isn't he? 316 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,300 One time I was working on my car, 317 00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,080 and, well, I didn't tighten up all the 318 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:14,180 lug nuts on my wheels. 319 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,400 And so there I was, and I started 320 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,300 hearing this noise. 321 00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,940 That's funny, it's a funny noise, isn't it? 322 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:21,720 Well, I just drove on right through it. 323 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,460 Pretty soon, here I was, I was on 324 00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:25,560 a rush, I was on my way to 325 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,640 work, it was many years ago, and all 326 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,840 of a sudden I see, thump, the car 327 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:30,520 starts, right? 328 00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:32,700 And I see a tire roll past me. 329 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,200 Now, you know, if I would have stopped 330 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,460 immediately when I heard the noise and addressed 331 00:12:38,460 --> 00:12:39,960 it for what I do, I neglected it. 332 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,400 Really, it didn't really hurt the car that 333 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:44,820 much, the car ended up to be fine. 334 00:12:44,940 --> 00:12:45,700 But it hurt me. 335 00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:47,640 I was late to work, and it was 336 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,800 just to my own harm. 337 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:54,760 Friends, it's even more true regarding your wife, 338 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:58,520 because that car is yours, but it's not 339 00:12:58,520 --> 00:12:59,360 part of you. 340 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:00,840 Oh, I know you think it is, but 341 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:01,300 it's not. 342 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,680 You see, that wife of yours, she's part 343 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:07,020 of you. 344 00:13:07,260 --> 00:13:09,340 And it's even more true. 345 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,440 You neglect her, you mistreat her, it's going 346 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,020 to come back to hurt you. 347 00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:19,810 Look at the next thing he says here 348 00:13:19,810 --> 00:13:20,630 in verse 29. 349 00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:20,790 Verse 29. 350 00:13:21,270 --> 00:13:23,250 For no one ever hated his own flesh, 351 00:13:23,330 --> 00:13:26,950 but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the 352 00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:28,310 Lord does the church. 353 00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:31,330 Now, any man in his right mind is 354 00:13:31,330 --> 00:13:33,110 going to take care of his own flesh, 355 00:13:33,350 --> 00:13:35,070 even if it's just in the sense of 356 00:13:35,070 --> 00:13:37,270 feeding it and clothing it and caring for 357 00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:37,850 his body. 358 00:13:38,290 --> 00:13:40,290 And he knows that if he doesn't, he's 359 00:13:40,290 --> 00:13:41,830 going to suffer for it. 360 00:13:42,830 --> 00:13:45,390 In the same way, once we know the 361 00:13:45,390 --> 00:13:48,430 biblical fact of this unity, if we're in 362 00:13:48,430 --> 00:13:51,490 our right minds at all, we're going to 363 00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:54,310 nourish and cherish our wives because she's part 364 00:13:54,310 --> 00:13:54,830 of us. 365 00:13:55,990 --> 00:13:58,030 And look, he explains the same thing again. 366 00:13:58,130 --> 00:14:00,950 Look at it here in verse 31 there, 367 00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:03,730 where he says, For this reason a man 368 00:14:03,730 --> 00:14:05,910 shall leave his father and mother and be 369 00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:08,850 joined to his wife, and the two shall 370 00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:09,690 become one flesh. 371 00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:11,550 Do you see how he's repeating this theme 372 00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:12,930 over and over again? 373 00:14:13,150 --> 00:14:14,730 I look back, oh, how could I miss 374 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:14,830 it? 375 00:14:14,830 --> 00:14:16,010 This is like the major theme. 376 00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:17,450 This is what he really wants to emphasize. 