Hello, this is Brother Denny.
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We're speaking about marriage this morning, our marriages,
fathers and mothers, in this session, and the
marriages of our young people in the next
session.
I'd like us to open our Bibles to
Ephesians, Chapter 5.
Godly men have radiant wives.
That's the title of this first session this
morning.
Ephesians, Chapter 5, verse 25 and following, says
these words to us men, and this message
is addressed to us men this morning.
Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also
loved the church and gave himself for it,
that he might sanctify and make himself a
glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or
any such thing, but that it should be
holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as
their own bodies, just like Christ loved his
wife, which is his body.
He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own
flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as
the Lord nourisheth and cherisheth the church.
I want to address the men this morning
in relation to our responsibilities in marriage.
Us men were humbled yesterday as we gazed
upon the holy picture of all these women
up here weeping and wailing at the altar
over their part in marriage.
Now it's our turn.
The Christian marriage relationship is by far the
very deepest relationship that humans can have.
The influence of this sanctified union on the
next generation is beyond measure.
There are so many different ways that your
marriage affects your children that we could not
begin to mention them all here this morning.
Yet, God sums it up in one small
phrase in Malachi, when he said, why did
he make them one?
That he might seek a godly seed.
That's why he made us one.
Because he is brooding, he is longing, he
is seeking, he is jealously wanting a godly
seed for himself.
There are many deep reasons why God made
man and wife one flesh.
But one of those reasons is because of
the powerful influence that this union has on
the children born to them.
The greatest gift that you could give your
children is a happy marriage.
The children should grow up in a secure
atmosphere of parents who love each other deeply.
That love should be so evident to those
children that they can testify, my father and
mother love each other and I know it.
Hallelujah.
Oh, the devastation of this marriage relationship of
living in a home where arguments break out
regularly or the silent treatment permeates the home
for hours or days.
The children have a foreboding feeling lingering over
them.
Even children in this room, in this place
where we don't believe in divorce, the children
have this foreboding feeling that lingers over them.
And it is this.
Will my parents stay together or will they
get a divorce?
This breeds insecurity in all levels of their
development.
The stress and strains of a divided home
undermine so much of the good that you
may be trying to do in other ways.
Praise God for every right thing you're doing.
But if there is a divided home that
is undermining most of what you are going
after, many of us men are missing a
wonderful crown upon our life because we neglect
to give the proper care to our wives.
As I understand the language of Proverbs, we
are missing a beautiful crown and a fine
ornament that draws attention to us as a
man and a leader.
Amen?
A virtuous woman is a crown to her
husband.
That ornament that we are missing is a
wife that is loved and cherished by her
husband who walks in holiness, serving her husband
out of love.
The picture that we have in our text
is tremendous.
As Paul seeks to illustrate the beauty of
the new covenant marriage, he draws from the
most profound example there is, Christ and His
church and all the relationship that is involved
in that.
We see the blessed result of all of
Christ's care for the church.
What is the result?
It is a glorious, shining, spotless, blameless bride
for Himself.
In our text we see a bridegroom grooming
his bride for a glorious wedding day and
a union that will last for all of
eternity.
Hallelujah!
Bless God, someday there is going to be
a wedding.
His methods of grooming are worthy for us
men to follow, and we will look at
some of them a little later.
But first, let's look at the bride, a
radiant woman.
There is much here that we can glean
from for our own marriages.
Just as Christ's wife is to be radiant,
that is glorious, our wives should be the
same.
A glorious church is also a crown of
Jesus Christ.
Consider, revival history verifies this repeatedly.
A shining, happy wife provides the same for
us men, and we are the ones responsible
for this glow.
Our wives should have the glory shine on
their faces.
It is a shine that comes up out
of the heart and manifests on the face.
In the Christian context, this shine is much
more than happiness.
It is the manifestation of many beautiful things
within the heart of our wives.
Consider a few of the colors that make
up this glow that should shine on our
wife's face.
It is a heart that is cleansed with
the washing of water by the Word.