377 00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:20,130 It's the unity between the husband and the 378 00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:20,510 wife. 379 00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,530 And just as the first man and the 380 00:14:22,530 --> 00:14:25,070 first woman were one, just as Adam could 381 00:14:25,070 --> 00:14:26,750 look at Eve and say, she's bone of 382 00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:28,830 my bone, she's flesh of my flesh, she's 383 00:14:28,830 --> 00:14:29,530 part of me. 384 00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:32,990 He didn't say, she was bone of my 385 00:14:32,990 --> 00:14:33,310 bone. 386 00:14:33,670 --> 00:14:34,850 She was flesh of my bone. 387 00:14:34,850 --> 00:14:36,050 No, he said, is. 388 00:14:36,670 --> 00:14:38,490 Because he recognized that even though they were 389 00:14:38,490 --> 00:14:42,250 two separate bodies, God had made them one. 390 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:45,630 Eve was taken from Adam and then brought 391 00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:46,450 back to him. 392 00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:48,190 And so it could be said of every 393 00:14:48,190 --> 00:14:51,350 married man today, that he is joined to 394 00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:52,170 his wife. 395 00:14:52,950 --> 00:14:54,230 And God did the joining. 396 00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:57,890 Husband, you can resent it, you can resist 397 00:14:57,890 --> 00:15:00,550 it, you can ignore it, you can neglect 398 00:15:00,550 --> 00:15:02,150 it, but it doesn't change the fact. 399 00:15:03,810 --> 00:15:05,490 God has joined you together, he's made you 400 00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:05,710 one. 401 00:15:06,910 --> 00:15:09,630 Now, I think we've seen how our text 402 00:15:09,630 --> 00:15:12,910 here teaches this principle of oneness, right? 403 00:15:14,090 --> 00:15:15,470 So here's my first question. 404 00:15:16,330 --> 00:15:20,650 How should this principle of oneness affect the 405 00:15:20,650 --> 00:15:22,290 husband's thinking? 406 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,750 How should he think in his marriage and 407 00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:27,530 towards his wife? 408 00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:29,910 Well, first of all, it means that the 409 00:15:29,910 --> 00:15:33,730 husband must realize that his wife is part 410 00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:34,590 of himself. 411 00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:36,210 I mean, that's it, right? 412 00:15:37,010 --> 00:15:38,490 He should look at his wife and realize, 413 00:15:38,690 --> 00:15:39,530 she's part of me. 414 00:15:39,530 --> 00:15:42,570 There's an essential oneness, there's a unity there. 415 00:15:42,990 --> 00:15:44,930 She is part of me. 416 00:15:46,630 --> 00:15:49,030 Now, I'm going to say something that may 417 00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:51,510 be a shock to some wives or may 418 00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:52,670 not be a shock to you at all. 419 00:15:52,790 --> 00:15:54,330 You may understand this perfectly. 420 00:15:55,350 --> 00:15:56,450 But I need to say it nonetheless. 421 00:15:58,530 --> 00:16:04,050 Your husband does not realize this instinctively. 422 00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:05,890 He doesn't. 423 00:16:05,890 --> 00:16:08,330 Now, wives do. 424 00:16:09,730 --> 00:16:15,010 Wives have an instinctive appreciation and grasp of 425 00:16:15,010 --> 00:16:16,770 the unity in the marital relationship. 426 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,090 Of course, I'm speaking in the general sense. 427 00:16:19,450 --> 00:16:21,430 You can always find some wives who don't 428 00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:22,670 and some husbands who do. 429 00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:24,610 But I'm speaking in the general sense of 430 00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:26,170 the genders and how they think and how 431 00:16:26,170 --> 00:16:26,590 they act. 432 00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:31,030 Ladies and gentlemen, wives have an instinctive grasp 433 00:16:31,030 --> 00:16:33,310 of the unity, of the oneness of the 434 00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:34,210 marital relationship. 435 00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:35,510 Wives, let me tell you something. 436 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:36,810 Your husband does not. 437 00:16:37,570 --> 00:16:39,350 He does not have this instinctive grasp. 438 00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:43,870 And you've wondered and you've got angry and 439 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,170 perhaps you've even become bitter. 440 00:16:45,850 --> 00:16:47,830 Well, why doesn't he think this way? 441 00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:50,290 It's simply because it's just not in him 442 00:16:50,290 --> 00:16:51,550 instinctively. 443 00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:53,830 But it can be in him biblically. 444 00:16:55,050 --> 00:16:56,210 God can show him. 445 00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:57,550 God can teach him. 446 00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,810 But wives, just don't go around with all 447 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:02,030 this bitterness or anger and resentment from your 448 00:17:02,030 --> 00:17:02,250 husband. 449 00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:04,530 Believe me, he's just like every other husband. 450 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,930 He doesn't realize this instinctively. 451 00:17:08,030 --> 00:17:09,930 This is something that husbands need to grow 452 00:17:09,930 --> 00:17:10,790 and they need to learn. 453 00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:12,849 Let me say something else. 454 00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:16,250 He can't be nagged into this. 455 00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:19,990 He can't be guilt tripped into this understanding. 456 00:17:20,849 --> 00:17:23,670 He has to understand it and believe it 457 00:17:23,670 --> 00:17:26,290 and act upon it according to what God 458 00:17:26,290 --> 00:17:27,910 says in the Bible. 459 00:17:29,930 --> 00:17:32,250 The husband must realize that the wife is 460 00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:34,250 part of himself and he has to be 461 00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:35,010 taught it. 462 00:17:36,190 --> 00:17:37,850 It won't come to him by instinct. 463 00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:40,010 And the Bible, in all of its part, 464 00:17:40,130 --> 00:17:40,810 teaches it. 465 00:17:41,870 --> 00:17:43,430 That husband must come to the place where 466 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,110 he understands that he and his wife, they're 467 00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:46,410 not two, but they're one. 468 00:17:46,930 --> 00:17:47,810 And this means something. 469 00:17:47,970 --> 00:17:49,210 Friends, let's grab hold of this. 470 00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:52,450 That for success in the marriage relationship, we 471 00:17:52,450 --> 00:17:56,330 have to think and understand. 472 00:17:57,650 --> 00:18:00,730 Now, doesn't this set the Christian marriage miles 473 00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:03,450 apart from the world's thinking of what marriage 474 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:04,010 is all about? 475 00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:07,330 In the world's way of thinking, think and 476 00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:09,910 understand have no place in the marital relationship. 477 00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:12,670 In the world's way of thinking, the marital 478 00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:16,470 relationship is just based on love, feelings. 479 00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:18,050 No. 480 00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:20,850 Thinking and understanding. 481 00:18:20,970 --> 00:18:22,250 That's what it takes to form a biblical 482 00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:22,750 marriage. 483 00:18:23,730 --> 00:18:26,250 You see, the world never really wants a 484 00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:28,230 person to think and understand about marriage. 485 00:18:28,710 --> 00:18:31,030 And the mind hardly comes in at all. 486 00:18:31,330 --> 00:18:33,150 And the result is that when they come 487 00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:36,170 upon difficulties, they have no thinking to fall 488 00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:36,870 back on. 489 00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:38,450 And they don't know what to do. 490 00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:40,030 The feelings are gone. 491 00:18:40,290 --> 00:18:41,910 Listen, you're not feeling great when you're in 492 00:18:41,910 --> 00:18:42,430 an argument. 493 00:18:42,810 --> 00:18:44,490 And so if you don't have thinking and 494 00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,830 understanding to fall back upon, you panic. 495 00:18:47,670 --> 00:18:49,010 You rush to a separation. 496 00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,190 You rush to a divorce. 497 00:18:50,570 --> 00:18:52,190 And then you go and you repeat the 498 00:18:52,190 --> 00:18:53,850 same situation again and again. 499 00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,690 The reason is because there's an absence of 500 00:18:56,690 --> 00:18:59,350 thinking, an absence of understanding, that marriage has 501 00:18:59,350 --> 00:19:01,250 been built on the foundation of what the 502 00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:02,710 world thinks of as love. 503 00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:03,890 But really it's just feeling. 504 00:19:04,030 --> 00:19:04,730 It's just emotion. 505 00:19:05,090 --> 00:19:06,270 It needs to be built on a different 506 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:06,850 foundation. 507 00:19:08,470 --> 00:19:09,970 So, understand this. 508 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,850 Husbands, you may not understand this by instinct, 509 00:19:14,030 --> 00:19:15,730 but you need to learn it by biblical 510 00:19:15,730 --> 00:19:16,250 truth. 511 00:19:16,730 --> 00:19:18,750 Your wife is part of you. 512 00:19:20,930 --> 00:19:22,570 I guess we could say, and another way 513 00:19:22,570 --> 00:19:25,410 to put this, is that the wife is 514 00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:27,210 more than a partner. 515 00:19:29,110 --> 00:19:31,890 I know many wives just wish that their 516 00:19:31,890 --> 00:19:33,870 husbands would treat them like partners. 517 00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:36,710 Might I say that that's not a biblical 518 00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:37,190 marriage? 519 00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:38,190 That's not sufficient. 520 00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:41,510 They are partners, but they're more than partners. 521 00:19:42,470 --> 00:19:44,110 I mean, you can have two men in 522 00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:46,790 business who are partners, who work together, but 523 00:19:46,790 --> 00:19:48,550 that's not the biblical idea of a marriage. 