It is a heart that is showered with
the love of a husband, bursting forth with
joy.
It is a heart that is manifesting the
godly character of Christ within.
It is a heart that is filled with
mature wisdom and judgment.
It is a heart with no major spiritual
problems.
It is a heart where the presence of
God shines.
Now that is the glory that needs to
be shining out of our dear wives as
we, as husbands, care for them.
That is quite a high standard and challenge
to us, isn't it men?
But remember, God is calling us to be
spiritual.
Oh, the glories of the New Testament!
God is calling us to be spiritual.
We can't get away from it.
We can run and hide from it, but
we're going to answer for it either way.
God is calling us men to be spiritual.
Praise God!
Thank God for the challenge.
This makes a wife radiant, and this kind
of radiance is a crown on our head.
The silent message screams at a world full
of hurting marriages, and it says, My husband
loves me and cares for me.
That's the silent message that comes forth from
a wife who's clear, who's glowing, who's enjoying
the blessing of her husband's love.
The glow that shines out says, My husband
loves me, and he cares for me continually.
Oh, glory!
As we look over this rainbow of qualities,
it is easy to see that we have
we husbands have a lot to do with
most of that list that I just gave
there.
Because, you see, we are in the place
of Christ.
We are Christ to our wives in that
sense, following the illustration here that is given
in Ephesians chapter 5.
We are the ones.
This woman is radiant because she is receiving
ministry from her husband.
Her life is happy, fulfilled, and charged with
meaning because of the spiritual care and direction
that her husband gives her.
Ephesians clearly teaches us to conduct this ministry
in the tenderness of our Savior's example.
Oh, dear brethren, remember all these dear ladies
on their faces up here weeping their hearts
out yesterday morning.
God is saying, Here they are.
Care for them.
Love them.
Nurture them.
Bless them.
Encourage them.
They want to go the right way.
They are willing to be guided.
All they are looking for is a tender
-hearted man who will pour out His love
upon them and His spiritual love upon them
and nurture them in the things of God.
There may be one or two or three
out of that bunch that was up here
that is really just rebellious and do not
want to do the right thing.
But I guarantee you, most of our wives
want to go the right way.
Oh, God, help us to rise up in
the tenderness of Christ with the anointing of
God upon our lives and guide these dear
ladies the way that God wants them to
go.
Lay down our lives.
I am so glad we have a clear
revelation of Christ's example to follow.
Amen, brethren?
He laid down His life for the church
and God tells us to love our wives
in the way that Christ loves us.
We all know by personal experience how Christ
loves us, don't we?
He tenderly guides us along the heavenly way,
patiently giving us room to grow.
He is long-suffering as He waits sometimes
years for us to face something that He
is trying to get our attention on, sometimes
years before a change takes place.
This is how the Savior deals with us,
dear brothers.
It is amazing how He continues to love
and bless us while He waits.
Oh, how impatient we can get when our
wives do not straighten up when we want
them to.
Lord, make us like Jesus with our wives.
We need to smile upon them from our
hearts while we see needs in their lives
with our eyes.
Did you get that?
We need to take away that furrowed eyebrow
and replace it with a smile.
Amen?
Come on!
We are supposed to nurture them.
In 1 Peter 3 and verse 7 we
find these beautiful words which help us to
understand what it means to lay down our
lives for our wives.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them, your wives,
according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife
as unto the weaker vessel, and as being
heirs together of the grace of life, that
your prayers be not hindered.
This verse in 1 Peter gives us more
insight into what it means to lay down
our lives for our wives.
Here in this verse, God connects the example
of Christ with the practical commands to love
our wives.
Remember yesterday we told the sisters that they
have a likewise in their verses there in
1 Peter 3?
Likewise, or in the manner that Christ laid
down His life, in the manner that Christ
suffered, in the manner that Christ died, and
that Christ died for us, and that Christ
died for us.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them, your wives,
according to knowledge, giving honor be not hindered.
Amen?