524 00:19:48,790 --> 00:19:51,030 The analogy goes much higher than that. 525 00:19:51,030 --> 00:19:53,470 It's not a question of partnership, even though 526 00:19:53,470 --> 00:19:55,070 that's included in the idea. 527 00:19:55,410 --> 00:19:58,190 No, if you want a good phrase to 528 00:19:58,190 --> 00:20:00,150 express it, it's kind of a quaint phrase 529 00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:02,050 today, but when a husband would come up 530 00:20:02,050 --> 00:20:05,850 and introduce his wife as his better half, 531 00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:08,610 he kind of has the idea there, doesn't 532 00:20:08,610 --> 00:20:08,770 he? 533 00:20:10,090 --> 00:20:11,230 She's part of me. 534 00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:14,430 And what he means is, I am incomplete 535 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,370 without her. 536 00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:19,390 She's part of me, and without her, I'm 537 00:20:19,390 --> 00:20:20,930 not whole, I'm only half. 538 00:20:21,990 --> 00:20:22,650 That's the idea. 539 00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,250 The two shall become one flesh. 540 00:20:24,710 --> 00:20:26,710 The very word half puts the whole case 541 00:20:26,710 --> 00:20:29,410 in where Paul is elaborating on it here. 542 00:20:30,590 --> 00:20:31,950 Husbands, do you understand it? 543 00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:34,870 When you love your wife, you're not loving 544 00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:35,550 somebody else. 545 00:20:35,630 --> 00:20:36,550 You're loving yourself. 546 00:20:37,390 --> 00:20:38,830 You're taking care of yourself. 547 00:20:40,830 --> 00:20:43,370 I think that this gives us an amazingly 548 00:20:43,370 --> 00:20:46,510 positive conception of the Christian marriage. 549 00:20:46,510 --> 00:20:49,370 This is a view of marriage which is 550 00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:52,690 not possible, but within the Christian faith, it 551 00:20:52,690 --> 00:20:55,670 lifts up the marriage from beyond the way 552 00:20:55,670 --> 00:20:58,090 of the thinking of this world to illustrate 553 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,970 the relationship between Jesus and the church. 554 00:21:02,110 --> 00:21:03,010 It's something positive. 555 00:21:04,450 --> 00:21:06,890 The great danger is that we think of 556 00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:08,910 marriage the same way that our world does. 557 00:21:09,450 --> 00:21:10,990 And the only difference is that the two 558 00:21:10,990 --> 00:21:12,930 people, well, they happen to be Christians, where 559 00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:14,290 the other people, well, they're not. 560 00:21:14,290 --> 00:21:17,070 No, if that's your thinking about the marital 561 00:21:17,070 --> 00:21:18,510 relationship, you're going to miss it. 562 00:21:20,130 --> 00:21:21,770 You see, there should be a great, great 563 00:21:21,770 --> 00:21:23,590 difference in the Christian marriage. 564 00:21:25,270 --> 00:21:27,090 Here's another point along these lines. 565 00:21:27,790 --> 00:21:29,490 This is how to change the husband's thinking. 566 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:31,510 He first of all says, I've got to 567 00:21:31,510 --> 00:21:33,210 think, I've got to understand, because this won't 568 00:21:33,210 --> 00:21:34,250 come to me by instinct. 569 00:21:34,690 --> 00:21:36,850 Secondly, he says, I've got to see my 570 00:21:36,850 --> 00:21:38,470 wife as more than a partner. 571 00:21:38,950 --> 00:21:41,850 She is part of me, not just a 572 00:21:41,850 --> 00:21:42,210 partner. 573 00:21:43,290 --> 00:21:46,030 Thirdly, as it works out in a marriage, 574 00:21:46,450 --> 00:21:50,370 the husband must include the wife and her 575 00:21:50,370 --> 00:21:52,110 welfare in all of his thinking. 576 00:21:52,850 --> 00:21:55,350 You're not just thinking about yourself anymore, husband. 577 00:21:55,690 --> 00:21:57,490 You have to think about your wife. 578 00:21:58,230 --> 00:22:01,630 On a practical level, the whole of the 579 00:22:01,630 --> 00:22:03,450 husband's thinking must include his wife. 580 00:22:03,870 --> 00:22:05,990 He must never think of himself in isolation 581 00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:06,930 or detachment. 582 00:22:07,370 --> 00:22:09,510 The moment he does so, he's broken the 583 00:22:09,510 --> 00:22:11,190 fundamental principle behind the marriage. 584 00:22:12,170 --> 00:22:14,910 When the man thinks of himself in isolation, 585 00:22:15,530 --> 00:22:18,170 he's breaking the principle upon which the marriage 586 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:18,670 is founded. 587 00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:19,970 And husband, you don't have any right to 588 00:22:19,970 --> 00:22:20,450 do that. 589 00:22:21,510 --> 00:22:22,290 She's part of you. 590 00:22:22,530 --> 00:22:24,130 Now, there's a sense in which you can't 591 00:22:24,130 --> 00:22:24,570 do it. 592 00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:26,250 I mean, she's part of you, and she 593 00:22:26,250 --> 00:22:28,850 does not become part of you when you 594 00:22:28,850 --> 00:22:29,750 don't think about her. 595 00:22:30,470 --> 00:22:31,830 What it is, is you're just not making 596 00:22:31,830 --> 00:22:33,590 the whole arrangement God has made. 597 00:22:33,870 --> 00:22:35,670 You're not causing it to work the way 598 00:22:35,670 --> 00:22:36,070 it should. 599 00:22:36,070 --> 00:22:40,050 You're inflicting terrible damage upon your wife, and 600 00:22:40,050 --> 00:22:43,110 it's damage to what you're doing to yourself. 601 00:22:44,010 --> 00:22:46,230 You're acting against yourself, but you don't even 602 00:22:46,230 --> 00:22:47,170 realize it. 603 00:22:48,430 --> 00:22:51,170 You can't be individualistic. 604 00:22:52,090 --> 00:22:54,250 You're only half, and you need to think 605 00:22:54,250 --> 00:22:55,310 about the other half. 606 00:22:56,350 --> 00:22:59,970 You must never have your desires just to 607 00:22:59,970 --> 00:23:01,170 yourself alone. 608 00:23:01,610 --> 00:23:03,810 Your desires must cover both of you. 609 00:23:04,290 --> 00:23:05,690 You're no longer one man. 610 00:23:05,690 --> 00:23:07,630 You're no longer free in that sense. 