I am glad for that.
It would not seem quite right that the
sisters must bear the cross and not us.
Likewise, ye brethren.
God is speaking to us husbands about suffering
in a redemptive way as we dwell with
our wives.
As I read all these verses us together,
I picture a husband that is full of
faith, dwelling patiently with his wife.
There's no argument in this home and there's
no retaliation for failure.
That's what I see.
The word dwell is a deep word.
It means much more than living in the
same house.
Amen.
The depth of this word is beautiful, and
the picture is that of a husband communing
with his wife with an understanding heart.
We should be husbands who know enough about
our wives to discern their needs and know
how much they can bear.
Dwell with them according to knowledge.
That's what that little phrase means.
Now, how can you dwell with them according
to knowledge if you don't get some knowledge?
And how can you get some knowledge if
you're not open and sensitive to their heart
and their needs?
God admonishes us men to honor our wives
as the weaker vessel.
However, what does God mean by weaker vessel?
This is one of those little phrases which
men use in many unscriptural ways.
It does not mean our wife is dumb
or lacking in wisdom.
It is not right to push her aside
and simply say she's the weaker vessel.
She can't handle these things.
I'll do it.
I'll make the decision.
Many of us men use this phrase out
of context.
God is telling us to honor them, to
give them a place of special esteem as
we would give to our eye.
Our eye is a weaker part of our
body.
We're very, very careful about our eye.
We take special care for our eyes because
they are a sensitive part of our body,
which we do not want to lose.
Likewise, our wives are a very important part
of us, and they require special tenderness and
care.
Give them honor.
Give them extra attention.
Give them all the attention that they need.
You will be the better for it.
If you lose your eyes through neglect, you
will stumble your way through the rest of
your life.
If you lose your wife through neglect, you
will also stumble your way through the rest
of your life.
Therefore, take heed to your spirit and let
none deal treacherously against the wife of his
youth.
Brethren, the Lord adds strength and balance to
the words that we have all already considered
by proclaiming us as equals, heirs together of
the grace of life equals.
We are fellow heirs of the grace of
life washed in the same blood.
We stand together in God's kingdom under the
same canopy of grace.
Hallelujah.
Be not high minded, but fear, brethren.
There is no place for an arrogant display
of authority between a husband and a wife.
We are heirs together of the grace of
God.
Again, I plead for a calm, quiet authority
that is led by the spirit of a
living God in our marriages.
We are brothers and sisters in Christ, and
we are bound to the many gracious principles
of brotherhood in the New Testament.
The husband and the wife can be a
powerful prayer team, and Satan knows this and
will do all kinds of things to keep
the two of you at odds with each
other.
I'm afraid more times than not, their relationship
is so strained that they don't even pray
together.
God is admonishing us as husbands on how
to eliminate that strain.
How?
Lay down your life for your wife.
This is God's way.
Now, we want to look at some practical
ways that we can lay down our life
for our wife.
Number one, the powerful emotion of love.
The first point needs some definition because everything
I will mention falls underneath this category.
But yet I want to make it a
point.
There is a difference between the acts of
love and the emotion of love.
Ideally, the many acts of love should flow
out of the emotion of love.
We will start at the fountain and then
move down into some of the acts.
The emotion of love is one of those
phenomenons that stretches beyond human understanding.
Solomon says it this way.
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the
floods drown it.
If a man would give all the substance
of his house for love, it would be
utterly condemned.
And what God is saying in that is
simply this.
When a man loves a woman with an
emotional love, when his heart has been smitten,
you can give him anything you want.
You will not turn him away from that
love that he has in his heart for
his woman.
That is the first point that I want
to make.
Yes, we need to do the right things.
I'm all for that.
Yes, there are times when you may not
feel the emotion of love and it's right
to do what's right anyway.
But dear brothers and sisters, who wants to
live with somebody who just does right?
Because it's right.
I'd much rather have a flow of love.
And I'm telling you, brethren, if that flow
of love comes out of your heart, into
your wife's heart, nothing will put a spring
in her step more than that.