611 00:23:07,990 --> 00:23:10,170 Your wife is involved in all of your 612 00:23:10,170 --> 00:23:11,890 desires, in all of your aspirations. 613 00:23:13,230 --> 00:23:15,690 You must never think of your wife as 614 00:23:15,690 --> 00:23:16,290 an addition. 615 00:23:17,550 --> 00:23:19,770 Or, it's even worse to say, as some 616 00:23:19,770 --> 00:23:21,950 men talk about their wives as a burden. 617 00:23:22,590 --> 00:23:24,630 No, she's part of you. 618 00:23:26,590 --> 00:23:28,290 Don't we see by this what the real 619 00:23:28,290 --> 00:23:30,930 cause of failure in marriage is? 620 00:23:31,990 --> 00:23:33,710 I'll give you, it's a four-letter word. 621 00:23:34,430 --> 00:23:37,350 The real cause of failure in marriage is 622 00:23:37,350 --> 00:23:38,310 self. 623 00:23:39,810 --> 00:23:44,250 When the husband starts thinking self, well, and 624 00:23:44,250 --> 00:23:46,390 then the wife starts thinking self. 625 00:23:46,850 --> 00:23:47,590 Do you see what they're doing? 626 00:23:47,770 --> 00:23:49,530 Do you see what the principle of self 627 00:23:49,530 --> 00:23:50,170 does? 628 00:23:50,910 --> 00:23:54,830 It totally contradicts what God is trying to 629 00:23:54,830 --> 00:23:57,850 establish in the marital relationship where the two 630 00:23:57,850 --> 00:23:58,590 become one. 631 00:24:00,010 --> 00:24:01,450 No, it says, no, the two, they're going 632 00:24:01,450 --> 00:24:02,850 to remain two, and they're going to try 633 00:24:02,850 --> 00:24:04,790 to get along the best they can, but 634 00:24:04,790 --> 00:24:05,710 they're going to remain two. 635 00:24:05,850 --> 00:24:10,370 God says, no, you deny yourself, husband and 636 00:24:10,370 --> 00:24:10,670 wife. 637 00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:12,890 The wife has plenty of ways to deny 638 00:24:12,890 --> 00:24:13,710 herself, right? 639 00:24:14,970 --> 00:24:17,230 It doesn't seem that long ago, although in 640 00:24:17,230 --> 00:24:18,430 the middle of this passage, it seems like 641 00:24:18,430 --> 00:24:19,930 a million years ago that we're talking about 642 00:24:19,930 --> 00:24:21,150 the obligations of the wife. 643 00:24:22,790 --> 00:24:24,450 But she has plenty of ways in which 644 00:24:24,450 --> 00:24:26,690 she must deny herself, doesn't she? 645 00:24:27,290 --> 00:24:29,050 Well, husband, this is how you need to 646 00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:29,510 do it. 647 00:24:30,450 --> 00:24:33,330 The real cause of failure in marriage is 648 00:24:33,330 --> 00:24:33,870 self. 649 00:24:34,210 --> 00:24:36,870 Self, with all of its horrible ways it 650 00:24:36,870 --> 00:24:37,790 expresses itself. 651 00:24:38,050 --> 00:24:39,470 It always leads to trouble. 652 00:24:39,910 --> 00:24:42,890 Self always wants everything for itself. 653 00:24:44,690 --> 00:24:47,050 And so he says, hey, you've got to 654 00:24:47,050 --> 00:24:49,630 start thinking, you two, you're one now. 655 00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:53,730 Now, when the two are one, how can 656 00:24:53,730 --> 00:24:54,790 conflict arise? 657 00:24:55,270 --> 00:24:57,330 How can there be this dispute? 658 00:24:57,330 --> 00:24:59,390 How can you have this knock-down, drag 659 00:24:59,390 --> 00:25:00,010 -out argument? 660 00:25:00,990 --> 00:25:02,510 Well, you may as well go around punching 661 00:25:02,510 --> 00:25:05,530 yourself in the face, hitting yourself in the 662 00:25:05,530 --> 00:25:06,610 chest, whatever you want to do. 663 00:25:06,670 --> 00:25:07,690 You're punishing yourself. 664 00:25:08,410 --> 00:25:10,270 You've forgotten this principle of unity. 665 00:25:12,050 --> 00:25:13,430 Might I say as well, that when we're 666 00:25:13,430 --> 00:25:16,350 talking about the husband's thinking, we realize that 667 00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:20,310 this thinking of unity must influence all of 668 00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:21,190 the husband's thinking. 669 00:25:22,050 --> 00:25:24,890 This is a great commandment to married men, 670 00:25:25,230 --> 00:25:26,190 never to be selfish. 671 00:25:27,370 --> 00:25:30,430 And to deliberately remind himself all the time, 672 00:25:30,750 --> 00:25:33,790 I'm a married man, there's someone else who's 673 00:25:33,790 --> 00:25:34,670 a part of me. 674 00:25:35,470 --> 00:25:37,690 She's not my partner, she's part of me. 675 00:25:38,650 --> 00:25:40,850 And whatever I think of for myself, I 676 00:25:40,850 --> 00:25:42,070 must also think of her. 677 00:25:42,410 --> 00:25:44,830 My thinking must never be individualistic. 678 00:25:45,090 --> 00:25:46,790 It must always bring in what's good for 679 00:25:46,790 --> 00:25:48,390 her, what's good for us. 680 00:25:49,110 --> 00:25:50,950 God has given me the place of taking 681 00:25:50,950 --> 00:25:51,990 care of her. 682 00:25:53,110 --> 00:25:55,610 All his thinking, all his wishing, all his 683 00:25:55,610 --> 00:25:58,870 desiring, the totality of his life, the totality 684 00:25:58,870 --> 00:26:01,570 of his activity, it must include her. 685 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,240 It's a high call for the thinking of 686 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,220 a man, but this is what God instructs 687 00:26:07,220 --> 00:26:07,500 us to. 688 00:26:09,650 --> 00:26:13,270 Now, how does this principle of oneness affect 689 00:26:13,270 --> 00:26:14,710 the husband's actions? 690 00:26:14,970 --> 00:26:16,330 We've talked about how it should affect the 691 00:26:16,330 --> 00:26:17,630 husband's thinking, right? 692 00:26:18,470 --> 00:26:20,750 How does it affect his actions? 693 00:26:21,910 --> 00:26:23,790 Well, let me state two negatives and then 694 00:26:23,790 --> 00:26:24,450 two positives. 