Nothing will put a glow on her face
that flows out of her heart than that
emotional love that she can sense from the
depths of your heart.
My husband loves me and I am the
most special person in all the world to
him.
Well, she'll do anything if you will love
her like that.
I'm telling you, she will.
She'll do anything.
I remember some time ago, one of the
couples started courting and that's something that happens
around here all the time.
But there was a new couple that was
beginning to court.
And I remember the first time I met
the two of them after they had made
their announcement that they're going to start courting.
I mean, this girl, she was lit up
like a light bulb.
Now, he hadn't taken any time to wash
her in the word yet.
He hadn't had any time to teach her
any scriptures.
He hadn't taken any time to love her
in the hard times and the good times.
All it was was that he had released
his heart's affection toward her and she lit
up like a light bulb.
That's point number one.
Amen.
Keep the fire burning, brothers.
Love is an unexplainable force which works to
produce all the rest of these points that
I'm going to say and they freely flow
when this one's in its place.
Amen.
Christ did not just die as an act
of love.
His love for us compelled him to lay
down his life for us.
Amen.
God so loved that he gave.
Let us never forget that.
I know of no other thing that will
cause a wife to radiate from within like
love.
Genuine love has commitment and emotion, both of
them together.
We dare not separate these two.
Number two, let us become a student of
our wife.
This point naturally flows from the first one.
But consider this.
When we love our wives, we will want
to understand them.
They are different than we are.
Brethren, they are different.
We will seek to know them in a
deeper and a deeper way.
God made the woman very different than the
man.
Every man acknowledges that.
But I'm not sure every man acknowledges it
with delight.
You're missing something.
Come on, man.
Would you really want to be married to
somebody just like you?
They're different.
God made them different.
They're beautifully different.
Asking the young man who just started courting,
he'll tell you they are beautifully different.
And I don't want them to be anything
but that.
His plans and purposes for her are not
the same as they are for the man.
It is very important that we understand this
in a positive way.
These differences are beautiful ones.
Yea, she is fearfully and wonderfully made and
designed by God to fulfill her God given
purpose.
And it's different than ours.
When men make foolish statements about women like
this, women, who can understand them, they are
showing their ignorance of God's purposes in creation
and a hardness in their own heart.
These differences learned in a joyful and a
positive way can change your whole marriage.
She is an amazing creation made very different
than you.
Enjoy her unique qualities, dear brother.
They are a balance to you.
Just as Christ seeks to know us, his
bride, we also should seek to know our
wives and understand what makes them tick.
And I mean every bit of that in
a positive way.
Number three, be a spiritual leader.
You want your wife to glow.
Be a spiritual leader, brethren.
Christ is the initiator of the relationship that
he has with his bride, which is us.
He loved us first.
He laid down his life to draw us
to himself.
He is the initiator.
We are the responders.
Dear brethren, we need to get that one
in our marriage.
This is a lovely picture of spiritual leadership.
Most Christian wives long for a husband who
will tenderly doubt in their homes.
This kind of initiative brings great security to
the heart of a wife.
The opposite is also true.
Have you ever seen an insecure woman sparkling
and glowing?
When a husband rises up and finds solutions
to the problems in their home and leads
the family out of them, the wife finds
rest in her soul.
The next point, praise and attention.
Christ's continual care for his church is the
fuel that keeps the fires of love burning
in our own hearts, isn't it?
This work is the same in our marriage.
Let your wife be the object of much
praise and attention, and you will never be
sorry.
We have this little proverb at our house,
and it's a beautiful one.
A little bit of love and attention goes
a long ways.
Take the time to show her how important
she is to you.
If you stop and think about it, there
are dozens of things that you cherish about
your wife.
Lay all the negatives aside and just focus
on the positives.
Sometimes when I'm counseling husbands and wives, I'll
put them on quarantine.
Tell them, OK, for the next two weeks,
until you come back for the next counseling
session, you're on quarantine.