695 00:26:24,650 --> 00:26:28,630 First of all, one negative is, obviously, the 696 00:26:28,630 --> 00:26:31,350 husband is never to abuse the wife. 697 00:26:31,790 --> 00:26:32,070 Never. 698 00:26:33,170 --> 00:26:35,630 Many men mistreat their own bodies. 699 00:26:36,630 --> 00:26:37,690 Look around you. 700 00:26:38,050 --> 00:26:39,290 We know how to do that, right? 701 00:26:40,410 --> 00:26:42,210 But this is foolish, isn't it? 702 00:26:42,930 --> 00:26:46,150 The same way many men mistreat their wives, 703 00:26:46,150 --> 00:26:49,050 and it's the same as abusing their own 704 00:26:49,050 --> 00:26:49,530 bodies. 705 00:26:50,290 --> 00:26:52,670 When you look at a man who's abusing 706 00:26:52,670 --> 00:26:55,610 his own body, maybe it's substance abuse, maybe 707 00:26:55,610 --> 00:26:58,170 it's some weird form of self-mutilation, you 708 00:26:58,170 --> 00:27:00,090 look at that man and you say, he's 709 00:27:00,090 --> 00:27:02,370 either crazy or he's a fool. 710 00:27:04,980 --> 00:27:07,880 Honestly, friends, I know it sounds strong, but 711 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,820 when we understand these principles, you can say 712 00:27:09,820 --> 00:27:11,640 the same thing to a man who's mistreating 713 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:12,160 his wife. 714 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,960 He's either crazy or he's a fool, because 715 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:16,920 he's hurting himself. 716 00:27:18,060 --> 00:27:20,680 I mean, apart from the inherent wrongfulness of 717 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,800 what he's doing, he's simply a fool. 718 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:28,940 Secondly, the husband is not to neglect his 719 00:27:28,940 --> 00:27:29,360 wife. 720 00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:31,860 I mean, you can abuse your own body, 721 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:32,160 right? 722 00:27:32,380 --> 00:27:33,980 But then you can also have a different 723 00:27:33,980 --> 00:27:36,540 kind of abuse, the abuse that comes from 724 00:27:36,540 --> 00:27:37,280 neglect. 725 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,840 And many men neglect their own bodies, and 726 00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:40,360 that's foolish. 727 00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:44,360 Now, what happens when you neglect your body? 728 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,300 Well, every one of us men who are 729 00:27:47,300 --> 00:27:49,240 getting on in age can tell that story, 730 00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:49,560 right? 731 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,380 See, there's a time when you could go 732 00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:54,100 out and do a lot of things, right? 733 00:27:54,740 --> 00:27:56,460 You could go out and, well, you know, 734 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:59,620 you could surf in certain kind of conditions, 735 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:01,980 you know, and you go out eight-foot 736 00:28:01,980 --> 00:28:04,020 day, and right, I'll go out there and 737 00:28:04,020 --> 00:28:05,800 I'll charge on it, you know, and great, 738 00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:06,640 wonderful. 739 00:28:07,260 --> 00:28:08,480 Now you go out there on the eight 740 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:09,840 -foot day and you're terrified. 741 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:12,640 And you might surf it, and you come 742 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:15,260 back, what's the difference between now and then? 743 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,400 I'm older, I should be smarter, I should 744 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:18,060 be wiser. 745 00:28:18,420 --> 00:28:20,900 You say, well, I haven't taken good care 746 00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:21,640 of this body. 747 00:28:22,900 --> 00:28:24,820 And you're out there and you think, I 748 00:28:24,820 --> 00:28:26,700 want my body to do this, I want 749 00:28:26,700 --> 00:28:28,380 it to just spring up at the right 750 00:28:28,380 --> 00:28:30,380 moment, and with the right balance, and with 751 00:28:30,380 --> 00:28:32,480 the right, you know, momentum, and just to 752 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:33,480 do exactly what it wants. 753 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:34,360 And what do you find? 754 00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:36,740 You find that the spirit is willing, but 755 00:28:36,740 --> 00:28:37,680 the flesh is weak. 756 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,100 That you want to do something, but your 757 00:28:41,100 --> 00:28:42,080 body won't respond. 758 00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:42,440 Why? 759 00:28:42,660 --> 00:28:44,220 Because you've neglected your body. 760 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:48,260 Maybe in the same way, when you neglect 761 00:28:48,260 --> 00:28:50,700 your wife, you may want to do things 762 00:28:50,700 --> 00:28:52,580 with your life or as a married couple, 763 00:28:52,820 --> 00:28:54,060 but it's not going to be able to 764 00:28:54,060 --> 00:28:56,920 happen, because you've been neglecting your wife. 765 00:28:59,030 --> 00:29:00,930 A married man must no longer act as 766 00:29:00,930 --> 00:29:02,090 if he's a single man. 767 00:29:02,830 --> 00:29:05,090 His wife should be involved in everything. 768 00:29:05,090 --> 00:29:07,730 Doesn't this simply mean that man and wife 769 00:29:07,730 --> 00:29:09,190 should do things together? 