You are not allowed to find one thing
wrong with your husband, and you are not
allowed to find one thing wrong with your
wife.
Only positives.
Oh, for the next two weeks, you're on
quarantine.
They all come back saying, what a beautiful
experience that was.
Well, amen.
Amen.
That's the way it's supposed to be.
The next one, quality time and intimate relationship
is the key to a happy marriage.
If you knew at all the insides of
your wife, brethren, you would know that point
is very true.
And I mean more than a physical relationship
when I made this statement.
Actually, the one flows out of the other.
As husbands and wives, we need time to
focus on deep, heart tight sharing.
It's very important.
We need it.
Our wives need it.
Our wives prosper under it.
It's part of their very makeup to be
able to share deeply with somebody else.
Don't be a fool.
If you don't do it, she may find
somebody else to do it with.
Might be a girlfriend, might be somebody else.
Wake up, men.
Wake up.
We have a date every Tuesday.
The whole purpose for the date is to
spend sweet time together.
It's not time to solve all the problems.
It's not time to hash through all the
difficulties.
It's not time to look at all the
problems in the church.
It's not time to remind each other of
things that we needed to do that we
didn't do.
No, this is a time of sweet, loving
relationship together.
We do it on Tuesdays.
We may sit in a restaurant and talk
for two hours while the waitress is looking
over there at us and wondering when we're
going to get out.
Or we may just go for a walk
in the park, holding hands and walking in
the park.
We dream dreams together.
We laugh about the lovely things the children
said.
We make plans about future events for the
home.
Just like intimacy with Christ takes time, so
it is with our wives.
Do you really want to get to know
them?
Then you will spend some time with them.
And if you will spend that time, you
will get to know them.
If you ask the right questions, you will
get to know them.
If you will listen intently when you ask
those questions and she begins to realize he
really wants to know what I'm thinking and
feeling inside.
She will begin to open up and you
will discover some things about your dear wife
that you never knew.
Good manners.
The Bible uses the word courteous, brethren, to
define good manners.
This word means literally manners for the king's
court.
I like that manners vary in different cultures,
but all civilized cultures have manners.
When men know what they are, it becomes
a blessing to their wives.
And we men know what they are, don't
we?
We use them very well when we were
courting.
I mean, we took lots of baths.
We brushed our teeth more often.
We carried the breath fresheners in our pocket.
We spoke with kindness and gentleness.
We said, excuse me and thank you.
We opened up doors and shut them.
We watched over them when they were walking
over a piece of ice.
We had good manners, brethren, didn't we?
Good manners say this, you are important and
I care for you.
We need to cultivate courtly manners, brethren.
And let me just say this before we
move on.
Some of what we call manliness, in quotes,
is simply bad manners.
A disciplined man.
Oh, what a radiance will come into the
heart of your wife.
As you become a disciplined man, a disciplined
man is a spirit controlled man.
When our wives see us living a consistent,
ordered life, it gives them confidence in our
leadership.
Personal devotions are at the pinnacle of all
of those disciplines up there.
When a wife sees her husband reading the
word and spending time in prayer on a
consistent daily basis, she has much less difficulty
submitting to his leadership when she realizes this
man sits alone with God every day.
I'm going to listen to what he has
to say.
But if we don't, she becomes insecure when
all of a sudden we try to steer
the ship this way or that way.
She wonders, is he hearing from God?
Does he take enough time to find out
what God thinks about all this?
A disciplined man.
The next one I'd like to look at
is humility.
I hear a statement often in marriage counseling
that I wish that I could change right
here today.
Here is the statement the woman often says
in marriage counseling problems.
My husband never says I'm sorry.
This is a very sad commentary on Christian
manhood, isn't it, brethren?
Our wives live with us through the thick
and the thin.
They know that we make many mistakes.
I mean, they really know we make them.
What a facade to never acknowledge them.
This one flat spot can blot out many
good things that you try to do.
Our integrity is at stake here, brothers.
Tell her you were wrong and ask her
to forgive you with a sincere humility.
And you may think if I do that,
she may not listen to me.
She may not follow me as easily.
I promise you, if you bow your heart
when you're wrong, her estimation of you will
go up, up, up, not down, down, down.
Promise.
She'll follow you more easily.
She will trust you in deeper ways.
If she realizes this man has humility, he
will bow his heart and acknowledge his needs.
Beautiful.
The next one I want to look at.
Make major changes together, brethren.
Many men in the name of leadership damage
the spirit of their marriage by making major
decisions all by themselves.
This is a dangerous way to lead your
wife if you haven't figured it out yet.
All along, the husband thought he was exercising
leadership in quotes.
Brethren, you do not walk into your house
after work one day and say, God told
me to quit my job.
And so I did.
You do not do that.
You must bring your wife along with you
so that she is at peace with such
major changes.
Prepare her ahead of time and seek her
counsel about what you think that God wants
you to do.
A wife's counsel is one of the most
valuable insights that you have when making major
decisions.
Find out what she thinks.
You don't have to do what she says,
but you ought to want to know what
she thinks about every major decision that you
make, because she has insight into you and
your life that nobody else has.
When it's time for me to make a
decision and I'm not sure what to do,
I always go find people who know me
very well and bless God, the wife knows
you better than anybody else.
Ask her what she thinks about what you
think God is telling you to do when
you make these major decisions and you don't
seek your wife's counsel and you don't bring
her into it at all.
You give her a silent message that says
your opinion is not important.
That's sad.
All right, the next one, comfort her and
listen to her.
Our wives are going to fail.
Give them the freedom to fail and learn.
Give them the freedom when they do.
It is not time to sit them down
and correct them and give them your five
points as to why you feel like they
messed up right there.
That is not the time to do that.
We all know from our own experiences that
much learning comes through failure.
How often would you come to somebody with
your failures if when you did, all you
received was a bunch of corrections?
And I told you so.
And I wondered when you were going to
do this.
And I figured it would happen that way.
That's not the time to give a correction.
There may be times to sit down with
your wife and give some guidance or give
some insight into something that she's doing that
would help her and bless her life.
But when she has failed, it's not time
to sit her down and say, yeah, well,
let me tell you why you fail.
Come on.
She doesn't need somebody to tell her that
she needs somebody to say, oh, come, honey,
just tell me about it.
I'll listen.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Oh, sorry, I feel bad for you.
This is what she needs.
And lastly, give her unconditional love and acceptance
in Christ.
We are accepted in the beloved.
I am so grateful for this reality.
This is a tremendous motivation for growth and
sanctification in my own spiritual life.
And it is also the same with our
dear wives.
Give them the benefit of the doubt, love
them and accept them and give them the
benefit of the doubt.
You know what that means?
That means that you're going to think the
best of them, not the worst of them
for whatever they have done.
You will think the best, not the worst.
Give them the benefit of the doubt.
And the Bible says in First Corinthians, chapter
11, that a woman is the glory of
the man.
Dear brethren, take care of your glory.
The woman is the glory of the man.
She is the glory of the man.
Her life crowns his life.
Dear brethren, I want to exhort you this
morning.
Take care of your glory.
You will never be sorry.
And that you did never be sorry.
Let's pray.
Oh, Father in heaven, thank you, Lord, this
morning.
Hallelujah, Father.
Thank you for the glorious institution of marriage.
Thank you, Father, that you made a man
and a woman different.
Thank you, Father, that you look down upon
man six thousand so years ago and said
it is not good for the man to
be alone.
Father, we thank you for the precious gift
that you've given us when you gave us
a wife.
Oh, would you teach us men how to
care for our wives, how to wash them,
how to bless them, how to encourage them,
how to build character in them?
And oh, God, would you make our wives
shine for the glory of God?
Oh, Lord, we pray.
Teach us men these very important things.
Father, we trust you to do that.
We pray this in Jesus Christ's name.
Amen.