770 00:29:10,550 --> 00:29:12,810 Now, of course, there's aspects of business, there 771 00:29:12,810 --> 00:29:14,830 are aspects of other occasions when the man 772 00:29:14,830 --> 00:29:16,610 has to be alone and do things alone, 773 00:29:16,810 --> 00:29:18,510 but even in those things, he needs to 774 00:29:18,510 --> 00:29:20,910 allow his wife to enter into those things. 775 00:29:22,470 --> 00:29:24,170 Husbands, this applies to the work of the 776 00:29:24,170 --> 00:29:25,330 ministry as well, right? 777 00:29:26,130 --> 00:29:29,310 Don't leave your wife a widow because you're 778 00:29:29,310 --> 00:29:31,070 out there serving the Lord, no. 779 00:29:31,850 --> 00:29:34,250 Don't treat your home as a dormitory where 780 00:29:34,250 --> 00:29:35,590 you just return to sleep. 781 00:29:36,510 --> 00:29:39,530 No, there's to be an active, positive, ideal 782 00:29:39,530 --> 00:29:40,670 relationship there. 783 00:29:40,850 --> 00:29:42,450 And you need to keep that goal in 784 00:29:42,450 --> 00:29:43,530 the forefront of your mind. 785 00:29:43,750 --> 00:29:45,850 And you may resign from it already and 786 00:29:45,850 --> 00:29:47,430 say, well, I know I can't fulfill it 787 00:29:47,430 --> 00:29:48,870 perfectly, so why even try? 788 00:29:48,950 --> 00:29:49,690 Well, no, you're right. 789 00:29:49,750 --> 00:29:50,930 You're not going to be able to fulfill 790 00:29:50,930 --> 00:29:51,410 it perfectly. 791 00:29:51,910 --> 00:29:53,150 Do the best you can. 792 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,500 So, if he's a married man, don't behave 793 00:29:58,500 --> 00:29:59,300 as a single man. 794 00:30:01,420 --> 00:30:02,660 Don't do it for the name of the 795 00:30:02,660 --> 00:30:02,820 Lord. 796 00:30:02,900 --> 00:30:04,300 Don't do it in any respect. 797 00:30:04,300 --> 00:30:05,860 Not for the name of riches or your 798 00:30:05,860 --> 00:30:06,300 career. 799 00:30:07,460 --> 00:30:10,100 There can be incredible selfishness at that point. 800 00:30:11,740 --> 00:30:14,260 Now, a lot of times, it's really nothing 801 00:30:14,260 --> 00:30:16,020 worse than thoughtlessness. 802 00:30:17,620 --> 00:30:18,500 Honestly, man. 803 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:20,200 Oftentimes, that's how it is. 804 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,920 And the wives think it's sometimes part of 805 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,700 a great conspiracy of the man against the 806 00:30:27,700 --> 00:30:27,940 wife. 807 00:30:28,620 --> 00:30:30,720 He makes all these plans to avoid her. 808 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,540 No, oftentimes, in the heart or the mind 809 00:30:33,540 --> 00:30:36,360 of a man, it's simple thoughtlessness. 810 00:30:38,100 --> 00:30:40,320 But friends, in any case, a Christian should 811 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:41,560 not be guilty of thoughtlessness. 812 00:30:42,820 --> 00:30:44,740 You might say, well, it's not as bad 813 00:30:44,740 --> 00:30:46,080 as deliberate neglect. 814 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:47,420 Well, no, but it's still bad. 815 00:30:48,300 --> 00:30:50,000 And the end result can still be the 816 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:50,220 same. 817 00:30:52,610 --> 00:30:55,570 And the third principle here on how it 818 00:30:55,570 --> 00:30:57,150 means a man should treat his wife is 819 00:30:57,150 --> 00:30:59,370 it means that a man must always appreciate 820 00:30:59,370 --> 00:31:01,250 his wife and never take her for granted. 821 00:31:01,250 --> 00:31:03,530 He must think of what he can do 822 00:31:03,530 --> 00:31:05,570 to nourish and cherish her. 823 00:31:06,210 --> 00:31:07,930 I mean, you think about what you're going 824 00:31:07,930 --> 00:31:10,110 to eat, so you should think about what 825 00:31:10,110 --> 00:31:12,050 will help your wife, what will strengthen your 826 00:31:12,050 --> 00:31:12,310 wife. 827 00:31:12,730 --> 00:31:14,970 Man, you like to eat what pleases you, 828 00:31:15,010 --> 00:31:15,250 right? 829 00:31:15,670 --> 00:31:17,730 You nourish and cherish your own body that 830 00:31:17,730 --> 00:31:18,010 way. 831 00:31:18,870 --> 00:31:20,890 Well, think about what pleases your wife. 832 00:31:21,370 --> 00:31:23,110 Nourish and cherish her spiritually. 833 00:31:23,510 --> 00:31:24,830 You went out of your way to do 834 00:31:24,830 --> 00:31:26,050 this before you got married. 835 00:31:26,990 --> 00:31:27,850 Now you don't. 836 00:31:28,470 --> 00:31:29,930 Nourish and cherish her now. 837 00:31:31,490 --> 00:31:31,850 Exercise. 838 00:31:31,990 --> 00:31:34,150 Man, you recognize, even if you don't do 839 00:31:34,150 --> 00:31:36,850 it, you recognize, well, exercise is important to 840 00:31:36,850 --> 00:31:37,870 a healthy body. 841 00:31:38,590 --> 00:31:39,830 Well, in the same way, you need to, 842 00:31:39,950 --> 00:31:41,990 so to speak, exercise with your wife. 843 00:31:42,090 --> 00:31:43,410 And so often, you know what this means, 844 00:31:43,530 --> 00:31:44,650 as simple as anything? 845 00:31:45,030 --> 00:31:46,930 It just means talking with your wife. 846 00:31:48,390 --> 00:31:49,750 You know, she wants to be involved in 847 00:31:49,750 --> 00:31:50,130 your life. 848 00:31:50,570 --> 00:31:53,730 She has an instinctive grasp of this unity. 849 00:31:54,030 --> 00:31:55,570 And even though you don't have an instinctive 850 00:31:55,570 --> 00:31:56,770 grasp of it, she does. 851 00:31:57,270 --> 00:31:58,670 And so she wants to know about your 852 00:31:58,670 --> 00:32:01,590 business, about your worries, about what's going on 853 00:32:01,590 --> 00:32:02,110 every day. 854 00:32:02,250 --> 00:32:03,210 And so bring her into it. 855 00:32:03,370 --> 00:32:04,430 She's your body. 856 00:32:04,610 --> 00:32:05,390 Bring her into it. 857 00:32:05,470 --> 00:32:06,730 Speak to her concerning it. 858 00:32:07,730 --> 00:32:09,530 Bring understanding to bear on it. 859 00:32:09,610 --> 00:32:10,770 She's part of your life. 860 00:32:11,170 --> 00:32:13,610 So bring her into your whole life. 861 00:32:14,270 --> 00:32:16,890 Make yourself talk to your wife. 862 00:32:17,990 --> 00:32:18,650 It's hard. 863 00:32:19,630 --> 00:32:21,210 You come home from a long day. 864 00:32:22,350 --> 00:32:24,490 Oftentimes, you just don't feel like talking. 865 00:32:25,770 --> 00:32:26,890 I understand that. 866 00:32:27,670 --> 00:32:28,790 But you have to do it nonetheless. 867 00:32:28,790 --> 00:32:30,670 She's part of you. 868 00:32:31,190 --> 00:32:34,410 You neglect her, you're hurting yourself. 869 00:32:35,390 --> 00:32:37,290 So look at your wife and appreciate the 870 00:32:37,290 --> 00:32:37,710 oneness. 871 00:32:39,050 --> 00:32:42,510 Fourthly, I'd say this really applies to the 872 00:32:42,510 --> 00:32:45,910 point how we have to always protect our 873 00:32:45,910 --> 00:32:46,430 wives. 874 00:32:47,530 --> 00:32:49,510 You protect your own body, right? 875 00:32:50,050 --> 00:32:52,310 You're protecting it right now with clothing. 876 00:32:53,190 --> 00:32:55,970 You protect when you drive, when you do 877 00:32:55,970 --> 00:32:57,290 things to take care of yourself. 878 00:32:58,230 --> 00:32:59,770 So you must protect your wife. 879 00:33:00,110 --> 00:33:02,150 You know, that's Peter's whole point in this 880 00:33:02,150 --> 00:33:03,930 passage where he talks about the wife being 881 00:33:03,930 --> 00:33:05,230 the weaker vessel. 882 00:33:05,730 --> 00:33:07,450 It means you protect your wife. 883 00:33:08,950 --> 00:33:11,370 You know, infections come against our bodies. 884 00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:13,630 And so sometimes we'll go get that inoculation, 885 00:33:13,750 --> 00:33:13,930 right? 886 00:33:13,950 --> 00:33:14,990 To protect our body. 887 00:33:15,330 --> 00:33:16,990 You get a flu shot, why? 888 00:33:17,250 --> 00:33:19,830 I'm going to inoculate myself with something so 889 00:33:19,830 --> 00:33:20,790 that I won't get ill. 890 00:33:20,950 --> 00:33:22,530 I want to protect my body. 891 00:33:22,810 --> 00:33:25,110 And so inoculate your marriage. 892 00:33:25,110 --> 00:33:27,110 Do things to protect it. 893 00:33:28,310 --> 00:33:31,610 If there's some kind of peculiar, exceptional trial 894 00:33:31,610 --> 00:33:34,470 or anxiety or problem, if something's testing your 895 00:33:34,470 --> 00:33:37,050 wife to the uttermost, then go out of 896 00:33:37,050 --> 00:33:39,170 your way to protect your wife and to 897 00:33:39,170 --> 00:33:39,630 help her. 898 00:33:39,910 --> 00:33:41,310 She's as the Bible says, she's the weaker 899 00:33:41,310 --> 00:33:41,710 vessel. 900 00:33:41,870 --> 00:33:43,170 So you go and you protect her. 901 00:33:44,690 --> 00:33:46,670 Do everything you can to build up your 902 00:33:46,670 --> 00:33:50,730 resistance in your Christian life, in your marriage 903 00:33:50,730 --> 00:33:52,330 there, as you would build up the resistance 904 00:33:52,330 --> 00:33:54,890 in your body so that you're strong against 905 00:33:54,890 --> 00:33:56,630 outside infections and attacks. 906 00:33:56,930 --> 00:33:59,030 Prepare yourself for the hazards of life. 907 00:33:59,410 --> 00:34:01,010 You have to build her up. 908 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:04,200 Men, do we see it here? 909 00:34:06,140 --> 00:34:07,320 It's not easy to see. 910 00:34:08,159 --> 00:34:10,360 It's not easy to allow this to really 911 00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,280 transform our minds and our thinking. 912 00:34:14,060 --> 00:34:17,020 I think that if we give it enough 913 00:34:17,020 --> 00:34:19,320 time, it happens. 914 00:34:21,820 --> 00:34:23,360 Have you seen a couple that's been married 915 00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,280 50, 60 years? 916 00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:28,159 They're one, aren't they? 917 00:34:29,219 --> 00:34:31,440 I mean, the unity that comes forth from 918 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,000 a couple like that, it's absolutely mind-blowing. 919 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:36,920 I mean, they just have such an instinctive 920 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,880 sense of their oneness so often. 921 00:34:40,860 --> 00:34:44,900 I do think we can give something better 922 00:34:44,900 --> 00:34:46,840 to our wives and say, you know, sweetheart, 923 00:34:46,940 --> 00:34:48,560 in 30 or 40 years, I'll be there. 924 00:34:49,260 --> 00:34:50,320 Let's give it time. 925 00:34:52,230 --> 00:34:54,730 Well, it's not going to be an overnight 926 00:34:54,730 --> 00:34:57,470 change, but neither does it have to be 927 00:34:57,470 --> 00:34:58,910 30 or 40 years. 928 00:34:59,930 --> 00:35:02,270 Men, do you see the biblical principle here? 929 00:35:03,190 --> 00:35:03,970 Take it to heart. 930 00:35:04,950 --> 00:35:06,810 Now, I wish we had time this morning 931 00:35:06,810 --> 00:35:09,170 because there's something that I would really like 932 00:35:09,170 --> 00:35:11,310 to talk about in regard to this, but 933 00:35:11,310 --> 00:35:12,710 we'll save it and we'll start it off 934 00:35:12,710 --> 00:35:15,150 for next week because this really shows us 935 00:35:15,150 --> 00:35:16,910 a lot about our own relationship with Jesus, 936 00:35:17,070 --> 00:35:17,490 doesn't it? 937 00:35:17,890 --> 00:35:20,130 The kind of unity that He wants with 938 00:35:20,130 --> 00:35:20,530 us. 939 00:35:21,550 --> 00:35:23,170 We'll leave that for next week. 940 00:35:23,830 --> 00:35:26,010 Let's just conclude with prayer right now and 941 00:35:26,010 --> 00:35:27,950 ask God to make us better husbands in 942 00:35:27,950 --> 00:35:28,430 this regard.